Jude's Gratitude

ALL Gratitude

 

In 2009 I am grateful for many things . . .

 

January

 

A nice spiritual talk with a stranger, time, my youth, health, a nice visit with my youngest daughter, she called and thanked someone for giving us some shrimp, silliness, gregarious people, getting 7 eggs (1 Gooooose) after not getting any for a long dry spell (pullets (young female chickens) are just coming ‘of age’).

 

Watching Greg lay an egg today (it looks like a hard job), spending time outside with the sun and my lovely flock, the camera on my phone.

 

Restarting the Psalms and writing a daily prayer for my children from them, a deep desire with commitment to pray for my children half hour daily-that was direction during dialogue with God on paper, meeting today.

 

WOW-rewriting the Psalms as a prayer for my children is really beautiful-deep & meaningful! Having enough time to shovel, my neighbor’s cats, fixing something rather than throwing it away, that I am truly happy.

 

Daily Sobriety Renewals, shoveling my grandpa’s roof, my snow boots, my mother visiting with my grandparents, more snow, that it is pretty (right Randi?), humor, FA meeting yesterday, that I did not create any waste garbage from the holidays, pouring my heart out to God, putting goals before business, sharing, how amazingly organized postal system must be to deliver mail with such prompt accuracy.

 

Organization, calendars, planning, spontaneity, pizzazz, getting 2 coupons for $5 off chicken food, waiting.

 

Glorious rain and a warm wind took half of our huge amount of snow in 2 days! The library, selling eggs, a full wood box, shovels, electrical tape, the right tool for the job, finding a beautiful formal dress at a thrift store, my snow boots (should go great with that formal dress), not turning my computer on today, Kris Crocker the weather lady, prayer, hearing of a teenager with many sticky notes filled with gratitude, email, a great redneck shirt-with a hole and everything, working again with my first FA sponsor.

 

Michael Landon’s legacy, great hair on a guy, humor, dreams & goals, light bulbs, a day of rest, a good kick in the butt when needed. I don’t live with yelling in my life anymore.

 

Reflecting on this question when someone asked me about what spiritual experiences I have had, 3 newcomers at the meeting, my mom hugged me today, having a fun half hour talk on the phone with my daughter while she was in a book store-it felt like I was there with her, prayer for my children.

 

Tears of pain, growth, my Heavenly Father’s merciful pruning & discipline, people who really care, strength through humility, “…The pains of failure are converted into assets” (AA12X12) Keeping my mind sharp, paint, carpet.

 

End of self, abiding in God, a deep spiritual experience without pain on today, awe of understanding God’s purpose, vanilla candles, curtain rods, a large pillow (it is actually a very large stuffed horse), exploring the question “Am I afraid?” Seeing how calm and serenity in my life has been causing me great anxiety. I am so used to chaos-that I feel like a part of me is missing. I am grateful for serenity and abstinence, medical buildings, phone calls, the sun came out today.

 

Going to my first Nia exercise class, being of service sure helped me get out of my selfish self, lemon tea, FA tri-folds, unity, praying and rewriting the Psalms for my children, floss.

 

Ginger, soul balance, snickering as I hung a string of Christmas lights on Jan 16th-they will bring me joy all year, writing about resentments (I didn’t even know I had) brought a lot of relief, having a hard day even in the middle of it I can still remember I am in a deep spiritual oasis currently. Reading

            “God is looking at your branch (you) with pleasure, satisfaction & joy. Just being                           here with you, enjoying your beauty is His favorite moment of the day.”

 (Secrets of the Vine)

 

Being challenged means I am growing, love banishes criticism, reading, “To whom much is given, much is required”, free clothes to give and take, I am exactly where God intends me to be.

 

The more I slow down the faster I get to know myself, someone told me every time they see a chicken they think of me, the thought “I love my life” penetrated through the fog of depression, the depression lifted, ladders, sun in the forecast, yellow, a dinner with friends.

 

When sunlight ignites twinkling sparkles that dance in a snow covered meadow, my wonderful neighbor, both my kids are here with me, not being able to sleep at 2 AM and talking to someone in England-it was fun!

 

The smell of straw on my dog, getting 16 eggs yesterday! Hugs, silly ring tones, sitting still, cooking the last pumpkin.

 

Getting to watch two different chickens give birth to their egg this week, all the hard work each and every chicken does to give me such beautiful eggs (it looks REALLY strenuous), building a fire after several days without one due to air stagnancy, morning meetings, Enya, candles, catching my face in the mirror and seeing the intensity of the blue in my eyes, a great sponsor, a new sponsee.

 

The stillness of the morning, my slippers, the idea of 40 days of Worship coming in my quiet time-along with a 40 day TV fast, the power of prayer, wind chimes.

 

Pondering this question “Are you willing to allow God to perform a miracle through you? Are you willing to lay your will and your life so that God’s love can be released through you to others?” Today I felt I was. It was day 1 of my 40 days of Worship. I hope they can all be as spiritual as this one.

 

Another totally amazing spiritual day. 16 eggs today!

 

Recognizing that I am only as mature in my recovery process as the time I have in & the effort I put forth. Bells, clothes hangers, a new (used) wardrobe, a slim body-a very new experience for me, having so much time.

 

My teeth love not having sugar, no cavities, gentle dentists, freecycle community, having my oldest daughter here, seeing her mature, carpet, dreams, tests, a headset that works for both home and cell phones.

 

Waking up early, Christmas lights that come on a half hour before I wake up, looking forward to getting up and looking forward to my day, quiet time, prayer, God’s amazing obvious presence in my life, that I continually seek God’s amazing presence, when I look for something so diligently I usually find it.

 

Worship, doing it even when I didn’t feel like it-worship is not a feeling-but an action in which great feelings can occur, It’s staying lighter later, having my oldest daughter for 5 days, volunteering at the Panida theater with her, she reminded me how I used to wrestle with the snooze button every day several times-now I don’t usually even need the alarm to wake.

 

I am grateful for “the process”, integrity, step seven-asking God to remove the debilitating character defect of self-righteousness. (After becoming ENTIRELY ready for it to be removed) It has been a truly miraculous experience. A sliver moon, a clear night to see it in, teff, beautiful eggs.

 

I was telling my sponsor that I am excited to see how God will take care of me financially when I am giving Him so much of me (and not depending on my limited means of making money for this 40 days), and an hour later I found a $100 bill (a Benjamin!) on my car’s seat!! Someone felt “impressed” to leave it. That is God at work! He is an amazing God. And someone was tuned in to hear His voice! I was down to my last $6, and not even worried. I have enough, and more always comes, even if there are a few lean periods, I get to lean on God-rather than my means. It is truly amazing!!

 

I joined a program called Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA). It is absolutely amazing. I have never had such an amazing connection with God. Nor have I ever been FREE of food cravings. I have been at goal weight for 4 months now. I started in April last year and lost 55 pounds. It is the clarity, freedom and spiritual connection that far outweighs (punn) the weight loss.

 

 

January 2010               I am grateful for…

 

1~Now. A friend came over and helped me paint the master bedroom. Wal-Mart, new colorful pens to write with, and amazing spiritual experience where God’s Spirit enveloped me-sharing it with other people, patience, joy, maturity, “easy does it”, the power for surrender, relying on God’s power, really looking forward to going to church.

 

2~ Breathing in the blessing of today. The master bedroom is painted.

 

3~Reborn in His Spirit. True hunger for it. Fresh ginger, new beginnings, my chair blanket, happy dogs, soft music, floss, a mild winter so far, quality, more is not always better, no bugs in the winter, beautiful singing at church, nice people, dog toenail clippers.

 

4~Profound peace. A great sense of accomplishment when I crawled under the house and fixed the washer drain that keeps freezing, 5 weeks of dog sitting a lovely dog concludes today, great spiritual lessons, reflecting on “no reservations absolutely”

 

5~ Accepting God’s power through discipline. Deep vulnerability and intimacy with a friend, seeing her growth, my growth, getting closer to my heavenly Father and His Son through the Holy Spirit, a complete spiritual oasis, the master bedroom is painted, fun new gel pens w/great colors, description, my water glass, calendars, schedules, beginnings, endings, in-betweens, steam, moisture, help, visualizing my husband in a suit :J, excited to meet him in God’s time, praying for him most days, praying for you most days (everyone who reads my gratitude lists), God’s power and grace, affection from my happy dog.

 

6~ Accepting God’s power through discipline.

 

7~ God speaks to me when I am silent, a wonderful day with friends doing farm chores, learning to spend time with men in a healthy and appropriate way, laughter, jokes, congeniality, impressive wood splitting. The missionaries anointed me with oil, laid their hands on me and prayed for healing in my back (this is called a blessing) last week and the pain in my back has disappeared! Faith, quilts, ceiling fans, ministry, joy-profound joy, hunger & passion for scripture.

 

8~Welcoming difficulties. They test my character and build my strength. Keeping my recovery first while in the middle of a crisis helped me to have a foundation to let God’s presence help me through.

 

9~ Strength in faith. An FA meeting will start in Sandpoint Jan 19, surrender. Not enabling someone I love, even when it seems harder.

 

10~A new beginning. Passion and hunger beyond description for God’s will and presence in my life-it is altering my whole life’s purpose, influence, reading/studying scripture, thought and effort, the hourly beep on my watch.

Power in humility.

Studying with the missionaries, joining a new church family feels like I am coming home. The blessing of Sabbath.

 

11~ His presence and guidance. Finding a treasure at the free pile at the dump (a nice desk) sad goodbyes, God’s timing. Finding Nemo. My prayer list, Missionaries.

 

12~ Truth. Great pain in release. Acceptance of God’s plan. Bitter sweet cleansing.

 

13~Now. Fog, big windows, time, AWOL (A Way Of Life), cell phone chargers, Ebay, appointments, my brakes in my car, auto mechanics, being able to return purchases, calendars, errands, Pandora radio, gel pens, deep surrender of my will brings me closer to God. God’s faithfulness.

 

14~Empty self to fill with His power and Spirit. ‘Only a few have mastered the art of contentment’ (I think I have!) Spelling Bees, blue Christmas lights, help with blue carpet, missionaries, vanilla candles, steady rain, my dryer, crisp sheets, wool slippers, waking up an hour early to visit with God, a powerful dialogue with Him on paper, prayer, faith, hope, truth, passion, direction, modesty, purity, tithe, baptism, connection, the Mormon “glow”

 

15~ Relaxing into God. Soul balance. Reading a list of someone’s fears. A wonderful fuzzy sweater and flannel skirt, purple velvet, confirmation of the blessing, deep and abundant blessing of gratitude, funny people, mint tea-loose leaf “hippie style”, balloons, peace & excitement & joy about getting baptized in a week. A profound feeling of coming home. Years of prayer for guidance to a church body being answered.

 

16~ Perseverance, trust, balance, calm, deep sense of being on the right path, integrity, getting to play hackeysack, the light above the stove, hot tea, water on the stove, time buckets, a pretty skirt.

 

17~ Love. Trust. Protection. Commitment, trials that bring me closer to God, helping others, being of service, my journal, fix it flat, when others help me, letting go of some service to let others have that privileged, punctuality. Eating at the right times give me a sense of stability both mentally & physically.

 

18~ Strengthening my faith. Reflecting on how when my faith is tested it grows-in a recent written dialogue with God He asked me to prepare for my faith to be tested. I have just had a long period of great nourishment. As much as I don’t want a test-I will embrace and be grateful for it. A love note from my daughter on my gratitude page.

 

19~ Comforted. Heavenly Father wants to give me the desires of my heart. Written prayers, tools, garbage bags, lines, release of clutter, almost daily walks around the field with my dogs brings them exuberant joy. My deep spiritual experience and conversion is bringing me exuberant joy & peace beyond all understanding.

 

"Like a tree I must be pruned of a lot of dead branches before I will be ready to bear good fruit.  Think of changed people as trees that have been stripped of their old branches, pruned, cut, and bare. But through the dark, seemingly dead branches flows silently, secretly, the new sap, until with the sun of spring comes new life.  There are new leaves, buds, blossoms, and fruit, many times better because of the pruning.  I am in the hands of a Master Gardener, who makes no mistakes in His pruning."

24 Hour A Day Book

 

20~ Oneness with God. Missionaries, carpet, finishing with remodel in master bedroom, my silly dogs, sunshine, playing hackeysack, getting moved back into the green room for my daily quiet time, big windows, books, meditation. Joyful anticipation of my baptism, gel pens, comforters.

 

21~ Calm. Seeking spiritual not material, sacrifice, deep spiritual connection with other people. My dog warmed up my chair for me. The crow of my rooster, my hands, today, back exercises, daily inventory, writing, prayer, a new beginning. The free pile at the dump “Dufort Mall”

 

22~ Gratitude and humility. Going to Spokane to get my daughter and nephew-they are both coming to my baptism.

 

23~God’s Power working through me. Elder Sawaya and Elder Burrell. “…where the Spirit of the Lord is there liberty” (2 Cor 3:17). My Heavenly Father is right here with me and promises to bless me beyond measure. People in the church keep telling me “your life will never be the same” (after being baptized)-I have already experienced that. Specific prayer that brings awareness, writing about procrastination on my 10th step (daily inventory) most days is so so helpful. I have seen a profound difference in daughter and myself after putting our names in the Temple prayer roll.

23/24 (2AM)~

God’s power through me. Knowing someone from hundreds of miles away that I didn’t know I knew that came to speak at our meeting-and we have a deep understanding and connection (God in action!).

A deep still 5 minute quiet time in a very important transition of my day. The amazing experience o f my baptism. Over 50 people came to support me!

The honor of being this elder’s first baptism. Another experience of knowing someone I didn’t know I knew and invited her to my baptism when I didn’t know I knew her already! A spontaneous visit from someone special on this very special day. Both my girls and my nephew were present form my baptism. Lots of very intimate and nurturing middle of the nighttime with God as of late.

A beautiful fresh coat of snow.

A beautiful place filled excitement that penetrates deep within my soul. The most profound feeling of coming home I have ever experienced. Tithe, community, structure, service. Love, beautiful dresses, wearing no make up and glowing, receiving over 30 hugs today, giving over 30 hugs today, arms, hands, warm felt care, joy, glory. The word nurture spoke very loud today. Seeing the Holy Ghost in the Bishop, tears of joy, several non-members of the church attended. Elder Sawaya’s absence, Angel’s absence-although they both were key members in my conversion and I deeply missed them, I understand God needed and wanted them where else on this special day.

 

January 24, 2010 Confirmation.

Perfect freedom. Unlimited spirituality available, 5 men who hold priesthood lying their hands on my head and giving me the power of the Holy Ghost in my daily life. Such amazing authority, strength and spiritual love. A sense of completeness, sharing this experience with others. The certainty of this being the truth for me and my life. Complete unhindered conversion. Driving in my car listening to a praise song on Positive Life Radio. The Holy Spirit encompassed me with such a  powerful presence that I cried – then sobbed. I never knew it could be so good. Pretty profound!

 

25~ “I believe that complete surrender of my life to God is the foundation of serenity”

(24HourdayBook). Understanding, insight & vision. Comfort, peace, love, magical moment. Letting go of 2 people I care about to God’s loving care, cute guys, a fresh coast of snow.

Canadians-I love them!

 

26~ Penetrating calmness, a kiss from a dog. I don’t have to hurry today, nice time with my daughter. Our 2nd FA meeting in Sandpoint tonight. Carrying the message, sparkles, pink ink.

 

          More Jewels from A Minute of Margin. Restoring Balance in busy lives.

Entitled “The Pace of Faith”

·       God’s purposes often ripen slowly

·       Jesus never seemed in a hurry

·       Speed does not yield devotion

·       Our sense of the presence of God is in inverse proportion to the pace of our lives.

·       Very little of Spiritual value happens in the presence of speed.

There is so much more on this page. I recommend getting this book and reading it slowly.

 

 

27~ Emptying self so God can fill me. Love calm peace. Lot’s of insomnia as of late has given me fabulous opportunities to spend intimate and deeply inspiring time with God. Time, blue sky, open space, timers, naps, happy faces, calendars, lace, twinkles, shinny things, abundance, simplicity, a desire to give God everything.

 

28~ Happiness and peace. Not fighting life anymore, my daughter will be spending more time at home, vulnerability, dashes, comma’s, inspiration, blankets, my toe snails LOL what a great typo! I meant- toenails (they serve a purpose you know!), electricity, indescribable joy, Rosemary, paper clips, having enough, sunshine, winter is going fast.

 

29~Led by my Heavenly Father “I am being lead in a very definite way, as I try to rebuild my life. I am the builder, He is the architect” (24hr) Building under the best carpenter in the world, guidance, amazing inspiration and insight. The more I give to my spiritual life the more I receive. Intentional living.

 

Got me thinking-even though the Architect has the most amazing plan, even though I have the best carpenter right next to me working beside me, presenting me with the blueprint of my life, even though I have the best Counselor & Guidance (Holy Ghost) in my heart giving me knowledge & skill- It is only when I work slow enough & am open to His promptings. I can only hear when I am slow, and direction will only come when I am still. That is when the best, most productive, quickest work gets done-how is that for a paradox! The slower I am, the more gets done. The work needs to be done. Time needs to be invested. I have to hammer the nails with scripture, Measure and cut with prayer. Sometimes I have to cut a perfectly good board in order to make the frame fit together. (Cutting out a good activity to spend this time with Them. Humbly submitting my plan to be shown the next more important step). Sometimes I have to cut bad spots out of the boards (things that don’t help my spiritual walk)

The foundation- remodeling my soul. Paradoxically the strength of the foundation comes from my weakness. The foundation of building of my soul is the flaw-. Only when I embrace my powerlessness over my knowledge and capability on how to build this structure and learn to rely entirely on The Architect, Carpenter, and Counselor can I have a lasting foundation that will not crumble. Amen

 

 

30~ I pray that my soul may be restored in quietness & peace” (24 hr). Emotionally awake, retreats with God, restoration & healing & power, refreshed, great doctors, the same Dr that went through my pregnancy with Cassandra is going through Cassandra’s pregnancy with Bryson, Sponsees-a gift straight from God, my rooster crowing, Ensign magazine, The Book of Mormon, synergy, lemon lotion, coconut oil for moisturizer, space.

 

31~ Understanding. Pain can be necessary for growth. Joy is usually the outcome of suffering. Seeing the biggest moon I have ever seen. Velvet, seamstresses, my flannel skirt, electric outlets, big windows, DSL, email, the internet, goose eggs, volunteers, yellow tri-folds, watching the miracle of recovery & abstinence pounce all over people (especially newcomers) in FA, sparkly people, clarity, spiritual intimacy, a good nights sleep (finally!), Kleenex.

 

February 2010

1~ Monday’s. Fresh starts. When someone ELSE (not me) washes their cell phone, inspiration, not having the burden of worry in a difficult situation. The grocery store, spiral notebooks, writing letters, literacy, using the dictionary frequently, words-oh how I love words! Long johns, moo moos, getting something I wanted back after I surrendered it, feeling validated, knowing under the dormancy of winter lies spring bloom to growth to Summer fruit & fall harvest-just to repeat the cycle again. Starting with what appears to be death-the solace of rejuvenation. The long winter.

 

2~ The more I give away the more I have. Immense pleasure in my amazing God. Wanting to see the good in all people. A quiet half hour every morning just to spend with God. Wool slippers, taking my G-ma to the senior center for lunch-my daughter went and actually wanted to spend time with her great Grandma (enough to be around “old people”), humor, laughter, helping others with their struggles.

 

3~ My faith plus God’s power equals miracles. God’s intoxicating love, the gift of the Holy Spirit, goose hugs, pictures, meetings, hugs, beautiful flowers, the gift of surrender, the gift of tithe, appointments, revelations & insight at quiet time.

 

4~Tapping into God’s unlimited power. Pretty postage stamps, abundant sunshine, quiet still answers to prayer, insight, guiding from the Holy Spirit, confirmation, the big picture, being an encourager, the color red, my feet, handkerchiefs. Headquarters, staring a new TV series that looks good (Smallville), the library is an amazing resource, bubbles, rainbows, having a washer and dryer right in my house (amazing!).

 

5~Spiritual academics. Asking 2 people what was the most profound thing they learned today and getting profound answers. “I don’t have to be all things to all people” AND “The more I accept people as they are allows them to change” Simplifying my emotional life-taking the emotional clutter out (chew on that some!) J

 

6~Longing to dwell in His presence.

Sincerity, abundant joy, contentment beyond normal parameters, dictionaries, learning new words daily, my keyboard, knowing how to type, my lovely fingers, legs, a walk in the rain. Hearing someone’s life story. Superman, Christopher Reeves, softness, things that are re-usable instead of disposable. By practicing gratitude I get to “reuse” my valuable experience to grow & communicate & reflect & treasure. Letting stillness envelop me in a moment of deep peace (then poof it went away).

 

7~ God’s strength through my weakness. Someone got me poultry calendar-makes my heart so happy! 27 people at our FA meeting-the miracle is spreading. The honor of sitting for 10 minutes with another person in complete silence-powerful experience. Sleeping well. My body tingles with joy. Crisp Spiritual awareness, lights, switches, integrity, themes.

 

8~Waiting. Waiting. Waiting for His guidance. Waiting and trusting His guidance. Basking in the Glory of His presence. A wonderful lesson about Hope. My dogs tennis ball has lasted more than 10 days-very rare. She gets GREAT joy from making them into 100 pieces in 10 minutes). Love, time, worship, hunger, testing, slipper socks, open-minded people, sharing my testimony, connection with others. The Holy Spirit’s presence in my daily life.

My journal from 1.5 years ago said “If my truth is God’s truth, it won’t be trampled on”

 

9~ Loyalty. Tuesdays, pink long johns, a warm fuzzy shirt, spontaneity, the Old Testament, classifieds, familiar comforting smells. Even though I didn’t feel like gratitude- habit and a sense of duty compelled me to practice gratitude today. Structure, yard work gave me joy yesterday, the yard isn’t buried in snow this year!

 

10~ Pruning produces fruit. Sponsees, gentleness, meetings, inspiration.

 

11~ Waiting patiently. I can harm myself in so many ways by too much activity. Preparation, playing Boggle with my daughter, a small road trip with a friend, learning to release being judgmental, being on the receiving end of gossip (unintentionally) & seeing how uncomfortable it made me to know something that someone I am close to didn’t know I knew, learning a valuable lesson-for I have been guilty of gossip often. It is a trap. The slow methodical pace of my life is a nurturing environment for God’s Spirit to reside. Ahhhhhh….

 

12~ Conscious of God’s presence.

 

13~ Continually seeking. When grumpy days come AND go it helps me to see joy in a brighter light. An amazing drive at dusk. The waters, whose glass stillness reflected the sky and clouds and mountains in the diminishing glow of the day with a wonderful person in the beginning of a profound spiritual experience. Whew, that was intense!

 

14~ My soul waits for God. Gradually being transformed mentally & spiritually in God’s presence. Inspiration, heart earrings, the color red, I feel no obligation for Valentines day hub bub (what a relief to not “do” holidays) I have many sweethearts that love me. God is holding a special husband just for me-and I for him for just the right time. Dog bones, special prayer for my daughters.

 

15~ Spiritual Inspiration. Someone is mad at me & I don’t have to react with defending myself or let their anger hurt me. Fingernail clippers, painting the floor brown, a brown dog, rose scented candles, opportunity to say “no”. Opportunities to say “yes”. I can speak the truth. God can show me the truth if I stay humble.

 

16~ Father, unravel my will that chokes me. “It is not the passionate appeal that gains the Divine attention as much as the quiet placing of the difficulty & worry in the Divine hands. So I will trust God like a child who places it’s tangles skein of wool in the hands of a loving parent to unravel” (24hr) This is beautiful. A bright sunshiny day, digging in the dirt. A vision of a root cellar, visiting teachers, soul food, hunger for the Holy Spirit’s guidance, goals.

 

19~ Wait. Let God guide me before I take action.

 

20~ Honestly asking. Conforming (releasing my will & what “I” think) to what I believe He wants me to be.

 

21~ The warning “beware of an unguarded spots of unrest” (24hr) (selfishness). Calm connection.

22~ Trust

23~ Close communion with God.

 

24~ Sharing. Difficult lessons bring me much closer to God than soft fluffy lessons. Opportunity to die to self, knowing I could not have done anything different in a situation even though the end result doesn’t appear desirable. Feeling like God is instructing me, time, daylight, chairs, trees, my telephone.

 

25~ Faith, Fellowship, & Service. A new shovel to plant a nectarine tree with. Total commitment, joyful anticipation of digging in the dirt.

 

26~Faith. God has everything I need. Praying for a deep thirst for faith. God will never fail me. Rain and sun simultaneously, chasing a rainbow in the car with my daughter-seeing purple like I never remember on this ever shifting rainbow. God loves us enough to give us gifts like rainbows, twinkleys on the water, sparkles in the snow, moonlit mountain reflections on still waters, abundantly joyful dogs, hugs from toddlers, chickens J. Life is just so full of goodness (not sure why I have been so grumpy lately-but I can still see the good) There is nothing lacking in my life.

 

27~ Faith.

 

28~ Spirit touching with God. The 24hr day book is so good “This is time for my spirit to touch the Spirit of God. I know the feeling of the spirit-touch is more important that all sensations of material things. I must seek a silence of Spirit touching with God. Just a moment’s contact and all the fever of life leaves me. Then I am well, whole, calm and able to rise and minister to others. God’s touch is a potent healer. I must feel that touch and sense God’s presence.”

 

28~ Strength and joy in time with God. Robust peace.

 

March 2010

 

1~Consistant Spiritual Effort develops me into the person God wants me to be.

 

2~ I hear God best when I am quiet. A beautiful sunrise, digging in the dirt-expanding an herb bed, receiving “a calling” of ward missionary (doing missionary work locally), visions of goats dancing in my head (yes I want to be a goat herder when I grow up), new business cards, humor, amusement, a gleam in someone’s eyes, dimples, breakfast, letting go. The geese migrated home a few weeks ago, seeing a bug in my kitchen-a sure sign of spring, sun & 55 degrees yesterday.

 

3~A new life. Bryson was born today at 2:15 PM. He is 4 weeks early, but appears very healthy – 7 lbs 10 oz.

 

4~ God help me to grow honest, pure, loving & unselfish. Someone told me to bask in the Glory of new life. Beautiful stillness, fear, faith, trust, doubt, uncertainty, surety.

 

5~ Heavenly Father thank you for letting me give you my fear.

 

6~ Working for God. Depending on Him. Feeling uncomfortable means I am growing. Not shoving uncomfortable feelings down with food which would only multiply them. Getting through the other side, faith.

 

7~ Praying to want God’s will above all else. Spiritual investment. I started watching a television series I checked out from the library and it has sort of slipped in front of some of my spiritual priorities. Television can be a powerful drug. Even using it in moderation hurts me if it starts coming before my spiritual time. I give God regular appointment each day. This should be a journal entry, but I am grateful for this great opportunity to grow (so I just have to share, see how I am!). My heart’s desire is to put God above all else. God tells me He will give me the desires of my heart. Not it is time for MY action.

 

8~ Spiritual Fellowship. Early dawn. Burping a baby at 4:30 AM, They came home from the hospital yesterday. Taking good care of myself-filling up emotionally & spiritually so I can show up for them. Spring is upon us.

 

9~ Honest/Pure/Unselfish Love. Cloth diapers, wide mouth jars, herbal Market Spice tea. A little baby boy in my life, prayer, my broom & mop, work gloves, goatees, gratitude at grumpy times, being of service, lovely songs.

 

10~ Quite Strength. Getting to watch a chicken (Lolli) lay an egg with a friend-it was special. Looking forward to reading scripture every day. People with a sense of adventure.

 

11~ The beauty of God’s Character-the reflection of it is contagious, stability, change, wool slippers, tables, a new couch, connection. A really fun day with a friend-getting to see the miracle of recovery pounce on her.

 

12~ Simplicity. Keeping my life uncomplicated and free. Learning more about my true self. AA meetings, Today it has been 10 years since I have had a drink of alcohol. I have also been celibate for 10 years enabling me freedom from the bondage of a deadly addiction. Kissing my grandson on his perfect little face. All the cute little noises he makes.

 

13~ Breathing in God’s Spirit. Alive. Spring morning sounds, the robins are back. Starting eggs in the incubator (I am going to be a mama in 3 weeks!), Planting tomatoes, winter squash, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and cucumbers in the house J Being a Hippie Farmer (it even says so on my business card), praying about raising rabbits and feeling an answer. I bought my first doe. Crocus are up. Reading that taking action is often the lazy approach to problem solving-it appears more strenuous to take counsel with God. The crook of my arm is just right for a baby’s head.

 

14~ Listen. (What a profound word). Opportunities to help people get closer to God. It will be a light an hour later with the time change. Pencils, board games, a fun game of getting to know people at church better. “wild game night” including hunted items of the potluck. Sabbath rest.

 

15~ Spiritual fitness. Flexibility. Baking soda, music, profound proverbs, salvage rather that waste, a walk deep in the woods, time alone, taking borrowed kids to church, Spring break, a pronounced sense of freedom, the sound of birds.

“…rich simplicity of being yourself before God” (Timothy 6; Message Bible). Overwhelming grace.

 

16~Focusing on what is really important-spiritual development & relationships & THEN material needs. It is certainly not the easy way.

 

17~ Calm. “Rest in God is when life really begins. Nothing can separate me from God’s love. “I pray that I may wear the world like a loose garment. I pray may keep serene at the center of my being” 24 hr book. What a way to start the day! Amen (means ‘so be it’)

 

18~ Persistent. Practice. Patience. Prayer. Preparation. Persevering Spiritually.

 

19~ I am at peace.

 

20~ Spiritual value. Variety.

 

21~Deeply secure in a very difficult situation, trust, faith. The eye of the storm is calm. Daydreams of downsizing and simplifying. Taking my grandson to church today. My grandson-what a trip to write that. He is so beautiful. Spring rain, books, magazines, clocks, time spent with God, Golden kuri winter squash, shovels, slippers, coziness, naps, Sabbath rest, tithe.

 

22~ All my needs are Spiritual. Helping others builds spiritual strength. The baby slept during my shift. Burt’s Bees lip balm, seedlings and eggs in the incubator need constant care-just like babies, a star filled night, silence, a calling of ward missionary, letting God show me, maroon ink, opportunity.

 

23~ His Spirit envelops me, My heart sings for joy. Safety & Power inside His all encompassing Spirit, embracing Him embracing me. Victory, an abundant life. Just for Today card encourages me to do something nice for someone & not be found out. Staying in today, quiet time, not rushing, praise, adjusting, study, thought, effort, concentrating, happiness from within, Exercise, faith, as I give I receive, beauty. The power of gratitude.

 

24~ Faith in God’s power. When Bryson laughs. Having great support during difficult crises in my life-and faith in God’s Power and Purpose.

 

25~ Spiritual persistence. Nothing is more important that my relationship with God. Investing in that relationship. Front packs for babies.

 

26~  The power of His Spirit through faith. Nice people, naps, being supported by prayer and faith right now.

 

27~ Willing to accept His power. The greatest thing I can conquer is self. Material investment and possessions is microscopic compared to the eternal value of spiritual investment. The grunts and noises of a newborn baby in my arms, love in a place in my heart I didn’t know I had. Difficult growth. All the people praying for me, People who work in the social services. My bible and the Book of Mormon bring me hope & strength & love & comfort & wisdom each day. That I am willing to receive these by investing time in seeking them. My grandson is such a good baby.

 

28~ Leverage to help someone. Contemplation.

 

29~ Relief. An entire night’s sleep-what a gift! One I took for granted last month. Spring sounds, frogs, geese, the blue heron is home, beaver, ducks, bugs, green growth peaking out under the brown death of last year. My youngest daughter here with me, one on one time with her, spending time with my mom.

 

30~ Calm, True. Quiet. Being true to my highest ideals. Letting go of control. Letting God be the judge-and not other people when in their view I can be flawed-they can’t see my heart, only God.

 

31~ Simple desire to always do His will. A powerful dialogue with God helped me let go of the illusion of control.

Heavenly Father,

I am exhausted and confused. ___ is quiet a challenge. Should I do (…) What is my part?

Relax. Trust. Let go. After you do these things I will be able to send my Spirit to guide you. You can’t hear me now with all the noise in your head. Relax.

How can I do that? How can I slow down?

Spend more time with me. I am sending help-prayfuly accept. Let me guide you through this. I know what is best. There is the potential for you to mess things up with your ideas. Release them into my capable hands.

Slow. Deliberate. Focused. Invested.

As always, I love you. Don’t let our relationship slide. This will be so good.

 

I feel restored-and I can let go and let God take this situation and use it for good.

 

April 2010 I am grateful for…

 

2~Transformed by God’s Grace & His miracle working power. Companionship with God. swirls, a new teapot that came with a lesson about self-will, sharing the process of putting different carpet in my living room. Eggs hatching! Getting a new batch from someone else to hatch. Cassandra is home.

 

3~ Service. “Remember that the first quality is greatness is service…God is the greatest servant of all. He is always waiting for us to call on Him.”

“A life of service is the finest life we can live.” (24 Hour A Day Book)

 

4~ Praying to serve as a channel of God’s power. Sunshine, baby chicks, finding a partner/neighbor to help raise ‘birds for the freezer’, lists, chap stick, my first doe (rabbit) ‘Tif” escaped when a dog I am dog sitting tried to eat her. After 5-10 days she let me catch her. She is so soft and sweet.

 

5~God understands perfectly. Many financial blessing the last few weeks-seeing an end to the financial desert-a job found me-God’s perfect timing. Practice letting go in a situation I cannot change, the Serenity Prayer, nurturing contentment, seeking inspiration.

 

6~ The warmth of God’s Spirit. Open to Heavenly Father’s Blessings by releasing my grip. “The tide of peace & serenity will flow in. Relinquish every material thing and receive it back again from God. Do not hold on to Earth’s treasures so firmly that your hands are occupied to clasp God’s hands as He hold them out in love.: (24 hour)

Influence, ‘trying to do something nice for someone and not be found out” (Just for Today). Getting a random credit on my home phone bill tagged “loyalty customer credit’-it was like winning 1st place in a beauty contest in Monopoly, When I called to see about this credit I found a that cut my bill in half-it felt like a holiday (without the holidayical obligation and consumerism).

 

7~Unselfish service of others, opportunity, joy, prayer. Personal integrity, honesty, bravery, inventory. I had an opportunity to be of service yesterday-I declined- I am acutely aware that I cheated myself of blessing by my selfishness, lessons learned-changed behavior or the same lesson will present itself again, patience, perseverance, slightly sore muscles, fine tip pens, baby chicks.

 

8~ Humility & Faith. Text messaging to email, digging fence post holes, rocks, rakes, shovels, burn piles, getting dirty, good exercise, big windows, seedlings, my snoring dog, daily scripture reading. Someone told me they bought a hula-hoop!

 

9~ “Arise to beauty, joy, peace & work inspired by love. Rise from death to life” (24) Digging up my flowerbed-the dirt felt so good in my hands. The soil was so beautiful-dude I am grateful for dirt-in a profound way!J

 

10~ Humble obedience. Neckties, space & time made for relationships, investing time for spiritual growth-that I always desire that to be first in my life. Spreading quiet kindness in simple actions. “… being pursued by (God’s) love. He courted you; He followed you; He loved you. If you go to school or work, He is there… If you go deep inside yourself-He is there…if you look behind you or before you-He is there, waiting to be allowed entrance into your life”

 

11~ Self-discipline. A new journal, daily writing, spray bottles, binkis, carpet padding, naps, walks around the field with the dogs, tears.

 

12~”Before any need can be met, our faith must find expression. (asking for help). That expression of faith is all God needs to manifest His Power in our lives. Faith is the Key that unlocks the storehouses of God’s resources” (24) The amazing unity of the Church of Latter Day Saints, the reflection of seeking and receiving personal revelation, a new ceiling fan in the green room.

 

13~ Living in the Spirit of Prayer. James 5:16 The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. (Message) Gentle people, depending on God’s glorious power, FA meetings, the strength of Sandpoint FA members.

 

14~Dwelling with God’s Inner peace. My taxes are done and in the mail & my studs are off my car, yams on sale, waking up early for extra special time with God, learning to trust in untrustable situations (ahh, I think that is called faith), The book of James, earthworms, rain, warmer temperatures, weighing and measuring my food, structure, freedom, neutrality, passion, I no longer to try to connect with another person to make me whole. (Therefore sucking the life out of them), the Holy Spirit as a part of my everyday.

 

15~I can accomplish more by calmness than activity.

 

16~ “Cultivate Inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in” 1 Peter 3:4 (Message). “You should clothe yourself instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God” NTL

The unity with in the diversity of saying the same thing in a different way-language is so beautiful, words-I love them (I know I use enough of them-wink), middle of the night time with God (It ‘s 2:30 AM), planting tulips, glads, daffodils, and other mystery annuals I found in my flowerbed, rich dark soil, errands.

 

17~ Persistent constant recognition of God’s presence.

 

18~ Slow deliberate, focused, abundant life. Welcoming the thought ‘I love my life’ surged through me this morning.

 

19~ Quiet satisfaction. There are “tender intimacies in the quiet times of communion with God” (24). Passionate patience, active waiting (being conscious)

 

20~ Satisfaction. Sunshine, hoses, boxes, donation piles that grow, seeing 2 baby deer playing together in the field at dawn this morning, organization, hugs, insight, direction from God, squash plants, great dirt (OK- I know I keep going on and on about dirt- It is spring! And I am a Hippie Farmer!), getting some fertile turkey eggs for the incubator, a goose egg for breakfast, strawberries, asparagus.

 

21~ Renewal. Faith is a verb & takes effort, spiritual potential, watching out for spiritual vagueness, inspiration. “Making a decision to live as free as possible from mental binges” “Spiritual Awakenings often come in strange ways… we often fail to recognize it.” (Little Red Book). Kissing a baby all over his face, work, my car, meetings, Cas started school, dog & chicken sitting, a full life.

 

22~ Change. Cooperation. Consciousness of God’s presence and Guidance. Raw milk, hope.

 

23~ Absolute trust. Unquestioning obedience.

 

24~ Directed. Joy takes discipline. A difficult lesson that persists. A very full life, a new job.

 

25~ Leaving correcting & disciplining to God-and praying that God abundantly blesses (fill in the name). Harmony. Beauty. Joy. Happiness. Peach tea, fun ringtones, trains, ruffles, life being full of continual lessons, intimacy with others, prayer.

 

26~ Releasing ceaseless activity, my life is not filled with meaningless time expenditures any longer, depth, strength, my client has a sense of humor. Taking time to do this even though it feels hard.

 

27~ Spiritual perception and vision. God is not limited by space or time, prayers of past events, visiting teachers, hugs, God reminding me to smile more often. Claming and praying the promise from God-Psalm 32:8 I will instruct thee and teach the in the way which though shalt go; I will guide thee with mine eyes”. I will take it! Umbrellas, my daughter is riding the bus with her baby today, daily baby love.

 

Dialogue with God-

 

(ME): I am so glad I stopped my work to sit and be still with you Father. I feel Your Presence here with me. Thank you. I am concerned about ____. Any direction? How do I pray? What do I pray? What about ____? Please guide and instruct me.

Just sit here with Me. I have this-it is not up to you to do anything but release it. Pray from you heart. Let it flow. Be intentional. Be still. You do so many things. There is always a lot you can do-but little you NEED to do. Include me-ask me about how to spend your time. I love it when we get to talk like this. You have enough chickens. Rest. Cuddle a baby as much as you can. It's OK to let the dishes go sometimes. Be available. Pray for ____.

You are forgetting to smile. Don't. You have such a pretty smile. The more you use it the more I can touch people through it. I am in your smile-bring light to you eyes that reaches another soul. Use it more. Let me penetrate you with joy. Share this. I love you.

 

28~ God is leading, buying in Bulk, heavy rain, green grass, learning to let go of everything I want to the surrender the more profound the reward & closeness to God, glass gallon jars, reading scripture out loud to the baby-he’s so cute.

 

29~ Harmony. Someone told me to do something nice for myself-and I realized I haven’t been. A dialogue with God, being “off the beam” is so joy can be experienced when I slide back ‘on’ (and feel better)

 

30~ Developing spiritually. Spiritual exercise-the most difficult is the waiting. Sunshine of God’s Spirit warming us to grow & bloom & develop seed & die & wait & then do it again- except multiplied fruit in the next season. “Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought & concentration. (Just For Today Card)

 

May 2010

 

1~ Charity. Expressing God. Recognizing and recoiling from gossip, the telephone, time for prayer, time for work.

 

2~ Purity. “Easy Does It”, passionate patience, listening. Really stopping to listen. Stillness. Jesus knocks-and says if we hear Him and let Him in He will have supper with us (Revelation 3:20), books, sunshine after days of rain. I didn’t eat cheesecake-it was just a dream, freedom from the power of cheesecake. Spray bottles, green grass, church, friends, connection, network.

 

3~Being right here right now. Bells, wind chimes, hugs, socks, licorice tea. Finding a goodie in the A Minute of Margin book-

“Priorities from our death bed- we wonder how all the distractions of busyness could have obscured what has now become so obvious (relationships)… overload distract us from the true meaning of life. Overload distracts us from love. And in the end, excuses don’t hold up. The choice, it turns out, has always been ours.”

 

4~ Developing Spiritually. Cuddling with God. God tells me there is enough time-even when it doesn’t feel like it.

 

5~ “Leaving to God the choice of what good will come to me.” (24) God knows the desires of my heart more than I do. Breathing God’s Spirit, quiet time. Realizing the limitation of material things. Having enough wood for this very cold beginning of May, it will warm up, being at the beginning of the growing season.

 

6~ Dare to conquer selfishness in myself-dare to suffer. The work week is closing, not making rash decisions when I say (and practice) “Let me pray about that”, the tick tock of the clock, options.

 

7~ My efforts plus God’s blessings equals spiritual success. I walked my daughter to the bus stop and Petey (our dog) bound onto the bus with every pore of his body emitting pure joy ran down the isle. The kids loved it. It was so fun. My reading lamp. Slow listening. Deliberate listening. Intentional listening. Invested listening. Focused listing-especially to God.

 

8~ Slow. Not rushing-recognizing speed as toxic in my life-it takes me away from God. Rest, strength, time for God, gratitude, renewing faith, contentment, a day of joy in the simple things. Being present while washing the dishes. Sitting in the sun & letting the presence of God enfold & soak into me (this would not have happened if I was not still), pretty shirts, rain, peace of mind, Sabbath rest, pig noises, humor, Smallville. I can stay slow during a busy day.

 

9~ God’s guidance & wisdom, cuddling-hugging-snuggling a baby, how loud a baby can tootle is funny. Sunshine, love, fellowship, newcomers, growth, happy tails, profound proverbs.

 

10~ Cultivating calmness. “Calmness is trust in action” (24) Calm is a verb (think about that). Inner peace, trust, stillness, Pyrex, planting strawberry plants that produce the biggest strawberries I have ever seen, my grandpa, having him feed his great great grandson & snapping a picture. Planting 3 lilac bushes for my grandma, licorice mint plants coming in the mail.

 

11~ Loyalty. God’s foundational presence in relationships. My sponsor said a profound thing (for when I struggle with doing something I don’t agree with) “the only thing that really matters is that you are growing closer to God, and are abstinent” that is truly the most important thing. Green grass, earthworms, my chickens, they come when I call them-heck the come running when they see me-makes me feel loved. Obvious times of God’ plan, divine meetings, pure excitement, blue sky, warmer days, no fire in the wood stove.

 

12~ Hope. Courage. Faith. Love. Yokes Fresh Market, beautiful very diverse abundantly stocked produce, seeing friends in the grocery store, I don’t “have” to eat in a harmful way today.

 

13~ Letting God do the judging. Someone sought me out to ask my about my spirituality because she was attracted by it (that is the highest compliment I can think of). It must be the “Mormon Glow” coupled with the sparkle of abstinence- I read about not putting a light under a bushel-but on a candle stick to share it’s glow with others (Matthew 5)-and if a friend asks you to go with him one mile-go two.

 

14~ Putting spiritual before material. New opportunities for happiness & usefulness. My first day of yard sales for the season, planting a couple of trees, the sunshine, my back hurts so I am forced to pace myself (this is good-I can really overdue it. It is easier to deal with pain when I find purpose in it), finding spade shovels for $1 each at a yard sale.

 

 

16~Asking God to learn to pray without ceasing. Prayer changes things, “the big picture”, letting the dishes go to spend time with God instead (it was challenging-but so rewarding), getting a message to ask God what to do next before/between/after each activity. Spring has sprung, lawnmowers, flowers blooming, getting a Japanese Maple tree for $4-I get to nurse it back to health (prayer changes things)

 

17~Preparing with Prayer. Compassion, support, lilacs, humor, dialogue, purity, integrity, simplicity, deadlines, berries, 24 Hour A Day Book (hence (24), lovely quiet time, confidence, profound prayer moments.

 

18~Meekness. faith, & Strength. There is enough time, I woke to a peep peep from my incubator-a turkey!!

 

19~Grounded. My contribution in my relationship with God. Acceptance of the process, retrospective learning, it’s not a linear journey, a full life, patience, struggles, growth, stillness, a mission to do something nice for someone and not be found out. Products made in the US-trying to boycott stuff that’s not (It’s a long process that takes patience and persistence-more than 3 out of 4 things are not local)

 

20~Helping others. Abundance, the more I give the more I received (this is true financially as well), trust, courage, victory. “He that conquers himself is greater than he who conquers a city”, Ensign magazine, Eye doctors, ‘carrying the message’ There are people with diabetes who desperately to stop eating sugar and killing themselves with food-there is a solution!

 

21~”Resting & waiting patiently for God’s Guidance” obedience “Character is developed by the daily discipline of duties done” (24). A day off. Chicken bingo with seniors (I brought my chickens and the seniors were given numbers and whatever number the chicken pooped on (on the numbered floor mat) the senior won a prize!). Being of service when I a depressed helps me. The last payment on 2 debts this month.

 

22~Claiming God’s strength. Being present when someone prayed out loud for the first time. The gal and her family were on their knees-it was truly beautiful! Baby turkeys, paperwork, stamps, envelopes, the amazing postal service, email, communication, yellow highlighter, my credit report is beautiful, love, slowing down, joy that shows on my face due to the joy in my heart due to being abstinent & having Jesus in my life, such abundance.

 

23~Finishing one thing before starting another (God help me), taking the next right action, good delicious food, asking God for help to get to bed earlier, Temple prayer rolls, my gratitude list re-inspires me, Missionaries, starting another 4th step in the form of an autobiography. Learning more about myself.

 

24~Givng creates abundance. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is so completely amazing that I was brought to tears at the end of my quiet time. An exceptional day yesterday.

 

25~ There is no limit on how God can use me to help others. I am trying not to get in the way. Wool flannel black and red farmer shirts, hot tea, the last fire for the season, the weather report, colors, paying attention to my tardiness.

 

26~ Spiritual discipline produces spiritual fruit. “All of your life is a preparation for more good to be accomplished when God knows you are ready for it” (24) A nice man came and got my lawnmower running. A nice lady brought her weed eater for me to borrow. Time for yard work today in my overgrown jungle. I have a lawn to mow!

 

27~Slow enough to be deeply rooted. “My life cannot flower into success and help fullness unless it is rooted in strong faith, or unless it feels deeply secure in the goodness & purpose of the universe. (24)

 

28~Noticing God’s presence. Stillness, early morning, farm life, depression is a part of my life-and I want to embrace/accept/& learn from every aspect of my life. My income recently doubled (for a season).

 

29~ My helping hand coupled with God’s strength. Spiritual discipline, taking action to do something good when I didn’t feel like it, spiritual blessings, praying vigilantly to release the noise in my head about my recent income increase (it is funny-I am having less financial security & freedom with more money-my mind races & crunches #’s-mostly with an obsession on paying debt), deprivation does not create abundance, balance, friends, farm work, joy, noticing joy, rest. I am going to the Temple for the first time today with a dear dear friend.

 

30~ All is well. “Development of the buried life within me (24), my true self, service, the absolute presence of the Holy Spirit I felt at the Temple, reverence, support, white, ‘Just For Today’ card, theConnection Magazine, the ability to read, shoes, my feet, time.

 

31~Linking my mind and soul to God through prayer. Volunteer work, loyalty, attendance, generous, giving, kind, creative, suggestions, loving, attitude, giving interest/enthusiasm/devotion-myself to God’s work. The hard work and great service the animal shelter provides for the community, the library, the Daily Bee, The food bank, The senior center, Goodwill, and the Healing Gardens-so many more community organizations. Seeing deer in the field.

 

 

June 2010 

 

1~Growing by listening. Making an intentional effort not to rush. Dory on “Finding Nemo” inspires me to stay in the moment. Integrity.

 

2~ The Power of God’s Grace in me, breakfast, books, Quiet excitement, silent strength, gradual transformation from the old life to the new, the library, raspberry plants that are vigorous (it looks like it wants to take over the world!)

 

3~ Love, pulling weeds from the wet ground, The Book of Mormon, the soft sweet smell and feel on the baby’s head when I nuzzle him, the cute little sounds/expressions/& smiles he is starting to make, when people are on time. Playing pinochle with seniors.

 

4~ Expressing & modeling spiritually. Thinking “be here now”, I have a beautiful berry patch, 2 varieties of strawberries (one is giant), 8 blueberry bushes (2 varieties), a gooseberry, blackcurrant, tayberry, several grape vines, black berry, Red/yellow/purple/black raspberries. I love it!

 

5~ Very Quiet. “Your moral strength derives its effectiveness from the power that comes when you listen patiently for the small still voice.” (24) Slow. Still. Intentional. Deliberate work.

 

6~ Tenderness. The gift Sabbath to set aside my work and give the day to God. I get the privilege of doing this every week. My blue/straw/raspberries are all blooming heartily with berries developing. Classical music, great services.

Ecclesiastes 6:7 paraphrased “We labor intensively exhaustingly to

feed our appetites while starving our souls”

Confidence laced with humility, joy dunked in depth, sincere prayer is much more effective than constant activity (why is it so much more difficult to pray rather than take action?)

 

7~ My character changes as I move towards God. Things of the Spirit-beauty-love-honesty-purity-& unselfishness. A commitment I took at baptism to ‘bear one another’s burdens’

 

8~ Choosing the right thing-not the easier thing. The refining process.

Not always getting my way. When my way becomes God’s way-and then letting it have it’s way with me, being way out there-way to much dude! How about weighing the same for 2 years, weighing & measuring my food brings freedom, soaking grain in the whey from my yogurt & giving it to my chickens. I love being a Silly GOOSE.

 

9~ “Just Wait & Pray” a direct message from God. Believing  there are secret powers in good manners, pouring spring rain-the moist smell of after rain & blossoms in the air, my car, not having to over explain things anymore-God understands me, looking at surrendering 2 things I really don’t want to, but that I see I have a hold on me. I would rather have a choice (freedom) than those things.

 

10~ Peace that passes all understanding. Deflecting gossip, a good thunderstorm, the brilliance of lightning. Small frequent spiritual deposits can add up. A change of heart from an angry person.

 

11~ Value.

 

12~ Obedience. Faith. Discernment-asking for it when unclear. Someone bartered a freezer with me, getting 9 chickens in it yesterday, hope, selling 6 chickens today (guess what I am having for lunch?)

 

13~ Guided. “Thy will not mine be done” God answers prayers. Receiving my Patriarchal Blessing today-Angel will be there. New glasses, baby turkeys, yard sales, a headset for my cell phone, tables.  I am so grateful & relieved that I don’t drink beer anymore-it stinks,

 

14~ “Spare no effort to become all that God would have me to be” (24) The amazing gift of a Patriarchal Blessing. I don’t have to deprive myself, God’s abundant love. Finishing the bible yesterday again- to start at the beginning today. Baby grins.

 

15~ Blessed by God. Open & looking for those blessings so I can be of greater service to Him. “You may count all material things as loss if they prevent winning your way to the consciousness of God’s guidance” “…earn the rewards of God’s power & peace” (24)

 

16~ Space & time for God. Seeking, Purpose, Service.

 

17~ Redemption. I am forgiven, miracles, time, debt, worship, thought, rest, forgiving my dog for killing 13 more chickens. I trust my Heavenly Father knows best in my life & will try not to bulldoze over that small still voice. Sincere prayer is much more effective than constant doing.

 

17~ Redemption.

 

18~ Worthwhile (time spent). Delight in God.

 

19~Today, Right Now. Noticing miracles, the small & simple means in life are usually how God can bring about His great and eternal purposes (Alma 37:6-7). A bumper sticker for my car that says ‘Keep it Simple’ Playing Boggle with both my kids. The truth, God’s plan, trust, Ali is here.

 

20~Direction & Purpose, Faith, colors, badminton, connection, Yard Sales, fruit stands, the camera on my cell phone.

 

21~ Stable Balanced perception. Spiritual true/material fleeting. The peaceful sound of rain that soothes, tranquility, meaning, the longest day of the year, patience. My Ali is home. Poems, blessings, church, messages.

 

22~ Courage with Grace, The day will come when I am freed of all material things & find peace. I am grateful I don’t have a lot of money-it would complicate my life. Money takes time-I would rather spend my time on spiritual pursuits and keep my life uncluttered with materialism & busyness. I am promised I will have sufficient means so my earthly needs will be attended to.

 

23~Pausing often. The color orange, spiral notebooks, enthusiastic newcomers, when people share of themselves, the lawn mower started, the wonderful smell of a wet spring, easing into summer rather than blasting into intense heat.

 

24~ Quiet faith. Saving Grace. Quiet mornings with bird twitters.

I am no longer borrowing from the future when I am not eating addictively. The sugar high-the dazed sugar drunken foggy head-and then the crash-the mental anguish of the “hangover”. Then back into the craving feigning possession-the pursuit and hunt for the perfect food-then the time it takes to obtain and eat (more like scarf)-all laced with mental obsession-whew how exhausting. That is time debiting. I am grateful to be out of it and free today.

 

25~ Basking in His Glory. Awe & desire to Worship God in wondering amazement. I got to “let go” of at work (I expected this when I started-the client doesn’t keep care providers long). I now have time for Ali-she moved back in a week ago. I now have time for my farm & garden & Cassandra & Bryson & more time for God.

 

26~Pateince for God’s perfect timing. Trying to stay out of the way.

 

27~ I am blessed. Fences, boundaries, change, poise, peace of mind, among a hurricane of change, dog sitting has & will provide income. It’s going well with my girls, calm, composure during difficulties. I dreamed that I got a goat kiss. J

 

28~ Laying down my will as an offering. Feeding Bryson his first real food-a pear I canned myself & watching him have experience for the first time-he is so cute. Eating broccoli from my Gpa’s garden, Diatomaceous earth, Azure Standard, bulk foods, goals, believing in good, the dawning of a new day.

 

29~ Trust. Discipline, improvement, growth, preparation, expression, joy, this moment, heat, barefoot, paperwork. Realizing that trusting God takes discipline & action. I have to include Him & be open & receptive (quiet/slow/surrender my will to hear His) to know if I have given Him enough involvement to trust Him.

 

30~ Now.

 

July 2010 I am Grateful for…

1~Infectious spirit of calmness and trust. Dialogues with God. Really listening and seeking His will. Intense pain brings me into His arms.

 

2~ Faith, Hope & Trust. I have a symphony of support. Friends, fellowship.

 

3~ Satisfied. Healed. Rested. “Think of the wonderful spiritual revelations still to be found by those who are trying to live the spiritual life. Much of life is spiritual unexplored country” “…great spiritual discoveries to be revealed.” (24) Seeing purpose in one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. So grateful for my faith. My vast support system.

 

4~ Regeneration. “the invitation of God to be our Friend” (24). Personal patience, a lovely nap, picking strawberries from my own garden, accepting the weeds and poor condition of my garden-comfortably I have spent my time as God intended-& I have not skimped on time with His or my kids. Simplicity. First things first.

 

5~ Seeking God’s direction. Writing an autobiography for a 4th step (fearless and searching moral inventory), manifestation, the Law of attraction(prayer), “you are what you think’-learning to retrain my elusive brain’s thought process a little at a time-relying on God’s help and direction for that.

 

6~Claiming God’s strength with faith. Really seeing how my self-will has hurt me in the past, complete delight in pausing to include God. Colorful pens. Ali & I are doing well together. Painted toenails, a few days alone in the house. Praying deeply and passionately for my children.

 

7~I trust God. A warm day finally. By letting go-the outcome is better than I could have ever done. My daughter has the opportunity to move out with baby 3 months before her 18th birthday to a safe & structured & supportive environment. I really trust God.

 

8~Guided.

 

9~Believing & accepting & seeking miracles. Yard Sales, someone delivered some quality used carpet (it came out of a mansion!), sharing pork chops J, moving back into the master room, help from the missionaries, one of their eyes lit up when I said there was wood to split-my wood is now all split & it filled him with joy. Getting to feed my grandson green beans for breakfast.

 

10~ Simple effective faith. Miracles of quiet time, outside, bird sounds, my Geo, 90 degree days, freshness, ladders, love, my desk, a big 12 quart stainless steel pot, lessons of surrender, acceptance, neutrality, bubbling with gratitude (I feel I could go and on the morning!)

 

11~Protected. My cuddly dog, clothes hangers, clothespins, alarm clocks, pink, catching my rabbit that had been running free for 3 months.

 

12~ Today. God’s grace and mercy have saved me. Talking to my mama on the phone, Starting another amazing book by Richard Swenson-Imagining wiping my slate clean of every action/thought/belief/“thing” and letting God fill my life with His purpose. Pretty darn profound.

 

13~ Expecting the good. Embracing depression.

 

14~ Peace of mind in the middle of turmoil. Protected when I rely on His strength. Feeling deeply safe under God’s protection. Unafraid. Moving forward.

 

15~ Deep Inner Calm. Secure (when depending on God). Faith gives me strength. Confidence, funnels, hoses, raspberries ripening.

 

16~ “Deeply secure in the fundamental goodness & purpose in the universe” (24) Visiting teaching, an opportunity to go to a singles retreat in my church even though it really scares me. God is my refuge-like shade in the desert. My shelter in a storm. Protected. “try to feel His divine power-call on it-accept it-& use it… Each day seek safely in God’s secret place, in communion with Him” (24)

 

17~Reflection. God is here always available, doing the limbo, getting out of my comfort zone produces growth. People who do service, screens for window, hot summer days, window open at night. Homemade yogurt, products that produce little or no waste/garbage.

 

18~Humility. God’s unending grace. Hearing “Life is simply a test-to see if we will Seek first the kingdom of God. I believe I am beginning to embrace this concept as it becomes fuller in my life. Finding a sparkly formal dress at a yard sale form $3 and wearing it to a dance at a singles retreat in my church. Dancing sober. No obsession or lust came up for me at this event (thank you God) meeting some lovely people. Opportunity for growth.

 

19~ Miracles everywhere. Times that I allow God to fully guide and strengthen me, longing always for something better (God’s will not mine). Dedication, sleep, love, timing, my website.

 

20~Guidance. A mild day. Writing my life story for a 4th step (Searching & fearless moral inventory) has been deeply insightful yet emotionally draining. I am learning so much about myself. So grateful for where I am and my growth & that it keeps getting deeper and more profound. My life experience is better than ever even through enduring extreme difficulties with life situations. I LOVE being a Mormon and a member of FA.

 

21~Tolerance. Depending less on myself & more on God. God can us me in a powerful way-if I can stay out of the way. Reading old journals I see how much clutter I have let go of-“Stuff”-but also emotional, spiritual, and activity clutter. I time debt much less & recognize it so much sooner!

 

22~Confidence, diversity. His Grace. “…any person who depends on God’s Power a future of unlimited power  to do good works” (24). Notebooks, new shoes for Ali, things so far are going surprisingly well, maturity, the better/richer/spiritually fuller my life gets as I get older, the profoundness of God-that I take time to notice.

 

23~ Peace of mind. Calm, a beautiful sunset, my daughter loves to capture beautiful moments with the camera-then she shares them with me from wherever she is (gotta love picture messaging). Equality, punctuality. Joy.

 

24~Faithful. Patience, a fun card game, getting to know some of my church family better, sunshine, modesty, doing the right thing (not the easy thing), trust, miracles. Everything that happens is an opportunity to grow closer to God.

 

26 Abundance. The only things I get to keep are those that I give away (this is the secret to abundance). The less I have material the more I have for spiritual. Summer heat. Family Home Evening on Mondays (shrimp dinner with Ali)

 

27~Noticing God’s presence. The intense heat, hoses, Y’s, my kids being brave, service, “doing something nice for someone and not being found out”, my dogs, my handyman wants me to dog sit, so I got some projects done-and I am relieved! Barter.

 

28~Today. Right now. Allowing joy.

 

30~Content. Work. Home teachers. My auto mechanic, big mirrors.

 

31~A grateful heart. Summer rain, alarm clocks, reminders. Finding the kittens the stray cat (that I have named-darn!) had in someone’s attic, my rabbit, working again.

 

August 2010 I am grateful for……..

 

1~My soul merging with God in His perfect Harmony-this is the Holy Spirit and it is divine, my sponsor, her wisdom, the miracles in FA, change, time, Quiet time, water, lotion.

 

2~Perparing the soil for God’s abundance. Sprinkles, hoses, fresh raspberries.

INSERT DIALOGUE

 

3~Moments with God. My grandpa found a dog to share his days with. Having to depend on people. Settling in. Watering systems. Phone calls.

 

4~Renewal. Amazing one on one time with my sponsor.

 

5~ Trust. Interesting contradictions that create balance. Someone cares enough about me to give me so much of her time. A 4th/5th step. Admitting to God, myself & another person the exact nature of my wrongs. It is so evident my needing to be right has impacted my life and all those around me very negatively. Thank you God. I don’t HAVE to be right $ am learning humility. Raspberries, attorneys, judges, release of burden to God’s care, transferring my problems, sleeping with open windows.

 

6~Quiet refilling of the Holy Spirit, finding the perfect dog for my grandpa.

 

7~Quiet refilling of the Spirit. Spending time with Cassandra and Bryson shopping, my Geo, cashiers, glasses, checks in the mail, naps.

 

7 (Again? Whatever..)~ God’s spirit is always with me. All is well (even when it doesn’t feel like it) My house (mobile mansion) is paid for and painted my favorite color (Fuchsia!) my bills are current, I reduce my debt monthly by not taking any more debt and making payments. I have not taken any new long-term debt in almost 3 years, the lawnmower.

 

8~

 

 

September, 2010

 

God’s love. September, moments of stillness in a busy day, my clothes line, the blankets are getting refreshed with rain, pressure cookers that look as old as my G-ma, snapping green beans, plans to can beans & pickled beets, water.

 

2~Getting out of God’s way. Having good time with both girls, safety, thought, contemplation, sparkles.

 

3~ God’s Glory. The warm fuzzies I feel when I look at a counter with canned beets sitting on it. Pauses in a very busy day-like soothing God filled deep breaths, my home phone, baby chicks in my room, my stove, time with God.

 

4~ Calling on the Grace of God. Calmness, inner strength, penetrating peace, missions, purpose, direction, vision, articulateness, veterinarians, 52 baby chicks in my room, reminder tones, colors, sleep, opportunities for good are always present-when I have willingness to do the right thing-not the easy thing, cuddly dogs, warm nights, lightning, thunder that rocks the house-that feeling of God’s omnipotent power, the mosquitoes season is ending.

 

5~ Seeing beauty. Abundance, change, wrinkles, wisdom, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, compassion, service, autumn in the air, worship, optimism, hope, naps, Gospel Principles, missionaries.

 

6~ Tolerance. Live and Let Live.

 

7~ God is my refuge. Practicing “Easy does it” is the best way, that I realize this. Moments of stillness. Security, finding my joy again. A very nice day with my daughter, eating at a Floating restaurant, finding shoes to wear with a dress.

 

8~ Feeling the joy of God’s love to the depth of my soul. Lines on the road, warm fuzzies.

 

9~ The Grace of God, divine favor, beauty, honesty. September 9 is a very special day- 9/9/99 I started my 12-step journey in recovery. My car, tires, chairs, lap blankets, desk lamps, pots & pans, company for dinner.

 

10~ Serving God. “The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead” (AA Big Book), Buying a goat! Finally after years of wanting & praying. Big beautiful beets.

 

11~ Compassion. Seeing God’s grace in power/peace/love. Watching my girls grow & mature. Learning to can with a pressure cooker. Seeing finished jars sitting on a towel on the counter fills me with a sense of peace & contentment-this IS how I want to live. Chickens.

 

12~Tolerance. Insight. Acceptance, the financial freedom I have in contrast to my income. Silverwood Theme Park, riding 2 rides I didn’t want to just to bond with my daughters & I enjoyed them both and cherished the time with my kids. Getting 10 laying hens for a great price.

 

13~ The power of prayer. Commitment, when I am able to overcome procrastination, time alone, sunny fall days, propane, doves, twinkles, a sliver moon.

 

14~ My soul’s deepest desire is to get to know my Heavenly Father better. Increasing belief, little red wagons, big pots, Mason & Kerr canning jars, eggs are so beautiful & diverse-so are chickens.

 

15~ Strength in Weakness, contentment, resting in God’s presence, practicing stillness. AWOL (A Way Of Life-how we work the 12 steps in FA), fingernail clippers, fingers.

 

16~ God abides in me. Now & eternity & their inseparable link. Spiritual flowers, love & service, abundant yields, when people ask for help. The leaves are just starting to turn color, warm days, tie die skirts, time, meetings, newcomers, early mornings, shifting light, change of seasons, a load of wood ready to split in my back yard, the smell of wood on a man, sacrifice is specific.

 

17~ Spiritual Health. I seem to take out of life what I put in. The gift (and burden) of choice, effort, strength, a birthday party on Monday (the big 4-0) as a workday for projects around my house. Exercising my brain daily with gratitude, reading scripture, practicing quiet time (concentrated effort to slow & rest my brain really helps to strengthen and enhance it). Love. God has a husband for me.

 

18~ “Dwelling with God in sweet communion outside the realm of material distraction” ‘Renewing my strength in quietness” (24) Picking up 2 beautiful amazing young female goats yesterday. All of my adult life I have wanted goats- I was touched with deep joy on the ride home. A high school friend whom I took my first drink with when I was 14 (who doesn’t really talk to me anymore) has made it into recovery-it’s really great to see God’s miracle.

 

19~ Trusting God’s strength. Joy-real joy. The gift of willingness to grow spiritually, deep hunger for the miracle, receiving many miracles. The lulling sound of rain, going to the Temple and doing important service work, Sabbath, awareness of God’s presence.

 

20~ God brings order out of chaos. Today. Having no idea what to expect.

 Every moments does NOT have to be filled with activity or thought.

 

21~ God is timeless. Prayers can be uttered at anytime and be effective. Faith, a great gift of produce and of people’s time.

 

22~ Joy in serving God, meetings, strength in weakness, the vast opening of my yard, my character defects are not bad-they are a just part of me & God gave them to me so I can learn from them and to prune and mold me into the person He wants- and they are changeable.

 

23~ Turning to God. Comfort & joy, making a decision. A duck, getting the 2 stray cats fixed that adopted me, down to 3 barn cats, a very fun interaction at a nursery, getting a smoke bush for myself & a friend, a full moon, my electric furnace, my grandson.

 

24~ Waking up to “I need Thee every hour”-a song playing in my head. Playing volleyball last night with church members. Telling someone I was afraid & serene at the same time and she exclaimed “I just love that!” Big big stuff is happening in my life and I can turn to God for answers.

 

25~ “…be conscious of His support, and wait quietly until that true rest fills your being” (24). My down comforter, goat-a-lees, friendly barn cats, support, belief in fundamental goodness, growth, fall, having a job, personalities, a sharp knife, squash, fences, dreams.

 

26~ Gladness in God’s service. Satisfaction, today, Sabbath, planting a smoke bush, loppers, quiet, not rushing, praise, effort, courage, bobby pins, baby giggles, teeth, nose hairs (you know- to protect lungs from pollutants. You can be grateful for your nose hairs too!)

 

27~ Spiritual vision. “God’s power in your life increases as your ability to understand His grace increases”(24) An overbearing willow tree that was taking over my front yard-stealing sunlight from my garden & orchard-blocking my limited view of the lake was cut down at my work b-day party. It feels like it opened up my entire yard. A feeling of open joy come with it. That is the same feeling after joining the church. It opened up my spiritual world for the Spiritual vision & constant companionship of the Holy Spirit-the only way I keep this is through abstinence in FA and spiritual investment. Than you Heavenly Father for such wonderful gifts.

 

28~ A shared life. Letting the process happen rather than attempting to force or control. Empathy, phone calls, support through hard stuff, today, help, a partnership with my neighbor raising goats. The smell of molasses, the smell of goats (only a farmer would get that), babies.

 

29~ Accepting responsibility. Noticing and experience joy. Openness, a really warm day, young hard working strapping missionaries that came and helped me do an amazing amount of work, tasks, big rocks, challenges, check marks on my list, accomplishments, sharing my life with others, neckties.

 

30~ “His healing touch causes the Divine Quiet to flow into your very being” (24) support, confidence, healing goals, collars, thrift shores, my fingers, my Bishop, my church family, nice smelling candles, Public Information committees.

 

October 2010

1~Spiritual guidance, hearts, winter squash on sale for  .38 a pound, storage, pink, opportunity, freecycle, breath, my lungs-deliberate breath into the back lungs, fingernail polish remover, my pink watch, wind chimes.

 

2~ A deep desire to help, searching for God’s will, magical Spirit filled moments, my oven, learning to lighten up, learning I don’t have to be right. Funny moments, plaid, freedom, sweetness.

 

3~ Calm. Listening without interrupting. Quite assurance, deep certainty of God’s Presence/Power/love/Protection. Helping some friends butcher some chickens, someone showed me about some wild mushrooms.

 

4~Meaning & Purpose. The sound of rain on the roof, forgiveness, letting go of criticism, humility, 12X12 AA book, step 7, I don’t have to be right.

 

5~ Tolerance. Unselfish effort, available to be led by the Holy Spirit, a full day at home.

 

6~Change. Hot water, letting go of who I think I am to see who God wants me to be (that is really deep)

 

7~ Leaning on God’s strength through my weakness, humility, service, ‘Sharing one another’s burdens’, sharing my burdens, diversity, feeling needed, journaling, gas.

 

8~Prayer-deep heartfelt meaningful prayer. Tolerance. ‘Live & Let Live’, volleyball, lines, expression, forgiveness, freedom, shovels, tulip bulbs, rain, I have a good job, endings, sharing burdens, growing closer to God.

 

9~True Fellowship. Organizational tools, authenticity, sharpies, uncluttering, moderation, rest when weary, including God, asking how to pray, watching someone learn to be rigorously honest.

 

10~ The privilege of being God’s servant. Pitchforks, shoes, outside work, rain, time with God early in the morning, prayer, letting go, nice smelling candles, sharp knives. Ensign magazine, people who give of their time.

 

11~Looking for the good in people, a sincere desire to let go of criticism, big lake trout, unique friendships, propane tanks, enchicks (to big to be chicks-to little to be chickens-hence EnChicks instead of ChickEns), plums, My wonderful church, freecycle, asking God for knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out (see a lot of this is just stuff I repeat), worship by sacrifice.

 

12~ Vision, faithful service, new opportunities to make right choices constantly, Nora Jones, I know my bank account balance, watching others grow, lots and lots of beets, solutions to problems.

 

13~Growth. Someone gave me a Beautiful comforter with matching curtains –enough for most of my big windows & she sought me out to give them to me-wow! I am grateful for gratitude and the profound difference it makes in my life, sparking up the wood stove for the season, socks, visits from The Holy Spirit.

 

14~ Growing faith, harmony in God’s will, taking action, not every moment has to be filled, stillness, reflection, silky pink, sunshiny autumn days, missionaries, neckties- they are so beautiful. Satisfaction.

 

15~ An entire new life. Awareness of complaining & criticism is the first step in letting it go. I will enjoy even when I can’t find my joy-I know it is still there. Someone mowed my lawn for me.

 

16~Calm, Releasing. Accepting. A good day with my daughter, cloth bags, less waste, a cuddly dog, Opportunity to show up emotionally when it took everything I had. Sacrifice, “Prepare for a mission” is what the small still voice is telling me loudly-this helps me from collecting too many things (Stuff suffocation)

 

17~Infinate possibilities for Spiritual growth. God’s perfection, trust, the miracle of being spiritually attuned in the middle of “mental fog & physical exhaustion’. Letting go of my dear dog Molly to a home that feels just right-letting go of her let’s someone else experience the joy she has to give. (She has killed over 30 chickens in the last 6 months-and is looking at the goats like she would do the same) Ali was with me and got to see where it is going, 2 great days with Ali. Having my grandson overnight. A beautiful frosty morning.

 

18~Humility. Doing the right thing-not the easy thing. Liberal with praise. Looking for the good.

 

19~God hears my cries, His grace is always available. I am safe. Shiny pink, bubbles, balloons, bouncing, answered prayers, God’s open arms & comfort.

 

20~Obedience, acceptance brings abundance, continuing to pray, hearing the small still voice clearly  & obeying. Divine intent, evolving beauty, my oldest daughter turns 18 today!

 

21~God responds to the longing of my heart, the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost (as long as I am willing), His abiding peace & comfort in the latest turmoil of my days. I am physically safe, God will use all of the intensity of hurtfulness my kids are trying to project on me to make us all stronger. I am learning how to love unconditionally.

 

22~Renewing of my faith daily. Open for the Spirit of God to dwell within. Fellowship, a clean kitchen, filling the donation box, outside work. ‘Easy does it’

 

23~Spriitual Harmony,  a changed life, a new personality, laughter, not being as reactive, opportunities, relaxing, sharing one another’s burdens.

 

25~ Now. Letting go of what I think I want to open my hands & heart to what God knows are the true desires of my heart. Most things I criticize is none of my business. Learning to give of myself.

 

26~ Companionship with God. Letting go of all my “stuff” is so exciting. ‘Less is More’, Spiritual freedom, continually learning to surrender.

 

27~’Easy does it’. One thing at a time. Flowers, crisp autumn air, freecycle, sharing, letting go of the material opens my life for the spiritual. The color blue, coconut oil, transformation, appreciation, socks, amazing moments, quiet time, being calmly excited.

 

28~ Cooperation, understanding, companionship, home, anticipation. God’s plans, trust. Right now. Letting go, written prayer, new pants, vacuum cleaners, filters, less clutter, seeking the Kingdom of the Lord first, reminders, sacred time.

 

30~Waiting passionately. There is a time for everything. Season, friends, responsibilities, PMS tea, candles, the chair I am sitting on, punctuality, using blinkers can cave lives, the amazing fall colors.

 

31~ I have found my place of rest, where contentment wraps around me-ever deepening as I allow it with acceptance & obedience to God’s will. The sound of the lulling rain. Following suggestions designed to help me, the urging of my conscience, hearts, doodling, depth, purging my stuff means I am in store for a deep spiritual experience-more time & space for God & contentment-a feeling that saturates my soul with “I have enough”.

 

NOVEMBER

December 2010

 

2~ Acceptance. Snow-lots of snow, teaching, wood time, laundry, observation, snow boots, a nice card in the mail that wasn’t a Christmas care-there was hand writing in it!, heaters, awaiting joy.

 

3~Small consistant deposits really add up-spiritually/mentally/emotionally/physically. A really nice visit with my daughter.

 

4~ Practing now. Energy saving Christmas lights, meetings, bobby pins, paper, getting invited to Rumba dance lessons.

 

5~ Give (time, prayer. Love, thoughts, self, grace). Learning more about myself-I love to dance! The joy of dance reached my heart enough to penetrate through my lack of rhythm. Spakrles, watching experienced dancers espress their passionate joy on the floor, my electic furnace.

 

7~ Spiritual nurishment. Being broken enough for God to fix, a desire to be well. Brilliant Sparkels in the snow, vanilla candles.

 

8~ God’s power and Grace. Reverance, the Holy Spirit’s prescence in my daily life, solutions, seasons, noticing discontentment, watching others immense growth, honest, goats, a day at home, watching my grandson and my grandma together.

 

9~ Purposeful faith. God is the meaning of life, rest in God, peace of mind, “speed limit of the soul”, abundance, fellowship, not making rash decisions, vacuum cleaners, a day off, letting go of critisms one praise at a time.

 

10~ Stillness. Direction from God, amazing fellowship in FA and my church are both like family. A clean floor, cutain rods.

 

11~Today. The smell of vanilla, seasons, pictures, picture albums, scanners, website storage, watching someone learn to surrender, learning to surrender, profound moments of connection, shrimp, inclusion, FA in Sandpoint. “one who buys what he does not need steals from himself” –Swedish Proverb.

 

12~Amazing Love. Contimplation that is not hindered by insessive thinking, a brown coat, stratching, my oldest daughter sleeping on the couch, affectionate hugs, seeing a friend, cute guys, venision, a whole new life that keeps evolving in spritual beauty.

 

13~Abundance. Special individual time with each of my girls. Learning more everyday, my little care, twinkles, Ensign,  conferences, getting a new calling at church-Stake Singles Representative will put me in contact with more single people in my church.

 

14~ Calm. In order to keep wonderful things I must give them away.

 

15~Unique opportunity to be of service, confidenciality, the next indicated thing.

 

16~ Choosing reighteousness. “Happiness is a by-product  of doing the right thing”(24). Noticing the clutter of incessive thining in my head and practing awareness, the amazing impact A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle is making on my life.

 

17~Faith. Trust. Aware. Hope. Love. Joy.

 

18~ Reflection, resting in faith. My cell phone, change, living alone for today.

 

19~ The ability to love someone profoundly whoe is  having profound unlovable actions.

 

20~ Harmony. Assurance of God’s prsence. Powerful Priesthood Blessings, a fun birthday party, opening my heart around gift giving/receiving on “appointed” days. Someone sharing that made I a difference in their life (as they were doing something that impacted my life!)

 

21~ Pausing to listen. Yearning to obey my Heavenly Father. Yeliding & foillowing the Holy Spirut’s quiet guidance. The ligh of days will get longer after otday, the ladder, chimney brushe, a barn cat who is very affectionate named Coal, Christmas lights.

 

22~ 

 In 2011 I am GRATEFUL for…

 

 

 

December 2011

 

1~Compassion. Soup. Soup kitchens, a place to gather, silence, intentional spirituality, stability, boot dryers, mild weather, clouds, books, the library, time to read, an uncommonly calm period in my life (hey I’ll take it!) Environmental science, bathroom books, haircuts, new beginnings, visiting a friend I haven’t seen in a while.

 

2~Developing. Evolving into the person God intends. Effort. Reading that worrying is practicing atheism-not trusting God (He is or He isn’t) to provide. Strong words that ring truth. Ah-ha moments, Audio Books, abstinence, I am about to have a date with God early morning uninterrupted space & time & attention just for Him-whom I adore. I am really looking forward to it. Joyful anticipation. Awakening.

 

December 3, 2011 I read in a Ensign Magazine to write 10 things I am grateful for in each category. It opened my mind.

General-

Chickens, dogs, books, heat, school, tea, cloth bags, baskets, pumpkins, my fingers.

Things about Today-

Special time with God due to insomnia, humidifiers, slippers, rest, hunger, openness, opportunity to do good, time to read, stretching my gratitude muscle, 3:25 AM, this moment.

The Gospel-

General Conference, “Ask and you shall receive”, missionary work, I am saved, Guidance from commandments, Holy Ghost, The atonement, prophesy, D & C, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Abilities-

Writing, reading, walking, smiling, helping, smelling, cooking, driving, praying.

Material possessions-

Geo, pressure cooker, garments, watch, bible/scriptures, laptop, purse, toaster oven, nice socks, journal.

People-

Cassandra, Ali, mom, Phyllis, Jean, April, Karin, Andy, Lorien, G-pa

Things in Nature-

Trees, lakes, sparkles in the snow, fresh air, full moon, fruit trees, berry bushes, blue Herons, rocks, animals

Foods-

Brussel Sprouts, squash, sweet potatoes, oatmeal, bananas, avocado, pinto beans, eggs, almonds, apples, oil.

Modern Inventions-

Toilet paper, cell phone, pens, books, beds, cars, running water, candles, grocery stores, websites.

Places-

Shepherd Lake Loop property, Talache, long bridge, Yokes, garden, chicken yard, The Temple, Leadership meetings, right here, food bank, Cocolalla.

 

3~Satified. A drastic quieting of mental noise compared to a year ago. Perspective. Seeing beauty in all things, pausing to enjoy the sparkles in the frost on my car before scraping them off, the pace of my life.

 

4~Letting go of control. Failure brings growth, the hunt for righteousness, word of wisdom, daily discipline, molecules, timeless moments, now is forever, God’s solutions, colors, pens.

 

5~Learning to give of myself. Experiencing the pain of procrastination, that I keep having lesions until I learn them. Seeing a really amazing play done by local people from a small church-It’s an amazing Life, acting, talent, live performances, seeing the impact on many lives that 1 person can make, how we are all connected. Having God’s Spirit with me. Eating meat sparingly, being vulnerable-doing something uncomfortable-saying something some people don’t want to hear because I believe it’s what Heavenly Father wants me to say.

 

6~Abundanct sunshine, God has promised me that if I do good and follow His counsel I will have peace beyond comprehension, Baseball caps, faded blue jeans, slippers, swiffers, science, laughter, cinnamon, recognizing danger, dialogues with God.

 

7~Spritual nutrition sustains soul starvation. My soul is no longer undernourished. Adorations & praise for my God that pulses through my body. Priorities, my Gpa got cataract surgery yesterday, acceptance, enjoyment, enthusiasm. Audio books.

 

8~ Quality. A prayer that people be healed from their obsession with nothingness. Dish soap, sharing, cut off points, learning that altogether isn’t as correct as all together (reading a book on most common mistaken words), hormones. Joy.

 

9~Reminders. Rest in God. Newcomers. Feeling overburdened by a responsibly & the reminder to look up-I have been depending on myself to much, surrendering criticism, dryer cords, laugher, shinny coats, today, my job, my client, sharing.

 

10~Silence. Attention & time set aside daily just to listen. Noticing breath. Watering house plants, hair clips that work well. Ecosystems, surrendering criticism, live plants, performances, zippers, the smell of orange.

 

11~Newness. Joyous sunrise renewal, beautiful sunset closure, everything in between-especially right now. A sparkly shimmery shirt someone was wearing, Sabbath rest, noticing miracles, insight, seeking solutions.

 

13~ Confirmation. Being able to be of service. Reading in my Environmental science book that the less meat (&dairy) eaten the better it is for the environment-not just an opinion or concept but a scientific fact. It takes 20 pounds of grain to produce one pound of beef. That is a lot of resources. (the waste from 20 lbs of grain is immense as well) Reading in medical documentation animal products cause heart disease/cancer/& many other diseases that are ramped in the US. Humility to let go of what I think- to see the truth & immense spiritual experience that came with it.

 

14~Calm. From quietness comes strength, resting place to commune with God, adjusting, listening to my body, the smell of cedar, new dress boots, the power of prayer, a returning member.

 

15~Unique opportunity to be of service. The good Shepherd, being led, plans, purple, joy, the journey, eye lash dye, phone lists, the furnace that warms me, garlic, squash, elk, time, pillows, learning about population.

 

16~Happiness is a result of doing the right thing, integrity, awareness, noticing pride, relief, slippers, the truth, surveys, my computer, books, food storage, not living in clutter, my job, trust, book marks, the growth I have received from reading lately, my watch.

 

17~Spirtual laws, freedom, faith, hope, love, confirmations, synergy, tie die, early mornings, Christmas party’s, 100% cotton, plans, learning to embrace hunger, liberal with praise.

 

18~Purpose in faith, Guidance. Seeking God’s intention intentionally. Reflecting His Blessings. An amazing visit with my daughter. Vision, manifesting, asking God to be comfortable with naturally occurring hunger, hunger & habit for God. Foot prints, the Temple, being enveloped in the Spirit of God. Christmas lights.

 

19~Facing fears. Fingernail polish, books, knowledge, study, coconut oil for moisturizer, Albert Smith, mist, closure.

 

20~Protected. A divine plan for my life. The gift of surrender, stars, playing Boggle with my daughter. Thorne Research, the smell of fresh air on my cat.

 

21~ The pieces are put together, focus, quiet gentle pressure of my conscience. Movement, waiting, special time with my daughter, integrity, learning how to not intentionally speed, the truth, being in gratitude slows time.

 

22~God’s leading, clarity, protection, woven, pillows, spelling, socks, prayer, purple, preventative medicine, outreach calls, being of service.

 

23~Every experience is valuable. Peace, Solutions, non-resistance, boundaries, quiet, the food bank, my laptop.

 

24~The privilege of recovery, learning moderation, personal revelation, invitation, being a “connector”, the color combination of pink and black, hues, shades, colors, still being an active part of my grandsons life, being able to support my daughter through her pain of the adoption. His adoptive parents truly love him and are completely dedicated to his care.

 

25~Celbrating the life of Christ everyday, rejoicing in the death of Christ and remembering His atoning sacrifice often. A fresh coat of snow. The promise of hope whispering in my ear, shoes, I have enough.

 

26~Worhty causes. I have no waste from Christmas-no bulging garbage bags or a bunch of stuff I don’t want or need, the Christmas cards went in the recycle bin, I used an old calendar for wrapping the few gifts I gave. I enjoyed a simple relaxing non hubbub holiday-I feel so free. Horse hugs, getting to stoke a wood stove, shoe laces, return polices.

 

27~Continuted development of character. I have time for God. I make time for God, Urgently slow.

 

28~Trust. The place of 100% surrender. Divine Purpose. Surety of God’s plan as the best-He wants to give me the desires of my heart, absolute trust.

 

29~Charity. Work & prayer. Ron Boyd-his life & light has been an inspiration to me. I read more books in 2011 than most ears. Personal growth, the Temple, dedication, learning how to give of myself, searching for a house with property, a good buyers market, a fun/honest familiar real estate agent, high standards.

 

30~Living my life fully so as not to have regrets. The immensity of practicing gratitude in my life. Taking a break as I heard the small still voice advise. Looking at Real Estate is really fun. Not being in a hurry, a buyers market at the right time of year, trust.

 

31~Experience Gods wastes nothing. Answers. Questions. The thrill of life, the ending of an amazing year, a deep desire to surrender criticizing and judging others. Helping my daughter buy a used car, my kids know I am here for them. Joy. My Thyroid.

 

 

November 2011

 

1~Hope. Noticing. Waiting with joyful anticipation. Prayer, sobriety, being where I am & not wishing or wanting anything different, magical fall days, scarves, goals, visit teaching.

 

2~Faith. Belief. Understanding the more I give-the more I receive (as long as my motives are unselfish), a deck of cards, saying goodbye to Gus-a lovely boxer that shared the immensity of his love with me- for a time, ring tones, change, a nice walk. Gpa is finally willing to get hearing aids, visiting him often lately. I think he’s doing well for losing his wife of 60 some years.

 

3~God’s unlimited power. “God’s power is blocked off from us by our indifference to it”(24) Seeking, books, making time to read, college, letting life unfold while asking for God’s power & blessings, noticing miracles, pumpkin.

 

4~Joy is always possible, gratitude changes things, tick tock of the clock, rhythm, spelling, vocabulary, words, my Grammy’s wake today will probably evoke feelings about her death I haven’t been able to find yet. Mops, Murphy’s soap oil, shoes, my hair-I love the gray hair coming in (means I am gaining wisdom!)

 

5~Joy. Relief. Pressure. Not rushing, slipper socks, a pink sweater, my gpa. Saying goodbye to my Grandma. Putting honeysuckle rose oil on her & telling her thank you for being my Grammy. She finally got what she has been talking about & yearning for years-death. Closure.

 

7~ When God’s grace flows through me into others, when God’s grace flows through others into me. Channels, conduits, containers, lids, funnels, notepads, seeking contentment by practicing contentment. Trials bring me closer to the source of my joy. Not resisting reality-such as complaining about the weather or time change.

 

8~Change. Longing in my heart. The difficult experience of not being a dog owner for the 1st time, I am not without dogs, working for rewards in Heaven, time to read, my little purple planner, Words of Wisdom. Accepting depression, learning how not to try to force a solution, hairy legs, long warm socks, lace.

 

9~Looking for the good. Friendship with God. Reading a book (what a privilege!) that talks about laughing 7 seconds upon awakening. I tried to just croak out a laugh this morning-it will take practice for laughter is a foreign thing at that time-but immediately I was rewarded with happy endorphins (warm fuzzies) that flooded through my body=so I will practice chuckling. I like warm fuzzies!

 

10~God’s strength in my life. Learning to smile more often. The Traveler’s gift by Andy Andrews was a delightful easy read that will forever change me. Practicing laughter (it is difficult to do intentionally and takes effort but warm fuzzies are a great reward) TRY IT.

 

11~Sincere interest in others, self respect, water, intentionally smiling at many people, sticky notes, valuable life lessons, perfect pattern of mistakes to give me the growth intended just for me. Trust, pink ink, laugher, pink elephants, squash for .38 a pound, honey crisp apples. God is preparing me and the beautiful soul of the man He has chosen for me. It will be exquisite. Being justifiably angry with someone that was in my car & tense-then hearing myself say (a prompting from the small still voice) I forgive you. Relief & love & joy swept over every part of my soul & body for the rest of the night. I felt the joy & calm of the Holy Ghost residing within me. It was an amazing experience.

 

12~Having needs is not wrong, when my soul cries out for help it is heard and received. I don’t improve things by criticizing them. This period of has been a deep spiritual awakening in growing awareness. A lot of it has to do with food (go figure) & coming out of unconscious eating. Just yesterday….I received a gift

 

 

 

 

A Gift of Yogurt

 

A friend bought some yogurt he found on sale. The thick Greek kind-it’s so creamy and yummy. I haven’t used regular (mainstream) yogurt in a while. I just made a batch of yogurt from raw milk that I bought at Winter Ridge. My guess is the cow had a name. Daisy or Mable was hand milked. I believe she was stroked and talked to as the local farmer leaned into her warm body forming a connection. Daisy cow has eaten grass in the field.  She has swished flies with her tail as she contently chewed her cud. She probably was breed by a real bull and got to have real cow sex.

So I started thinking about this yogurt in a plastic container from New York (and the gas it took to bring it all the way across the country). The nameless machines smashed into Confined Feeding Operations (CFO/CAFO) that are pumped full of antibiotics to combat deceases (what an interesting misspelled word) diseases present in the dark crowded filthy environment. She is pumped full of hormones for more production (hey it costs less money). This girl did not get a hunky bull. In her synthetic environment she was artificially inseminated just days after her last birth. This is to bring the consumer a less expensive product.

 I realized that every time I  buy or eat these products I am a part of this synthetic process.  I eat unconsciously. I don’t think about where my food comes from (or if I do -I turn my head and choose ignorance-it is just too uncomfortable. I unintentionally promote cruelty by my conscious choice.

Because of cost?

But what is the cost really? I don’t trust there will be enough? It boils down to fear. There is always enough. When I choose to participate in this cruelty and put it into my body I am consuming it. It then consumes me, my integrity. It becomes a part of me. As it goes into me, it comes back out of me with the choice of my next purchase. It is a circle of unconscious ignorant pain being reused and recycled in an insatiable fear-based herd mentality of consumerism. I am no better than the cow-for she doesn’t have the gift (or curse?) of the power choice. I know- she is only a cow. But I am choosing to keep my integrity. I received such a gift with this yogurt. Thank you, but I will be refusing the yogurt.

13~Laughter. The reward from the intense effort of PRACTICING laughter, the Temple, this moment in time, evolution into who I am becoming, the name Daisy, cows, spots, acceptance, hot tea, phone lists, shimmery scarves, menstrual cycles, pads (many women do NOT have this luxury), my toothbrush.

 

14~Looking for the good in people-finding it. Dinner & cards with friends.

 

15~Noticing overlooked miracles. The ability to read, the complexity of life. God can put all the pieces together for His perfect harmony when I do my best to stay out of the way. My mother is my greatest teacher. The evolution of me. Bubbles, bras, long socks.

 

16~Reverence. Strength from unity. Mental stimulation-not from thinking-but from reading/studying/contemplating. Concentration, my toes, intensity, relaxation, someone told me I had a nice neck-it is a sort of strange thing to have a nice one of-but hey I will take it-so I am grateful for my neck ,umm my nice neck. J Rose tea.

 

17~Unity. Quiet follower of God (me, quiet? HA HA HA) Entering into the joy of the Lord, joy, peace, how things seem to work themselves out, my friend Rose, quiet time.

 

18~Mistakes are fertile ground for planting seeds of growth, learning, reflecting God’s love, Thrift stores, fresh pumpkin, abundance, good snow tires, hunger, love, heat, visiting, visitors, accepting joy, throw rugs.

 

19~Values. Water, protection, dreams, motivation, the 2 feet of snow that fell in 24 hours, being snowed in, still having electricity, snow shovels, books, Smallville.

 

21~ Peace of mind, comfortable. Effort, mental strengthening, reading, concentration, Asking God for help with my critical thinking. Thoughtless periods in the brain that are without incessant thinking (and NOT blanking out on something like TV)-just pure consciousness. Noticing and striving for these periods.

 

22~Life is interesting. One of the most important things I can do for someone is smile, charity, beauty, Tuesdays, earphones, rocking chairs, simple abundance, abundance minus “stuff”.

 

23~ Courage. Split peas, Petey is visiting, spots on a dog, tolerance, a calm spirit, couscous eating, practicing laughter, Brussel sprouts trees, carrying 25 lbs of oat bran about a quarter of a mile & being astounded that I have had 120 extra pounds on my body before. 25lbs is an intense amount of weight-perspective, hearing  “a humble person cannot be humiliated”

“All truth passes through 3 stages. 1st ridiculed, 2nd violently opposed, 3rd accepted as being self-evident” Arthor Schopehauer. I have been doing extensive study of facts (not my opinion) and animal products sold in the grocery store cause heart disease and cancer. Scientific data proves this.

 

24~Thanksgiving everyday. I don’t have to binge today-nor do I want to, the small simple daily investments add up to a wealth of wisdom, prosperity, reading God’s word every day, rain, sleep, hunger, letting go.

 

25~Longing for God. Divine rest. Talents, screwdrivers, laughter, going to tea with my daughter, spending time with my grandson, zebras, thrift stores, knowledge, wisdom, gray hair (means I am getting wiser!)

 

26~Rewards. Praying to be a pat of God’s purpose, seeing with the eye of faith-Jesus asked the blind man “what do you want me to do for you?” The blind man replied “That I might see”, God help me to have sight. Ensign, the spread of the Gospel.

 

27~Asking myself-what is my present relationship with this moment? Sitting in the moment-redirecting when my mind wanders. Holly McGarry, naps, borrowed cuddly dogs.

 

28~ Effort, noticing moments of joy, now is forever, now is where life truly is, anonymous giving, exercise. No longer in a hurry-I want to be where I am in the present moment. Eckhart Toile, squash seeds, organic non-GMO, education, consciousness of the food I put in my most valuable possession-my body (& health). A decision to not use animal products from CAFO’s (Confined Animal Feeding Operation), animals that has been treated cruelly, most all meat in the grocery store on Styrofoam-including milk and yogurt & eggs.

 

29~God is present with us. Seeking awareness of this presence. Plans on cooking pumpkin with a friend, pillows, kind gestures, lists, orange, my kids, when people tell the truth (something I don’t even notice unless I am lied to and notice) a soft kitty on my lap, veterinarians, having very few expenses, a simple life.

 

30~ Losing my self in the immensity of God’s love, refuge, silence, harmony, Yokes has locally grown organic tomatoes, $10 off coupons, pumpkins, lemon oil on wood, a nice table cloth, sponge mops, learning about myself, recognizing self-will, letting the day flow & unfold.

 

October 2011

 

1~Spiritual guidance, a soft loveable cat, a down pour, Relief Society, ovens, rocks, Rummy cube, plans on finishing my 2 year degree spring semester, classifieds.

 

2~Commitement, 4 way ink pens, people, opportunity for growth, darling princesses, healthy relationships, overcoming fear.

 

3~Quiet assurance from His Spirit through personal humble righteousness. Calm, spiritual work, “Peace is the result of righteousness. There is no peace in wrong doing” (24), believing in people, asking for help to let go of a judgmental & critical attitude. God’s promise of “Ask & you shall receive”, General Conference.

 

4~Benevolence (a sincere desire for the well-being of others), kindness, debit cards for getting gas, the dictionary, blankets, mirrored character defects (awareness from seeing my faults in others), things that are constant as they change, paradoxes, exponential potential for growth, weighing and measuring my food brings freedom beyond description.

 

6~Now. Ringtones, mormon.org, missionaries, service, going to bfast with my daughter, rain, being honest when I wanted to avoid the truth.

 

7~God uses His strength through my weakness. Fresh veggies from a local gardener, the smell of fresh cilantro on my hands, seeing both of my girls (separately) and they were both nice to me on the same day (miracles do happen!). The abundance of fall harvest. I really like my housemate/employer, praise, long socks, central heat, picking corn off the stocks, my Gpa and Gma.

 

8~Tolerance. Orange, a cat named Coal that has claimed me, beauty, sunglow lined clouds, Italian prune, time, Gathering the lost tribes of Israel. Restoration, mushrooms, eating things that are in season.

 

9~Listening. Garlic. Sparkly beads. Answered prayers, dinner with several friends, playing games, schedules, being vulnerable.

 

10~Serving God joyfully. Cherishing the normal (I’m reading a book where a little boy is dying and he asks his mom if he can go outside and play with the dog. She was still in that moment & celebrated the normalcy of that moment as something profoundly amazing). Perspective, awareness.

 

11~The small things. The toxicity of a “little white lie”, reflecting on the concept of purity-without poison. criticism poisons purity, looking for ways to simplify, icons.

 

13~Willingness to grow, measuring cups, important meetings, voicemail, vivacious slowness, balanced spiritual passion, open-minded.

 

14~Growing faith, harmony, the atonement, “My name is Judy & I am a hippie farmer from North Idaho and I am a Mormon” is my introduction on www.mormon.org profile. Elder Risenmay, asking God to help me, praying asking for heart felt prayers rather than unconscious mutterings-it’s working! (Ask and you shall receive), the profound awareness simply slowing down and focus chewing my food is bringing to my life.

 

15~ Deep satisfaction through seeking Him in all things. Making choices today in the little things that have eternal consequences. Connection with others, a little wicker shelf, the release of tears from missing my farm, asking God for help so my prayers are attentive/heartfelt/meaningful & that I am conscious and not just mumbling.

 

16~Liberty. Sunshine, long socks, the happy sound of a dog’s trot, yams, harvest, heartfelt prayers, repetition, silk, being of service, connection with my daughter, acceptance.

 

18~Humility, self-respect, strength. Leading with weakness, hot water, not eating or shopping for food unconsciously, waiting and watching uncomfortable situations unfold according to God’s plan rather than trying to force a solution. Invitation. Invitation to participate in a miracle. Wow.

 

19~Answered prayers, laughter, a new phone, a very helpful verizon wireless customer service representative that loved her job. When it is obvious someone loves his or her job.

She helped send an apology email to that last rep (that didn’t love her job-and I didn’t help) that I hung up on after saying “whatever bye” (I am STILL not perfect!), opportunity for growth. Getting to hug a turkey & a chicken, the color on the trees is starting to change, happy face stickers.

 

21~The longing of our hearts, God stands at the door and knocks, abiding peace, my job, my client, glass water jars, cloth bags with zippers, pillow, my new phone, personalization, paper, fixing something rather than buying new, finding beautiful jewelry holders, my daughters 19th birthday, dedication, awakenings, VZ navigator.

 

22~Building (verb!) foundation of unshakable faith, conference calls, deciding to embrace rather than dread an activity has really lifted a cloud-and I will enjoy the experience so much more, scriptures.

 

23~Choices. Honest. The more I give-the more I have. An evolving personality of grace, going through being uncomfortable, pounding rain, candles, patterns, prayers.

 

24~Safety in the midst of evil. Making time for “God’s grace to come unhindered into my soul”(24). Pausing to ask God rather than bulldoze forward thinking I know what is right. Comparative study bible (4 versions side by side).

 

25~Now. “Now is mine. I can do with it what I want. I own it, for better or worse, what I do now, in this present moment, is what makes up my life. My whole life is only a successions of nows”(24). The present is where I reside with God-the only place I can access Him in my limited human perception of time & space.

 

26~ Pondering “Seek first the Kingdom of God” How that changes the seemingly little daily decisions. Awareness, how much I have growth to Love-fallen in Love with my Heavenly Father & His Son, companionship, commitment, dreams. God wants to give me the desires of my heart.

 

27~Guided. Choice. Choosing the right. My Grandma died in her sleep. She didn’t suffer or drag out a slow agonizing death-she had a relatively good health until a sudden end-I prayed for that. Thank you God for answering my prayer.

 

28~Mistakes. Today, long socks, Sparkles in the frost, hugs, my gpa, lap blankets, hit water with fresh lemon, organic local farms, sharing separate lives together, that is ok to be uncomfortable-I can just be.

 

31~Contentment. How all the pieces combine to make the whole-and that changes by the second. Acceptance is serenity. I won’t be eating any candy today (thank you God), I will be cooking pumpkins. Finding big pumpkins for $1 each. Apples. Harvest.

 

 

September 2011

 

1~Confidence in God, consistency, change, love, His power, my weakness, strength in weakness, patience, understanding, joy mingles in the pain. A level of acceptance that brings serenity in deep persecution.

 

2~Obedience. Purity, structure, leaning a new game, Coal-my cat, surrender, I can pray for my mother-she took my home from me without provocation, being resentment freeing this intense situation. Psalm 37, geraniums.

 

3~Leaving my burdens in His care. Relief. A flow of money, shelves, printer ink, Audio books, listening to The Shack an amazing book. Going school clothes shopping for probably the last time with my senior, beauty.

 

4~The presence of the Holy Ghost in my day, visiting a friend, in-between extremes, chairs, perfect timing, socks, caring people, opportunity, nice candles, speakers, my cell phone and all it’s great features.

 

5~ Spiritual progress. The strength of God’s Spirit in me. Awakening, plants, company, sprinkles of hope, curtains, empathy, pillows, dimples, my thumbs, Gus.

 

6~The complexity of relationships, split peas, “live & let Live”, gloves, pruning fruit trees, integrity, hot sunshine, licorice tea, learning bubs, growth, awareness.

 

7~ The resting place in His Spirit, refuge, relaxing, “Easy Does it”, moderation, leaves, opportunity, work, reading my left hand.

 

8~Reflection-if the next 12 years are as growth filled as the last I will evolve into one very wise woman. I love getting older, evolving, maturity (my 41 bday is in a few weeks). Flow of money, letting go, receiving, community, the perfect timing of grace, contentment returning, safety in God’s grace, joy cinnamon, variety.

 

9~Gradual light of dawn, the sudden light of a light switch, electricity, refrigerators, signs, organizing, dogs, balance, scales, accountability, Mae Beers, picking the last of the beans with my gpa in the shade of the corn, growth, seasons.

 

10~ Live keeps getting better & fuller as I get closer to God (even as the “stuff” gets harder), standing apart together with others (in the world), rewards from serving God, electrical tape, ladders, pruning shears, dog hugs, the beauty of where I live.

 

11~Happiness come from doing the right things. Practice. Light bulbs, Lev 501 Jeans, prayer changes things. Priorities.

 

12~Authenticity, absence of intolerance, uncanny understanding, trains, my toes, balance, blankest, sleep, direction, hunger for spiritual growth.

 

13~The power of prayer, wind chimes, tea with Phyllis my new housemate/emplyer, a newness, time, reading books, audio books, warranties, the Temple, extra early morning time to spend with God, indoor plumbing, reducing consumerism.

14~God-help me with my unbelief, growth, I don’t have to take meds for high cholestral or blood pressure, I don’t have any aches and pains or health issues due to what I am eating Empathy for those who are murdering themselves with food unknowingly (been there, done that), freedom depending fully on God. The joy that comes in the morning.

 

15~Stillness. The color orange, seeing pumpkings on the vine, learning, this quote from Animal Vegetable Miracle  “If 1 person in the US ate 1 meal once a week locally grown, we would save 1.1 million BARRELS of oil EVERY week!” Profound. Thinking about where my food comes from, the privilege of so many food choices-something often taken for granted-just like our amazing roads. Learning to not eat unconsciously.

I just listened to an Audio book called Animal Vegetable Miracle about a family dedicating to eating local foods for a year.

one of the quotes floored me...

“If 1 person in the US ate 1 meal once a week locally grown, we would save 1.1 million BARRELS of oil EVERY week!”

 

I had no idea I was eating so unconsciously. OK, so I am willing to let go of pineapple, kiwi, and jacima, and just to pay attention. This was a very insightful book. The consumerism of this country is consuming us, and keeping us in such bondage.

I let traditional Christmas go some years ago, and it has been wonderful. I got the girls a gift once a month (nothing more than usual at Christmas-moderation, hmmm what a concept), I have Christmas lights on a timer all year around, cuz I like them. I eat yams and turkey (well less turkey these days) weekly, cuz I like it. I listen to Christmas music in July. It isn't all or nothing, but I forgo the Christmas tree, I'll take the oxygen thank you, and the wrapping paper that fills enough space people could live comfortably in that same space. I don't buy things that are unneeded for people under obligation and expectation. I have found much freedom in this paradigm shift.

Oh, YAH, the most important aspect of Christmas, is that I celebrate the birth of Christ every single day.

 

 

16~Free gifts, gifts with no monetary value, people, bees, hugs, I have enough, autumn, spiritual fruit, scarves, heirloom seeds, organic local foods, a baby blue sweatshirt, living in a home with a washer and dryer right in the house.

 

17~Righteous living, a dog named Gus, frequent temple visits, yard sales, big lake Trout from our local lake Pend Orielle, the food bank, someone gave me $145 as a part of their tithe-so tithing that I gave some $5 bills away. It was fun-a stranger in a parking lot, the next person in line at the vets, a friend at the check out that didn’t have enough, on a chalk board say this is for you. Anonymous groceries. I have learned I can’t out give God (as long as it is His plan and not my ego), coupons, tea, simplicity.

 

18~Renewing my strength in quietness. Rain, season changes, watching the Lion King in 3D with both of my kids. My bible, catching songs with a positive message,. Having deep anxiety (shoes me I rarely have it anymore-so I will wrap gratitude around having deep anxiety-I got through it rather than trying to alter my feelings. Acceptance & not resisting.

 

20~Spiritaul laws. Geranium petals, fallen leaves, work gloves, long socks, bonefires, without smores, special friends. The Book of Mormon.

 

21~Praying that my spiritual life is not hindered by my intellectual pride. Changed plans, nice fall days, details, candles, toaster ovens, dog hugs, appointments, hot water, a very unique tea mug, the truth.

 

22~Opportunity to serve, faith, honest, something I say often “your process is perfect”, my 41st Bday yesterday. I LOVE getting older! Growing awareness around where the foods I CHOOSE come from, my Geo with it’s 47 MPG, the “Keep it Simple” bumper sticker on it, joy, secure in the abundance of God’s unending grace.

 

24~Watching the sunrise during breakfast, winter squash, digging in the dirt, wheel barrows, slippers, nice hot autumn days, not rushing in my life,  my bible, joy, taking time for joy, following the Small Still Voice-being queit enough to hear it.

 

25~Love is more complete & easier without expectations, gradual personality changes as a result of a spiritual experience, making eye contact with cashiers and other people that are important, allowing time to listen. “no Explaining, no Complaining, No Blaming”

Max Lucado in God Came Near “…the poison of the ordinary has deadened your senses to the magic of the moment.” “You’ll grow accustom the prayer & therby not pray” (not being present while uttering a meaningless prayer is how I took this)

 

26~”There is gladness in God’s service. There is much satisfaction in serving the highest you know. Expres your love for God in Service…” (24). Health, repentance, prayer, service, working, reading, blessings, fasting, friends, music, endurance, goals, dedication, turning the alarm clock back on to create consistency.

 

27~Sincere desire to understand the depth of the miracle of His grace. Rain, nice people, pinto beans, pengines, college applications, learning how not to procrastinate, my planner, permission. “know and it shall be given unto you” a surprise check in the mail.

 

28~Empathy, when I am able to see it’s not all about me, calm, Costco, water, perspective, silence.

 

29~Stregnth. The Holy Temple of God, covenants, consecration, dedication, integrity, being a vessel for the Holy Ghost, heaters, draft horses, sunny fall days, beautiful nature pictures.

 

30~My fingers, September crickets singing at dusk, trout, winter squash, sweet potatoes, picking apples froma tree, laughter, a lovable boxer, change, learning to keep my belongings light.

 

August 2011

 

1~ Striving for harmony, the art of surrender, noticing criticism in my thoughts & actions-taking steps to rectify. Heating pads, hay bales, the whiney of a horse, noticing when I am off the beam (at least I know there is a beam!)

 

2~Preparing for God’s harvest. Fertile soil, blessings, choosing the right, preparation, raspberries, not eating a single one while picking, freedom, the intense pain in my back will eventually pass-so will depression and fatigue, geese.

 

3~God’s harvest, preparation, heat, a cat friend, service, writing “do something fun” in my planner.

 

4~Cleansed & Healed, appreciation, my back pain is less today, sunrise, going grocery shopping with my daughter, pretty rocks, deer gazing, seeing a coyote, fresh garden produce, warmth, blue toenails, stickers.

 

5~ Spiritual strength, picking raspberries with a friend, sunflowers, onions, fresh produce from the gardens, direction, yard sales, purpose, uncertainly is opportunity for faith, keeping it simple.

 

6~ Filled with joy of being awake & alert & looking for God’s purpose for my life. Stillness, refilling my spirit daily with quiet time/prayer/scripture study & desire for my God, people who share their life with me, choices, grass, tomatoes.

 

7~Seeking, finding, waiting, discipline, enduring, joy, still moments with God, acceptance, paper, printers, when back and front of paper is used, sweet mornings, yard sales.

 

8~ Balance. Rest. Activity. Soul rest, soul investment, service, Relief Society, humility, seeing “my mission” in my daily service & activities, priorities, being barefoot, printers, speakers, notebooks, scripture, Ensign magazine. theConnection magazine, hope, socks, tea, effort.

 

9~ Non resistance, rescue, God’s tender mercy, asking for blessings, journaling, cat hugs, baby goats, getting to hug a friend’s chicken, grocery bags.

 

10~Focus, priorities, righteousness minus self (i.e. Not self-righteous), heart rest comfort in turmoil, The Food Revolution by John Robbins is one of the most life changing books I have read, glorious sunrises.

 

11~I can let God still my private chaos, making very little garbage, friends, my kids, getting to be of service this morning, PT, the shun shining on my head this moment, the sound of a sprinkler, trains, change, abundance.

12~ People are affected by my example, integrity of living a righteous life (LOL-including not speeding), purging more stuff-getting ready to down size again. Learning, special ring tones, responsibility to pray.

 

13~Through weakness is power, the full range, character, starting the next phase. “Coal” a stray cat that adopted me a few years back is with me now-just a loving on me, dew, early morning, my journal-“I can hear the rattling noise of thinking clanging irrelevant clutter in my head”-when I notice this-I can pause and invite God into the moment to quiet & still my soul.

 

14~Accepting & open to God’s abundance, right living, free gifts, integrity, the miracle of being an abstinent member of FA & a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

 

15~ Unity, unified, union. Purpose, purposely, the full moon rising over a mountain at dusk, hair ties, glasses, vision, printers, peppermint tea, quiet time.

 

16~Effective peace, being uncomfortable-knowing it will pass, great joy on the other side, calm turbulence.

 

17~The gift of surrender, penetrating deep calm through someone else’s chaotic irrationality, not letting it into me-but pass by me-what a miracle.

 

18~The immense power of non-resistance, fresh raspberries, God wants to give me the desires of my heart, dawn, the beginning of a new phase of my life.

 

19~ Worship. Power, sleep, batteries, great ink pens, foot cream, waiting, answers to prayer-even if it’s not what I want to hear.

Knowing His plan is perfect & trying not to mess it up by haste& impatience& fear *& my strong self will-surrender is so sweet.

 

21~Release. A nice cat on my lap. The crow of a rooster. Sunlight on my head. The temple. Patience. The serenity prayer. An offer on the mobile home, options, guidance, forgiveness, non resistance is peace.

 

22~A beautiful sunrise. Reflecting on fertilizer (not artificial)-it is the waste from a living creature that creates nutrition for the soil-how strange that it is called “waste” the “bad” or “hard” stuff is not wasted-God uses it to fertilize and add nutrition to my growth. Waiting when it’s uncomfortable.

 

23~Each good thing makes more good things. Finally a night warn enough to leave the windows open, the family that is looking into my mobile home is delightful. Twinkles in children’s eyes, release, watching my Gpa & this stray cat fall madly in love with each other.

 

24~Living expectantly. Dead trees make good firewood, purpose, a dream about a dear determined to live, a dream I have of owning property, health insurance, a lead on a job & place to live, joy to behold when I seek it.

 

25~Waiting, allowing blessings, letting go opens my hands to receive blessings, being quiet brings blessings, my children, the Bonner County Fair, getting a job as a live in care provider part time, moving there on Monday, hot tea, trust, courage.

 

26~ Harmony. Boundaries, the poultry barn at the fair was exquisite, cows, goats, sheep, guinea hens, veggies, flowers, photography, bare feet, my job, hot weather, natural disasters can bring people closer together.

 

29~ A reminder to ask God to direct my thinking, the ability to choose the right, inspiration, truth, questions, accepting God’s Spirit, dancing flame in a wonderful smelling candle, noticing stillness, moving today into a live-in job of helping a delightful someone take care of a large house and acreage, change, leaving the buzz that has helped me practice tolerance behind in the travel trailer.

 

30~Abundance through giving. Fresh crisp line dried sheets, a new (to me) queen bed-ahhh to stretch my 6 foot tall body out, earplugs, getting settled, a dog named Gus, my home teacher, willingness to surrender my big mobile home to my mother, I am free from the utter bondage of resentment.

 

31~Looking for ways to be useful brings me closer to others. Curiosity, generosity, perfect temperatures, hot sun, writing, painted toenails, geraniums, honesty, connection, communication, walking barefoot.

 

 

July 2011

1-Calm faith. A beautiful bouquet of weeds J watching a bouncing baby deer with it’s mama, blue sky, relief, grief, being IN the difficultness of my current reality rather than trying to escape it. Shoes, being barefoot, painted toenails, classical music.

 

4~The true intensity of reality-and not evading it. Being Awakened. Observation. It may be one of the few days to break 80 degrees today, trains, the ability to serve. Vegetables, dew, hospitals.

 

5~Charity. God’s powerful plan for my life-waiting and watching it unfold by my willingness to ask for and receive it.  Miracles through pain, sunshine, heat, a great camera, fingernail clippers.

 

6~Faith. Dictionaries, unloading, writing, nice pens, insomnia gave me the opportunity to spend time with God. Sparkly dancing reflections of the crystal hanging in the window.

 

7~Asking for God’s blessing, part of God’s blessing is the pain of new growth. My gma is coming home today-she has been really sick. I get the honor of being a part of the team that helps her to die, facing uncertainty with faith, sunshine, bouquets of beautiful weeds, strawberries.

 

8~Choosing the right automatically puts me in a stream of God’s purpose. Seeing a side of my Grandma I never have before. She is quite funny. I am grateful for my memonry/health/ablitliy to walk/see/hear & comprehend. Crowing roosters from across the way. Being present.

 

9~”Doubt poisons all action”(24) I believe doubt is the opposite of faith. I believe (rational) fear and faith can exist at the same time-it’s called courage. It is an appropriate response for me to have some fear around my grandma dying; I have trust and faith in her process, I can practice faith and fear simultaneously.

 

10~Expecting miracles. People can change. Open to evolving into the person God intends, earbud headset, hospice, A Way Of Life (AWOL), new beginnings.

 

11~Simple effective faith. Linked to God’s heartbeat, deeply secure no matter what happens to be. Learning to give of myself in a capacity beyond what I have ever experienced and learning to surrender “the conditions” I have usually attached to giving (appreciation). This is one of my deep-rooted character defects is being dug up and rooted out.

 

12~Constant opportunity to serve, constant opportunity to forgive, relying on God, clouds, friends, the gift of surrender, tithe, daily quiet time, commas, the ability to speak, praying to listen more, sunglasses, naps, “easy does it” balance, awareness.

 

13~Hard things make me grow, sleeping with the windows open. Sleep.

 

14~Seeking. Peace of mind during severe persecution. God’s protection, heat on a cold morning. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous, connection, a new family, being of service, adjusting rather than resisting, birds.

 

15~Deep inner calm, progressive faith, tethering my cell phone to the laptop and getting internet at home, my temporary home helps me practice living in faith-not knowing what is around the bend, how funny my gma is, realizing my “need” for outward appreciation cripples me and my ability to be who God wants, dew on the grass.

 

16~Deeply secure. God’s protection & Power & Presence & Intent in my life. My thumbs. A day I filled to the max halted with words from my loving Father saying “Do Nothing”-relief that penetrates the soul. A massage from a wonderful gal. Rest. Balance. A new watch.

 

17~Willing to receive God. A day of rest, relief, picking pea pods that I planted, making time to read (that feels impossible at times), the 12 steps, my laptop.

 

18~ Reflection reflecting to me back what I am. Willingness to let go of the “need” of being appreciated in order to have more serenity (LOL-then I can appreciate more and not DEMAND it from others), I wrote in my journal “Father please send some money soon” & 2 days later someone I don’t know handed me a $100 bill. I praise my God. “Ask and you shall receive”

 

19~Deep peace of mind & serenity in a world gone mad, constant miracles-looking for them I find them. Longing for God’s will.

 

20~God’s guidance-even if it “seems” against common sense-I will trust. Restoration, forgiveness, appreciation, the song “Upheld by my Righteousness”, geese, integrity, bath robes, “Less is More”, donation bins, freecycle, joy beneath grief. I can still love vicious vindictive people who persecute me. Yes I still love deeply.

 

21~Space between thoughts. A little kid in a car that waved at me. Fresh strawberries, faith, bats, non resistance, the image of someone trying to hit me & I just step aside & let their punch and momentum go into the air of nothingness-pretty powerful not to engage in the drama no matter how deep the personal attack-it’s like God’s abundant grace. Elsie Barnhart.

 

22~Diversity, synergy, contribution, God’s unlimited power, quarterly meetings, missionaries, time, slowing down even if it is forced. Contentment under pain, OT’s, PT’s, chiropractors, massage therapists, heating pads, ice packs, prayer, miracles, sunshine.

 

23~Helpfulness bound in happiness, inner peace, July 23rd-this moment, learning to not resist the constant buzz in this trailer, trusting, apples, inner peace no matter what others are doing, learning to surrender intense back pain, insurance, deep breathing, focus.

Quote from a movie-          “Condition for a great miracle is impossibility”

 

25~ A stream of constant miracles-even in the turmoil of being in one of the most painful & difficult periods in my life. The movie “Fireproof”, forced rest, serving my grandparents, reducing, a new walking partner.

 

26~”The only thing that we may take are the things we have given away” (24) DETATCHMENT OF MATERIAL THINGS, God’s Spirit and guidance, that blasted buzz is helping me learn tolerance, hot water, raspberries, letting go no matter how painful-if it is His will is always a relief. (My farm, home, garden, orchard, chickens, dog, goats, berry patch, all the landscape of the beautiful space I was able to reside the last 18 years).

 

27~Walking humbly with God, this laptop, finding out that I am not “big boned” like I always thought (excusing my 230 average adult weight), at 6 foot tall 160 pounds with have a small frame (and clear head). Being in a healthy normal sized body for the first time in my life (thank you God for Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous), needing God to do that, bales of hey in the field.

 

28~Between me & one who persecutes me is my trust in God who shields & protects & helps me love her. Rainbows from crystals hanging in the windows. A hawks cry, my gpa is amazing, bonus minutes, ear bud head set/headphones, technical support.

 

29~Relief. A cat on my lap, my electric pressure cooker, plans, I am not ruffled if plans change, time. Hanging clothes on the line, organic produce.

 

30~Faith. Looking for the good, sunshine, birdcalls, yard sales, someone coming to help me today. Parts, release from worry, detachment from identity helps me stay open to God molding me, seeking & obtaining a horse hug.

 

31~The gift of gratitude. Practicing integrity. When bicyclers use arm signals (blinkers), when people use blinker in the round about. Sprinkles, watching deer graze. 2 men that gave a day of service to raise my sink, generous hearts.

 

 

 

June 2011

A new beginning. A dazzling view. Ease entering the uneasiness of this change. Letting go of the concept of “good” & “bad”. Spring greenness. Eating dandelion greens and fresh mint leaves from the yard. Faith. Knowing this experience is right-so right-even when it is difficult. Quiet time.

 

2~God’s grace. Settling in, spring green, staring, blankets, hooks & things for hanging stuff on, my car, Jesus Christ and His atonement, Heart-to-Heart (LDS based 12 step program), quiet time.

 

3~Love. Heat. Burners that work, the color green, abundance, “there is always enough” open hearts, acceptance, hunger.

 

4~Having God mold and shape me. Clarity, Graphs and charts, excel, my laptop, noticing joy, Epsom salt, spay and neuter clinics, a stray cat (I am a stray cat magnet), She’s on my lap now a lovin on me-she’s getting spayed today.

 

5~Listening patiently for the small still voice. Tender moments, sacrifice, fellowship, freedom, surrender, being single, cat carriers, cat hugs, Sabbath, a home for my geese where they will be loved. Tithe, concentration, testimony.

 

6~Saving grace. Friends, Needing God. Bare feet, windows, plastic bags, trees, sunshine, shadows, acceptance, adjustment, challenges, a sponsor I once had used to get excited when I would make mistakes-because I had the opportunity to learn and grow from them.’

 

7~Growing in grace-beauty-& power through God’s love, character molding, rear view mirrors, contact solution, sink plugs, lilacs-their penetrating beautiful smell & vivid purple colors, the melody of frogs singing and early bird twittering.

 

8~Inspriation. Asking God for insight, Handcarts, leather carrying cases, individual uniqueness, perfect timing.

 

10~Spiritual deposits, wise investments of time, unselfish acts of service. There is always enough. An electric pressure cooker, pulling weeds with my gpa, wide open spaces.

 

11~Investing in peace, nesting. Phases. Letting go of more stuff frees more space in my life for what truly matters. Special ring tones, mustard, voicemail, drawers, scriptures, blinds, daisies, cleaning brushes, lines, bags, structure, time, right now, pinto beans.

 

12~Obedience. Foundations, living with integrity-not stringent rules, but uncompromising principles based on what I believe God wants today. God, there’s usually sunshine behind fog, networks, reducing, practicing accepting uncomfortable feelings very often lately. A big moose out my window the 2nd day I was here. Being of service.

 

13~Missionaries, my “mission” now I understand it’s a local mission to be of service to my grandparents, mild temperature, lilacs, the new laptop is swell, drinking water, a call from the father of my children after years not hearing from him, answers to prayers, the more prayers uttered the more answers received. Guided.

 

14~”Spare no effort to become all that God would have you become” (24). Change, seeking, guidance, pausing when agitated, peaks, valleys, opposites bring meaning to each other, Nesting, finding a sense of home in my little space=no more wandering all over the house-it is all right there-everything I need.

 

15~Awe & wonder, God’s bounty. “You may count all material things as a loss if they prevent your winning your way to consciousness of God’s guidance”(24)

 

16~Happy twittering birds in the morning, purpose, calm, awareness of God’s constant companionship, Audio books, John Robbins, learning the truth confirmed by God’s Sprit, surrender, joy that is complete.

 

17~Enlightenment. Sadness. Joy. Feeling both emotions strongly at the same time. Pink lady apples. My gpa is amazing. Lemon water, June 17th-a wide open day with no plans.

 

18~Stregnth in silence. The intense surrender adds depth to my life more than I can begin to describe. Remaining anonymous at times. My imperfections, garments, plastic bags, friendly chickens-I am down with 4 with plans on giving them away. Learning tolerance.

 

19~Rhythm, structure, evolutions, daisies, choice, diligence, wool socks (in June?-ugh), someone told me summer will begin on Tues! Growing spiritually, quiet time.

 

20~ Integrity. Learning how not to speed, accepting what is, purpose, pink, smiley face stickers, dew, blessing from being faithful-the ability to hear the small still voice (my daughter think I am schizophrenic-if she could only know the immensity of the joy & direction & peace & contentment that comes from walking a righteous life with such a powerful God that loves us all beyond description- if only… I believe with all my heart one day she will. My prayers (and yours) are powerful)

 

21~Grumpiness passes. “…that 9 out of 10 things that at that moment upset us will shortly disappear. Problems solve themselves”(24)

 

22~Courage. Sitting in the pain and just letting it be what it is. Non-resistance.

‘If you resists what happens, then you are at the mercy of what happens. The world will determine your happiness & unhappiness” Eckhart Tolle Healing. The food I eat is so beautiful.

 

23~Pause. Quinoa, classical guitar, support, daisies, lupine, screens, bugs (means it is summer), friendships, deferring consumerism, learning the truth about how toxic eating animal products is, plant based diet with no sugar and flour. Today.

 

24~Waiting. Light blue, the right thing. A new haircut, a new hair cutting lady that I love! “go forward quietly along the path of duty” (24), quiet faith, direct guidance, quart jars, peach tea, sharing, Verizon wireless customer service.

 

25~Filled with the grace of God, when weakness becomes my greatest strength, worship, wonder, a wild flower bouquet of daisies & lupine & clover & some other beautiful weeds. Continual simplifying brings continual peace & contentment. Tea pots, space heaters.

 

26~Waiting. I rarely rush anymore, challenges, growth, pruning, Spirit led decisions, asking & waiting reaps more than just asking. Dots, hearts, doodling, change, my little space is helping me purity/simply/purge what isn’t needed. Clark Fork Idaho, singles, green ink.

 

27~Poise & peace of mind. Praying to be a conduit for God and His amazing blessings. Service. The immense power & miracle of flight, airplanes, stewardess with great humor, the nicest hotel room I have ever been in. Opportunity to let go of the “I hate traveling” thought. A pure clean life, a made bed. Joy. Letting go of complaining.

 

28~ Deep inner confident that everything is as it should be-even the painful stuff when I am seeking and following God’s will with all that I am.

 

29~A stray cat that visits, water, a friendly mosquito (I wasn’t’ so friendly-she isn’t buzzing anymore-but I am awake and out of bed and can spend this extra time with God-so I will be grateful for that friendly mosquito!) Bulk foods, reusing plastic bags, cloth bags, tidiness.

 

30~ Now is the time I have been made whole. A challenging constant buzz in my new 29’ home that helps me to learn acceptance & tolerance, choices, hot weather will come. Time to read. Sevens.

 

May 2011

 

1~Charity-love & caring for others. I have enough. Letting go. The moving sale is over. Knowing when to stop. Sabbath rest. Paying attention to now. My Savior Jesus Christ. (Yes Mormons are Christians).

 

2~”Easy Does It”. I really don’t need to do “just one more thing” if it creates imbalance and takes away from my spiritual life. Quiet. Stillness. Shadows, a clean desk (that’s rare!), purple velvet, big windows, tall ladders, things found in the middle of the road, some people found some real treasures (to them) at my sale. Today, right NOW.

 

3~Washed clean. The atonement, friends, a low-key day, the dictionary.

 

4~ A Developing desire to think about God and turn to His loving care constantly. Integrity-when my intentions meet my actions. Obeying the small still voice when I didn’t want to. Blessings.

 

5~Breathe in God’s Spirit. Empty self to let Spirit reside. Empty my material space from all the distraction. Cleaning up, fresh, renewal, hooks, wooden wood chimes, a daffodil blooming. Selling a broody hen for the purpose of fulfilling her hearts desire- to hatch babies. Plans for a big dinner in celebrating the close of this phase of my life. Letting go. Choice.

 

6~ Daring to suffer. A lovely dinner with close friends. Small and simple things produce greatness. Thrift stores. Dog sitting. Plan B, laughter, badminton, letting go of the stuff.

 

7~Choosing the right. Effort, text messaging, sincere heartfelt love, LOL the dog I am dog sit I would dedicate the song “Every breath you take (every move you make-ILL BE WATCHING YOU). A reminder on my phone to listen to general conference at night. Another carload of stuff to go. J Less is more.

 

8~Slow. Partaking in regular rest and prayer. 23 days until I move. A great day shopping with my daughter. Big fat rain.

 

9~Guided. Stickers, lots of green grass. One day it will be warm again-it just has to. Lots of people love me.

 

10~”Calmness is trust in action”(24). A clam methodical productive day at home yesterday. The bitter sweetness of leaving my spacious “mobile mansion” as I prepare to move into the 29’ “crusin cabin”, my last fire in the wood stove, goose eggs.

 

11~Change

 

12~New strength outside myself. Fellowship. Peace. Hope. Safety. Pruning. Overhaul. Consideration. Thinking of others first. Dog sitting ends today. My personal space.

 

13~ Acceptance & tolerance of others. Ziploc bags.

 

16~Prayer changes things. Compassion. Noticing myself being stuck to thoughts/concepts that only hurt me with negativity (such as “I hate traveling”-well when I do travel I pack that thinking right into my travel. Or “I am tired” just confirms & reinstates & increases my fatigue). Prayer would change these things. Epiphany, paradigm shifts. Dancing.

 

17~ Preparing for eternity. Appreciation. Reuniting, green grass, blossoms, warm sweaters, reducing, a rug with chickens on it. I have enough-there’s always enough. Barter.

 

18~Fellowship. Joy. Servant leaders. Strength through humility.

 

19~Dependance on God & others. Tools, the right tools for the job, glorious sunshine. As the donation pile grows so does my freedom. Wheels, circles, multicolored pens. Blooming blossoms.

 

20~Helping others. Brave and trusting hearts. Heartfelt and intentional prayer for someone brings me closer to her and God. Fresh lines painted on the road. Wall hooks, plugs, electrical outlets. Amazing meetings with spiritual giants (who lead through humility). Instruction, edification, direction, sanctification, binding, glorification. Understanding and serving the needs of others with God’s guidance)

 

21~Obedience. Tithing my time. Consistency. Hot water. Now. My curly hair, dimples & shiny blue eyes, my overbite, crooked teeth and ugly feet. I just accept and love all of me.

 

22~Restoration. Sharing. Claiming God’s strength. The temple, the gift of the Holy Ghost, children, people who are not physically beautiful, challenges.

 

23~Preperation.

 

24~ The more I give away-the more I have. Spiritual strength. A laptop computer. The last week in the “mansion” A washer and dryer right in my house.

 

25~The gift of abstinence brings a clearer meaning & purpose to my life. Memories, being present for this moment, entry rugs, computer keyboards, promptings, listening, release from the illusion of control, acceptance.

 

26~Disipline manifests joy. Joy takes discipline. Rain, big blue pickups, moving furniture, help, help is always available, A goal today of smiling even if I don’t want to …

 

27~Dilegence, deep-rooted faith. Feeling deeply secure. My handyman does really nice work, a complete new support & sub floor & floor covering that is beautiful-one I have always wanted. The smell of cedar, peppermint tea, Praying out loud helps me to pay attention.

 

28~Everyone is uniquely useful. His Spirit. The smell of downy. Pictures, dedication, the greater I serve the greater my joy, balance, blooms, stickers, my handyman and his faithful service.

 

29~Connecting links, desire, helping others, praying intently before spending $-I felt direction. The broom, dandelions, things that have purpose.

Swenson says in his book In Search of Balance  (clutter)

“The vast majority of what we own is never used. It is, however, stored, stacked, piled, cornered, shelved, boxed, searched through, stepped on, walked around & at least minimally maintained. And every bit of that takes a nibble out of our balance”

30~One among many. Developing, divinity, participation, privileges, responsibilities, moving today, Help, sticky notes, pens, my bible, headset for my phone, a new-to-me laptop, letting go of the bulk of the tower.

 

April 2011

I am grateful for…

 

4~Practicing humility. Slowing down.  I don’t have to travel often (I really dislike traveling). Challenging myself not to criticize a person I am finding extremely challenging. The snow is melted. Prayerful people.

 

5~Miracles of change. God can interpret when I don’t understand another person (it REALLY helps when I ask for help & sit still & listen for His insight). Joy, stuff, yard sales, scriptures, missionaries, tarps, newspapers, free classifieds.

 

6~ Relax. “…relinquish every material thing and receive it back again from God. Do not hold on to earth’s treasures so firmly that your hands are too occupied to clasp God’s hands as He holds them out to you in love” (24). Going from 1900 to 230 sq feet sure helps with that! I am selling my fuchsia “mobile mansion”. I bought a 29’ travel trailer (“cruisin cabin”). I am grateful that I was asked to leave this (material thing) land I love with all my heart. This way I can put it fully into God’s hands and let go of most of my material possessions. I am preparing for a mission! (in whatever form that ‘mission’ may take)

 

7~Integrity

 

8~I believe. Safety, Christmas lights, letting go, my toes, my dresser, deep inner joy mingles with a trace of grief as I pack and price most everything I own for a moving sale.

9~Love. Releasing the phantoms-the boogieman of what I think can hurt or scare me. Most of it isn’t real. My car, doctrine, contemplation, connection.

10~A humble heart. Selling stuff, wooden wind chimes, rides, great joy, rest, work, I have learning opportunity when I over do. Hoses, green grass, goaties. I am forced to build secure fences instead of monkey rig. (Goats have magical powers-they can get out of almost every fence that exists)

 

11~Authentic. Living the way I believe God wants me to regardless of what others think. Sharing Petey (a dog) with my new neighbor-who happens to be my oldest daughter!

 

12~Expressions of faith, allowing God’s power in my life. Having needs, having enough, there’s always enough. My prayer for today-

 That you will see your self as God sees you. Please take the time to ponder this.

 

13~ Gentleness. Living in the Spirit of prayer. The sweet tears of grief finally came. Goat kisses. Doing what I don’t want to do when it is the right thing to do. Lazy susans, stillness, balance, turbulence, movements, forgiveness, big windows, time.

 

14~Core priorities, balance, poise, inner peace, stillness, grief, pausing to ask God what the next indicated thing is when my brain is full and thoughts want to suffocate me.

 

16~ Loving others backed up with actions of love. Black cohosh, vitamin D, yearning to not be critical, scripture, grief.

 

17~Wandering in Faith. Confirmation, More unknown in my future that I can ever remember. Practicing faith. Surrendering criticism. Preparing, Positions, shadows. 45 days left on this beloved property. Opportunity for true surrender, my electric furnace. Purple.

 

18~ Sincerely caring, learning deep levels of honest-even to the level of not lying about Santa clause. I think it hurts less to know the truth rather than to find out later your have been deceived.

 

The following was written in a deep state of depression-

Depression. Yes I am grateful for depression. God has given it to me as a gift. It is a way to serve Him. I have a malfunction in my brain, it is biological (not situational). After I have done all I can do with lifestyle (especially diet) emotionally, cognitively, & physically. These all require me to take action first for the “feeling” to follow. (The “feeling” often doesn’t feel better in depression) After doing these things, and I am still down I know it is not my “fault” (blame is usually irrelevant). Then, I know it is from my God who loves me. He could remove it, but instead lets me learn more about Him and myself. I have learning not to struggle and fight depression-it will win. Clinical depression is bigger than I am. I accept it . It doesn’t mean I pull the covers over my head and sink further into it. It means letting it happen and accepting the reality of now. Depression is not bad. I am not bad. Depression CAN be difficult and uncomfortable. I choose to practice being comfortable with it. I have to put GREAT effort into this when just putting one foot in front of the other is unbearable and seemingly impossible. When the mental fog envelops me and steals my clarity. When sadness comes in such waves I cannot stop the tears. Oh how deep and real it can feel. Yet when I look at my life-it is the same on the outside as it was on a very recent day when I wasn’t depressed. So it is not due to situational circumstances. (Although I have plenty of hard stuff) so fundamentally all is well-I still practice gratitude. I know there is joy in my life-it’s just I can’t feel the joy-but I can CHOOSE joy without warm fuzzies. It is not a bad day; just one I won’t get through without crying. The pain is real-but it doesn’t have to hurt me. The joy is real-but I don’t have to feel it to know that I have it. My God uses my depression to help others. So for today I accept it as a gift and that it is to help mold me into the person He wants me to be. I will be happy to exchange this gift-and I am certain I can do that in His perfect timing. I love my Heavenly Father so much I am willing to gladly accept depression today as a way to serve Him.

 

Here is a dialogue I had with God a while back-

Oh Father,

Forgive me for my lack of attention and time. I didn’t pray at our regular time or read Your Word. My quiet time was noisy. I am sorry.

 

You are forgiven my child. You are showing up now-and now is what we have-now is the best time to spend with Me. Your fear is distracting you. Why don’t you release it to me? I will carry your burden-just let it go. Breath. Feel my presence settle over you-calming, soothing, brining you right here to now. I have given you lots of refining, because you are strong and courageous and you have an appetite to get closer to me. In order to do that you must walk thorough some coals into my open arms. The rewards are indescribable. Rest. Crawl into my lap-put your head down and let me stroke your hair dear child. I know how you like that. I love you.

 

19~ Quiet Satisfaction. Glory. Abundance-so much that it needs to be given away for more and better to come in (and it keeps getting better the more I let go!). The depression broke-it ALWAYS passes, remembering that in the middle of it. Vinyl getting put down in my kitchen-completing the remodel of my house. I will put it for sale now. My “Mobile Mansion” has served me well for 16 years.

 

20~On the right path. A good healthy cry about the complete rejection of my family of origin. Classifieds. That the big role of vinyl flooring that I have been tripping over for 3 years is finally laid on the kitchen floor. I get to enjoy it for 42 days, hugs, purpose in pain, lessons to learn, tools, eyelashes & nose hairs to protect  me.

 

21~Renewal. Determination to do God’s will. I am not the person I used to be (THANK YOU GOD!) I’m not the person I am becoming. Being the person I am now.  A nice vacuum. 41 days until one of the biggest ‘new beginnings’ I have ever had. I feel God’s comfort through it all. It is so difficult to leave all the love and nurture I have put into this beloved farm. But I have God’s love & nurture to have and take with me where ever I am. Nourishment.

 

22~Steadfast obedience. Friendly people. Selling things, worship, saw horses, the pretty purple confetti kitchen floor, hangers, pink ink, my job, putting ‘sit still’ on my list of things to do.

 

23~Cooperation with God yields much joy! Guidance. Feeling & assurance of His presence. Spending time with my Ali. Food storage, glass gallon jars, people that sing.

 

24~ Grace. I don’t always know what’s best for me-but God does. “Less is more” Less of me is more for God’s Spirit to reside. Less “stuff” is more time/money/spiritual presence/room/energy/focus and all this =MORE freedom! God is preparing the way.

 

25~Harmony, joy, beauty, joy & happiness. Abundant joy mingled with grief. The deepest and most profound feeling that everything is exactly right & as it should be as I prepare to leave my beloved farm and land I have cared for and resided on for 25 years-more than half my life. Downsizing, the skill saw, I have enough-I have abundance. I am satisfied.

 

26~Submission-release-action. “Ceaseless activity is not God’s plan for your life. Time withdrawal for renewed strength are always necessary. Rest. I pray that I may learn how to rest & listen as well as how to work” (24)

 

27~ Spiritual vision. Organizing to sell my worldly possessions, watching people grow emotionally & spiritually as they shrink physically is so amazing, Christmas lights, baskets, pens, letting go. Tick tock of the clock.

 

28~Submision. I will have less stuff after this weekend (moving sale), cleansing rain, steadiness, open doors, being warm enough, containers, joy, maroon ink, candles, true repentance, angry rain, mental workouts, some one delivered and set up a free washer when I wasn’t home! (got to love being a Mormon!!)

 

29~Hope, Harmony. Strength. Weakness. Florescent pink, moving sale today, tape, note cards, sharpies, stickers, acceptance.

 

30~Sunshine of God’s love, warmth. Knowing there is divine spark even when I don’t feel it. Warm weather WILL come, tarps, friends, new friends, service.

 

MARCH

 

1~Consistantly patiently & joyfully seeking hope. Seeing Cassandra smile & laugh, being emotionally present. Family home Evening.

 

2~Humility. Dog kisses & cuddles, the freezer, long socks, baskets, the Love of God, Today, communication, healing.

 

3~Joy. Specific prayer, tick tock of the clock, noticing inspiration, paper.

 

4~Quiet Happiness. Choices. Working for God He promises to bless me beyond measure. The dog door, listening, my prayer list, acceptance, intellect, strengthening intellect through study.

 

5~Relaxing & Accepting. The abundant grace of God. I can disagree with something –yet accept it. God used my experience with depression to help someone. Fresh snow (there is no use complaining about it so I will be grateful for it). Now.

 

6~ Working for God-with God and His strength to touch others with His love.

 

7~Hunger for spiritual development. Wanting God’s will for me above all else. Quiet time develops spiritual muscles, preparation, depth, sacrifice. Richard Swenson, Ecart Toile, ink pens, paper, planning miracles with God.

 

8~Joy of fellowship. “Fellowship among spiritually minded people is the embodiment of God’s purpose for this life”(24). Having 2-3 people tell me about not running faster than I have strength & then reading it in my daily scripture reading. Amazing abundance in ‘less is more’.

 

9~Honesty. Invitation, meetings, tenacity, endurance, never giving up through constant surrender, inspiration, snow that doesn’t stick, mud, missionaries, change.

 

10~Heavy rain melts snow J. Goats, the smell of hay, influence, working for God. Change, beautiful stepping stones of growth, commitment. Communion. Community, prayer.

 

11~Quiet. Character. Beauty. Inner Beauty. Impression, reflection, action, inaction. “I pray that I may look at great souls until their beauty of character becomes a part of my soul. I pray that I may reflect this character in my own life”(24). Lace, street signs, red flags, awareness, pink ink, vanilla scent, tick tock of the clock has been lulling my soul lately.

 

12~Seeking & learning to be who God intends me to be. Authentic, simplicity, humble reverence, freedom from unnecessary fear. Calendars, the big picture, having abundance, paying extra in my school loans. Deep contentment. No crisis right this moment, the peace of accepting reality.

 

13~Enlightenment. Spiritual development, harmony with God when I get out of the way.

 

14~Perserverance. Wanting to get all worked up about something that isn’t “mine” and then letting it go-I have enough to deal with without depleting myself with unnecessary baggage-what a relief.

 

15~Praise. Colors, the next indicated thing, mud, perspective, rocks, intellect, exercising my brain daily.

 

16~Rejecting material distraction, concentration, singleness of purpose, service, praise.

 

17~Nestled in Calm. Striving to wear the world as a loose garment. Someone gave me a Bard rock (chicken) on Tues-last night she came and knocked (pecked) on my door, She walked right in and made herself at home. She roosted on my desk and went to sleep. I had a chicken friend have a sleep over! What a gift!

 

18~Simple Trust. Today-right now. (I have a chicken sleeping on my desk again this morningJ). Persistent prayer, gracious acceptance, spiritual exercises, out of town Ward conferences.

 

19~The magnitude of God’s love. Libby Montana, God’s Spirit is always available, worthiness, monologues, Relief Society, Visiting Teaching, being touched to tears.

 

20~Meaningful Truth. When people don’t fill the air with irrelevant words. The snow is melting. An eviction notice means God has some amazing plans for me. Prayer. Opportunity.

 

21~Deeply secure. Joy beyond description. Communication. The headset for my phone, good sleep, service, perspective, new friends, clarity, rarely rushing anymore.

 

22~Spiritual growth is exponential, constant supply and source from a powerful God, a “meek & lowly” Savoir who is my role model. Fundamentals, receiving by giving, increased health, my toes, a burning deep in my heart to share the gospel & powerful freedom of the love contained in it to embrace the world.

 

23~Abundance. Victory. Strength through humility, helping others, safety.

 

24~Trusting. The smell of fresh lemon. Bonfires, chainsaws, rakes, pine needles, splitting malls, gloves, the smell of smoke on my clothes & in my hair, postcards, expression in written word. Heart-t-Heart, before honor is humility.

 

25~Spiritual Development happens most profoundly by the small simple daily practices.

 

26~Relief from incessant thinking. A larger that expected tax return. Another debt paid in full-all that is left is school loans! How exciting. There’s always enough-I am satisfied even in lean periods. The power of prayer. Prayers answered, personal integrity.

 

27~Open. Focusing on what really matters-& it’s not “stuff”. Improvement. A clean floor, stickers, drawers.

 

28~Obedience. Trials do have purpose. Adjusting, acceptance, joy, nails, season changes, tool boxes, service, twinkles, connection, home teachers, goats.

 

29~Deep unshakable peace. The truth. Hearing “Above all don’t be selfish” Goose eggs. A gift of avocados, yard sale stickers, letting go of stuff makes “I don’t need anything” a dominate thought.

 I have enough.

 

30~Calm. I am learning I don’t have to defend myself even if accusations aren’t true. I am not a victim (a long term difficult lesson with years of retaining my thinking). I can use the opportunity to practice humility & see if any part of it is true & ask God to help me grow. The prayers “Bless them, change me”

 

31~Offerings. Worship, fresh air, our Father in Heaven.

 

February  2011 I am Grateful for…

 

1~Fresh starts. Books, hunger for reading, research, today, acceptance, the serenity prayer, anticipation (like a kid at a Christmas) for the next phase of spiritual growth. Designs, patterns, pink polka-dots, flexibility.

 

2~”The more love I give away, the more LOVE I have”(24). I love growing older!

 

3~My grandma, honeysuckle, my faith and God’s power produce miracles, reading, learning, naps, contacts, my job, giving some money away-then God doubles it and gave it back, heading towards spring, longer days of light.

 

4~Reflecting—Storing up treasures in heaven-not on earth. Band-Aids, acceptance, seeing my selfishness and asking God for help, book shelves, letting go of stuff, lists of things to do.

 

5~ The gift of setting down the struggle. Learning, allowing change, letting go of my perception of my identity to let God mold me, my biggest desire is to serve God-when that intention merges into action.

 

6~Longing to dwell in His presence. A technology fast from electricity & phone today. Prayer, candles, sleep.

 

7~Time. The time of now is always. Learning to shift my focus to now.

Yesterday’s unique experience was enlightening (pun). I have so much-including time-the light bulb gives me many hours a day-to many if I am not careful.

 

8~Waiting. Trust. Guidance. My gentle wind chime alarm that wakes me up, being of service, my daughter called and wanted to come over.

 

9~ Commitment. Release from fear. Light bulbs, reading Healthy at 100 by John Robbins was very delightful. Time to read is nourishing me, balance, preparation, walking, the ability to walk, my legs.

 

10~ Pruning. “less is more”, choices, healing, growth, permanent markers. My Heavenly Father blesses me financially (I believe it is because I gave some money away). A bill I thought I owed $750 was at ZERO. Wowza! So He gave almost $1000 back to my $100. (if you feel prompted, with no hidden motives to give $ away-I highly recommend it!)

 

11~Learning to cherish waiting.

 

12~The most important day of my life. I am getting my endowments at the temple today. The amazing progression of getting to know my Heavenly Father better, Significance, symbolism, time, trains, new colored pens. Giving and receiving unexpected gifts, my housemate has arrived. Today-right now. Celebrating 11 years of sobriety today.

 

13~Enlightened. Confusion is an opportunity to learn & grow in understanding.

 

14~Transformation

 

15~Inspiration.

 

16~Deep calm. Silence, stillness, patience, community, feeling well balanced, right now.

 

17~Worhip, learning unconditional love, an open heart, e-bay.

 

18~ Ambition, unquestioning confidence in God. My sister and all I have learned from her through the years. Letting go of what isn’t working. Deep contentment, the geese are home-Oh how I love their honking! Fresh white snow. Consistency, change, my blankets.

 

19~Enduring to the end, courage, spiritual secrets that are unlocked when I wait on God. Guidance, strength, patience, wind chimes, singing monks, smiley face stickers, pertinent information, the delete button, files, organization, love.

 

20~Cooperation. Rest, working for God and not man. I have abundance, ritual, whenever I let go of material I get so much more back. The beauty that surrounds me.

 

21~ Partnership with God, Finding insurance that is less expensive, schedules, planners, financial security with very little $ J

 

22~I pray that I may live as God would want me to live. The gift of enthusiasm, stickers, willingness, action, prayers, persistence, taking the action of doing something I didn’t “feel” like produced the feeling of joy after just doing it anyway.

 

23~The grace of God. Sharing, faith, safety in a storm, my water didn’t freeze-In fact-I have running hot & cold water that goes to several places in my home. What an amazing gift!

 

Quotes from Richard Swenson’s Margin:

·       “Crowded lives produce fatigue & fatigue produces irritability & irritability produces indifference…and indifference produces a lack of genuine care & that damages ourselves and those we love.” (like our kids)

·       “Speed does not yield devotion”

·       Would Jesus have bypassed the leper because His calendar said He was late for the Nazareth Spring Banquet?”

·       “What does God think of “efficient prayers”

·       “He is not temporally pushy…God is easy to forget. He just waits…and waits.

·       “Recognizing unnecessary possessions for what they are: stealers of divine time.

 

25~Service, the power of true humility, winter will pass, wool socks, laughter, PMS tea. There’s always always something to be grateful for-even when it is difficult to find (I’m GRMUPY). Glasses, lamps, fancy ink pens, drawers, notebooks, challenges that help me to grow, patterns, charts.

 

26~ Enough. I have everything I need.

 

27~I am well, whole, & calm.

 

28~ Spiritual preparation. Revival. Being a minuscule part of leadership (Stake Single’s Rep) in such an amazing organized humble group of people in my church confirms my heart with all certainly that the church is true. With that statement I don’t judge other churches as false-they all have truth. There’s such freedom in that. There is such unconditional love and sincere caring (the kind that invests personal time and commitment) for its members (flock) that I am moved to tears.

This video                                  There once was a Goose named Maria...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61WkeY9Jcvw

 

 

 

January 2011

 

1~God’s Guidance, Wisdom & Strength. Change. A new season of growth with a new sponsor, a change in my food plan that is more in line with what I believe God’s will is for me (less animal products), my electric furnace, touch lamps, warm clothes in intense cold.

 

2~Hope & Courage. Today, right now-this moment. A surprise check in the mail, comfort level billing, energy efficient Christmas lights, Sabbath, Free weekend minutes, love.

 

3~Open, Renewal, flow, sweep, unfolding mysteries, teachers, acceptance, microphones (oh how I love microphones!), inspiration, The Book of Mormon.

 

 4~ Right now. I am truly a food addict, which enables me this incredible recovery. Joy.

 

5~ Relaxation. “When I am relaxed-Gods Strength will flow into me. I will be at peace” (Twenty-four Hours a Day= (24)), Conflict helps me to grow & gives me opportunity to surrender obsessive thinking. A vacuumed floor, change, quiet, activity, notebooks.

 

6~Dicipline. Letting go of useless thoughts (which seems to be most of them-most of “thinking” is just noisy chatter that clutters), contemplation, peace, acceptance, really good books, being a Mormon-Oh how I love being a Mormon!

 

7~Silence. Value. Deep reflection instead of unrelenting thinking, rain, wool socks, receipts, being of service, today-right now this very moment, eyelash dye, blessings.

 

8~ Blessed affliction, when I see the purpose in pain, things that build my strength & character, acceptance, trust, serenity, I m so glad all this rain isn’t snow-my house would be buried!

 

9~Patient faith. Long fingers, ping-pong, courage, revival, the electric furnace, learning more about God every day (that I seek that growth), time, sheer joy.

 

10~Power in humility. A year ago today the Holy Spirit brought powerful conviction to be baptized & joint the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. “This new way of life will alter my whole existence” (24) and boy-Howdy has it ever! 2010 was one of the years of most profound spiritual growth-a spiritual oasis.

 

11~Abiding in His presence.

 

12~ Grateful for gratitude & the profound difference in my life practicing it makes, silence, noise, hearing, listening, paying attention, crisp awareness, wanting to be present, waking up more to this very moment.

 

13~ The refining process brings me loser to God. Today I am not in one (a refining process), deep breath, playing games, lots of good time with my eldest daughter. Lessons in patience that aren’t to painful. Praying fervently.

 

14~ The Twenty-four Hours a Day book. Striving to overcome selfishness, surrender, every bit of self I surrender allows God will mold me into the person He intends me to be-my true self. Whenever I let go I receive so much more.

 

15~Relax. Reminders, soul balance, God’s strength, melting snow, contentment, doing something completely new.

 

16~ All the little things do really matter, harmony. Mormon Tabernacle Choir, noticing, perseverance, growth, committees, colors, heavy night rain, contemplation, stillness, organization, dashes, right now.

 

17~ Understanding. Not being in a hurry, baby hugs, leaving things that don’t need to said left unsaid, less verbal clutter (it’s everywhere), My Heavenly Father and His abundant immense love for all of us.

 

18~ Slow. “the process”, time spent invested in my spiritual growth pays great dividends, faith, asking in prayer can be faith in action. God’s abundant gifts, companionship, plans, ‘faith is a verb’

 

19~The journey is each moment’s destination. (Think about that)

God knows the desires of my heart more than I do. Things that strengthen my spiritual life. Looking for insight/awareness/accepting. Purity.

 

20~Available for spiritual growth, striving for being at one with God, attracting what I think (pray) about, bubbles, my down comforter.

 

21~Gunuine authenticity.

Contemplating-the things that matter most are not material but spiritual. That concept is one of the hardest to live. I am soooo grateful for that paradigm shift in my life.

Rearrangement in furniture is refreshing, fresh beautiful snow, oatmeal, time.

 

22~Thank you God for this amazing life. A housemate is coming, the big picture. Today. Focusing on spiritual instead of material.

 

23~Breathing in God’s power when I am willing to be close to Him. I was baptized exactly a year ago-the most significant decision I have ever made. Joining an amazing family. Studying how to stay in the present-NOW, simplifying my thoughts, listening,

 

24~ Long pauses from incessive, love, opportunity for growth, change, consistency. Glory-the intensity of God’s love.

 

25~The Kingdom of God. Dimensions, purple ink, there’s no ending within growth, time-precious time, electricity, the amazing work people who fix the electric lines in every storms so I can have electricity-makes me happy to pay the bill. Not living in exception the “they” (whoever “they” are) owe me.

 

26~ Calm. Fire, wood, crackling, heat, the smell of smoke, dancing flames, noticing, sleep, change, doctors, genuine care, resting from thinking as often as possible, right NOW-this moment. (See a theme for me lately?)

 

27~ Seeking God’s love & peace & calm. The gift of obedience, the snow fell off the roof so I don’t have to shovel it, silence, shadows, road construction (they are fixing the amazing roads dude!) the truth, enlightenment.

 

28~Trusting now. Pencils, erasers, the gift of the Holy Spirit, chicken poop (gardeners get me here), shovels, pitchforks (guess what I did today?), help, reducing, a new way of life.

 

29~Stiving to become the person God intends. “I am the builder, but God is the architect”(24). Releasing money, paying off 1 of my school loans last night! Investing in my spiritual life first, this amazing journey.

 

30~ Restoration “I pray that my soul may be restored in quietness & peaces” (24) Being single, powerful learning experiences, feeling the joy of God’s Spirit to the depth of my soul (goose bumps and everything), warm fuzzies, pens with silk flowers connected to them, gentleness, snow shovels, decks, missionaries, pine trees, goats, prayer, green eggs.

 

31~ Sacrifice & suffering are value of to me, Recognizing excessive wasteful noisy thinking in my head and asking God to be free from it, practical faith, time for joy.

Contemplate that-  Time for Joy….

 

www.judesgratitude.com

talljudyc@yahoo.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

February 2010

1~ Monday’s. Fresh starts. When someone ELSE (not me) washes their cell phone, inspiration, not having the burden of worry in a difficult situation. The grocery store, spiral notebooks, writing letters, literacy, using the dictionary frequently, words-oh how I love words! Long johns, moo moos, getting something I wanted back after I surrendered it, feeling validated, knowing under the dormancy of winter lies spring bloom to growth to Summer fruit & fall harvest-just to repeat the cycle again. Starting with what appears to be death-the solace of rejuvenation. The long winter.

 

2~ The more I give away the more I have. Immense pleasure in my amazing God. Wanting to see the good in all people. A quiet half hour every morning just to spend with God. Wool slippers, taking my G-ma to the senior center for lunch-my daughter went and actually wanted to spend time with her great Grandma (enough to be around “old people”), humor, laughter, helping others with their struggles.

 

3~ My faith plus God’s power equals miracles. God’s intoxicating love, the gift of the Holy Spirit, goose hugs, pictures, meetings, hugs, beautiful flowers, the gift of surrender, the gift of tithe, appointments, revelations & insight at quiet time.

 

4~Tapping into God’s unlimited power. Pretty postage stamps, abundant sunshine, quiet still answers to prayer, insight, guiding from the Holy Spirit, confirmation, the big picture, being an encourager, the color red, my feet, handkerchiefs. Headquarters, staring a new TV series that looks good (Smallville), the library is an amazing resource, bubbles, rainbows, having a washer and dryer right in my house (amazing!).

 

5~Spiritual academics. Asking 2 people what was the most profound thing they learned today and getting profound answers. “I don’t have to be all things to all people” AND “The more I accept people as they are allows them to change” Simplifying my emotional life-taking the emotional clutter out (chew on that some!) J

 

6~Longing to dwell in His presence.

Sincerity, abundant joy, contentment beyond normal parameters, dictionaries, learning new words daily, my keyboard, knowing how to type, my lovely fingers, legs, a walk in the rain. Hearing someone’s life story. Superman, Christopher Reeves, softness, things that are re-usable instead of disposable. By practicing gratitude I get to “reuse” my valuable experience to grow & communicate & reflect & treasure. Letting stillness envelop me in a moment of deep peace (then poof it went away).

 

7~ God’s strength through my weakness. Someone got me poultry calendar-makes my heart so happy! 27 people at our FA meeting-the miracle is spreading. The honor of sitting for 10 minutes with another person in complete silence-powerful experience. Sleeping well. My body tingles with joy. Crisp Spiritual awareness, lights, switches, integrity, themes.

 

8~Waiting. Waiting. Waiting for His guidance. Waiting and trusting His guidance. Basking in the Glory of His presence. A wonderful lesson about Hope. My dogs tennis ball has lasted more than 10 days-very rare. She gets GREAT joy from making them into 100 pieces in 10 minutes). Love, time, worship, hunger, testing, slipper socks, open-minded people, sharing my testimony, connection with others. The Holy Spirit’s presence in my daily life.

My journal from 1.5 years ago said “If my truth is God’s truth, it won’t be trampled on”

 

9~ Loyalty. Tuesdays, pink long johns, a warm fuzzy shirt, spontaneity, the Old Testament, classifieds, familiar comforting smells. Even though I didn’t feel like gratitude- habit and a sense of duty compelled me to practice gratitude today. Structure, yard work gave me joy yesterday, the yard isn’t buried in snow this year!

 

10~ Pruning produces fruit. Sponsees, gentleness, meetings, inspiration.

 

11~ Waiting patiently. I can harm myself in so many ways by too much activity. Preparation, playing Boggle with my daughter, a small road trip with a friend, learning to release being judgmental, being on the receiving end of gossip (unintentionally) & seeing how uncomfortable it made me to know something that someone I am close to didn’t know I knew, learning a valuable lesson-for I have been guilty of gossip often. It is a trap. The slow methodical pace of my life is a nurturing environment for God’s Spirit to reside. Ahhhhhh….

 

12~ Conscious of God’s presence.

 

13~ Continually seeking. When grumpy days come AND go it helps me to see joy in a brighter light. An amazing drive at dusk. The waters, whose glass stillness reflected the sky and clouds and mountains in the diminishing glow of the day with a wonderful person in the beginning of a profound spiritual experience. Whew, that was intense!

 

14~ My soul waits for God. Gradually being transformed mentally & spiritually in God’s presence. Inspiration, heart earrings, the color red, I feel no obligation for Valentines day hub bub (what a relief to not “do” holidays) I have many sweethearts that love me. God is holding a special husband just for me-and I for him for just the right time. Dog bones, special prayer for my daughters.

 

15~ Spiritual Inspiration. Someone is mad at me & I don’t have to react with defending myself or let their anger hurt me. Fingernail clippers, painting the floor brown, a brown dog, rose scented candles, opportunity to say “no”. Opportunities to say “yes”. I can speak the truth. God can show me the truth if I stay humble.

 

16~ Father, unravel my will that chokes me. “It is not the passionate appeal that gains the Divine attention as much as the quiet placing of the difficulty & worry in the Divine hands. So I will trust God like a child who places it’s tangles skein of wool in the hands of a loving parent to unravel” (24hr) This is beautiful. A bright sunshiny day, digging in the dirt. A vision of a root cellar, visiting teachers, soul food, hunger for the Holy Spirit’s guidance, goals.

 

19~ Wait. Let God guide me before I take action.

 

20~ Honestly asking. Conforming (releasing my will & what “I” think) to what I believe He wants me to be.

 

21~ The warning “beware of an unguarded spots of unrest” (24hr) (selfishness). Calm connection.

22~ Trust

23~ Close communion with God.

 

24~ Sharing. Difficult lessons bring me much closer to God than soft fluffy lessons. Opportunity to die to self, knowing I could not have done anything different in a situation even though the end result doesn’t appear desirable. Feeling like God is instructing me, time, daylight, chairs, trees, my telephone.

 

25~ Faith, Fellowship, & Service. A new shovel to plant a nectarine tree with. Total commitment, joyful anticipation of digging in the dirt.

 

26~Faith. God has everything I need. Praying for a deep thirst for faith. God will never fail me. Rain and sun simultaneously, chasing a rainbow in the car with my daughter-seeing purple like I never remember on this ever shifting rainbow. God loves us enough to give us gifts like rainbows, twinkleys on the water, sparkles in the snow, moonlit mountain reflections on still waters, abundantly joyful dogs, hugs from toddlers, chickens J. Life is just so full of goodness (not sure why I have been so grumpy lately-but I can still see the good) There is nothing lacking in my life.

 

27~ Faith.

 

28~ Spirit touching with God. The 24hr day book is so good “This is time for my spirit to touch the Spirit of God. I know the feeling of the spirit-touch is more important that all sensations of material things. I must seek a silence of Spirit touching with God. Just a moment’s contact and all the fever of life leaves me. Then I am well, whole, calm and able to rise and minister to others. God’s touch is a potent healer. I must feel that touch and sense God’s presence.”

 

28~ Strength and joy in time with God. Robust peace.

 

March 2010

 

1~Consistant Spiritual Effort develops me into the person God wants me to be.

 

2~ I hear God best when I am quiet. A beautiful sunrise, digging in the dirt-expanding an herb bed, receiving “a calling” of ward missionary (doing missionary work locally), visions of goats dancing in my head (yes I want to be a goat herder when I grow up), new business cards, humor, amusement, a gleam in someone’s eyes, dimples, breakfast, letting go. The geese migrated home a few weeks ago, seeing a bug in my kitchen-a sure sign of spring, sun & 55 degrees yesterday.

 

3~A new life. Bryson was born today at 2:15 PM. He is 4 weeks early, but appears very healthy – 7 lbs 10 oz.

 

4~ God help me to grow honest, pure, loving & unselfish. Someone told me to bask in the Glory of new life. Beautiful stillness, fear, faith, trust, doubt, uncertainty, surety.

 

5~ Heavenly Father thank you for letting me give you my fear.

 

6~ Working for God. Depending on Him. Feeling uncomfortable means I am growing. Not shoving uncomfortable feelings down with food which would only multiply them. Getting through the other side, faith.

 

7~ Praying to want God’s will above all else. Spiritual investment. I started watching a television series I checked out from the library and it has sort of slipped in front of some of my spiritual priorities. Television can be a powerful drug. Even using it in moderation hurts me if it starts coming before my spiritual time. I give God regular appointment each day. This should be a journal entry, but I am grateful for this great opportunity to grow (so I just have to share, see how I am!). My heart’s desire is to put God above all else. God tells me He will give me the desires of my heart. Not it is time for MY action.

 

8~ Spiritual Fellowship. Early dawn. Burping a baby at 4:30 AM, They came home from the hospital yesterday. Taking good care of myself-filling up emotionally & spiritually so I can show up for them. Spring is upon us.

 

9~ Honest/Pure/Unselfish Love. Cloth diapers, wide mouth jars, herbal Market Spice tea. A little baby boy in my life, prayer, my broom & mop, work gloves, goatees, gratitude at grumpy times, being of service, lovely songs.

 

10~ Quite Strength. Getting to watch a chicken (Lolli) lay an egg with a friend-it was special. Looking forward to reading scripture every day. People with a sense of adventure.

 

11~ The beauty of God’s Character-the reflection of it is contagious, stability, change, wool slippers, tables, a new couch, connection. A really fun day with a friend-getting to see the miracle of recovery pounce on her.

 

12~ Simplicity. Keeping my life uncomplicated and free. Learning more about my true self. AA meetings, Today it has been 10 years since I have had a drink of alcohol. I have also been celibate for 10 years enabling me freedom from the bondage of a deadly addiction. Kissing my grandson on his perfect little face. All the cute little noises he makes.

 

13~ Breathing in God’s Spirit. Alive. Spring morning sounds, the robins are back. Starting eggs in the incubator (I am going to be a mama in 3 weeks!), Planting tomatoes, winter squash, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and cucumbers in the house J Being a Hippie Farmer (it even says so on my business card), praying about raising rabbits and feeling an answer. I bought my first doe. Crocus are up. Reading that taking action is often the lazy approach to problem solving-it appears more strenuous to take counsel with God. The crook of my arm is just right for a baby’s head.

 

14~ Listen. (What a profound word). Opportunities to help people get closer to God. It will be a light an hour later with the time change. Pencils, board games, a fun game of getting to know people at church better. “wild game night” including hunted items of the potluck. Sabbath rest.

 

15~ Spiritual fitness. Flexibility. Baking soda, music, profound proverbs, salvage rather that waste, a walk deep in the woods, time alone, taking borrowed kids to church, Spring break, a pronounced sense of freedom, the sound of birds.

“…rich simplicity of being yourself before God” (Timothy 6; Message Bible). Overwhelming grace.

 

16~Focusing on what is really important-spiritual development & relationships & THEN material needs. It is certainly not the easy way.

 

17~ Calm. “Rest in God is when life really begins. Nothing can separate me from God’s love. “I pray that I may wear the world like a loose garment. I pray may keep serene at the center of my being” 24 hr book. What a way to start the day! Amen (means ‘so be it’)

 

18~ Persistent. Practice. Patience. Prayer. Preparation. Persevering Spiritually.

 

19~ I am at peace.

 

20~ Spiritual value. Variety.

 

21~Deeply secure in a very difficult situation, trust, faith. The eye of the storm is calm. Daydreams of downsizing and simplifying. Taking my grandson to church today. My grandson-what a trip to write that. He is so beautiful. Spring rain, books, magazines, clocks, time spent with God, Golden kuri winter squash, shovels, slippers, coziness, naps, Sabbath rest, tithe.

 

22~ All my needs are Spiritual. Helping others builds spiritual strength. The baby slept during my shift. Burt’s Bees lip balm, seedlings and eggs in the incubator need constant care-just like babies, a star filled night, silence, a calling of ward missionary, letting God show me, maroon ink, opportunity.

 

23~ His Spirit envelops me, My heart sings for joy. Safety & Power inside His all encompassing Spirit, embracing Him embracing me. Victory, an abundant life. Just for Today card encourages me to do something nice for someone & not be found out. Staying in today, quiet time, not rushing, praise, adjusting, study, thought, effort, concentrating, happiness from within, Exercise, faith, as I give I receive, beauty. The power of gratitude.

 

24~ Faith in God’s power. When Bryson laughs. Having great support during difficult crises in my life-and faith in God’s Power and Purpose.

 

25~ Spiritual persistence. Nothing is more important that my relationship with God. Investing in that relationship. Front packs for babies.

 

26~  The power of His Spirit through faith. Nice people, naps, being supported by prayer and faith right now.

 

27~ Willing to accept His power. The greatest thing I can conquer is self. Material investment and possessions is microscopic compared to the eternal value of spiritual investment. The grunts and noises of a newborn baby in my arms, love in a place in my heart I didn’t know I had. Difficult growth. All the people praying for me, People who work in the social services. My bible and the Book of Mormon bring me hope & strength & love & comfort & wisdom each day. That I am willing to receive these by investing time in seeking them. My grandson is such a good baby.

 

28~ Leverage to help someone. Contemplation.

 

29~ Relief. An entire night’s sleep-what a gift! One I took for granted last month. Spring sounds, frogs, geese, the blue heron is home, beaver, ducks, bugs, green growth peaking out under the brown death of last year. My youngest daughter here with me, one on one time with her, spending time with my mom.

 

30~ Calm, True. Quiet. Being true to my highest ideals. Letting go of control. Letting God be the judge-and not other people when in their view I can be flawed-they can’t see my heart, only God.

 

31~ Simple desire to always do His will. A powerful dialogue with God helped me let go of the illusion of control.

Heavenly Father,

I am exhausted and confused. ___ is quiet a challenge. Should I do (…) What is my part?

Relax. Trust. Let go. After you do these things I will be able to send my Spirit to guide you. You can’t hear me now with all the noise in your head. Relax.

How can I do that? How can I slow down?

Spend more time with me. I am sending help-prayfuly accept. Let me guide you through this. I know what is best. There is the potential for you to mess things up with your ideas. Release them into my capable hands.

Slow. Deliberate. Focused. Invested.

As always, I love you. Don’t let our relationship slide. This will be so good.

 

I feel restored-and I can let go and let God take this situation and use it for good.

 

April 2010 I am grateful for…

 

2~Transformed by God’s Grace & His miracle working power. Companionship with God. swirls, a new teapot that came with a lesson about self-will, sharing the process of putting different carpet in my living room. Eggs hatching! Getting a new batch from someone else to hatch. Cassandra is home.

 

3~ Service. “Remember that the first quality is greatness is service…God is the greatest servant of all. He is always waiting for us to call on Him.”

“A life of service is the finest life we can live.” (24 Hour A Day Book)

 

4~ Praying to serve as a channel of God’s power. Sunshine, baby chicks, finding a partner/neighbor to help raise ‘birds for the freezer’, lists, chap stick, my first doe (rabbit) ‘Tif” escaped when a dog I am dog sitting tried to eat her. After 5-10 days she let me catch her. She is so soft and sweet.

 

5~God understands perfectly. Many financial blessing the last few weeks-seeing an end to the financial desert-a job found me-God’s perfect timing. Practice letting go in a situation I cannot change, the Serenity Prayer, nurturing contentment, seeking inspiration.

 

6~ The warmth of God’s Spirit. Open to Heavenly Father’s Blessings by releasing my grip. “The tide of peace & serenity will flow in. Relinquish every material thing and receive it back again from God. Do not hold on to Earth’s treasures so firmly that your hands are occupied to clasp God’s hands as He hold them out in love.: (24 hour)

Influence, ‘trying to do something nice for someone and not be found out” (Just for Today). Getting a random credit on my home phone bill tagged “loyalty customer credit’-it was like winning 1st place in a beauty contest in Monopoly, When I called to see about this credit I found a that cut my bill in half-it felt like a holiday (without the holidayical obligation and consumerism).

 

7~Unselfish service of others, opportunity, joy, prayer. Personal integrity, honesty, bravery, inventory. I had an opportunity to be of service yesterday-I declined- I am acutely aware that I cheated myself of blessing by my selfishness, lessons learned-changed behavior or the same lesson will present itself again, patience, perseverance, slightly sore muscles, fine tip pens, baby chicks.

 

8~ Humility & Faith. Text messaging to email, digging fence post holes, rocks, rakes, shovels, burn piles, getting dirty, good exercise, big windows, seedlings, my snoring dog, daily scripture reading. Someone told me they bought a hula-hoop!

 

9~ “Arise to beauty, joy, peace & work inspired by love. Rise from death to life” (24) Digging up my flowerbed-the dirt felt so good in my hands. The soil was so beautiful-dude I am grateful for dirt-in a profound way!J

 

10~ Humble obedience. Neckties, space & time made for relationships, investing time for spiritual growth-that I always desire that to be first in my life. Spreading quiet kindness in simple actions. “… being pursued by (God’s) love. He courted you; He followed you; He loved you. If you go to school or work, He is there… If you go deep inside yourself-He is there…if you look behind you or before you-He is there, waiting to be allowed entrance into your life”

 

11~ Self-discipline. A new journal, daily writing, spray bottles, binkis, carpet padding, naps, walks around the field with the dogs, tears.

 

12~”Before any need can be met, our faith must find expression. (asking for help). That expression of faith is all God needs to manifest His Power in our lives. Faith is the Key that unlocks the storehouses of God’s resources” (24) The amazing unity of the Church of Latter Day Saints, the reflection of seeking and receiving personal revelation, a new ceiling fan in the green room.

 

13~ Living in the Spirit of Prayer. James 5:16 The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. (Message) Gentle people, depending on God’s glorious power, FA meetings, the strength of Sandpoint FA members.

 

14~Dwelling with God’s Inner peace. My taxes are done and in the mail & my studs are off my car, yams on sale, waking up early for extra special time with God, learning to trust in untrustable situations (ahh, I think that is called faith), The book of James, earthworms, rain, warmer temperatures, weighing and measuring my food, structure, freedom, neutrality, passion, I no longer to try to connect with another person to make me whole. (Therefore sucking the life out of them), the Holy Spirit as a part of my everyday.

 

15~I can accomplish more by calmness than activity.

 

16~ “Cultivate Inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in” 1 Peter 3:4 (Message). “You should clothe yourself instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God” NTL

The unity with in the diversity of saying the same thing in a different way-language is so beautiful, words-I love them (I know I use enough of them-wink), middle of the night time with God (It ‘s 2:30 AM), planting tulips, glads, daffodils, and other mystery annuals I found in my flowerbed, rich dark soil, errands.

 

17~ Persistent constant recognition of God’s presence.

 

18~ Slow deliberate, focused, abundant life. Welcoming the thought ‘I love my life’ surged through me this morning.

 

19~ Quiet satisfaction. There are “tender intimacies in the quiet times of communion with God” (24). Passionate patience, active waiting (being conscious)

 

20~ Satisfaction. Sunshine, hoses, boxes, donation piles that grow, seeing 2 baby deer playing together in the field at dawn this morning, organization, hugs, insight, direction from God, squash plants, great dirt (OK- I know I keep going on and on about dirt- It is spring! And I am a Hippie Farmer!), getting some fertile turkey eggs for the incubator, a goose egg for breakfast, strawberries, asparagus.

 

21~ Renewal. Faith is a verb & takes effort, spiritual potential, watching out for spiritual vagueness, inspiration. “Making a decision to live as free as possible from mental binges” “Spiritual Awakenings often come in strange ways… we often fail to recognize it.” (Little Red Book). Kissing a baby all over his face, work, my car, meetings, Cas started school, dog & chicken sitting, a full life.

 

22~ Change. Cooperation. Consciousness of God’s presence and Guidance. Raw milk, hope.

 

23~ Absolute trust. Unquestioning obedience.

 

24~ Directed. Joy takes discipline. A difficult lesson that persists. A very full life, a new job.

 

25~ Leaving correcting & disciplining to God-and praying that God abundantly blesses (fill in the name). Harmony. Beauty. Joy. Happiness. Peach tea, fun ringtones, trains, ruffles, life being full of continual lessons, intimacy with others, prayer.

 

26~ Releasing ceaseless activity, my life is not filled with meaningless time expenditures any longer, depth, strength, my client has a sense of humor. Taking time to do this even though it feels hard.

 

27~ Spiritual perception and vision. God is not limited by space or time, prayers of past events, visiting teachers, hugs, God reminding me to smile more often. Claming and praying the promise from God-Psalm 32:8 I will instruct thee and teach the in the way which though shalt go; I will guide thee with mine eyes”. I will take it! Umbrellas, my daughter is riding the bus with her baby today, daily baby love.

 

Dialogue with God-

 

(ME): I am so glad I stopped my work to sit and be still with you Father. I feel Your Presence here with me. Thank you. I am concerned about ____. Any direction? How do I pray? What do I pray? What about ____? Please guide and instruct me.

Just sit here with Me. I have this-it is not up to you to do anything but release it. Pray from you heart. Let it flow. Be intentional. Be still. You do so many things. There is always a lot you can do-but little you NEED to do. Include me-ask me about how to spend your time. I love it when we get to talk like this. You have enough chickens. Rest. Cuddle a baby as much as you can. It's OK to let the dishes go sometimes. Be available. Pray for ____.

You are forgetting to smile. Don't. You have such a pretty smile. The more you use it the more I can touch people through it. I am in your smile-bring light to you eyes that reaches another soul. Use it more. Let me penetrate you with joy. Share this. I love you.

 

28~ God is leading, buying in Bulk, heavy rain, green grass, learning to let go of everything I want to the surrender the more profound the reward & closeness to God, glass gallon jars, reading scripture out loud to the baby-he’s so cute.

 

29~ Harmony. Someone told me to do something nice for myself-and I realized I haven’t been. A dialogue with God, being “off the beam” is so joy can be experienced when I slide back ‘on’ (and feel better)

 

30~ Developing spiritually. Spiritual exercise-the most difficult is the waiting. Sunshine of God’s Spirit warming us to grow & bloom & develop seed & die & wait & then do it again- except multiplied fruit in the next season. “Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought & concentration. (Just For Today Card)

 

May 2010

 

1~ Charity. Expressing God. Recognizing and recoiling from gossip, the telephone, time for prayer, time for work.

 

2~ Purity. “Easy Does It”, passionate patience, listening. Really stopping to listen. Stillness. Jesus knocks-and says if we hear Him and let Him in He will have supper with us (Revelation 3:20), books, sunshine after days of rain. I didn’t eat cheesecake-it was just a dream, freedom from the power of cheesecake. Spray bottles, green grass, church, friends, connection, network.

 

3~Being right here right now. Bells, wind chimes, hugs, socks, licorice tea. Finding a goodie in the A Minute of Margin book-

“Priorities from our death bed- we wonder how all the distractions of busyness could have obscured what has now become so obvious (relationships)… overload distract us from the true meaning of life. Overload distracts us from love. And in the end, excuses don’t hold up. The choice, it turns out, has always been ours.”

 

4~ Developing Spiritually. Cuddling with God. God tells me there is enough time-even when it doesn’t feel like it.

 

5~ “Leaving to God the choice of what good will come to me.” (24) God knows the desires of my heart more than I do. Breathing God’s Spirit, quiet time. Realizing the limitation of material things. Having enough wood for this very cold beginning of May, it will warm up, being at the beginning of the growing season.

 

6~ Dare to conquer selfishness in myself-dare to suffer. The work week is closing, not making rash decisions when I say (and practice) “Let me pray about that”, the tick tock of the clock, options.

 

7~ My efforts plus God’s blessings equals spiritual success. I walked my daughter to the bus stop and Petey (our dog) bound onto the bus with every pore of his body emitting pure joy ran down the isle. The kids loved it. It was so fun. My reading lamp. Slow listening. Deliberate listening. Intentional listening. Invested listening. Focused listing-especially to God.

 

8~ Slow. Not rushing-recognizing speed as toxic in my life-it takes me away from God. Rest, strength, time for God, gratitude, renewing faith, contentment, a day of joy in the simple things. Being present while washing the dishes. Sitting in the sun & letting the presence of God enfold & soak into me (this would not have happened if I was not still), pretty shirts, rain, peace of mind, Sabbath rest, pig noises, humor, Smallville. I can stay slow during a busy day.

 

9~ God’s guidance & wisdom, cuddling-hugging-snuggling a baby, how loud a baby can tootle is funny. Sunshine, love, fellowship, newcomers, growth, happy tails, profound proverbs.

 

10~ Cultivating calmness. “Calmness is trust in action” (24) Calm is a verb (think about that). Inner peace, trust, stillness, Pyrex, planting strawberry plants that produce the biggest strawberries I have ever seen, my grandpa, having him feed his great great grandson & snapping a picture. Planting 3 lilac bushes for my grandma, licorice mint plants coming in the mail.

 

11~ Loyalty. God’s foundational presence in relationships. My sponsor said a profound thing (for when I struggle with doing something I don’t agree with) “the only thing that really matters is that you are growing closer to God, and are abstinent” that is truly the most important thing. Green grass, earthworms, my chickens, they come when I call them-heck the come running when they see me-makes me feel loved. Obvious times of God’ plan, divine meetings, pure excitement, blue sky, warmer days, no fire in the wood stove.

 

12~ Hope. Courage. Faith. Love. Yokes Fresh Market, beautiful very diverse abundantly stocked produce, seeing friends in the grocery store, I don’t “have” to eat in a harmful way today.

 

13~ Letting God do the judging. Someone sought me out to ask my about my spirituality because she was attracted by it (that is the highest compliment I can think of). It must be the “Mormon Glow” coupled with the sparkle of abstinence- I read about not putting a light under a bushel-but on a candle stick to share it’s glow with others (Matthew 5)-and if a friend asks you to go with him one mile-go two.

 

14~ Putting spiritual before material. New opportunities for happiness & usefulness. My first day of yard sales for the season, planting a couple of trees, the sunshine, my back hurts so I am forced to pace myself (this is good-I can really overdue it. It is easier to deal with pain when I find purpose in it), finding spade shovels for $1 each at a yard sale.

 

 

16~Asking God to learn to pray without ceasing. Prayer changes things, “the big picture”, letting the dishes go to spend time with God instead (it was challenging-but so rewarding), getting a message to ask God what to do next before/between/after each activity. Spring has sprung, lawnmowers, flowers blooming, getting a Japanese Maple tree for $4-I get to nurse it back to health (prayer changes things)

 

17~Preparing with Prayer. Compassion, support, lilacs, humor, dialogue, purity, integrity, simplicity, deadlines, berries, 24 Hour A Day Book (hence (24), lovely quiet time, confidence, profound prayer moments.

 

18~Meekness. faith, & Strength. There is enough time, I woke to a peep peep from my incubator-a turkey!!

 

19~Grounded. My contribution in my relationship with God. Acceptance of the process, retrospective learning, it’s not a linear journey, a full life, patience, struggles, growth, stillness, a mission to do something nice for someone and not be found out. Products made in the US-trying to boycott stuff that’s not (It’s a long process that takes patience and persistence-more than 3 out of 4 things are not local)

 

20~Helping others. Abundance, the more I give the more I received (this is true financially as well), trust, courage, victory. “He that conquers himself is greater than he who conquers a city”, Ensign magazine, Eye doctors, ‘carrying the message’ There are people with diabetes who desperately to stop eating sugar and killing themselves with food-there is a solution!

 

21~”Resting & waiting patiently for God’s Guidance” obedience “Character is developed by the daily discipline of duties done” (24). A day off. Chicken bingo with seniors (I brought my chickens and the seniors were given numbers and whatever number the chicken pooped on (on the numbered floor mat) the senior won a prize!). Being of service when I a depressed helps me. The last payment on 2 debts this month.

 

22~Claiming God’s strength. Being present when someone prayed out loud for the first time. The gal and her family were on their knees-it was truly beautiful! Baby turkeys, paperwork, stamps, envelopes, the amazing postal service, email, communication, yellow highlighter, my credit report is beautiful, love, slowing down, joy that shows on my face due to the joy in my heart due to being abstinent & having Jesus in my life, such abundance.

 

23~Finishing one thing before starting another (God help me), taking the next right action, good delicious food, asking God for help to get to bed earlier, Temple prayer rolls, my gratitude list re-inspires me, Missionaries, starting another 4th step in the form of an autobiography. Learning more about myself.

 

24~Givng creates abundance. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is so completely amazing that I was brought to tears at the end of my quiet time. An exceptional day yesterday.

 

25~ There is no limit on how God can use me to help others. I am trying not to get in the way. Wool flannel black and red farmer shirts, hot tea, the last fire for the season, the weather report, colors, paying attention to my tardiness.

 

26~ Spiritual discipline produces spiritual fruit. “All of your life is a preparation for more good to be accomplished when God knows you are ready for it” (24) A nice man came and got my lawnmower running. A nice lady brought her weed eater for me to borrow. Time for yard work today in my overgrown jungle. I have a lawn to mow!

 

27~Slow enough to be deeply rooted. “My life cannot flower into success and help fullness unless it is rooted in strong faith, or unless it feels deeply secure in the goodness & purpose of the universe. (24)

 

28~Noticing God’s presence. Stillness, early morning, farm life, depression is a part of my life-and I want to embrace/accept/& learn from every aspect of my life. My income recently doubled (for a season).

 

29~ My helping hand coupled with God’s strength. Spiritual discipline, taking action to do something good when I didn’t feel like it, spiritual blessings, praying vigilantly to release the noise in my head about my recent income increase (it is funny-I am having less financial security & freedom with more money-my mind races & crunches #’s-mostly with an obsession on paying debt), deprivation does not create abundance, balance, friends, farm work, joy, noticing joy, rest. I am going to the Temple for the first time today with a dear dear friend.

 

30~ All is well. “Development of the buried life within me (24), my true self, service, the absolute presence of the Holy Spirit I felt at the Temple, reverence, support, white, ‘Just For Today’ card, theConnection Magazine, the ability to read, shoes, my feet, time.

 

31~Linking my mind and soul to God through prayer. Volunteer work, loyalty, attendance, generous, giving, kind, creative, suggestions, loving, attitude, giving interest/enthusiasm/devotion-myself to God’s work. The hard work and great service the animal shelter provides for the community, the library, the Daily Bee, The food bank, The senior center, Goodwill, and the Healing Gardens-so many more community organizations. Seeing deer in the field.

 

 

June 2010 

 

1~Growing by listening. Making an intentional effort not to rush. Dory on “Finding Nemo” inspires me to stay in the moment. Integrity.

 

2~ The Power of God’s Grace in me, breakfast, books, Quiet excitement, silent strength, gradual transformation from the old life to the new, the library, raspberry plants that are vigorous (it looks like it wants to take over the world!)

 

3~ Love, pulling weeds from the wet ground, The Book of Mormon, the soft sweet smell and feel on the baby’s head when I nuzzle him, the cute little sounds/expressions/& smiles he is starting to make, when people are on time. Playing pinochle with seniors.

 

4~ Expressing & modeling spiritually. Thinking “be here now”, I have a beautiful berry patch, 2 varieties of strawberries (one is giant), 8 blueberry bushes (2 varieties), a gooseberry, blackcurrant, tayberry, several grape vines, black berry, Red/yellow/purple/black raspberries. I love it!

 

5~ Very Quiet. “Your moral strength derives its effectiveness from the power that comes when you listen patiently for the small still voice.” (24) Slow. Still. Intentional. Deliberate work.

 

6~ Tenderness. The gift Sabbath to set aside my work and give the day to God. I get the privilege of doing this every week. My blue/straw/raspberries are all blooming heartily with berries developing. Classical music, great services.

Ecclesiastes 6:7 paraphrased “We labor intensively exhaustingly to

feed our appetites while starving our souls”

Confidence laced with humility, joy dunked in depth, sincere prayer is much more effective than constant activity (why is it so much more difficult to pray rather than take action?)

 

7~ My character changes as I move towards God. Things of the Spirit-beauty-love-honesty-purity-& unselfishness. A commitment I took at baptism to ‘bear one another’s burdens’

 

8~ Choosing the right thing-not the easier thing. The refining process.

Not always getting my way. When my way becomes God’s way-and then letting it have it’s way with me, being way out there-way to much dude! How about weighing the same for 2 years, weighing & measuring my food brings freedom, soaking grain in the whey from my yogurt & giving it to my chickens. I love being a Silly GOOSE.

 

9~ “Just Wait & Pray” a direct message from God. Believing  there are secret powers in good manners, pouring spring rain-the moist smell of after rain & blossoms in the air, my car, not having to over explain things anymore-God understands me, looking at surrendering 2 things I really don’t want to, but that I see I have a hold on me. I would rather have a choice (freedom) than those things.

 

10~ Peace that passes all understanding. Deflecting gossip, a good thunderstorm, the brilliance of lightning. Small frequent spiritual deposits can add up. A change of heart from an angry person.

 

11~ Value.

 

12~ Obedience. Faith. Discernment-asking for it when unclear. Someone bartered a freezer with me, getting 9 chickens in it yesterday, hope, selling 6 chickens today (guess what I am having for lunch?)

 

13~ Guided. “Thy will not mine be done” God answers prayers. Receiving my Patriarchal Blessing today-Angel will be there. New glasses, baby turkeys, yard sales, a headset for my cell phone, tables.  I am so grateful & relieved that I don’t drink beer anymore-it stinks,

 

14~ “Spare no effort to become all that God would have me to be” (24) The amazing gift of a Patriarchal Blessing. I don’t have to deprive myself, God’s abundant love. Finishing the bible yesterday again- to start at the beginning today. Baby grins.

 

15~ Blessed by God. Open & looking for those blessings so I can be of greater service to Him. “You may count all material things as loss if they prevent winning your way to the consciousness of God’s guidance” “…earn the rewards of God’s power & peace” (24)

 

16~ Space & time for God. Seeking, Purpose, Service.

 

17~ Redemption. I am forgiven, miracles, time, debt, worship, thought, rest, forgiving my dog for killing 13 more chickens. I trust my Heavenly Father knows best in my life & will try not to bulldoze over that small still voice. Sincere prayer is much more effective than constant doing.

 

17~ Redemption.

 

18~ Worthwhile (time spent). Delight in God.

 

19~Today, Right Now. Noticing miracles, the small & simple means in life are usually how God can bring about His great and eternal purposes (Alma 37:6-7). A bumper sticker for my car that says ‘Keep it Simple’ Playing Boggle with both my kids. The truth, God’s plan, trust, Ali is here.

 

20~Direction & Purpose, Faith, colors, badminton, connection, Yard Sales, fruit stands, the camera on my cell phone.

 

21~ Stable Balanced perception. Spiritual true/material fleeting. The peaceful sound of rain that soothes, tranquility, meaning, the longest day of the year, patience. My Ali is home. Poems, blessings, church, messages.

 

22~ Courage with Grace, The day will come when I am freed of all material things & find peace. I am grateful I don’t have a lot of money-it would complicate my life. Money takes time-I would rather spend my time on spiritual pursuits and keep my life uncluttered with materialism & busyness. I am promised I will have sufficient means so my earthly needs will be attended to.

 

23~Pausing often. The color orange, spiral notebooks, enthusiastic newcomers, when people share of themselves, the lawn mower started, the wonderful smell of a wet spring, easing into summer rather than blasting into intense heat.

 

24~ Quiet faith. Saving Grace. Quiet mornings with bird twitters.

I am no longer borrowing from the future when I am not eating addictively. The sugar high-the dazed sugar drunken foggy head-and then the crash-the mental anguish of the “hangover”. Then back into the craving feigning possession-the pursuit and hunt for the perfect food-then the time it takes to obtain and eat (more like scarf)-all laced with mental obsession-whew how exhausting. That is time debiting. I am grateful to be out of it and free today.

 

25~ Basking in His Glory. Awe & desire to Worship God in wondering amazement. I got to “let go” of at work (I expected this when I started-the client doesn’t keep care providers long). I now have time for Ali-she moved back in a week ago. I now have time for my farm & garden & Cassandra & Bryson & more time for God.

 

26~Pateince for God’s perfect timing. Trying to stay out of the way.

 

27~ I am blessed. Fences, boundaries, change, poise, peace of mind, among a hurricane of change, dog sitting has & will provide income. It’s going well with my girls, calm, composure during difficulties. I dreamed that I got a goat kiss. J

 

28~ Laying down my will as an offering. Feeding Bryson his first real food-a pear I canned myself & watching him have experience for the first time-he is so cute. Eating broccoli from my Gpa’s garden, Diatomaceous earth, Azure Standard, bulk foods, goals, believing in good, the dawning of a new day.

 

29~ Trust. Discipline, improvement, growth, preparation, expression, joy, this moment, heat, barefoot, paperwork. Realizing that trusting God takes discipline & action. I have to include Him & be open & receptive (quiet/slow/surrender my will to hear His) to know if I have given Him enough involvement to trust Him.

 

30~ Now.

 

July 2010 I am Grateful for…

1~Infectious spirit of calmness and trust. Dialogues with God. Really listening and seeking His will. Intense pain brings me into His arms.

 

2~ Faith, Hope & Trust. I have a symphony of support. Friends, fellowship.

 

3~ Satisfied. Healed. Rested. “Think of the wonderful spiritual revelations still to be found by those who are trying to live the spiritual life. Much of life is spiritual unexplored country” “…great spiritual discoveries to be revealed.” (24) Seeing purpose in one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. So grateful for my faith. My vast support system.

 

4~ Regeneration. “the invitation of God to be our Friend” (24). Personal patience, a lovely nap, picking strawberries from my own garden, accepting the weeds and poor condition of my garden-comfortably I have spent my time as God intended-& I have not skimped on time with His or my kids. Simplicity. First things first.

 

5~ Seeking God’s direction. Writing an autobiography for a 4th step (fearless and searching moral inventory), manifestation, the Law of attraction(prayer), “you are what you think’-learning to retrain my elusive brain’s thought process a little at a time-relying on God’s help and direction for that.

 

6~Claiming God’s strength with faith. Really seeing how my self-will has hurt me in the past, complete delight in pausing to include God. Colorful pens. Ali & I are doing well together. Painted toenails, a few days alone in the house. Praying deeply and passionately for my children.

 

7~I trust God. A warm day finally. By letting go-the outcome is better than I could have ever done. My daughter has the opportunity to move out with baby 3 months before her 18th birthday to a safe & structured & supportive environment. I really trust God.

 

8~Guided.

 

9~Believing & accepting & seeking miracles. Yard Sales, someone delivered some quality used carpet (it came out of a mansion!), sharing pork chops J, moving back into the master room, help from the missionaries, one of their eyes lit up when I said there was wood to split-my wood is now all split & it filled him with joy. Getting to feed my grandson green beans for breakfast.

 

10~ Simple effective faith. Miracles of quiet time, outside, bird sounds, my Geo, 90 degree days, freshness, ladders, love, my desk, a big 12 quart stainless steel pot, lessons of surrender, acceptance, neutrality, bubbling with gratitude (I feel I could go and on the morning!)

 

11~Protected. My cuddly dog, clothes hangers, clothespins, alarm clocks, pink, catching my rabbit that had been running free for 3 months.

 

12~ Today. God’s grace and mercy have saved me. Talking to my mama on the phone, Starting another amazing book by Richard Swenson-Imagining wiping my slate clean of every action/thought/belief/“thing” and letting God fill my life with His purpose. Pretty darn profound.

 

13~ Expecting the good. Embracing depression.

 

14~ Peace of mind in the middle of turmoil. Protected when I rely on His strength. Feeling deeply safe under God’s protection. Unafraid. Moving forward.

 

15~ Deep Inner Calm. Secure (when depending on God). Faith gives me strength. Confidence, funnels, hoses, raspberries ripening.

 

16~ “Deeply secure in the fundamental goodness & purpose in the universe” (24) Visiting teaching, an opportunity to go to a singles retreat in my church even though it really scares me. God is my refuge-like shade in the desert. My shelter in a storm. Protected. “try to feel His divine power-call on it-accept it-& use it… Each day seek safely in God’s secret place, in communion with Him” (24)

 

17~Reflection. God is here always available, doing the limbo, getting out of my comfort zone produces growth. People who do service, screens for window, hot summer days, window open at night. Homemade yogurt, products that produce little or no waste/garbage.

 

18~Humility. God’s unending grace. Hearing “Life is simply a test-to see if we will Seek first the kingdom of God. I believe I am beginning to embrace this concept as it becomes fuller in my life. Finding a sparkly formal dress at a yard sale form $3 and wearing it to a dance at a singles retreat in my church. Dancing sober. No obsession or lust came up for me at this event (thank you God) meeting some lovely people. Opportunity for growth.

 

19~ Miracles everywhere. Times that I allow God to fully guide and strengthen me, longing always for something better (God’s will not mine). Dedication, sleep, love, timing, my website.

 

20~Guidance. A mild day. Writing my life story for a 4th step (Searching & fearless moral inventory) has been deeply insightful yet emotionally draining. I am learning so much about myself. So grateful for where I am and my growth & that it keeps getting deeper and more profound. My life experience is better than ever even through enduring extreme difficulties with life situations. I LOVE being a Mormon and a member of FA.

 

21~Tolerance. Depending less on myself & more on God. God can us me in a powerful way-if I can stay out of the way. Reading old journals I see how much clutter I have let go of-“Stuff”-but also emotional, spiritual, and activity clutter. I time debt much less & recognize it so much sooner!

 

22~Confidence, diversity. His Grace. “…any person who depends on God’s Power a future of unlimited power  to do good works” (24). Notebooks, new shoes for Ali, things so far are going surprisingly well, maturity, the better/richer/spiritually fuller my life gets as I get older, the profoundness of God-that I take time to notice.

 

23~ Peace of mind. Calm, a beautiful sunset, my daughter loves to capture beautiful moments with the camera-then she shares them with me from wherever she is (gotta love picture messaging). Equality, punctuality. Joy.

 

24~Faithful. Patience, a fun card game, getting to know some of my church family better, sunshine, modesty, doing the right thing (not the easy thing), trust, miracles. Everything that happens is an opportunity to grow closer to God.

 

26 Abundance. The only things I get to keep are those that I give away (this is the secret to abundance). The less I have material the more I have for spiritual. Summer heat. Family Home Evening on Mondays (shrimp dinner with Ali)

 

27~Noticing God’s presence. The intense heat, hoses, Y’s, my kids being brave, service, “doing something nice for someone and not being found out”, my dogs, my handyman wants me to dog sit, so I got some projects done-and I am relieved! Barter.

 

28~Today. Right now. Allowing joy.

 

30~Content. Work. Home teachers. My auto mechanic, big mirrors.

 

31~A grateful heart. Summer rain, alarm clocks, reminders. Finding the kittens the stray cat (that I have named-darn!) had in someone’s attic, my rabbit, working again.

 

August 2010 I am grateful for……..

 

1~My soul merging with God in His perfect Harmony-this is the Holy Spirit and it is divine, my sponsor, her wisdom, the miracles in FA, change, time, Quiet time, water, lotion.

 

2~Perparing the soil for God’s abundance. Sprinkles, hoses, fresh raspberries.

INSERT DIALOGUE

 

3~Moments with God. My grandpa found a dog to share his days with. Having to depend on people. Settling in. Watering systems. Phone calls.

 

4~Renewal. Amazing one on one time with my sponsor.

 

5~ Trust. Interesting contradictions that create balance. Someone cares enough about me to give me so much of her time. A 4th/5th step. Admitting to God, myself & another person the exact nature of my wrongs. It is so evident my needing to be right has impacted my life and all those around me very negatively. Thank you God. I don’t HAVE to be right $ am learning humility. Raspberries, attorneys, judges, release of burden to God’s care, transferring my problems, sleeping with open windows.

 

6~Quiet refilling of the Holy Spirit, finding the perfect dog for my grandpa.

 

7~Quiet refilling of the Spirit. Spending time with Cassandra and Bryson shopping, my Geo, cashiers, glasses, checks in the mail, naps.

 

7 (Again? Whatever..)~ God’s spirit is always with me. All is well (even when it doesn’t feel like it) My house (mobile mansion) is paid for and painted my favorite color (Fuchsia!) my bills are current, I reduce my debt monthly by not taking any more debt and making payments. I have not taken any new long-term debt in almost 3 years, the lawnmower.

 

8~

 

 

September, 2010

 

God’s love. September, moments of stillness in a busy day, my clothes line, the blankets are getting refreshed with rain, pressure cookers that look as old as my G-ma, snapping green beans, plans to can beans & pickled beets, water.

 

2~Getting out of God’s way. Having good time with both girls, safety, thought, contemplation, sparkles.

 

3~ God’s Glory. The warm fuzzies I feel when I look at a counter with canned beets sitting on it. Pauses in a very busy day-like soothing God filled deep breaths, my home phone, baby chicks in my room, my stove, time with God.

 

4~ Calling on the Grace of God. Calmness, inner strength, penetrating peace, missions, purpose, direction, vision, articulateness, veterinarians, 52 baby chicks in my room, reminder tones, colors, sleep, opportunities for good are always present-when I have willingness to do the right thing-not the easy thing, cuddly dogs, warm nights, lightning, thunder that rocks the house-that feeling of God’s omnipotent power, the mosquitoes season is ending.

 

5~ Seeing beauty. Abundance, change, wrinkles, wisdom, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, compassion, service, autumn in the air, worship, optimism, hope, naps, Gospel Principles, missionaries.

 

6~ Tolerance. Live and Let Live.

 

7~ God is my refuge. Practicing “Easy does it” is the best way, that I realize this. Moments of stillness. Security, finding my joy again. A very nice day with my daughter, eating at a Floating restaurant, finding shoes to wear with a dress.

 

8~ Feeling the joy of God’s love to the depth of my soul. Lines on the road, warm fuzzies.

 

9~ The Grace of God, divine favor, beauty, honesty. September 9 is a very special day- 9/9/99 I started my 12-step journey in recovery. My car, tires, chairs, lap blankets, desk lamps, pots & pans, company for dinner.

 

10~ Serving God. “The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead” (AA Big Book), Buying a goat! Finally after years of wanting & praying. Big beautiful beets.

 

11~ Compassion. Seeing God’s grace in power/peace/love. Watching my girls grow & mature. Learning to can with a pressure cooker. Seeing finished jars sitting on a towel on the counter fills me with a sense of peace & contentment-this IS how I want to live. Chickens.

 

12~Tolerance. Insight. Acceptance, the financial freedom I have in contrast to my income. Silverwood Theme Park, riding 2 rides I didn’t want to just to bond with my daughters & I enjoyed them both and cherished the time with my kids. Getting 10 laying hens for a great price.

 

13~ The power of prayer. Commitment, when I am able to overcome procrastination, time alone, sunny fall days, propane, doves, twinkles, a sliver moon.

 

14~ My soul’s deepest desire is to get to know my Heavenly Father better. Increasing belief, little red wagons, big pots, Mason & Kerr canning jars, eggs are so beautiful & diverse-so are chickens.

 

15~ Strength in Weakness, contentment, resting in God’s presence, practicing stillness. AWOL (A Way Of Life-how we work the 12 steps in FA), fingernail clippers, fingers.

 

16~ God abides in me. Now & eternity & their inseparable link. Spiritual flowers, love & service, abundant yields, when people ask for help. The leaves are just starting to turn color, warm days, tie die skirts, time, meetings, newcomers, early mornings, shifting light, change of seasons, a load of wood ready to split in my back yard, the smell of wood on a man, sacrifice is specific.

 

17~ Spiritual Health. I seem to take out of life what I put in. The gift (and burden) of choice, effort, strength, a birthday party on Monday (the big 4-0) as a workday for projects around my house. Exercising my brain daily with gratitude, reading scripture, practicing quiet time (concentrated effort to slow & rest my brain really helps to strengthen and enhance it). Love. God has a husband for me.

 

18~ “Dwelling with God in sweet communion outside the realm of material distraction” ‘Renewing my strength in quietness” (24) Picking up 2 beautiful amazing young female goats yesterday. All of my adult life I have wanted goats- I was touched with deep joy on the ride home. A high school friend whom I took my first drink with when I was 14 (who doesn’t really talk to me anymore) has made it into recovery-it’s really great to see God’s miracle.

 

19~ Trusting God’s strength. Joy-real joy. The gift of willingness to grow spiritually, deep hunger for the miracle, receiving many miracles. The lulling sound of rain, going to the Temple and doing important service work, Sabbath, awareness of God’s presence.

 

20~ God brings order out of chaos. Today. Having no idea what to expect.

 Every moments does NOT have to be filled with activity or thought.

 

21~ God is timeless. Prayers can be uttered at anytime and be effective. Faith, a great gift of produce and of people’s time.

 

22~ Joy in serving God, meetings, strength in weakness, the vast opening of my yard, my character defects are not bad-they are a just part of me & God gave them to me so I can learn from them and to prune and mold me into the person He wants- and they are changeable.

 

23~ Turning to God. Comfort & joy, making a decision. A duck, getting the 2 stray cats fixed that adopted me, down to 3 barn cats, a very fun interaction at a nursery, getting a smoke bush for myself & a friend, a full moon, my electric furnace, my grandson.

 

24~ Waking up to “I need Thee every hour”-a song playing in my head. Playing volleyball last night with church members. Telling someone I was afraid & serene at the same time and she exclaimed “I just love that!” Big big stuff is happening in my life and I can turn to God for answers.

 

25~ “…be conscious of His support, and wait quietly until that true rest fills your being” (24). My down comforter, goat-a-lees, friendly barn cats, support, belief in fundamental goodness, growth, fall, having a job, personalities, a sharp knife, squash, fences, dreams.

 

26~ Gladness in God’s service. Satisfaction, today, Sabbath, planting a smoke bush, loppers, quiet, not rushing, praise, effort, courage, bobby pins, baby giggles, teeth, nose hairs (you know- to protect lungs from pollutants. You can be grateful for your nose hairs too!)

 

27~ Spiritual vision. “God’s power in your life increases as your ability to understand His grace increases”(24) An overbearing willow tree that was taking over my front yard-stealing sunlight from my garden & orchard-blocking my limited view of the lake was cut down at my work b-day party. It feels like it opened up my entire yard. A feeling of open joy come with it. That is the same feeling after joining the church. It opened up my spiritual world for the Spiritual vision & constant companionship of the Holy Spirit-the only way I keep this is through abstinence in FA and spiritual investment. Than you Heavenly Father for such wonderful gifts.

 

28~ A shared life. Letting the process happen rather than attempting to force or control. Empathy, phone calls, support through hard stuff, today, help, a partnership with my neighbor raising goats. The smell of molasses, the smell of goats (only a farmer would get that), babies.

 

29~ Accepting responsibility. Noticing and experience joy. Openness, a really warm day, young hard working strapping missionaries that came and helped me do an amazing amount of work, tasks, big rocks, challenges, check marks on my list, accomplishments, sharing my life with others, neckties.

 

30~ “His healing touch causes the Divine Quiet to flow into your very being” (24) support, confidence, healing goals, collars, thrift shores, my fingers, my Bishop, my church family, nice smelling candles, Public Information committees.

 

October 2010

1~Spiritual guidance, hearts, winter squash on sale for  .38 a pound, storage, pink, opportunity, freecycle, breath, my lungs-deliberate breath into the back lungs, fingernail polish remover, my pink watch, wind chimes.

 

2~ A deep desire to help, searching for God’s will, magical Spirit filled moments, my oven, learning to lighten up, learning I don’t have to be right. Funny moments, plaid, freedom, sweetness.

 

3~ Calm. Listening without interrupting. Quite assurance, deep certainty of God’s Presence/Power/love/Protection. Helping some friends butcher some chickens, someone showed me about some wild mushrooms.

 

4~Meaning & Purpose. The sound of rain on the roof, forgiveness, letting go of criticism, humility, 12X12 AA book, step 7, I don’t have to be right.

 

5~ Tolerance. Unselfish effort, available to be led by the Holy Spirit, a full day at home.

 

6~Change. Hot water, letting go of who I think I am to see who God wants me to be (that is really deep)

 

7~ Leaning on God’s strength through my weakness, humility, service, ‘Sharing one another’s burdens’, sharing my burdens, diversity, feeling needed, journaling, gas.

 

8~Prayer-deep heartfelt meaningful prayer. Tolerance. ‘Live & Let Live’, volleyball, lines, expression, forgiveness, freedom, shovels, tulip bulbs, rain, I have a good job, endings, sharing burdens, growing closer to God.

 

9~True Fellowship. Organizational tools, authenticity, sharpies, uncluttering, moderation, rest when weary, including God, asking how to pray, watching someone learn to be rigorously honest.

 

10~ The privilege of being God’s servant. Pitchforks, shoes, outside work, rain, time with God early in the morning, prayer, letting go, nice smelling candles, sharp knives. Ensign magazine, people who give of their time.

 

11~Looking for the good in people, a sincere desire to let go of criticism, big lake trout, unique friendships, propane tanks, enchicks (to big to be chicks-to little to be chickens-hence EnChicks instead of ChickEns), plums, My wonderful church, freecycle, asking God for knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out (see a lot of this is just stuff I repeat), worship by sacrifice.

 

12~ Vision, faithful service, new opportunities to make right choices constantly, Nora Jones, I know my bank account balance, watching others grow, lots and lots of beets, solutions to problems.

 

13~Growth. Someone gave me a Beautiful comforter with matching curtains –enough for most of my big windows & she sought me out to give them to me-wow! I am grateful for gratitude and the profound difference it makes in my life, sparking up the wood stove for the season, socks, visits from The Holy Spirit.

 

14~ Growing faith, harmony in God’s will, taking action, not every moment has to be filled, stillness, reflection, silky pink, sunshiny autumn days, missionaries, neckties- they are so beautiful. Satisfaction.

 

15~ An entire new life. Awareness of complaining & criticism is the first step in letting it go. I will enjoy even when I can’t find my joy-I know it is still there. Someone mowed my lawn for me.

 

16~Calm, Releasing. Accepting. A good day with my daughter, cloth bags, less waste, a cuddly dog, Opportunity to show up emotionally when it took everything I had. Sacrifice, “Prepare for a mission” is what the small still voice is telling me loudly-this helps me from collecting too many things (Stuff suffocation)

 

17~Infinate possibilities for Spiritual growth. God’s perfection, trust, the miracle of being spiritually attuned in the middle of “mental fog & physical exhaustion’. Letting go of my dear dog Molly to a home that feels just right-letting go of her let’s someone else experience the joy she has to give. (She has killed over 30 chickens in the last 6 months-and is looking at the goats like she would do the same) Ali was with me and got to see where it is going, 2 great days with Ali. Having my grandson overnight. A beautiful frosty morning.

 

18~Humility. Doing the right thing-not the easy thing. Liberal with praise. Looking for the good.

 

19~God hears my cries, His grace is always available. I am safe. Shiny pink, bubbles, balloons, bouncing, answered prayers, God’s open arms & comfort.

 

20~Obedience, acceptance brings abundance, continuing to pray, hearing the small still voice clearly  & obeying. Divine intent, evolving beauty, my oldest daughter turns 18 today!

 

21~God responds to the longing of my heart, the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost (as long as I am willing), His abiding peace & comfort in the latest turmoil of my days. I am physically safe, God will use all of the intensity of hurtfulness my kids are trying to project on me to make us all stronger. I am learning how to love unconditionally.

 

22~Renewing of my faith daily. Open for the Spirit of God to dwell within. Fellowship, a clean kitchen, filling the donation box, outside work. ‘Easy does it’

 

23~Spriitual Harmony,  a changed life, a new personality, laughter, not being as reactive, opportunities, relaxing, sharing one another’s burdens.

 

25~ Now. Letting go of what I think I want to open my hands & heart to what God knows are the true desires of my heart. Most things I criticize is none of my business. Learning to give of myself.

 

26~ Companionship with God. Letting go of all my “stuff” is so exciting. ‘Less is More’, Spiritual freedom, continually learning to surrender.

 

27~’Easy does it’. One thing at a time. Flowers, crisp autumn air, freecycle, sharing, letting go of the material opens my life for the spiritual. The color blue, coconut oil, transformation, appreciation, socks, amazing moments, quiet time, being calmly excited.

 

28~ Cooperation, understanding, companionship, home, anticipation. God’s plans, trust. Right now. Letting go, written prayer, new pants, vacuum cleaners, filters, less clutter, seeking the Kingdom of the Lord first, reminders, sacred time.

 

30~Waiting passionately. There is a time for everything. Season, friends, responsibilities, PMS tea, candles, the chair I am sitting on, punctuality, using blinkers can cave lives, the amazing fall colors.

 

31~ I have found my place of rest, where contentment wraps around me-ever deepening as I allow it with acceptance & obedience to God’s will. The sound of the lulling rain. Following suggestions designed to help me, the urging of my conscience, hearts, doodling, depth, purging my stuff means I am in store for a deep spiritual experience-more time & space for God & contentment-a feeling that saturates my soul with “I have enough”.

 

NOVEMBER

December 2010

 

2~ Acceptance. Snow-lots of snow, teaching, wood time, laundry, observation, snow boots, a nice card in the mail that wasn’t a Christmas care-there was hand writing in it!, heaters, awaiting joy.

 

3~Small consistant deposits really add up-spiritually/mentally/emotionally/physically. A really nice visit with my daughter.

 

4~ Practing now. Energy saving Christmas lights, meetings, bobby pins, paper, getting invited to Rumba dance lessons.

 

5~ Give (time, prayer. Love, thoughts, self, grace). Learning more about myself-I love to dance! The joy of dance reached my heart enough to penetrate through my lack of rhythm. Spakrles, watching experienced dancers espress their passionate joy on the floor, my electic furnace.

 

7~ Spiritual nurishment. Being broken enough for God to fix, a desire to be well. Brilliant Sparkels in the snow, vanilla candles.

 

8~ God’s power and Grace. Reverance, the Holy Spirit’s prescence in my daily life, solutions, seasons, noticing discontentment, watching others immense growth, honest, goats, a day at home, watching my grandson and my grandma together.

 

9~ Purposeful faith. God is the meaning of life, rest in God, peace of mind, “speed limit of the soul”, abundance, fellowship, not making rash decisions, vacuum cleaners, a day off, letting go of critisms one praise at a time.

 

10~ Stillness. Direction from God, amazing fellowship in FA and my church are both like family. A clean floor, cutain rods.

 

11~Today. The smell of vanilla, seasons, pictures, picture albums, scanners, website storage, watching someone learn to surrender, learning to surrender, profound moments of connection, shrimp, inclusion, FA in Sandpoint. “one who buys what he does not need steals from himself” –Swedish Proverb.

 

12~Amazing Love. Contimplation that is not hindered by insessive thinking, a brown coat, stratching, my oldest daughter sleeping on the couch, affectionate hugs, seeing a friend, cute guys, venision, a whole new life that keeps evolving in spritual beauty.

 

13~Abundance. Special individual time with each of my girls. Learning more everyday, my little care, twinkles, Ensign,  conferences, getting a new calling at church-Stake Singles Representative will put me in contact with more single people in my church.

 

14~ Calm. In order to keep wonderful things I must give them away.

 

15~Unique opportunity to be of service, confidenciality, the next indicated thing.

 

16~ Choosing reighteousness. “Happiness is a by-product  of doing the right thing”(24). Noticing the clutter of incessive thining in my head and practing awareness, the amazing impact A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle is making on my life.

 

17~Faith. Trust. Aware. Hope. Love. Joy.

 

18~ Reflection, resting in faith. My cell phone, change, living alone for today.

 

19~ The ability to love someone profoundly whoe is  having profound unlovable actions.

 

20~ Harmony. Assurance of God’s prsence. Powerful Priesthood Blessings, a fun birthday party, opening my heart around gift giving/receiving on “appointed” days. Someone sharing that made I a difference in their life (as they were doing something that impacted my life!)

 

21~ Pausing to listen. Yearning to obey my Heavenly Father. Yeliding & foillowing the Holy Spirut’s quiet guidance. The ligh of days will get longer after otday, the ladder, chimney brushe, a barn cat who is very affectionate named Coal, Christmas lights.

 

22~

 

 Gratitude 2012

I am grateful for…

January

 

1~ God is supplying the Wisdom & Strength I need. New journal starts today because the old one is filled with words. My experiences mold me into who God intends. Joy. New beginnings. Complete in my brokenness.

 

2~Surrender versus resolution. Breathing in today in all its glory. Hope, courage, blessings, finding a house with lot that I fell in love with. Waiting on God. Deep assurance He will give me the desires of my heart. Waking up early and taking bonus time with Him. Walking, my legs & feet, long johns, nice dress boots, boxes, transition.

 

3~The peace of the Holy Ghost, sleeping well, knitted slippers, garbage bags, watering cans, hope, anticipation, acceptance, fuchsia long johns, sheets, food storage, relaxing into what is combining with choosing the right actions envelopes me in peace.

 

4~Today. Not rushing, life is not an emergency, developing & practicing an urgency to spend time with God, worship, urgently slow, an excellent credit score, my self-worth is not based on my credit score (for years I struggled with this concept) putting an offer on a house-a pink house-one that when I walk into the yard I feel the presence of God so strong. Hope.

 

5~Peace from God, relaxing into it, allowing peace, seeking peace, finding peace that passes all understanding, inspectors, the Book of Mormon, everything my mother has taught me, trains, foot steps, water, services.

 

6~I am buying a house!! I looked in it on Tues and may close on Monday! It will be paid in full-no payments. My gpa bought this house for me. I am dazzled. Sleep. Looking at Great Danes, a soft cat in my lap.

 

8~Peace in difficulties-welcoming difficulties as a pathway to peace, my immense stresses right now are because of wonderful things, humility & intellect can be compatible, a very nice connection with my daughter, getting to see my grandson today at church.

 

9~Wow. Faith. Trust. Surrender. Patience. I start school tomorrow. Environmental science is a fascinating topic, preparation, prayer, the small still voice. When I have quality spirituality it seems to turn into quantity spirituality-seeping in every aspect of my life. Inspiration.

 

10~Great power in humility. Influence. Principles. I love being a Mormon! The gift of the Holy Ghost, My first day of school, excitement. It rained instead of snowed, tears of joy, moving into my very own home tomorrow.

 

11~A loving God’s unlimited power to work in my life. Today is the day! Being very excited & present to the moment at the same time. Enjoying doing what I am doing for the last time here. Beautiful paintings, God’s guidance, footsteps, my very own pink house, sharing the process.

My House!!

http://www.justsnooping.com/tours/2698387/?b=false

 

12~Grateful & humble. My new house is so nice. What an amazing gift. Noise, silence, patterns, roses, mirrors, oatmeal, my daughter was here for my first dinner, people’s enthusiasm for me. Hearing “It’s perfect for you” over and over.

 

13~Refinement. God knows how to filter impurities from me-obedience is my part. Chastity, purity, integrity. Making time for joy. My ever expanding capacity for joy. My new home! Dog sitting. A beautiful mailbox falling into my lap, men in suits, heat.

 

14~Right now. Now is forever, noticing now. Awakened to what really matters, animal smells, my gas fireplace with no mess, snow predicted,

 

15~Soul Balance. Claiming God’s power, replenish, relax, trust, classical music, my friend’s came into my home & helped me unpack/organize/decorate/settle-I so so appreciated this. This gift of intense fatigue will help me have empathy, a nap, Sabbath, rest.

 

16~Effort. Perseverance. God is in the little things, harmony, beauty, voice lessons, somewhere deep inside there must be the ability to sing, my gpa, Quality time, learning, Christmas lights, loneliness, contacts, relief, peace, Petey (a pitbull/dalmation cross that my daughter picked from the shelter 5-6 years ago, we have been sharing him)

 

17~Love & Trust, fresh beautiful snow, a beautiful flower painted mailbox. A new address, bussiness cards, address label, vista print, clouds, help, community, accepting fatigue (no sense fighting it-that would just make me tired –er). Email.

 

18~Slow. Developing faith. Rest, sleeping well, a cuddly dog that I am borrowing. My facet is J shaped, drawers in the kitchen.

 

20~Striving to see the spiritual in all things. Learning to think differently, “we are what we think” when I say or thing “I’m so tired” it reinforces it, running water, my pipes will thaw, insulation, weather widgets.

 

21~Opening my mind to God’s, ability to chose, newness, familiar, someone fixed my furnace, the Temple, commitment, garbage bins, lamps, switches, books, blankets, softness, joy & increasing capacity for joy, my food scale, I have enough, light bulbs.

 

22~Home. Humility gives me so much spiritual strength. Gratitude give me so much spiritual connection, houseplants, candles, curtains, quiet appliances, love, support, appreciation, loving someone who is rude, stillness, books, learning how not to argue (no one “wins” an argument), my difficulties mostly turn into my greatest assets.

 

23~Blessings, change. The prayer of Jabez. I started praying this prayer again 5 months ago

“Oh bless me Indeed! Enlarge our territory, that Your hand be with my and protect me from evil that I may not cause pain.”

 I felt humbled and strange asking to be blessed (Indeed!) after He gave me a house-paid in full, but I really think I am suppose to ask-to furtherHis Kingdom (hence “our” territory) someone called me yesterday and wants to bless me with a little red pick up! INCREDIBLE!

 

24~Encouragement, Spiritual vision, spiritual power in Christ’s name, freedom, wool sweaters, snow, God sent a special someone to my house to help me with chemistry, butts, sharing dinner with someone, candles, luxury of living alone, water, sewer, electricity, my down blanket, Petey.

 

25~Understand, insight, vision, yoga, bath, awareness, voice lessons in college, Environmental science, PH, lab partners, inspiration, space between activity, an open day, my sit bones, this moment, coconut oil, books, lists, writing smile on my list of things to do.

 

26~Calm, Letting God work through me.

 the book 1,000 Gifts  by Ann Voskamp has rocked my world- a quote

“While I may not always feel joy, God ask me to give thanks in all things, because He knows that the feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving.”… “True saints know that the place where all the joy comes from is far deeper than the feeling joy comes from the place of the very presence of God. Joy is God. God is joy & joy doesn’t negate all other emotions, joy transcends all other emotions.”

A walk with Edith, the power of prayer, my daughter spent the night, taxes, nice tax assessors, helpful people, cashiers, snow, books.

 

27~The Truth. Making space for joy-I wrote that on my list of things to do on Wed, seeing a street named Grace. Experiencing “let go absolutely” and it is amazing, that period of intense fatigue has passed for now. My heart works so dutifully every minute, fingernails, my little Geo, February sounds warmer than January, a mild winter, my very own house.

 

28~Trust. The amazing gift of Tithe. I cant’ out give God-when I am in sink to His Will, checks in the mail, a deep bathtub, split peas, Divine inspiration, fresh air, seaweed.

 

29~Hope. Rest. Work. Waiting, time prayers, wool sweaters, baskets, Pandora Radio.

 

30~ Companionship. Healing, power, restoration, communion with God. “It is in serenity and peace that all true success lies” (24) opportunity, humor, laughter, bed frames, my daughter is here, thinking about joy often lately.

 

31~Reinement. Releasing impurities, opportunity to surrender, value, systems, doctors, answers to questions, goals, practicing joy-even when I am tired. That ability to write, a cuddly dog.

 

Thanks          www.judesgratitude.com

 

Some gifts from a book called 1,000 Gifts

Á sanctuary of time

-a life so full can seems so empty. God give us tie, who has time for God-that makes no sense.

Our busy rushing ends in nothing (Psalms 39:6)

Being in a hurry. Getting to the next thing without fully entering into the thinking right in front of me. I cannot think of a single advantage I’ve ever gained from being in a hurry. But a thousand broken and missed things, ten of thousands lie in a wake of all the rushing…through all the haste I thought I was making up time, it turns out I was throwing it away!

…hurry and impatience are sure marks of the amateur.

The hurry makes us hurt.

Hurry always empties a soul.

Time is a relentless river. It rages on, a respecter of no one. This is the only way to slow time. When I enter time’s swift current, enter into the current moment with the weight of my attention.

Full attention fills the empty ache because here-time asks me to do the hardest of all: just open wide and receive. I will not desecrate this moment with ignorant hurry or sordid ingratitude.

I have time for God.

I slow time! It’s ridiculous how much joy a moment can hold.

Thanksgiving makes time.

Slow down time with all your attention.

Thanksgiving creates abundance.

Calm. Haste makes waste. Life is not an emergency.

Life is so urgent it necessitates living slow.

That in Christ, urgent means slow. That in Christ the most urgent necessitates a slow and steady reverence.

The fast have spiritually slow hearts. My drained empty body has stopped and my soul has caught up and if I give thanes here, …whom might I recognize here.

How long does it take your soul to realize that your life is full? The slower the living, the greater the sense of fullness and satisfaction. The body and soul can synchronize.

 

That suffering nourishes grace, and pain and joy are arteries of the same heart and mourning and dancing are but movements in His unfinished symphony of beauty.

Transfigure all things-take the pain that is given, give thanks for it, and transform it into a joy that fulfills all emptiness. Wow.

 

February 2012

 

1~Change. Consistency. Always striving to have God as the center-base-surrounding-the everything. Special friends, being a part of different people’s spiritual experiences, community, dumping something that was not good for me, clear boundaries.

 

2~Satisfaction. Respect. Love. Getting new glasses, a very nice & helpful lady at the vision center, the icemaker in the fridge (never had one before!), opportunity to serve. God’s humor-I asked for a Great Dane-so He brings a Chawawa into my world. Dog sitting this little fella until his owner can get her life put back together. Canning beets in Feb, making mistakes (I meant to order 5 lbs, not 25lbs!)

 

3~ Refresh. A real kitchen. My glass to stove top. Having a dead battery (I had a valid excuse to get my science exam transferred to a closer location saving a 100 mile roundtrip), bonus 4-5 hours at home, new glasses, yoga, breath, being prepared, humility, my faith+plus God’s power is= exponential strength.

 

4~Depending on God. This amazing gift of this house and it’s location, and privacy in such a populated (for me) area, trains, Black Rock. I am so close to the big Lake, being so grateful yesterday I was moved to tears.

 

5~The Temple. Spiritual school, love, electricity, dependence on God, direction, support, being available, time, peace in my heart, my furnace, abundant sunshine, sparkles in the snow, a moonlit walk next to a gurgling frozen Shepherd Lake, my dress boots, my daughter is here.

 

6~Longing just to be near Him-to dwell in His awesome presence. It comes in the stillness. Waiting. Seeing my grandson and his adoptive parents (I feel like they adopted me before knowing Bryson) and my daughter all at once. The importance of family.

 

7~Space between. Making moments for God on a busy day. Comfortable temperature, being a part of other people’s miracle, “dirt therapy” (it is a hippie farmer thing), visiting teaching, carpet, carrots, cumin, my house, change.

 

8~Enthusiamsm, waiting for guidance, beauty, an unscheduled day, animals, not having to be right, my large toaster over, no microwave at home, teaching, the sunrise, my beautiful flowery mailbox, lessons that aren’t painful, margin, balance, limits, saying no, saying yes.

 

9~Acceptance. Long johns, trains, retractable dog leashes, yoga, boots, green, storage sheds, thoughts of getting chickens dancing in my head.

 

10~God offers so much (an I take so little of His offering-God, help me to use all the power you give to me for today). Learning to be a steward, God doesn’t make mistakes. His pruning is perfect. Price tags, clarity, tables, chairs, bowls, spoons, God cherishes everyone. Elder Risenmay, communication, committees, commitment, agency. God give me the power and gift of choice-agency.

 

11~Waiting. “There is almost no work in life so hard as waiting. And yet God wants me to wait. All motion is more easy that calm waiting and yet I must wait until God shows me His will. So many people have marred their spiritual growth work and hindered the growth of their spiritual lives by too much activity.”(24)

God’s word from Simple Abundance page 61 (below)

“Prayer- Lord I wish that I could be one with Your Spirit, that I might spread Your will in this world. You offer so much, and I take so little. Help me to use what you hold forth, that I might reflect the blessed light of Your Son, Jesus Christ throughout the world. AMEN”

A prayer that I would use all the allotted power God give for me today, second chances, quiet assurance, trust, baskets, drawers, my own house, activities that nourish me.

 

13~Perserverance. Spiritual power, spiritual presence, patience, spiritual insight, learning to ask God for help, change. My washer and dryer, moisture, spring and summer will come.

 

14~Including God, experiencing God, asking God, joy in depression is still present (IF I allow) just not felt, taking time to notice joy. The skunk smell is dissipating fast (poor Petey) Lessons from a chawawa named Phoenix (the Great Dane God sent), I can pray for things that have already happened-God is beyond our concept of time. A beautiful Valentines dress, organic strawberries.

 

15~Inspirtation, organic products, my gpa, tests, wisdom, paying attention, a dialogue with God where He said “Joy awaits. Joy takes space only where space is made for it.” Basking in His Love. Feasting upon Him satisfies my hunger, getting ready for chickens.

 

16~Deep inner silence. Calm, Learning patience/humility/&peace. I am grateful for my thyroid gland working properly for all my life until recently. That my food intake & weight are monitored so when the little gland that has such a huge influence on my body started malfunctioning we could reduce my food intake so I didn’t gain. Surrendering 600-700 calories a day- 1/3 of my food has been intensely difficult and there is lots of noise in my head-so I ask God for help with deep inner silence and calm. I am grateful for experience that bring me closer to Him.

 

17~ Hearing a frog for the first time of the season for the first time in my new house, seeing robins, someone stopped by my house just to get a hug, doctors, hospitals, diagnostic tools, having polyps removed from my uterus today. Friends that help, the 10th step (daily inventory), the privilege of prayer, garments.

 

18~Trust. Rest. Angel. Scripture, Psalms, my deep bathtub. Green monsters in the morning, text messages, cute dogs, resources.

 

19~Preperation. Sincere prayer. Quite time, the awakening day. Someone made me a beautiful temple dress, surrender and acceptance, the library, guidance, my doctor, options.

 

20~Power. Still asking for the willingness to use all the allotted power that God gives me for today, responsibility, my bed, a touch lamp, fine tip pens, going to a party, a little more energy today, clean fresh laundered bedding, dedication, white.

 

21~ Calm in my spirit. God’s power unhindered. A steady heart. How weighing my food keeps a steady pace in my life, that I have enough even when it doesn’t feel like it. Phases, that I have had abundant energy most of my life, this fatigue will pass. I had a minor surgery and when the nurse woke me in my drugged state the first thing I thought of was how much God loved my nurse-so I told him. “God loves you sooooo much” It was and still is so apparent to me even in an unconscious state. God loves you sooooo much!

 

22~I trust in God’s love.

God told me to “enjoy the pieces of fatigue that are unique. Notice. Stretch. Reach”

Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous(FA) and the miracle it has given in my life. Word of wisdom councils me to use meat sparingly. My new visiting teacher is amazing. A break from the little dog. Being off of Lamical now for 2 months (the same period I have been intensely fatigued, withdrawal from a drug, patience, clear direction.

 

23~The abundant life. The gift of choice, The reward of choosing the right, often the more difficult choice. Pink ink, nice writing pens, being outside, fax machines, “red Lady” is the beautiful Ford Ranger someone gave to me-it’s to use for God’s purposes. My carpets don’t show dirt, green, composting apples, leaves, gates.

 

24~The grace of God. Sharing. Appointments, that most people don’t call after 9PM, long flowing skirts, God invented enough time, asking God for help, mint tea, heating pads, connection with others, sliver dimes, being of service, medical insurance, non traditional doctors.

 

25~Balance. Working and resting for God, faith, fellowship, service, my visiting teacher, searching to be taught and strengthened, relief society, depth of charity, hope of going to Utah at the of march for General Conference and singles activities, someone called me just to see if I needed help (thank you Dallas), opportunity, a big beautiful bunch of fresh snow brightens everything, doctors.

 

26~I have enough. Having a forced rest due to illness (an infection in Uterus post operation) has changed the way I experience rest. “Be Still and know that I am God”. Personal Revelations, willing to receive this gift-taking the time and devoting energy pays big dividends.

Here is a dialogue I had with God

Father,

I am struggling with resting. I keep feeling like I “should” be of service to someone. I “should” visit people in preparation for the upcoming conference. It is my duty and calling. My body is hurting and I am not capable of much. Why am I resisting resting? Please advise. Please direct my thinking and guide me. I want to be humble.

Good for you for pausing to include Me-that is the root of humility and the only way to be of my will. You aren’t made aware of my will unless you make space and time for my will. Part of that is sincere prayer. Pausing to listen sure helps.J

Your body needs rest. You can rest and be of service at the same time. Spending time with Me; in My Word, sharing My joy with others, and just being still with time and space for Me strengthens you, and when you are strengthened with My Spirit you are of service to others. My Spirit transcends through you to others. In fact, this is the most powerful means of being of service. Most people unintentionally skip this essential part because they are busy doing. It’s not the doing that is most important-it’s the being. Being with Me and then doing My will. Without the intentional space and time for Me-My will isn’t as clear and you run on your own steam. This is not nearly as effective. Toiling when you could be moving mountains. Souls.

You are a special child and you deserve the best from me. Please make, and KEEP making time and space for My will so I can give you the desires of my heart. I love you so much my sweet child. Come into My arms and rest with Me-and I will heal your body, soul and personality. Share my love with others. You do that so well.

And remember to smile-you have such a beautiful smile.

You do enough.

Now rest.

27~Silence. calm, God’s healing touch, health, joy, peace, service, acceptance. God-a very busy friend that always has time to chat, sponsees, breakfast, asking help from a friend for my kitty that was trapped-she was on the ladder (her handy hubby was holding), in her church duds pulling my cat from the rafters-she was my hero! Rescue, watching a movie where the son died in a car accident while the mother was texting. I commit to not texting and driving.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV)

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

 

28~Spiritual preparation. Precision, praying for my husband (to be), asking God how to pray and what to pray for, good movies, uplifted, learning.


29~Seeking, guidance, my spiritual journey, God has purpose in my trials, having a purposeful trial now, resting, there’s always enough, trust, spring, snow, “red Lady”, tea tree oil.

 

March 2012

 

1~Trust. Effort, hope, health, strength, joy, grapefruits, growth, rearranging, having a crush (it’s been sooooo long), Petey got his first dog license now that we live in town, earrings, paintings, March 1st, Spring is coming.

 

2~Seeking. Compassion. I’m so grateful to not be 19. Experience, wisdom, growth, good pears, studded snow tires, there are spring buds just waiting under all that fresh snow. Watching the soft quiet snowfall, simplifying, a bumper sticker on my car that says “Keep it Simple”

 

4~Spiritual potential, recognizing criticism, wanting to be free more than to judge others, discovering purpose, concentrated spirituality. Being part of a whole, connection, rest, water bottles, glass, living in the solution, enthusiasm, intuition, glasses, relax & accept, The immensity of God, In most cases cancer is completely avoidable by what I choose to eat and lifestyle.

 

5~God’s gift of abstinence=freedom from food obsession. Working for God, relying on His power, Sabbath rest, deep insight from fasting, taking a walk in the neighborhood, my pretty pink house, a complete shift in my life, tea tree oil, Petey is so happy to see me when I get home, water, practice, when people use their blinkers-even for pedestrians-in parking lots-& roundabouts, manners, communication, laws, taxes, enforcements, recycling, Costco, Oxyclean.

Words from God from a year ago

Pray with sincerity and pay attention. Be present-not just insignificant mumbling fly by prayer, but contemplate, ask, pour your heart out with time/awareness/&passion. Ask for help with this. It doesn’t come easy.

 

6~ Quietness in God’s presence, helping others, “I must not expect to have what I am not prepared for” (24), e-bay, even though it doesn’t feel like there it-there IS enough-I know there is always enough. God doesn’t waste (humans do that), compassion, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, forgiveness, using the back side of paper, pondering, resources, my upcoming daily date with God starts now-what a blessing, privilege, and honor!

 

7~Discipline. Spiritual laws. Outward manifestation of spiritual discipline is so attractive. Reading minute of Margin

“…our skills at rationalization are so well developed we scarcely wince when God’s word counter us.” Instant hot water from all facets, nice bowel movements (I know-ewwww, but I am grateful). Learning about water and aquifers in science, water, sunshine, laughter, grocery stores, buying gas with no ethanol in it (food-when people are starving), my Heavenly Father and His abundant Love.

 

8~ Spiritual fellowship. My grandson calls me JuMe, seeing the pain of the disease of food addiction on/in/around person brings the joy of my recovery to light-and that joy is available to anyone who is broken enough to receive it, growth, seeing my daughter at her new job, my other daughter is back in school. Naturopaths, strawberries, heat, my cuddly dog.

 

9~Spiritual Quality. Free from fatigue for 2 days, an answer that makes sense-adrenal fatigue, change, constancy, honest, purity, learning about solid in science.

 

10~Connecting-severe fatigue slows me down enough for the opportunity to spend more times with God, when I choose time with God rather than self-pity and complaining, releasing the struggle, a 62 degree high was exquisite, the ability to see, glasses that bring my sight to perfect, the ability to hear, birds twitter in the morning, the smell of sarsaparilla, herbal teas, herbs, a great tea book.

 

11~God’s personality, longer light, rain, my daughter is here, starting a new series “Heroes” with her, starting at the beginning, step 4, surveys, a good turn out at the singles event, stickers, sparkles, the deep rumble of the train, power, pen holders, my nice washer and dryer.

 

12~Striving for simplicity, 12 years of sexual abstinence, 12.5 years in 12 step recovery, opportunity to surrender, denial protects people sometimes until they are ready for the gift of the truth, prayer, rest.

 

13~Breathing in God’s Spirit (ahhhh), I can be a channel for God’s presence continual spiritual development, flax seed oil, satisfied-yet stretching for more, the struggle of being awakened in a world of mostly unconscious, rain, candles, a nice dinner with a nice gal, doctors, students, teachers, school, a great audio novel that teaches, that I have enough to eat each day.

 

14~God’s guidance, Asking Him for enough energy to complete the tasks He wants me to do. Weigh gain, the opportunity to surrender more food, growth in difficult things, penguins on my Jamie pants, contemplating what life will be like without oil (gasoline! We will run out by 2050 predicts my science book if we keep using it like we are), considering trying to write a novel based with facts about a plague in the near future.

 

15~ Hard days help me to grow stronger spiritually if I am willing.

 

16~Intentional positive distraction, the amazing gift of the temple, feeling deep unrest in my spirit and having the peace of God settle profoundly over me. If I am doing my best-getting enough rest/not overdoing/eating right then this fatigue is not of me and God give me an amazing gift when I stop resisting, reading and feeling to my depth “it would be pleasing unto the Lord for man to not eat meat, except in times of winter and famine” it seems pretty clear. It feels like such a sacrifice, when the cost is great so is the blessing.

 

17~Asking to understand the words of God, Glory in plainness, trust in God creates calmness, nothing can separate me from the love of God, hearing someone say she healed after “eating veggies, walking outside an hour a day, and spending an hour a day with God in His word” the hour outside a day spoke volumes. Plans on going to the temple today.

 

18~Today. My silly cat. I don’t need a cat box-he goes outside (good boy!), persistent prayer, seeing how blaming is bondage, when people are on time, food storage, choices, candles, vegetables, surrender, sleep, my dog, God’s perfect timing, carpet, changing my attitude (I don’t like carpet-but it is here, so I’ll be grateful for it. It is nice carpet), the carpet I have doesn’t show mess, tea tree oil.

 

19~Awareness of God, when I remember to pray unceasingly, when I notice familiar things. My daughter is here because she wants to be, walking, someone gave me a bike, teachers, students, connection, important messages, letting go, open to receive, gallon jugs, dog leashes, how happy joyful bouncy Petey gets when I come home or when we go on a walk, I had energy yesterday.

 

20~Spiritual effort, the most important use of my time is with God pursuing His insight and then taking my effort to use it. Walking, hour segments of time, eggs, guidance, flowers WILL bloom very soon in my yard, privacy, my car is vacuumed, email, I will believe/having faith/&trust God.

 

21~Seizing an opportunity to help someone. “feeling deeply secure in the fundamental goodness & purpose in the universe” (24), hot rooibos tea, snow on the 1st & 2nd day of spring can make me smile if I choose it. Choices that help with peace, rivers, drinking water in abundance, water treatment facilities, cloth diapers, sleep, not doing everything, the many miracles each day holds, taking time to cuddle with my dog, body heat, walking when I didn’t feel like it.

 

22~Spiritaul need, keeping things of spiritual nature by giving them away. Volleyball, knee pads, my body is still strong after a long period of inactivity, riding a bike for the first time in years, the tires stayed aired up, socks, time, wind chimes, LDS employment services, so many options for work.

 

23~ Strength from God, an abundant life, doing what I can when I can, being broken allows opportunity for God to heal me. Absorbing hope from others, recognizing things and people that sap my energy, the silence of snow, setting down the struggle, accepting fatigue without sinking into it, withdrawal from an Rx I had taken for 6 years will take time-I am grateful to be off of a drug if I don’t need it (time will tell), black ink.

 

24~Personal testimony, faith, reading scripture for an hour, rotting apples and leaves for the compost rather than the landfill, people who clean up after their dogs, not getting stuck in the mud (very close call), being of service, cameras, appointments, my Gpa.

 

25~Daily persistence in spiritual growth makes a huge difference, balance, encouragement, freedom from self-pity, freedom from blaming. Walking, an orange cat came walking up to Petey and I just to say hi-to Petey (not me!), feeling safe, Craig’s list, a hat for Gpa, a very attractive man, letting God have him, time being invited for tea, sincere interest, the Gospel of Jesus Christ, good news!

 

26~ Choice. Effort, sacrifice, freedom from criticizing others, when I make the effort to choose not to criticize others. Rain, shovels, surveys, meditation, phone calls, email, a cat that lives on the street that loves Petey, morning singing birds, text messaging, solar power.

 

27~Eternal actions. Open to God’s Spirit. Waste Management-how the garbage seems to magically go away (it really doesn’t-it stays with us for a very very long time), green curtains, noticing when things go smoothly. 100% cotton, my skin, my fingernails, my toes, balance, freedom.

 

28~Faith. Opening my bedroom windows, fresh air, radio, scriptures, digging in the dirt, picking greens from the ground for a salad in March out of a 2100 sq foot greenhouse was amazing, ripples, shimmers, surveys, feedback, spring break, sharing.

 

29~Honesty, unruffledable, The deep rumble of a close by train, spring, planting, the temple, The Holy Ghost.

I like my hair, I like my dimples, I like my dog, I like my house, I like my kids, I like my life-yelling all those things while looking in the mirror, inspiration from a 5 year old-check this out-it rocked my world


http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DqR3rK0kZFkg&v=qR3rK0kZFkg&gl=US

 

30~Calm. True. Quiet. Purposeful living. Intentionally right living, preparing something with prayer, red winter wheat, food storage, room temperature, I like my curls, honesty, coconut shampoo, natural solutions, my watch, hope, FA meetings.

 

31~Steady progress. “the process”, a made bed, being an escort in the temple-wow, the joy of serving in the Lord’s House, General Conference, eating out and treated like royalty by the staff, a very beautiful temple dress that a friend mad just for me, thermostats, bowls, spoons, paperwork, joy. The fatigue seems to have lifted for now-thank you God.

 

 

April 2012

 

1~Dependance on God. Being abstinent, General Conference, seeing my grandson, someone brought me 2 chickens! Going on a walk when I didn’t feel like it, the house is vacuumed, visitors, my toes, my human body is so amazing & serves me so diligently, being a channel of His Spirit.

 

2~Changed by God’s Grace. Transformed. Bird sounds-including chickens! Balance. Spring break, flowers, my house, slowing down, The Holy Ghost in my everyday life, my skin, fingernails, hair, slippers, opening my bedroom window a ½ hour a day, hot tea, fasting from gluten for a month (wheat, oats, barely, rye), amaranth, teff, buckwheat, millet, sweet potatoes, polenta, rice. The book of Romans and it’s depth.

 

3~Service. “A life of service is the finest life we can live”(24) Cooperate with God, taking a walk with my daughter, problems help me grown, bank accounts, tender moments, towels, blankets, carpet that doesn’t show every particle, tags, my Geo gets 47 mpg, long pants.

 

4~Understanding. Knowing that if I am really short financially that I have to give some $ away to make room for more to come in (God’s economy). So I told my daughter I was going to give her all the money in my purse-it wasn’t much-but she had to give have of it away anonymously. It left her thinking about how to give without getting caught. What a wonderful gift we both received.

 

5~Personalities, miracles of change, the truth. Mirrors, my dog, a made bed, praying for God to reveal my husband soon, my gpa, lists, surrender, my nice washing machine, service, being grumpy, it will pass, acceptance of what is, mediating with the window open.

 

6~Opening to God’s Love, letting go, working in the rose garden, the first of spring bloom, the beginning, opening buds, silence, sleep, connection, sun in the forecast, laundry, open.

 

7~Integrity. Bicycle riding, electricity, blankets, my gut about antibacterial sanitizer was right-it is toxic (read it in a book I would trust), germs (I’ll keep em thank you!), developing immunities, our bodies are amazing, patterns, population control, water, chickens, awareness, a prayer to get the mercury out of my mouth, the big picture, time at home.

 

8~Purity. Trust. Dandelion root tea, prayer, today is the day we celebrate Christ’s resurrection, He is Risen so we may rise again, He understands pain and suffering in the deepest sense. I am never alone, ducks.

 

9~Work inspired by love. Tests, getting to sit on a horse, going on a wonderful walk with my daughter, she go accepted to a college, faith, hope, baby laughs, crocus blooming, Shepherd Lake. I have enough-even when it is tight. Using less plastic.

 

10~A new life. Humility and obedience are pathways to God, home, guidance, tires, refrigerators, running water, the fresh smell of a clothes-lined dried blanket, community, acceptance, being prepared, learning, evolution, filters, protection & guidance from the Holy Ghost, taxes, God will supply what I need.

 

11~Self discipline, opportunity to rejuvenate, opportunity to trust God financially, a beautiful rose broach, a warm day, duck quacks, yoga, a shift in attitude changes perspective, the hourly beep on my watch I wear, the sound of Petey breathing helps me to feel not so alone, new chickens.

 

12~Needing help, humility, God’s grace, prayer, expression of faith, God’s power, noticing it, “Faith is the key that unlocks the storehouse of God’s resources” (24), an unexpected check for $305 right when I had no money $ committed to not borrow. There’s always enough. Freecycle, helping others, tweeter morning birds.

 

13~Morning sunshine, living worthy of what I ask for in prayer. Living in the spirit of prayer, chicken noises, choices, tea on sale, banks, Mountain West bank, local banking keeps money in the community, cute pet contests, flowery mailboxes, fence post digger, talking to my sister for the first time in at least a year, forgiveness.

 

14~Spiritually balanced center. Noticing when inner peace is absent-taking measures to bring inner peace into my being. Dreams, Roses. Contentment is hard work-but oh so worth it.

 

15~Calm. Silence. Taxes are done, tires are changed, the powerful rumble of the train, seeking to uncover character defects, the first yard sales of the season, paper, fine tip pens, purple ink, the semester is coming to a close. My sister.

 

16~Love. Learning to love others by serving them, reading, spiritual materials when I don’t sleep-I wake up refreshed, God always reflects what I give to Him back to me at least double. Finding a new sponsor, growth, pruning shears, loppers, books, vegetarians, the immensity of the level of unconsciousness most Americans eat is staggering-grateful to be among an elect growing group that practices enlightened awareness. Learning where my food comes from and how it is processed (have so loooong ways to go), seeing the utter devastation that farming beef and dairy has on the land and our bodies and being willing to make changes, watching others awaken is amazing.

 

17~Investing in my spiritual life. Recognizing God’s touch in my life, His Guidance, wonder, awe, recognizing I can isolate in leadership, prayer, fresh flowers, talking to both my kids, all 3 of us will graduate at the same time! Staying close to my dying mother in prayer, feeling the pain, I don’t have to eat addictively through uncomfortable grief (she won’t speak to me)

 

18~Just sitting with grief. Heat, roads, comforts I have just by being born in the United States, toilet paper, tooth brushes, enough food, my bed, education, religious freedom, opportunity. I’m so grateful for my FA & church family that helps & supports me through difficult times.

 

19~Asking God for strength. Doing the next indicated thing.

 

20~The Grace of God. It’s suppose to be hard right now-my mama is dying-I love her, my freedom in forgiving her. Going through hard stuff strengthens me. Walking to town along the lake, my happy dog. Seeing the blue heron, going with m gpa and daughter to see my mother today, going without expectations, knowing there is a good chance she will reject me.

 

21~Grateful to be humble/sober/abstinent. So grateful for the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost, renewal, determination, asking/praying to bring good things to the earth, going to Spokane with gpa. Telling my mother that I love her-even if she wasn’t willing to receive it-I gave it to her and said good-bye.

 

22~Asking God for the willingness to do the right thing at all times, unquestioning obedience to God’s purpose, sunshine, deep powerful train rumbles. Tow trucks, my car broke down-so I can use my bike/walk/& free buss like I have been wanting to. Copy machines, double sided printing, staplers, support, recognizing behavior I would like to change.

 

23~Cooperation with God brings His strength & His direction. Sleeping with the window open, hugs, the amazing divine organization of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, engaging in my day, Loon call Ringtones.

 

24~Sincere heartfelt prayers, meaningful service, helping a friend whose house burnt down-being a very small part of the immensity of what she is going through, birds singing, digging in the dirt, tow trucks, automotive shops.

 

25~ Harmony. Working together with God, the significance of quality pruning shears, riding my bike, a day of intense sun and then intense rain a couple of times, coconut oil on dry skin, my feet, my fingers, deep breath, spoons, abundance that doesn’t lead to its misuse (waste), water.

 

26~Submission. Release. Action. Rest. Listening, renewal, pruning raspberries, communication, eggs, fruit, snaps on a flannel shirt, toilet paper, drinking water (40% of the world doesn’t have this available-and we are so vain we use it to water our grass when there is a limited amount), reuse/renew/recycle, veggie date online.

 

27~A new day. Release, New insight from a new sponsor, spiritual vision, distance learning centers, low interest rate on my old school loon, not taking new loans, signing up for a career workshop, chickens noises.

 

28~The “Quest”. Searching for who God wants me to be –who I am, the Temple, the cat on my lap, blossoming trees, big happy people, my toes, making space, when I have breaks from intense fatigue, writing, General Conference, being involved with leadership, spiritual maturity, my curls, nice smells, the determination of the dandelion is so inspiring.

 

29~Spiritual exercise. Hope that I will feel joy again, routine, seeing my dog feel joy. Rain, pain makes me reach for comfort and creates a need & dependence on my Heavenly Father, having a washer and drying in my house, water filters, service, quotes.

 

May 2012

 

1~Secure in Him, time, love, rain.

 

2~Expression of being (not doing), choosing the right, being involved in something good when the recipient doesn’t think she likes me. In my heart I know she loves me-she just doesn’t remember. Creative action. Listening to a great audio book about discovering your passion, preparing myself for great things, opportunity.

 

3~Making space for God. Washing myself clean of negativity, hot tea, my favorite tea cup, buds opening, temple blessings, laundry, 2 more days of school, a made bed, work, eyelashes, windows.

 

4~Quiet. My weight finally stabilized. Cassandra is here, picking up my cap and gown, the last yoga class & voice lesson, depression lifted, Reading and taking a stress test and seeing I am on the highest end of stress and giving myself empathy and compassion for that.

 

5~I can sense the eternal, the limitations of material things, puppies visiting, enzymes for Petey, going through hard emotions, being of support to my daughter, spots on a dog, freckles on a man, hair analysis.

 

6~Sharing and helping others with their burdens, teachers, perspective, falling upward, humility, letting go of the need to be right, practice. Needing to be right hurts me and others- and my awareness of that. Service. Stable Mable, connection with others, my bike, tulips, FA Public Information Sessions, someone had the courage to tell me I offended them and then the courage to forgive me.

 

7~Community, belonging, my bicycle, spiritual hitchhiking-I start walking to church-I get almost a mile then someone picks me up (actually people get in line to pick me up). I get to know different people this way.

“God takes our efforts for good and blesses them. God needs our efforts. We need His blessing. Together they mean spiritual success.” (24)

 

8~Renewal of faith. Quiet. Slow, not rushing. Miracles, cute puppies visiting, taking my last final exam today. Facing pain rather than evading it. Solar power. Wind power, buying gas that doesn’t have food (ethanol) in it. Realizing and studying how devastating ethanol is-it takes almost as much energy to make it as it yields/it’s sucking up our drinking water/eroding our soil/promoting heavy pesticide use/clearing forests that we desperately need for co2 absorption/people are starving and we are putting food in our gas tanks-guzzling/ AND it is bad for our cars! My consumer choices matter!

 

9~Dicipline. Guidance, Choice. 3 days of bonus time, honest mistakes, dialogues with God, in between phases, laundry, shoes, getting to wear shorts and walk barefooted, asking God to find joy in fatigue, seeking purpose, took my last final yesterday, not only done with semester-but done with degree. WOW>

 

10~Calmness in trust in action (24). Looking to see what I can learn through difficult it me, my front loader energy & water saver washing machine, thrift stores, laundry baskets.

 

12~Hard days make the good days better. Angel, a graduation party schedules, the Temple, self-fulfilling prophesy, focusing on the positive the best I can in a sea of negativity.

 

15~Strenth that comes from faith. Effort and investment into spiritual things. wearing shorts. 84 degrees, sleeping with the windows open, work gloves, my bike, not using my car yesterday, appointments, plans to go help my gpa in the garden today.

 

16~Prayer changes things. Sending a hair sample to a lab for a comprehensive picture of minerals & nutrition levels in my body, empathy-having the person who interpreted the test say no wonder you feel so bad-look at these facts…(uranium levels off the chart. Virtually no potassium/magnesium in my system) the problem defined so a solution can be manifested-one that isn’t a prescription drug!

 

17~Preparing “Joy comes in the morning” My hardships build strength and character and helps me and others in the long run. Garlic, tea, thrift stores, pill organizers, coconut oil, opportunity to help, my roommate, online banking, books, adrenal gland recovery, nice warm weather, planting squash and sunflowers, helping my gpa plant part of his amazing garden.

 

18~Peace. Purpose, direction, Priesthood leadership, mirror images, if I project negativity-then it mirrors back to me thus amplifying-realizing this helps me to change, attitude, asking God, waiting, faith, Mormon Tabernacle Choir, healing, prayers.

 

19~Brave and trusting heart, feeling sluggish and unable to give much of myself yet asking God if I can help someone. So He provided a very simple way for me to help someone and we were both spiritually encouraged. Someone came and fixed the lawnmower.

 

21~Sharing. Patience-waiting on the Lord, Psalm 37 is such a great comfort to me. Seeking God’s guidance. Extra support. The Healing Gardens, Epsom salt, time to rest, character, commitment, tolerance, reminder tones on the cell phone.

 

22~Honesty, Sharing of myself. God’s strength. That this difficult season of my life will pass. Spiritual routines practiced gives me strength. The 10th step, getting honest about things that could hurt me.

 

23~Clarity. Choosing the right, growth in fatigue, saliva tests. A friend calling and saying she made a manicure appointments for both of us, the joy I am getting from sparkly pink fingernails. Visiting with my gpa, having a few moments of acute awareness of presence, protector shields, prayers lists, prayer requests, helping someone, long blue jeans, flannel shirts with snaps.

 

24~God’s strength, the more I give away=the more I have, the more I hoard=I loose. Outpouring of the Holy Ghost. Care. Trying a new doctor today, hope, my watch, laundry, “joy comes in the morning” I have hope for this. Scripture.

 

25~Relying on God. Asking for help.

 

26~Hardship can be preparation for good. Mistakes are fertile soil for growth. Spiritual discipline. The heaviness of the present. God will use this intensely difficult fatigue to help someone else-and use it for His purposes. Learning a deeper level of patience, rests and stillness.

 

27~Deeply secure in faith. Joy takes discipline, a friend who was able to tell me “Judy your depressed”, taking a new action, seeking a different result, going to the movies with my daughter and completely enjoying it. Flowers, the smell of lilac, enzymes, the in depth picture hair analysis gives, a new doctor, sparkly pink fingernails.

 

28~Being uniquely useful. The ability to feel God’s Spirit and know with certainty of His love. The presence of God, watching for critical thinking-that monster seems to breed and multiply faster than I can surrender it-but awareness is the first step. Supported, sustained, validated. A special meeting, priesthood blessings, health & strength are promised to me.

 

29~Radical grace. Hope from nowhere. It is time to rest. The temple. Email. Being tall. Costco. Ensign, spiritually motivated, sincere prayer. Connection with others.

 

30~Security and comfort from doing what is right. Integrity. Praising God. Connection with God-in intentional prayer. Facing uncomfortable stuff helps them to be comfortable, a promise “We will not regret the past”, tests, clay that pulls toxins out. At least knowing that it is uranium poising and high mercury-it is nice to have an answer-even with the solution isn’t clear. Hair analysis was the most comprehensive test I have ever had.

 

June 2012

1~Companionship with God. Desire, testimony, trust, transformation, doing the right thing and still having undesirable results-I can rest assured that I have done the right thing and God will & is in personal integrity.

 

2~ God’s Grace. A detoxing clay bath-claims to take years of heavy metal accumulation from my body. Time to heal, no pressing dealings or stress. Planning a trip with Cassandra-sleeping with windows open, the sounds of chicken chatter, the sound of rain.

 

3~ Today is four years of abstinence-freedom from obsession with food. Petey bugging me until I took him for a walk=his joy was exquisite, outreach calls, Kefir, sprouting garbanzo beans and eating them raw, accepting rest.

 

4~Allowing God to mold me. Nights that I sleep well. My body is healing.

 

5~Very quietly listening. Listening for the small still voice. The shot gun approach isn’t always helpful. Learning more and more about adrenal fatigue, staying solvent in a very lean time, some of my photography was printed in a local calendar & the local paper. Pouring rain.

 

7~Growing in grace, trying to gracefully grow, reading a book about grace, spiritual food, purity, hope, someone wonderful came and vacuumed my whole house, giving away my 4th step to a wonderful caring trusting friend, opportunity to rest.

 

8~Choices that enhance my soul. God’s character. Hardship has purpose, late lilacs blooming out my window, lots of spring rain, my nice bath tub, planning a clay bath. Not to many direct main stressors in my life except I am too fatigued to function & my mom dieing of cancer soon & is convinced she hates me-&won’t even tell my why.Well, that is quite a bit of stress aye? I am grateful my life is simple and I have the time and ability to rest.

 

9~Union. Merging with God and His purposes, harmony within myself, giving that cat a bath-he’s such a good cat-so trusting-didn’t even hint at scratching. That I saved that 1 pain pill for years for an emergency-my eardrum ruptured last night.

 

10~Hope. Spiritual deposits, humility.

 

11~Happy 18th Birthday Ali! Value. Peace. A new to me doctor, green, medical insurance, committing to not debt today, I have enough even when it doesn’t seem like it.

 

12~A Strong foundation laid stone by stone, doing one right thing at a time, kefir. Another piece of my fatigue puzzle is very low progesterone, people that want to help, wanting to help others. Another day of solvency.

 

13~Guided. Compounding pharmacies, adrenal fatigue books, insight, late blooming lilacs out my open bedroom window, a terrific thunderstorm.

 

14~God’s Guidance. Grace, A profound visit from the Holy Spirit yesterday and clear direction, having a spending plan today, remaining solvent through a very lean monetary time. Bubbles, Effort taken for grace to be received, noticing grace in my life. Sunshine after the rain, steam rising.

 

15~Awe. Joy moments. Hope, being worthy of God’s Power and Peace, right action, tea pots, oatmeal, getting financial clarity, even when it’s impossible there is enough, different ways to generate income, strong smelling roses, files, check registers, lines on paper, newcomers looking for a solution & finding it.

 

16~Service. Seeking God. Bees that pollinate raspberries, my beautiful temple dress, a committed spending plan for the day creates freedom, realizing how much I was “time debiting” with shopping for things I didn’t need. Some quotes from The Unmistakable Touch of Grace- “The world is conspiring in your favor” “If you don’t learn to surrender your will… then you WILL surrender your peace.” “When you surrender you make room for miracles.”

 

17~Debt of gratitude. A healing tranquility, resting , mentors, vegetable stands, fresh cilantro, promises, fragrance, learning tolerance, coming out of denial around how unconsciously I spend money, awakening, stepping closer to God.

 

18~Worthwhile. Sharing, security, I have a home, a nice connection with Jane. Asking God a few days ago who I should call off a long list of names-and clearly the name Jane came up-so I looked-there were 2 Janes. One of them was a gem-we sparkled together and helped each other, mutual, the sound of rain. Help with a bill, receipts, $ trickling in.

 

19~God gives me what I need when I need it, paying attention, dinner with a dude J, accountability, beautiful roses blooming their intoxicating smell mingle with the after rain scent.

 

20~Reading and willing, greater purpose than selfish pursuits, vision, personal revelation, purpose, each new day, the deep powerful rumble of a train and how it makes me feel, twittering morning birds, belief in purpose in pain, “God can work a miracle in your personality” (24) change.

 

21~Stability in change, and intense awakening in extreme fatigue, feeling better-like my old self, balance, perspective, calm, a new chapter, a bigger bed, the sound of 5 AM on the longest day of the year. Love. My gpa.

 

22~Courage. Manifesting my soul mate with Heavenly Father, warm breezes, people willing to help me, getting clarity around finances. A new to me kitchen table, practicing awareness, healing breaths, Vitamin D, prayer, meetings, friends, sharing hope, sharing pain, watching what is unfolding.

 

24~Quiet faith. An amazing day at the temple, a wonderful connection with a stranger that wasn’t a stranger, personal revelation, having love interests, HOW questions, thunderstorms, helping my daughters, phone lists, conferences, being the passenger, patterns, self-discovery. Home teachers.

 

25~Stregnth through weakness, worship, awe filled worship, expression, text messaging, having a crush, reading a book about grace, seeing grace in my life.

 

26~acceptance. A proper time for everything. Asking God’s guidance for the little things. Letting it unfold. Being giddy. Breakfast, new Ringtones, my hearing, finding a solar lamp at the thrift store.

 

27~Peace of mind. Being a transmitter for God’s blessings. Sharing hope helps me keep it. The stillness of the morning, good sleep, connecting conversation, first hugs, bicycles, twittering birds, purple ink, under the influence of the Grace of God. Being complete in my half. Visit teaching.

 

28~On the right path. Incredible feelings of joy. The immensity of the gift of 6 months of intense fatigue-and that it has passed and my energy seems to be restored (progesterone crème rocks my world!). Deep powerful lessons when I had to stop activity, gaining insight about my relationships to $/spending/debt, seeing how vagueness in those areas (like bank account balance) can ripple out and touch every aspect of my life. How a wonderful that little bird singing touches my heart.

 

29~Daily effort. Preparation. Trust. The anticipation of my 1st date in 12 years, the process, taking it slow. Quotes from the grace book-

“it’s in the silence that we have our greatest opportunity to access the power of grace” “When you learn to balance silence with activity, you reserve your connection to grace.”

Balance of having an opposite so too much energy isn’t pointed one direction. Intellectual stimulation. Petunias, flowers on clearance, Gratitude slows me down.

 

30~Now. Whole and free. Extra early quiet time, beginnings, getting clarity, being able to talk about hard things, unshaved legs, a funny movie, seeing freedom from stuff, looking beyond pretense, options, accountability, honest, being able to help both of my kids today.

 

July 2012

 

1~”Infectious Spirit of calm and trust in God” (24). Calm while enclosed in intense feelings. Being twitterpated, officially dating, being present, taking pictures, playing Mexican train with girlfriends, connection with both daughters, finding treasures at a yard sale. Silence. Chicken noise.

 

2~Sincere friendships. This moment. Yard sales, summer storms, sacred things, guitars, anticipation, remembering, fresh air, quiet mediation, crisp joy, vivid colors, my camera on my phone, battery chargers, consciousness, commas, pauses, learning new words, asking for guidance, How many times Jesus said “Ask and you shall receive”

 

3~Satisfied. Healed. Rested. Spiritual exploration is unlimited, growing in righteousness. The gift of William and whatever lessons we have to learn from each other. Letting experiences unfold rather than trying to force solutions, some temp work found me-it always does. Opportunity to change and heal and look at my relationship with money.

 

4~God’s presence and friendship in my life. His great sense of humor, joy sprinkled moments, tingly Spirit filled experiences, warm fuzzies, tireless love, miracles all around us, someone to do things with, the joy of developing a new relationship-it’s so new and foreign and fun and scary and intoxicating.

 

5~God’s purpose, joy unspeakable joy, DA HOW visions phone meeting. A direct message from Heavenly Father to be slow/intentional/and present. Peace beyond understanding. An opportunity to surrender, being stood up for a much anticipated date, bonus time to work in the garden/vacuum car/& mow. Feelings of intense loneliness (without them I won’t know the intensity of the opposite-when the loneliness is fulfilled-so I treasure knowing the other end-to know sweet companionship!) All things have an opposite so they can exist.

 

6~How many times Jesus exclaims “ask and you shall receive” Hearing this at t meeting “Imagine if you work up in the morning with only the things you thanked God for the day before” I have such wealth! Yet so much unnoticed and taken for granted, clothes hangers, the crispness of the details of life lately, misunderstandings, a reminder to not let my world get to small. Things come when I am entirely ready to receive them “as you grow spiritually, a feeling of plentifully supplied by God’s strength will posses you” Roses, fresh flowers on the table.

 

7~Pain prepares me for my life work, I have a lot of power in my reaction. Answered prayers, trusting God with the outcome. Spending time with my grandson-seeing him so excited about a “froggy” (he packed it around for an hour), finding kefir grains at a yard sale! Getting kissed at the same yard sale by the big handsome bullmastiff! Seeing purpose in all things.

 

8~Clarity. Slow. Purposeful. Choices. Choosing to change my attitude. Step 7-Humbly ready to have God remove the character defect of vanity. A fast from make up and jewelry for a little while.

 

9~Believing/Seeking/Finding miracles, affirmations, accepting the power to do the right thing, desire, testimony, friends, connecting on a deep level with a friend who “gets it”, painted toenails.

 

10~Expecting miracles. The food bank, going to a 3 day career workshop, Rose petals, early mornings, being of service, the prayer “God bless him, change me” hot sultry summer heat, accountability, joy, dialogues with God.

 

11~Renewal, deeply secure. Florescent, riding to Spokane with 3 “old” guys from church and laughing harder than I have in a long time, the uplifting healing of humor, my beautiful food, finally loosening my hold on a recent obsession, joy.

 

12~The heartbeat of the Spirit-how it can be felt/hear/perceived/or just a deep sense of knowing. God’s protection, the protection of my skin provides. I do feel deeply secure in God’s love. I am so deeply grateful fro who I am and who I have developed and am developing into. Self confidence, networking, being a connector, not being insecure/hesitant/boring/closed, being open to possibilities, employment finds me, a very clear message for God “Let GO” “Stillness”, I see how I became possessive, creating the bondage of being possess-when I let go I am free.

This dialogue with God-

Father,

Tank you. Thank you for being such an amazing God. Thank you for the lessons You teach. Thank you for the clarity around Let Go. I had no idea how tight I had a hold-boy what a revelation. I see now. Thank you for creating space. Thank you for stillness. Please help me to let go. I can’t do it without You.

 

Just Rest in Me my child, don’t try to force the surrender, let it settle over you-you have to be still for it to settle. Practice stillness. It can be woven into you day. There are many pockets of opportunity. I am so excited for you. Your husband will complete you in a never-ending circle of completeness. That circle doesn’t happen in closed tight fist. I did create you. You are wonderful. I love your willingness and eager heart to be molded. Let Me bleed into your soul. That doesn’t happen in speed or movement or busyness. Remember to ask Me before you plans and activities if it is of Me. It takes a lot to weave out self will and self sufficiency. The more you lean on Me the more complete you become. Pray unceasingly. Let go of you to make room for Me.

 

13~Expecting a miracle. Opportunity to serve. Belief in trust of the process. “Be still and know that I am God” Pockets of opportunity. Silence. The sound of the wind in the trees. I know God has personally picked my husband and I can rest assured that it will be perfect in it’s imperfection.

 

14~Mental peace of mind. God’s leading and protection. Moving forward, release from the grip of infatuation, hot summer rain, and itching desire to go to BYU, Listening to Gloria Estephon “move your body to the beat” and singing and dancing, freedom of not being fatigued.

 

15~Pain. In the middle of deep pain I know that all is fundamentally well. Deep inner calm and peace, tears, sobbing, God tells me on the other side is JOY-Lovely uncharted joy. Mistakes are learning opportunities-when taken that way I don’t think they are mistakes. Humility. Listening. Asking. Waiting. “My process is perfect” Leaning on God through some deafening silence.

 

16~Calling on His Divine power. Verbs. Action, stillness can be a powerful verb, God is my refuge, riding my bike hard for the first time in years-my legs burned-my lungs were pushed beyond usual-it felt so good. I asked the neighbor for help-they have this massive and very bright and loud bug light that intensely interfers with my sleep thus the quality of my life. So they moved it the same day-closer to my bedroom window. I can pray with love. I think there was good intention there.

I am grateful for the high, intensified emotions, deep spiritual insight, being conscious, feedback from a friend about how I should consider going back on meds, progesterone crème, learning to wait.

 

17~Life reflects back what I put out. God’s strength/truth/and purpose is always available to me-when I am ready to receive them. Neighbors that stop spontaneously to see if I want to walk, a mule named Montana that gives great hugs-she touches my heart. Peace around going back on meds-that I didn’t have to let things get really bad before I was ready-infact things are really “GREAT”-the high of bipolar, mourning it’s loss-the spiritual connection has been indescribable.

 

18~His Grace. “Obviously this is what is suppose to be-because it is what is” a quote from me. Living in town I can ride my bike often, the healing process. It’s OK to ache, pockets of opportunity for stillness-willingness to take them. Constant change, the things that are constant in change, the chaos of change, finding down pillows, sandals, helping others, the depth practicing gratitude brings to my life.

 

19~Miracles. Being prepared for miracles by God’s Grace. A prayer “God help me to not take things I don’t need” a desire to conquer self to “Let go of me to make room for God” God teaching me to join Him. Waiting for something hard brings character. Raspberries, bikes, silence, getting a mule hug almost everyday. (I am just falling in love! With a mule), growing and stretching with pain. A LDS singles conference this weekend.

 

20~God knows the desires of my heart more than I do, character, capabilities, weakness, results, a confusing day, a new client, an interview for a new roommate, riding my bike, frequent dialogues with God, being desperate enough to need Him. Him telling me He liked all the attention and enjoyed my company and that He is teaching me how to JOIN Him (through pain we have deeper connection), deep spiritual insight, J smiling, boundaries, the in between.

 

21~The penetrating joy I have felt lately. Faith can move mountains, effective prayers, letting surrender settle over me in stillness. Visions DA HOW, guided meditation. A special friend, a pink hat, “zoom zoom”, balance, awareness, restoration, fellowship, summertime, being barefooted.

 

22~Diversity of membership “we are normally people who wouldn’t mix”, wonder, unlimited power to do good, dancing until 11PM, the Good Shepherd, new friends, connecting with old friends, summer mornings, barefoot.

 

23~Peace beyond description, deep rolling thunder, a beautiful red bike sitting in my driveway when I got home from the conference-it rides like a Cadillac, the person who left it for me, what his is bringing to my life (he stood me up 2 weeks ago-and has just returned from a trip-I didn’t know what was going on), dancing, people with “disabilities”, my disability creates strength and the opportunity to help people, laughter, spiritual guidance, that life keeps getting better and better the older I get, walking into a room with over 100 priesthood holders-the strength and power of the room was staggering. Pathways-a program in my church for college.

 

24~Thinking/acting/and living as I am in God’s presence, practicing His presence, effort, raspberries, seeing more truth each day, letting it unfold, quiet time with another person, recovery, my hunger for growth, simplicity, time to practice balance, deep security in His presence, being deeply secure in who I am in Christ.

 

25~Dediation to trusting God, miracles, faithfulness, blessing as a consequence of obedient, “do not hold back, but go all out for God and the better life” (24), seeing the truth, sleeping well (this is rare these days), dreams, disappointments-without them I couldn’t experience fulfillment, waking up to the hymn “Count Your Blessings” going off in my head, fingernail polish.

 

26~Things that matter (most don’t), Eternal perspective, praise, strength to overcome, experiencing deep appropriate fear-and letting God in on it. Abundance. God’s Spirit within me. Swimming at Talache-a very beautiful place with a beautiful man, character, safety, fulfilling experiences, patterns, organizing, sunshine, summertime.

 

27~Letting His grace descend upon me. Loving God dangerously-without abandon, work, extra work when $ was all dried up, sitting through a very uncomfortable financial period without debiting and getting through the other side. Keeping my hands to myself, sacrifice, desire, chemistry, God as my close friend.

 

28~Inward peace. Being completely twitterpated-lol-it’s fun and scary, Finding Nemo, freecycle, cinnamon, bare feet, connection with people I have not talked to in years, working last night, sprinklers, my Gpa, William, a beautiful red bike, coconut oil for cracked heals, healthy eating rest, joy, cotton night shirt, watching people load hay, petting and smelling a horse, the cuddly mule  “Montana” that lives close.

 

29~Appropriate touch, clarity, confusion, opening my heart, personal revelations, relaxing, writing, working, mediation, summertime, open windows, the bypass is so amazing!

This Quote “God will not permit any troubles to come upon us, unless He has a specific plan by which great blessing can come out of the difficulty” Peter Marshall.

 

30~Little breaks, soft silky curls, a full night’s sleep (hasn’t happened in weeks) Shea butter, a cute dog, my red bike, my counselor, a steady level mood, daily rituals, warm summer nights, my faith is rewarded, focus, good things happen to everyone, contentment so deep that my (or any) situation cannot steal it, HOW questions, my planner.

 

31~Today. Right now. Each day has opportunity for joy, a grateful heart. Being held by a man-so incredible. Comfort during an uncomfortable event-my mom died Sunday. She is now free from the burden of her resentment and pain. She can no longer hurt me. I love her so much, accepting and embracing the grief as it comes-having the distraction of being love struck. My amazing God, answered prayers. The temple and the blessing that come as it being an active part of my life. Abstinence and freedom from food obsession. Picking beans with my gpa.

 

 

 

In Aug of 2012 I am grateful for...

 

1~Being uncomfortable means I am probably character building and that serves a higher purpose. Union with God, merging, harmony, flexibility, stark realization, the Healing Gardens, holding hands, a double date at Silverwood today.

 

2~I am falling in love and it is incredible, unspeakable joy, holding hands, love struck grins, the years I spent preparing to fall in love is fertile soil, waiting, the harvest of a useful and abundant life, laughter, getting the giggles, one of the fun filled days of my life and I didn't spend a penny, "be here now", silence, meditation, the Lilies that have teased me for a couple of weeks with fat buds are starting to bloom.

Sitting on the dock at Shepherd Lake blanketed under a full moon-a timeless memorable moment that will not be forgotten by either of us.

 

3~Bonding with my daughter, not letting pockets of irritation hover to ruin a bonding opportunity. Seeing a selfish part of me arise, being in self will-recognizing it as toxic because it is not normal anymore. Devotion, dedication to seeking and doing God's will. Trusting the process.

 

4~Desire, cleansing by fire, restoration, noticing healing daily, sleeping better, timers, a cuddly dog, Dory on Finding Nemo, staying present, a moonlit talk, helping my daughter get a car, some time at home, creating space to empty.

 

5~God is here. Quiet. The amazing smell of lilies throughout my house. My job as a caregiver. The Holy Spirit nestled into my heart filing me with peace and contentment. I have a boyfriend and it is an amazing experience. Fasting with purpose.

 

6~Refilling of the Spirit-emptying of the Spirit (giving), quiet, slow, simple, sweet, secret place of my being that can only be shared with God, effective work, the joy of integrity, honest, seeing my grandson with my daughter, sleeping through the night, home teachers, High school football, someone to go to games with, mental exercise, beautiful lilies, pollen on my nose, a cuddly dog,

 

7~Miracles, noticing miracle most people overlook-the big heavy thing that missed my toe by a fraction-thank you God, the "availablity of God's Grace" (24), a man that makes my heart lurch and gives me butterflies in my tummy, deep conviction and belief that all is well, the pain of not enabling my daughter-the constant lesson that the right thing is usually harder, my sister's hard work of helping mom die, Led Zeppelin

 

8~Random words of encouragement, effort, rest, preparation, meditation, balance, relaxation, fun, responsibility, amazing lilies, weeding in my garden, a harvest even with many weeds, plans with William today, Thrift Stores, release, God, priorities, confusion, hope, clarity, the small still voice.

 

9~Melting into God's arms, His grace and mercy and protection, magical moments that are timeless, gazing into eyes that reflect love back to me, Green Bay, I'm falling in love with an amazing man, bliss, uncharted joy and deep depression all in the same day, hot rocks, Petey, a picture of me in a bathing suit still sometimes have a hard time fathoming that I am thin-it is mind boggling after being heavy all my life minus the last 4 years.

 

10~ Keeping close to God. Priorities. Sleeping through the night, my garden, a gift of peaches to can, my hair, gifts from God, earphones, baskets, rose petals, spaces inbetween, simplicity, plans, spontaneous, patterns, my friend saying -when you fall in love-it's like you get the desert first, uncharted joy.

 

11~God brings peace and order to my personal chaos-when I include Him. My Cassandra, when we are able to share the frustrations of our relationship together we heal, she's leaving for college soon-I’m proud of her. Sitting in a hot tub with my fella, the way he plays the guitar so beautifully-it touches me to my soul. Generousness, lilies, prints, teaching.

 

12~The lurch in my heart when I think of my tall handsome boyfriend, being a co-worker with God. Recovery is progressive, a deep amends to be made, my responsibility to pray for others, clay foot baths, humble influences, going to a yard sale with my daughter and getting an appointment for a makeover with her-we are both looking forward to it.

 

13~Retrospective learning, taking time to notice, striving for spiritual growth, hearing at a yard sale "dating is not the time to compromise or else the relationship will be based on a foundation of compromise"-this helped me. The fulfillment of having someone to go to church with was profound, visiting old friends, a nap outside, the connection I am having with my daughter, uncompromising spiritual principles. People that can tell me how it is rather than what they think I want to hear. Sprinklers.

 

14~Abundance, scarcity, balance, joy, bliss, power, weakness, accepting God's gifts by my willingness to invest in our relationship, my willingness to invest in our relationship, an amazingly bonding day with my daughter, taking her to the airport to go to college today, my handsome hereo changed my spark plugs-lol the "spark", friends, doctors, things should slow down soon.

 

15~Consecrated purpose, effort, growth through sacrifice, concentration, doing hard things because they are the right thing, purple toenails, tan feet, the rush that comes in my body when I think about seeing my sweet William, the intensity of infatuation, taking it slow makes the warm fuzzies linger longer, free ads, I am grateful I don't have allergies.

 

 

16~Reinforced by God's power, the blessings of being obedient, relief, effort, we visited someone in jail and were all uplifted, a fast from touching, release from mental noise and craving, taking pictures, hot August days, seeing my younger daughter, green bottles, when people don't hide or sneak, the decision to let go of the 4 chickens I have, plans.

 

17~Sleep. Nature, Encircled by the sunlight of God's Grace. Soul breathing faith (24) An average day. He changed my oil/fuel filter/washed the car and dishes and helped me organize. Recieving help, Petey, purple, giving shoulder massages to women at the meeting, hope, playlist.com, curtains, online banking, my cell phone and all it's features, socks, open windows 24 hours a day, planning a trip.

 

18~God must have purpose for insomnia-seeking this purpose. Kindness, learning new things about a person I care about everyday, Resting in my work, resting, getting 3 new roommates in one day, a lady I went to school with -her son-and his dog. A sparkly rock, plans on purging the closet-I have enough.

 

19~Divine Love. Divine Power. Divine Healing. Absorbing Him, worship, Sabbath and it's sacredness, canning peaches/tomatoes/&cherries, seeing my gpa, being of service when I didn't feel like it blessed me, purpose in insomnia-bonus time with God, the love I feel from William, soul connection-this very young relationship has exceeded any expectations I had of the joy a relationship would bring and we are only in it's infancy. (I know it is infatuation- I can only imagine the joy of a mature relationship adding familiarly would be enhanced (if you seek this)

 

20~Celebrating 7 hours of sleep (4 has been the norm lately). God as the everything in my life, fresh starts, perspective, being unafraid, commitment to purity, feeling fulfilled, joy complete.

 

21~Not letting material desire bind me, Freedom from materialism (mostly), release ‘My Spirit may soar in freedom” (24) Going over the “my husband” affirmation (see April gratitude) with William and seeing him woven through the whole thing, deep meaningful conversation, riding bikes with William to church, not sitting alone at church, feeling fulfilled.

 

22~Honest. Trials have purpose. Mistakes are for learning. Lists of things to do, prayer, the Book of Mormon, the bible, Wednesdays, sliver moons, intentional quiet time with God, conscious eating-even when the rest of my world feels fuzzy due to lack of sleep, canceling a trip-so glad not to be overwhelmed with travel, washing dishes with my hunny.

 

23~Gloroius landscape, the Bonner County Fair, goals, visions from God “slow down/be here now/gratitude/Live like I was dying, change in perspective, writing rest on my list of things to do, today, right now, vacuuming, laundry, curls, beautiful photos.

 

24~A full 8 hours of sleep!, an amazing dialogue with God that produced peace. (edited slightly)

 Father,

I am suddenly seized with “What am I doing with this guy?” I suddenly feel fear and trepidation. Something bordering on shame. Where did this come from? There has been a slight current of unease the whole time I have been pushing down, just trusting with a surety that only comes from The Holy Spirit that this is what we are suppose to be doing right now. A deep connecting prayerful breath confirms this. It is also appropriate to be concerned. My mind wants to say ...

(use your imagination) Can you tell me “What am I doing with this guy?” can you reassure me and help me release my fear? Help me to slow down. What has me so busy? I don’t understand. What are Your priorities for me?

 

Take some time and space. Create space. Remember to breathe. You are forgetting to breathe. Breath is a gift from Me. Use this gift consciously. It is a part of intentional prayer which creates intentional living. Shallow breathing produces fear. You are OK, it’s OK. Accept My gift of insomnia. There is purpose-to slow you down-remember that saying “Life is not an emergency”? You have forgotten. You are feeling smother-lack of breath-then it makes you frantic. Make space. Twirl in the space with deep joy as my dance partner. Read. That fulfills you. Learn. Don’t add more activity.

You are with this man because it is My will for both of you. So many important things will come to pass because of this relationship. The web of complexity of it is beyond mind boggling. Relax. Breathe. Slow down. Be grateful and share. Burn your list (of things to do). Just ask Me what do. Come into the comfort of my arms and breathe with Me-the Life of Breath that surrounds and encompasses you-and gives you the life of My Spirit. You have to make space for that. Let go of trying to control-the insomnia, the money flow, your time, activities, let it unfold.

 

 

 Seeing a camel in North Idaho, 
I did burn my list of things to do and let the day unfold and breathed and it was amazing. Relaxation, working through appropriate fear with God-I am grateful for fear. Living expectantly, blessing from God, my actions produce consequences, socks, lap blankets, fans, sunflowers, hugs, cuddles, cheek kisses, waiting.

 

25~God’s Spirit is with me when I allow it, “Physical weariness and exhaustion make a time of rest and communion with God more necessary”(24). A schedule, balance, structure, spontaneity, Petey, painted toenails, tanned feet, communication.

 

26~Letting go. Deep breath, dictionary in my phone, compatibility, meeting of minds, another good night of sleep. God speaks to me. A snuggly cat. Learning to trust the process, and affectionate sheep (at the fair), lingering and not rushing. His grace is sufficient, glasses and contact that allow me to have perfect vision. An opportunity for humility, badminton, my team competitive nature, laughter.

 

27~Learning to do the right thing-even when (most of the time) it is the harder things. Submission to spiritual discipline, acceptance. A date with God at 2 AM, a magical Sabbath with my hunny, dancing in the living room, meaningful conversation, sitting close, reading scripture, the smell of him, waiting. God’s grace.

 

28~Growing in understanding, “a life of power & joy & satisfaction is built on love & service” (24) playing chess, not winning, Many 1st’s in a new relationship, trains, walks, my toilet, glasses, my roommate, animal doctors.

 

29~Most days I don’t have to deal with self-righteous/victimized/angry drama queens. The pain of sleep deprivation is not always part of my life. Picking green beans in my gpas garden, my fingers, the sunshine, gazing upon a beautiful moon with a beautiful man, reading a book, hugs, prayer for mean people.

 

30~ Opportunity for growth. Being cut off from God’s Spirit so I know what it is like after having it in abundance for years-I picked up after 4 years of abstinence & binged on food hard all day yesterday. Knowing I don’t want that sense of disconnectedness, living abundantly requires that I give abundantly, creating space. A new day. Committing to the next abstinent meal-people love and support me.

 

31~Intense pain, understanding what it is like to be without conscious contact with the Holy Ghost, gaining 9lbs in 2 days. I don’t have to stay in this place-I had to be in this place to get to where I am going, humility, change, mediation, sleep, getting really sick, a place of surrender.

 

 

  Where's September? Gosh I don't know...

October 2012

 

1~Sincerity, effectiveness, seeking God’s strength and guidance, purpose for my pain-it’s not all about me, opportunity to serve. Positive power of prayer, the leaves are starting to turn, preparing for an event (General Conference) with pondering and prayer makes it more meaningful. My toothbrush, doctors.

 

2~When my will merges with God’s. Understanding, spare buttons sewed on a shirt, an amazing day with Ali-she cooked me lunch, being of service, Family Home Evening with fun girls, laughter, disappointment doesn’t (have to) last, avoiding debt, delightful moments, patience, a scrabble rummy card game, believing in the miracle. “Thy will not mine be done”

 

3~Listening, hearing, intention, quiet, calm, spiritual work, peaceful assurance when doing right, perspective, exercise, giving something away everyday, enjoying beauty, socks, bras, coats, dog cuddles, playfulness, learning to trust, being stretched uncomfortably grows and builds my character, pink ink, journals, dinner with a friend at my house, playing cards.

 

4~Surrendering criticism one critical thought at a time, secure in God’s love-when I remember that, Spirit guided, illumination, the “Mormon Glow”, community, a lovely dinner with a friend at her house with the missionaries, plans, tofu, life has such meaning and purpose, seeking, finding, loving, the opportunity to daily surrender my boyfriend into God’s capable loving care, grief, recognizing obsession-relax from that bondage today. Big soothing breaths.

 

5~Tolerance of difficult things builds character, water, wide mouth quart jars, playing competitive volleyball last night filled my soul with joy. Weighing and measuring my food again and the weight is dropping off. I peeked at a gain of 47 pounds in 33 days to 210 pounds (how is that even possible?). Finding a sprouter at a thrift store. Joy comes in the morning. Purpose for trials, taking a pause with the big beautiful fella-we both need some perspective that only space will bring. Pain of separation helps me to be whole.

 

6~Direct revelation from God-“Be OK being alone-for you are with Me”, intense pain brings me closer to my Creator, when true humility and gratitude merge it is beautiful. God can mold me if I am willing. Deep Breathing, not being in a hurry, heat, pockets of intense joy and grief intermingled. Service, relaxing, “this to shall pass”, God’s loving hands.

 

7~God’s strength grows through my weakness, my weaknesses are opportunity for good, freedom from the need to “be right”, feeling a baby move through a pregnant (dog) tummy, I made it through some deep and dreadful anxiety without using food to try to escape, being validated, people to listen to me, General Conference, going to a movie alone, learning that I am ok by myself (even if it doesn’t feel like it), back down in the 100’s in my weight.

 

8~Asking God to learn-and be willing to pray with specific and real intent and consciousness, “with God we can have the tolerance to live and let live” loving God with action, my calling as the Stake singles Rep, apostles, prophets, appropriate anger-and when it passes, spaces and time, red sweatshirts, getting close to God through intense pain.

 

9~Untiy, spending time with Ali, that I am not bingeing, warm socks, coconut oil, stabilizing, doing the right thing even when it’s really hard, obedience has great rewards, God has my best interests in mind, water, bubbles, a fish named Blueberry.

 

10~A prayer for the opportunity and willingness to serve, being a servant of God is a sacred honor, letting go of what I want most to see if it is meant to be. I don’t have to be in a hurry, learning extreme patience, having a broken heart for God to put back together again-He promises to restore me more fully than before. The Hole can be made Whole from His Holy Love. Perfect timing, Anger, Repentance.

 

11~Sleeping (kind of) with 5 dogs last night, dog sitting, going out of my way to help someone gets me out of self pity. Recognizing plenty of self-pity to get out of-so plenty of reason to serve. Seeing both daughters and having a nice interaction. Ali’s directions-“You take this one road-can’t remember the name and it turns into a lady’s name, then you turn on Harrison, but there is a chunk of Harrison up there that doesn’t connect to the lady’s name.”

 

12~Small parts done often add up. A small ease in the pain. 5 beautiful puppies, watching 3 be born, 2 interviews for housemate today, dreams, a fenced yard, electric heaters, driving “Red Lady” (the Ford Ranger) someone gifted me and the labor that fixed it recently, gifts in abundance, oatmeal, a silly awkward puppy that steps on everything, hunger (means I am not bingeing), learning patience by not getting my way and sitting on my hands. Volleyball season.

 

13~Volenteers, slow growth, striving for good, abundance, learning not to twitter time away in irrelevancy, lessons from “mistakes”, willing to hurt if that is what it takes to grow-I’m really growing, High School football, my first game without him- that I went anyway.

 

14~Growing faith, nurturing faith with action, harmony, spiritual density, hope, a reminder of how big my God is-and that getting the details right is His specialty, a nice distraction, business meetings, fellowship, my vision and action plus God’s blessing has turned into a miracle, INWIG, dimples, fresh air.

 

15~Scriptures that talk about giving thanksgiving, that I am willing to do this even when I don’t “feel” gratitude-taking the action will create the feeling, learning to surrender in a deeper level than ever before-the growth will supersede the pain-so it will be immense. Eternal faith, repentance.

 

16~Devotion. Perspective, Change, Power from God. My watch.  While I was serving yesterday I was released from the powerful grip of depression compounded by grief. Noticing finally the grief is much related to the death of my mother-not releasing the relationship-which is a catalyst so I can reach the depth of pain.

 

17~Learning surrender and patience and acceptance on a whole new level. God’s perfection, attraction to righteousness develops the more I choose the right, missing someone so much it hurts means I learned to love, a conduit to help me grief for my mean mother that I couldn’t feel safe enough to grieve directly for. The perfection of my pain. Hating it-but knowing it is for my good.

 

18~Pieces of self given away. Restoration. “failure” is great success if I have become closer to God as a result, the people involved in cleaning produce before it gets to the store-especially carrots, a down comforter, options, nice people, Maggie-a new little foster dog put into my life (and lap), dog sitting.

 

19~God answers prayer-the importance of uttering them, the sweetness of sorrow when God’s comfort is allowed to envelop it, co-ed volleyball, funny people, playing off the wall, an excuse “the sun was in my eyes” while in the gym, Dimples, a prayer of “Father in Heaven I release him to your loving care” uttered over and over, getting exactly what I need from him to access my m mommy grief, God knows what He is doing.

 

20~Having a beautiful baby 20 years ago and naming her Cassandra. Soul searching decisions, acceptance, abundance, God knows better than I do what I want, I will feel content and fulfilled again, healing takes time and that time is what develops spiritual maturity, a great football game, athletics, teamwork, good sportsmanship, knowing it’s not all about winning.

 

21~God calls for me, He wants me-He loves me. He is the longing of my heart, God’s Spirit filled me with peace on the drive home. Having a very nice date with Cassandra on her birthday, finding perfect shoes, Read Lady, amazing speakers at a singles fireside, dancing, friends, receiving hope this week by meeting 2 single Mormon guys in my age bracket that are over 6 foot that they do exists! Nice neighbors.

 

22~ Learning to embrace reality. God speaking to me through a speaker “I know what you need” a place in my heart for God’s Spirit to reside. In a dialogue God said I must be uncomfortable so He can bring me His Comforter. Not getting my way builds patience. A nice paid for house, joy comes in the morning (It’s just this day of mourning that seems longer than a day-but there’s sunlight at the other end-I just know). Things hoped for but not seen-faith.

 

23~Honesty, authenticity, a changed life, the atonement of Christ, deep spiritual hunger, perspective, stepping back, sitting deep in my pain, having time to grieve, effort, long socks, Family Home Evening, learning to be a whole part of a half. Complete in my brokenness. Relief. God calls me by name, He says to be empty so He can fill me. And that He has such special plans for me.

 

24~God is my refuge, safety, His power realized, believing in the miracle, unhindered spiritual connection, weighing and measuring my food for 21 days is a miracle of freedom, grace, I didn’t cry yesterday, the yearning for him has subsided today, playing v-ball, more physical strength when I am heavier, weight loss, a long walk with dogs by the lake, seeing both daughters, pockets, sports bras.

 

25~Now. Now is forever. Release. My bed, green sheets, deep rumble of a train, puppies and little boys, email on my phone, fall colors, pictures, paper, playing cards with the neighbors.

 

26~Companionship with God. Developing an understanding of Aspergers brings clarity around a foggy place. Mediation, Connection. Memories, Pain-letting him go. Grief, year anniversary of Grandmas passing. Purple glasses, getting to know myself better, hope, meetings, observation, numbers.

 

27~Redemption. Names. Guidance, love-even when it hurts, effort, concentration, mental exercise, doing a favor, depression passes, Sleeping well, my sponsor, relaxing into the pain and not resisting helps, a nice walk along a beautiful lake with happy dogs, sore muscles, my strong healthy body, weighing 194 lbs today, the curves the extra weight gives my body-no shame and loving my body through it’s major transition of rapid weight gain and loss, weighing my food and the freedom it brings. Not craving to eat through intense pain, feeling it authentically with no buffer brings me closer to God-and that is the whole purpose to my life.

 

28~Cooperation with God. Noticing God. Choosing God. Trusting through tears, knowing joy is on the other side. A new little rat dog named Maggie (because she is like a magnet) that was inserted into my life is a comfort (and pain) in this time of mourning. God calls us each by name.

 

29~Visable proof of God’s will. The temple. My great grandmother, seeing my grandson and he came running up to me “Jumee!”, drinking water fountains, my daughter came and stayed last night. Apples, waiting. Waiting and praying, He finally talked to me after a month. Sleeping well.

 

30~God has a plan for my life. Waiting for it. He has handpicked a husband for me and I don’t want to get in the way. Learning patience. Preparation, work, Yokes Fresh Market, holding a duck with iridescent feathers, my ability to walk/run/jump, special screws, text messaging, nice noises, bonus time with God.

 

31~A place of rest, understanding contentment, losing it for a while in a broken heart, strong hands, riding the red bike in the rain. I love the rain, being purified, tofu, electric heaters, that I don’t hear sirens everyday.

 

November 2012

 

1~Hope. Faith. Trust. Laughter, being a kid and going down a slide with my grandson at McDonalds. God responds. Contentment, messengers, no candy hangover from Halloween, a “treat” of greater understanding.

 

2~Still moments. Intentionally noticing them. Maggie (the little rat dog) and her grunty cuddles, naps, redefining “the” relationship. Finally having the “let’s just be friends for now and see what happens” talk, a professional haircut, curls, incredible storms, pouring rain, God telling me to open up after being a balled up mass of pain for so long to empty so He can fill me.

 

3~Charity. God’s limitless power. “God’s power is blocked off only by our indifference to it” (24) Stepping back to see clearer, opening up, effort, weather reports, a walk with a new friend, beautiful fall colors, sleeping well, fresh air, puppy breath, the glow of an autumn tamarack.

 

4~Fullness of joy. Seeing the pain of a newcomer and knowing there is a solution steeped in hope for them, pain can be the driving force to getting better, surrendering to the question “How are you?” with a “Fine, thank you, what about you?” I want to stop resisting the insincere question and answer and just leave it alone-play the game to be free from the struggle. Most people don’t care how I am; it’s just what people say-a habit-a greeting. I resist and it causes dissention. “Thanks-what about you?” is working beautifully.

 

5~Unreserved. Asking God for help to smile and laugh and have joy. Conduits. Rest. Reading, dreams, a dream journal. Weight loss at a reasonable pace, taking pictures.

 

6~Growing older, gaining wisdom, Letting God reside, having powerful and intense feelings, the book of Mathew, looking for joy, my job, my toes, people that care, eggplant, the Healing Gardens, Sandcreek, submitting pics for a local calendar, photography. The ability to write. The softness of his presence, longing, developing into what is.

 

7~Softness. Rain. The little red pick up, my cell phone, being proactive, learning more and more about not procrastinating. I am not a victim, voting for the first time, smiling when I made a mistake, learning, acceptance.

 

8~Glory. Surety, learning to be slow, not having the stress of hurry in my life anymore-if it creeps in I recognize it and consciously slow down. My best friend painted my fingernails. Guidance and comfort from God, opening to God’s love and protection, asking, seeking, believing and receiving. Receiving is an action verb (just like love is an action verb). Bonding with God by reading the Gospels, complete in my Creator, His perfect love for me-amazingly perfect.

9~Potential. Capabilities, truth, companionship, work, opportunity, Sharing my story (and dinner) with a stranger, seeking joy, discipline, fellowship, recovery “on wheels” (a long care ride with others in recovery to a big event), fluxuation, seeing and naming stagnancy in a meeting-discussion on how to change that as a group.

 

10~Stamina, trials increase joy after endured, intentional living, nothing is wasted in God’s economy, laughter, earplugs, hugs, victory through surrender, a road trip with new friends, rejoining, not being gone-but just not there, listening for Heavenly Father’s will.

 

11~Sincere interest in others, purpose, getting the giggles, honest sharing, new friends, closeness to My Creator, “I’m glad to be here”. Ping pong, talent shows, Miss Piggy.

 

12~I want what I have-or am seeking to have what I want, needs, being heard, obnoxious dogs, time to reflect, my feet serve me well everyday, wealth that has nothing to do with money, baseball caps, new friends, familiar.

 

13~A promise from Jesus in the last verse of the last chapter of Mathew “I will be with you always” I woke up on the wrong side of the bed sitting here all pissed off looking for something to be grateful for (so this is a miracle), taking the action for the feeling to follow, these irritations at nothing will pass, joy happens, plans on looking for it, a distraction from a focal point I want to focus less on. My dog slobbered on my daughter-made me laugh. A funny inspirational movie-Yes Man . Gratitude when I feel like throwing something.

 

14~Looking for good in the sea of bad-finding it, encouragement, despair (so I know the opposite), revealing hope, a design for my life, depression passes, volunteering, paper, calendars, schedules, lists, longing for good.

 

15~Everyday miracles, balance, desire, the kitchen sink, a nice facet, 2 toilets in my house, Christmas lights, live performances, reuniting, I have fallen in love, defining my needs, desire to be whole and complete in my half, Ponderay Idaho, events, someone to attend them with, cute cute puppies, healing.

 

16~Guidance, sincerity, reverence, consecration, adjusting, taming strong feelings-containing them into balance, practicing awareness. Practicing being in real time (releasing fantasy), volleyball, being friendly to someone who is rude, deep connection, being scared, opening up anyway, buying a sweater for someone how couldn’t afford it.

 

17~Rewards, warm fuzzies, the joy of the Lord, trains, having a heart felt talk with myself in the mirror, ordinary people, enriching actions, prayer, hesitating, crying, spontaneity, the guidance of the Holy Spirit, heading to it, precision, patterns, pillows, support groups, sparklies.

 

18~Beauty of character, dazzling gory of God, reflection, doing what I didn’t feel like to be obedient today, a made bed, blankets, seeking joy.

 

19~Surrendering to what is. Stopping resisting therefore stopping suffering, pain and suffering are not all the same thing-although with suffering there is pain. There is not always suffering with pain. Deep spiritual insight. Rain, Heeding to prompting’s. Volunteering to accept something really hard (long term) knowing God will give me there strength to endure if it is truly His will- and that I will become closer to God as a result.

 

20~Hope in Christ, insight, the value of pain, endurance, asking/praying/pleading for help to surrender something I couldn’t let go of, God’s perfect timing, answered prayers, space heaters, 3 months without a roommate, time and space for grief, God gave me these 2 words FAITH & PATIENCE to ponder/pray/explore/hold on to.

 

21~God is with me, sparkles, heavy rain, organic foods, talking with someone that was hostile towards Mormons-feeling peace and non judgment towards them as they pelted aggressive questions at me. I gave them my card and invited them to call if they had more questions. Freedom in the truth, deep waves of searing pain, Seeking joy.

 

22~Asking God for relief from the pain-waking up without the heavy cloud of pain hovering today, dialogues with God, not having a plan (It’s Thanksgiving) today feels very freeing-yesterday it felt like a curse. God has hand picked a husband for me and it will be amazing. I trust this, faith, patience.

 

23~A simple and lovely Thanksgiving, that it wasn’t about the food at all, practicing thanks and giving on a daily basis. Visualizing and experiencing open, learning to wait, purpose in pain, healing, trusting my gut the joy will outweigh the pain, dedication and obedience. Every tear is beautiful to behold in it’s opposite, Giving the little dog a bath-she pranced around so proud it made the other dog jealous-it was funny, my fingernails, long socks, heat.

 

24~Progress, mistakes are growth in disguise, attitude, perspective deep breathes, support, contentment-I will feel it again, the little things, purple ink, the peace of rain, walking in the rain at dusk, the beauty in which I live. Hard stuff strengthens me, a change in plans that brings me relief.

 

25~Rest in God, Google Chrome, internet banking, turtle necks, opportunity, spiritual priorities, missionaries, being available, Maggie thinks I am the most important person in the world, Garlic, Christmas lights, curtains.

 

26~Moving forward. Listening and hearing. Seeing and perceiving, faith, patience, pain, connection, God’s purpose, Laugher, seriousness, a washer and drier right in my house. One puppy is with her new home.

 

27~Foundations based on spiritual principles, guidance, pure pain (pain not laced with depression), God counts every tear, waiting, the experience of true love, separating for perspective, getting the dishes done, when people spay and neuter their pets, seeking joy-that I will find it again. I believe in joy.

 

28~Peace. Confidence that I am on the right path. Abundance. God’s love for me. I LOVE being a Mormon. God calls me to do hard things so I can get closer to Him. Connection to the true source rather than unplugging into irrelevancy, willing to be blessed abundantly. Allowing space, nestling into God.

 

29~Gathered together, prayer, lasting fellowship, perspective, both of my girls are here and all of us are getting along beautifully. The little red pickup. Thursdays, cuddles with Petey (big white dog), garlic, salt, learning to let go of the thing I want most-so if I am meant to have it-it will be of God.

 

30~ “…until the immensity of His Spirit envelops your spirit and loses its smallness and weakness and comes into harmony again with His”(24)

The power of the priesthood, knowing the truth, deep grief, God chastens those He loves so we can be purified and get closer to Him. Jesus came to suffer-not have a soft cushy happy joyful pain free life- so I am uplifted. Breathing in God’s Spirit. Allowing God to comfort, sooth and guide me. Questioning, not having an answer, the mystery of God. He feels every bit of my pain. Learning to be whole with out him (the cute guy) so I can be complete with God. Sparkly moments, prayer, diligence in surrendering fantasy.

 

 

December 2012

 

1~Compassion. Structure, rain, packing a puppy around in my coat, the animal shelter thrift store having $1 sale on any clothes-getting some nice dress coats for $1 each! Riding my bike in heavy rain. Visiting someone in a nursing home. I am grateful that I don’t have nonstop hiccups, the ability to walk. My toes & fingers & smile all work well. Working on the smiling-the more I use it the easier it becomes. (smiling muscles?)

 

2~Striving to live as I believe God wants me to. Ballroom dancing, a few seconds of feeling like I was gliding connecting with the partner and music harmoniously-although there was a lot of toes stepping and awkwardness between. Sparkles. God knows everything about me and is always with me (Psalm 139), sobbing to my core, a cuddly little dog, purple flannel, laundry.

 

4~Constructive thinking. Peace of mind that many never experience. The gift of willingness to live a conscious God-Centered life. Being chosen, guidance, Heeding to a prompting of the Spirit and getting deeply rewarded. Having financial security when the numbers don’t add up. Seeing the biggest eagle I have ever seen close up-it was magnificent-and a shared moment with another person. Sleep.

 

5~Learning to give. A day I wasn’t depressed, connection with others, commitment, volleyball, growth, turning to God, mechanics, rain, funny people that have depth as well, cuddly dogs, expression, art with words.

 

6~Growth can be exponential, the first snow of the season, peace, having what I want most (the farm) dangling in front of my nose-and keeping it surrendered. Deep breathing connects me to the calm of God, writing daily connects me to God. Deep spiritual connection-especially through hard times. Separation from the man I love for perspective.

 

7~Starving evil by righteous choices. Puppy breath, asking God to experience joy again-knowing my prayers are heard, cute puppies, learning how to be graceful through their awkwardness-just like me.

 

8~Quality, dedication, having a puppy enamored with me. Letting go of something that feels stagnant, seeing a buck with a bigger rack than I’ve ever seen, God’s grace, opportunities, windows, big beautiful snow flakes.

 

9~Seeking joy. The cloud of depression passed for today, going to a movie by myself The Intouchables (GREAT movie) I laughed so hard-excellent funny feel good movie, people that add spice, the glow of fresh snow, “Wait patiently on the Lord and you will inherit the land” (Psalm 37) learning patience on a whole new level.

 

10~Daily growth, paying attention, being still and listening, visiting a dear friend last night when I couldn’t sleep in the middle of the night I read from the Ensign “…always hearken to the voice of the Spirit within us and go “straightway” wherever it takes us regardless of our fears or any inconvenience”

 

11~True fellowship. Going through the grief rather than around it. Sunshine on the snow, brilliance, teamwork, my kids, Netflix, rejection-without it I would now know its opposite of acceptance-and I like acceptance. Hard things pass.

 

12~Hope. Change, Pain is temporary. Sleeping well, garlic, puppies, looking for joy, spending the day with my girls yesterday.

 

13~Gudance. Learning to choose the right. Acceptance, trust, regeneration, being taken apart to be put back together again, renewal, God’s perfect plan, space, God-my true source of love.

 

14~Stregnth. The next indicated thing, refreshment, a day without the dense fog of depression was amazing, communing with God, laugher, nice people, v-ball, being tall, weight loss, knee pads, nice socks.

 

15~Courage. Closure. Release. Looking forward to God’s blessings.

 

16~Natural consequences. Faithfulness, right living brings happiness, officially defining break up with boyfriend (finally knowing), closure, stepping back for perspective, love, clear mind, clean thinking, purity, the temple, being released from Stake Singles calling-what a relief. Patience.

 

17~Pure balance. Victory through defeat, hope, sparkles that twinkle, renewal buried deep in hope that happens during the dark of winter, experience, sweetness and cleansing of grief. Trust. God developed the process-therefore it is perfect-and I get to choose to accept or deny this perfection-by victory through defeat (of self). Glory. Desperate for God.

 

18~Rest in God. Intentionally living. Sitting in the pain and really being present for it. I am not alone. A puppy that adores me. Interaction. Time. Christmas lights, how the little dog lays on top of the big dog.

 

19~Calm. Work. Building a fire in a wood stove, brooms, hackeysack, puppy giggles/love/&joy, beautiful heavy snow. Emptiness. The pain may start to be dulling. Feeling ALL of my feelings.

 

20~God’s protection and plan. Footprints. Repeating the statement “God I trust You”, big snow. Snow shovels. Compassion, studded snow tire, thrift stores, homemade yogurt from raw milk from a cow that has a name and is loved.

 

21~God’s prompting. Protection. Colors, ladders, payments, down to 1 puppy, comfort, affection, strength, clear communication, when people say what they really mean-not what they think I want to hear, Fundamental goodness that lies in every person.

 

23~Valuable experience. Good examples, exploding balance, visualizing being cooed by God, passion, responsibility, incredible transformation, peeling away layers of self to expose new, the master healer.

 

24~Being in an elite group of people who have found and are willing to recover from food addiction. Gratitude, service, sacrifice.

 

25~I won’t have to binge today. This day is finally here so it can pass. Monsters Inc. in 3-D. Being in one of the most painful periods in my life means I’m growing gobs. Distraction. Gifts that aren’t things, a consecrated life.

 

26~Relief. Direction. Purpose, urgency for God, desire, A nice day with both of my girls yesterday. Refusing the hubbub, simplicity, a cuddly puppy, clear roads, waiting. Time to wait. “God, I trust You”, virtue, kindness, service, practicing smiling.

 

27~Developing, desperate prayers. Green. Patterns. Calluses protect, de-cluttering.

 

28~Divine purpose, ready for change. Hackeysack, weight loss, classified, donation bins, heating pads, contagious smiles, being a part of a puppy pile.

 

29~Responsibility. Opportunity. Effective prayer, effort finishing 3 books as 2012 closes, there are bulbs buried under the snow preparing to bloom by being dormant right now-just like my joy. I will experience joy again-knowing that helps so much during this season of it’s dormancy.

 

30~Familiar faces, hugs, training, blessings, anointing, washing, covenants, beauty, knowing joy is under the deadness, solvency.

 

31~Hope. Conflict resolution. Nice smelling candles, Christmas lights, curriculum, circles, calluses, having the experience of falling in love-even thought he pain of the broken heart feels unbearable. I have never fallen in love before. The comfort dogs bring. Sitting still in God’s presence and waiting.

 

 

  

  

 

January 2008          I am grateful for….

 

 

Violin music, looking for the good, time at home alone.

 

Fresh flowers in the bathroom at the grocery store, DVD players, being on campus yesterday, getting a new pair of pants, losing 70 lbs in the last 2 years, vitamins, God is here, ladders, geography, topics of interest, I love the way I eat, sharing the experience with many others, shopping while in the mood.

 

Energy, the close of 2007, intuition, seeing friends, choosing contentment, when I wake early, wind chimes, staying lighter latter, options.

 

My lungs, fresh air, my washer and dryer, toenail clippers, the waste management system is amazing, consuming less resources than average, making choices on what I buy based on packaging (pre-recycling).

 

God loves variety, all the different ways to cook eggs, spiral notebooks, beautiful fresh snow (that has sparkles in it!), a nagging feeling when something I want is not surrendered, mirrors reflect light making a room better lit, expression, story telling, the way my gratitude tells a story, windows, hamsters.

 

Snow, snow, snow and more snow, living in the US-I have so many resources it is difficult not to take them for granted, gratitude helps me to stay aware, I have a car, house, fruit trees. I can read, write, and I have access to education and a choice of religious beliefs. I can chose how I spend my time; I have been thinking and praying about spending more time in God’s word than in my email box. I have made it a goal, I think it is very worthwhile, God rewards action and time spent with Him, I am excited for intimacy on a deeper level, commitment, learning to utterly abandon self will-a life long process, that I can’t successfully do something unless I WANT to, changing the “I need to” into “I want to”

 

Snow shoes, getting up earlier, wanting to not take new debt more than a printer-scanner-fax-copier (and I REALLY want it), surrender, staying close to God, phone meetings, my cell phone alarm clock to remind me of them, waking up to music, my sponsors, chairs, a feeling of being organized with my finances is a great relief.

 

Schedules, routine, Gods word, banks, my computer, snow shovels, boots, wind power-by donating $1 a month to Avista I contribute the same as not driving a car 1000 miles in emissions to the environment, writing a paper on how we are going to live after running out of oil, not consuming in vast quantities, reusing, pre-recycling, fresh air, my goose is laying eggs, text and picture messaging, trading eggs for fresh raw milk.

 

Balance, interesting classes, online classes, and season changes.

 

A friend wrote a book-and it is excellent, fellowship with people I love today, moving hundreds of pounds of snow, upper body strength, pastor Matt, asking God to become a prayer warrior, goose eggs.

 

Brimming with contentment, seeing my double wide as a mansion; supplying we with so much more than I need. My mansion is 1700 square feet, roomy, well lit with many windows and a sky light, a wonderful efficient wood stove, built in beautiful cabinets, a great kitchen, 3 toilets, 2 walk in closets in a huge master bedroom. I could go on and on about the satisfaction I have in my mansion, and THEN… I look outside. WOW

 

God blesses generosity, I gave Him $100-so He gave me $425 back, the absolute blessing of tithe, He does that when I give my time also, rewards, warm temps, sunshine, praying and asking God daily to become a prayer warrior, when people request prayer, I love the subjects I am taking in school, recognizing the great material wealth that I live in (US), my kids will outgrow being teenagers, couples who inspire me, when I am reminded how difficult relationships are when I am deep in loneliness. Protecting my food abstinence, rigorous work around my finances, praying to not be a time debtor, enjoying much of my time, the variety of life.

 

Still having electricity after a big storm, those wonderful people who work very hard to restore electricity when needed, sunshine, I like shoveling snow.

 

Relief, depth, balance, clarity, phone meetings, the way a good workout makes me feel, shoveling snow gets me outside in the winter time, fresh raw milk, making yogurt for the first time, Greg the goose is actually a girl-so I will get eggs! The thesaurus in word, happy excited people, L-tyrosine, people who pray with me, first contact, funny funny humor, a double yoker goose egg! Wowwwy.

 

Entertainment centers, heat lamps, my desk, file drawers, organization, paper, free fencing, my bathrobe, snow pants, tea, DA, relief, visions, commitment, returning most of the school loans this term, thinking about a garden, warm socks, storage tubs, hangers, de-cluttering, someone noticing that I de-cluttered.

 

Praying the pressure of school doesn’t turn into stressful worry, without the pressure I wouldn’t be learning nearly as much-so I am grateful for the pressure, Amazon saves me money on text books, being single, prayer warriors, asking God for intimacy, willingness to take the time to do the things that helps keep me balanced (this is one of them), doing it even when it is difficult, forgiveness.

 

Recovery keeps getting deeper and more profound the longer I am in it, getting excited about eggplant, joy, my lovely chickens.

 

DA, visions, electricity, tea, a printer/scanner/copier/fax machine, symbolic learning experiences, conference calls, applications, bed skirts, vacuum, shelves, my touch lamp, heating pad, hunger.

 

A good stretch, people who laugh easily, progress, committees.

 

Ladders, Currency of Hope, answer to prayer, shoe laces, sighs, dog sitting, permanent markers, ibuprofen, dog toys, newspaper, bathtub for a winter wood box & a goose tub when it’s not winter, the brilliant full moon on a cold clear night, dog cuddles, holding a baby.

 

Blessing of tithe, our local ace hardware store, small town service, accountably, clear sky, dinner at a friends, self care, reduction of my work load, my dogs get to have a slumber party, meetings, the serenity prayer, faith, embracing the journey, seeing a deer in the back yard, the cold snap is predicated to pass, my water didn’t stay frozen, the library.

 

My non crunching chiropractor, Rose, visiting my grandparents, Brussels sprouts, knowing my bank account balance, spring WILL come, enjoying the winter, longer days.

 

Balto, Sabbath rest, ways to help organize, medicine, I haven’t had a cold in a very long time, wash rags, humorous dogs, windows, pitchers, teamwork, hope, determination for a worthy goal, toenails.

 

Warning beeps, “my creativity flows with the self-discipline I need to put it into action”(FAA Promise), sleeping well, I guess I will be grateful for many inches of new snow, the gift of shoveling it, looking forward to time outside and exercise, I really do like shoveling snow, country lifestyles, time at home with my daughter, Forest Gump, love, surrendering this property that I love.

 

Sunshine on the snow covered trees, staying in, my daughter is planning a party, seeing her excitement, reading this quote by Jim Rohn…

 

"There are only about a half dozen things that make 80% of the

difference in any area of our lives"

 

"Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practiced

 every day, while failure is simply a few errors in judgment repeated

 everyday"

 

Contemplating on the half dozen things, if done daily would make 80% of the difference. Realizing these things and changing them-writing gratitude daily is one of them, daily devotional time, reading bible, praying on my knees, writing and committing my food. God gives back any time I give to Him after multiplying it by at least ten. Good morning kisses from a dog, expression.

 

An excellent pair of tweezers, the couch blanket, prayer, asking God for intimacy with Him in prayer, I think God wants to answer my prayer, this is one of those little things practiced daily that makes 80% of the difference, calling someone who had me on their list to call, shoveling most of my roof yesterday, organic farming, yes-thinking about dirt when there is at least 3 feet of snow on the ground, fax machines, learning how to half flush my toilet, my washer drain did not stay frozen long, having a dream about planting a weeping willow tree on my grandparents property.

 

More snow! Creativity, trains, snow plows, the people who drive them, road management, budgets, bypass, endless options, the rainbows of colors between black and white thinking, meeting new friends as a result of my website, 1,000 hits on my website!

 

Revelation, abundance, the amazing job the snow plows and postal service is doing in our “state of emergency” snow accumulation, a strong healthy body for shoveling roofs, laundry baskets, someone shoveled my driveway, dog sitting 2 great dogs, a fun day with my daughter, some wonderful smelling lotion, debtors anonymous, a tin roof, laughter.

 

Getting to watch Greg the goose lay an egg! Confirmation that Greg is a girl, Baby (the other goose) is trying to hatch babies. She doesn’t understand there is no “papa” goose. I keep taking her eggs away, so she found a rock, and she wants to hatch the rock. Silly Goose. Then Greg went “broody” (trying to hatch eggs). I felt sorry for those wanna-be mamas so I put some fertile chicken eggs under them! I can’t wait to see what happens. We are due to be mamas on Feb 20th  

                                                 

February 2008

 

Psalms 37 comforts me like a hug from God, faith, release from worry, direction, prayer for someone I resent, journaling, cleaning the chicken coup, chicken poop for the garden, The “poop” in my life helps me grow, blankets, schedules.

 

This minute right now, doing what God asked me to do, He has given me this gift and wants me to continue to pursue and share it (gratitude). Please help support my efforts with prayer. Dog toenail clippers, lovely smelling lemon lotion, connection with my teenager.

 

God is less likely to help me if I don’t ask, this keeps me dependent, He wants to give me the desires of my heart, water, a long 12 hour hard sleep, feeling rested, funny people on the morning radio show.

 

Contact with high school friends, painters, writers, compassionate people who fix their animals, the animal shelter, volunteers, wind chimes, birds that stay for the winter, seeing bald eagles often over the long bridge, the Daily Bee, dry erase boards, dog doors, working in a home with great people in the family, silk flowers, all the snow is really phenomenal.

 

Toe socks, the rain is melting some snow, someone came and just moved the immense amount of snow out of my driveway because they felt like being nice, flippin eggs without a utensil, Boggle, taking the time to notice how heavy all my stress is (I was just being stressed-it is helpful to practice awareness and empathy) Releasing it all to God, someone with the gift of gratitude sent me their list and it was inspiring and delightful. Special time with my youngest daughter, when my dog walked over the fence (the snow is that high) I was called, dog tags, snow pants, my friend said her kids were sledding off the roof! Her large horse got spooked and ran into the deep snow-she got stuck-they had to dig her out!

 

Taking care of one of those lingering for months on my to do list, starting a book about rising above mediocrity, counter space, retrospect, company for dinner.

Getting 2 phone calls yesterday from people I don’t usually talk to, how interlinked this world is, the snow is melting, a de-cluttering idea, a flexible job, using my scanner-what a cool thing! Balloons.

 

Spring fever, warmer temps, seeing dirt, visions of planting tomatoes dancing in my head, the boot dryer, inspiration, beautiful feathers, flight, taking action, yesterday to get published yesterday (for some reason this has been difficult for me), time for homework today, special ring tones for special people, independence.

 

Intimacy with God, blue sky, dry weather in the forecast.

 

After receiving an eviction notice (mom is mad at me for not doing what she wants me to do with MY children) I asked God for clear direction in His word-and I got it. Fast and pray and be still and that he is my rock and fortress and He will reward my works, options are limitless. There will be closure and I will no longer be linked to my family of origin. I am not angry at her-what a relief (and miracle) and freedom, fasting this morning from not only food, but also from the computer and phone, this is a time for prayer and to be still.

 

A new week, feeling fresh and invigorated and well-rested, freshly laundered blankets, peppermint oil in the fabric softener, I am in the mood for cleaning-I just love that! My life is at a turning point and I am excited and have the right fear while including God in this experience, the long winter will end, spending time with my grandparents.

 

Willingness to get rid of my TV-it just zaps my time and rarely feeds me, Ketchikan Alaska, the Nickels worth, Kleenex, going through my file cabinet, white paper recycle (it is 1/3 of my garbage!), joy, enjoying God, deodorant, wash rags, knobs on the stove, my fingers, deep breathing assigned to me, cleaning and organizing.

 

Boots, classified, tickles, face massage, big full moons on a clear night during an eclipse, sharing the silly goose story, expression, shoes, being consistent-firm-and loving in my parenting, earrings, a big lake trout thawing in my fridge, running, Rosemary O, pretty things.

 

My soul waits silently before God, when every aspect of my life is uncertain- I can trust God and ask for direction, having a sale to get rid of stuff, purging of my stuff feels like being released from bondage, letting confusion be there until clarity comes-waiting when the solution needs time to develop, learning this at an Al-anon meeting.

 

My washing machine, seeing through some family members attempt to manipulate me, when the fog clears to a glorious sunny day, God rewards people according to what they do, a very soft white kitty, letting go of unnecessary stuff, love, time, sharing my life with others, written prayer, birds, the snow melts a little each day, I can separate people’s hurtful action from my feelings about that person-often they don’t know any better.

 

March 2008

 

Sitting in the sun on my deck with my dog having tea (1st of season), the sound of many different types birds-, the stillness of the morning, the adventurous spirit of my chickens, the overwhelming gratitude of going to the dollar store and not needing or wanting anything, purging my “stuff” feels so wonderful and freeing. The less I have, the less I need- It is truly beautiful. Quality nice silverware, the sun on my face.

 

A promise that “my thinking will become clear”, inspiring testimonies, clearing away physical-emotional-and family of origin clutter from my life, being able to say no to the invitation to continue to have ties to a dysfunctional relationship, honor,

loving someone enough to be honest with a good healthy boundary, support, adventure, leaps of faith, being “called”, I am judged much less when I am not judging others-it mirrors back to me.

 

Selling my TV feels so CLEAN-it did not feed me now I have more time, options, getting a new outfit for under $20, DA, seeing that buying clothes for myself is necessary and fulfilling, balance, the pants I bought were are size smaller, I tried on my goal size-and I could zip (barely) them! God’s timing, wanting to do things right, the right way is usually not the easy way, the growth in the more difficult way is filled with integrity and righteousness, God rewards that, powerful lessons, purpose, the care of God.

 

Unpredictable confused spring weather, listening very carefully to the day, loving people that are difficult, snow on the trees, my cooking pans, free classifieds, integrity, brutal honesty, the delete button, the extra time I have without the TV here, I like it being gone, mint/ginseng tea.

 

Giving myself permission to be where I am emotionally while letting go of stuff- I call it phase one- all of the unnecessary stuff- it is the bulk, seeing I am a hoarder of pens-I had well over 200 with a container in every room, must have to do with being a writer, getting clear direction to let go of my house (my beautiful mansion)

 

I have been drinking milk from cows with names, when I got my milk this morning it was still warm-and I learned Lily is going to calf soon (City slickers-this means have a babyJ), working with others, not having a TV is invigorating, an exciting game of solitary, playing one game with God on the days I have time.

 

Righteousness, not acting on strange ideas, but asking for God’s guidance, a dream about horses, a kind of blind date this weekend, a changed life, taking another load to the free pile at the dump, fencing, picture messaging on my cell phone, people that help support my process, people that pray for me, people that pray with me, unexpected $289 in my bank account.

 

Expression, humor, letting God have everything in my life, the freedom of it is amazing, to be open and vulnerable in the hands of God, letting of my mobile mansion, most all of my possessions, one of my daughters is living with her dad-this is something I have to trust God knows what He is doing, being “called” to Alaska (which is also on the alter) a PRG scheduled, this school term is over this week-a major relief, seeing my daughter have an emotional release-like breathing after holding her breath for a long time, country life style, my rooster ring tone, planning a bonfire soon, finding a home for Julie- disabled chicken where she will be loved.

 

A 6 AM phone meeting, a PRG (Pressure Relief Group) today, people who freely give their time to go over my finances and help me with major decisions, having money in savings, not putting expectations on people to do what I want them to, freedom from resentment, when others resent me because I don’t do what they want me to I don’t have to take it personal- I can clearly see the bondage of expectations and resentment and be grateful I am free, I have a desire to not eat addictive foods, having solvency today.

 

Releasing my kids into God’s hands, they have their own struggles to deal with to mold them into the phenomenal people they are becoming.

 

My hunger for God, righteousness and clarity, positive life radio, looking for things that help, hot water, being in a place where I must surrendered everything or drown in the chaos of my life, when I choose surrender-chaos becomes a choice. God is in the eye of the storm. Including others in my pain gives it more purpose, even though it is snowing (enough to stick) on March 21st- I know spring will eventually prevail and move into the growing warmth of summer, that will happen in my life.

 

A break, the smell of orange furniture polish, tea. love, God promise to instruct and guide me if I seek Him, floral prints, surrender, options, uniqueness, garlic, laminate flooring, Jesus dieing on the cross because God’s punishment for sin was death, So God loved us enough to send his only Son to be brutally murdered so we wouldn’t have to die.

 

I read, “The opposite of growth is death”

This profoundly struck me. Growth often hurts. Pruning certainly doesn’t feel desirable. The more I am pruned the fuller and more vibrant I become. God loves me so much.

 

Trying something new-looking for different results, support, reading a book that explains Gods disciplines those He loves-it was like Him telling me “it’s OK sweetie, I love you enough to form you into who I intended you to be. You might not be comfortable through the process. I am with you, I love you, and am going to bless your socks off, just depend on Me”

 

After complaining bitterly and experiencing a lot of fear-I let go and trusted the process-then I start to see the benefits of the journey God has me on, a spade shovel, containers, seeking glass as an alternative to plastic, not giving up on my dream, helping others be accountable for their part by not doing it for them, my toilet, the snow melted a little yesterday, the feeling after good exercise, several good phone calls with people walking the walk of their recovery, systems that work.

 

Support, resources, belief that my little care is worth it’s car Dr bill-it saves me so much $ every moth with it’s 50 mpg, Someone asked me a question that had me contemplate intensely “What is the opposite of surrender?” We came up with “What is worth fighting for”, I think these things are worth fighting for; self-respect, integrity, honesty values, health, doing the right thing, and seeking God’s will.

 

Fax machines, lamps, Christmas lights in March on a timer shinning every night in my mobile mansion. That I am not surviving from crisis to crisis-but growing/learning/and having deepening faith from crisis to crisis.  As one daughter retreats emotionally the other opens her arms and comes towards me. It is snowing and suns shining (hard) right now-I know the dichotomy of spring weather in my emotions, watching a robin get a worm in the snowy sunshine.

 

Reading my list from a year ago-there was grass then! (I am jealous!) The snow will melt, buying pansies and transplanting today, getting my fingers in the dirt, seeing my daughter for the first time in a long time, boundaries, integrity, my car has a new clutch and rear brakes and I didn’t have to debt, prudent reserves.

 

The Great Blue Heron has migrated home, I be she is disappointed is snowed 6 inches on her head at the end of March-I know I am, reading my journal from two years ago-I was hurting so much-the ability to deal with the continuing crisis and trauma in my life has improved drastically,

 Gods pruning helps my growth and brings a richer fuller life experience even though it hurts, My oldest daughter is here with me, going to a birthday meeting and picking up and 8 year chip.

 

My electric furnace, I am feeling such a burden with all the snow still on April 1st-but I know by taking the action of gratitude-the feeling of gratitude will follow, my DC player, options, my computer, Pros and cons lists really help me with difficult decisions, pansies, seeds in flowers waiting to re enter the ground to bloom again, cards, tea dentists, getting my teeth cleaned.

 

Paraphrasing . ..

God takes our efforts for good (not our intentions) and blesses them. God wants these actions because He wants to bless us abundantly. Blended together the action and blessings are spiritual success. We pray to resist the temptation to relax into a beckoning pool of mediocrity. It is really a tide that pulls us to emotional, spiritual, and mental stagnancy breeding more complacency, which God cannot use. Today we strive to take actions that God Blesses. This, we believe is God’s will for us.

 

April 2008

 

God has reason for another yet difficult lesson.

 

Defending my truth, some days are hard-it makes me appreciate the good ones more, I bounce back pretty quick, vegetables, friends, relapse effects every aspect of my life-so that means recovery affects every aspect of my life, the freedom of a food plan.

 

Stability, knowing the truth when others try to convince me of lies, not tolerating it, I will not be a doormat, I am worthy of honor-respect-and dignity.

 

Being desperate for God, beautiful people, that other people have problems, work making new friends, plugging into a wonderful network of recovering people who have what I want, my girl goose named Greg loves me and needs a hug everyday, I want LIFE more than a living death (digging a grave slowly with a fork and spoon), dentists, Novocain, my daughter has some relief from an intense toothache.

 

God is amazing, He gives me all I need, Let all that I am praise the Lord, that small still voice keeps whispering to me to get my list out to share it with you-and I have been so distracted that I keep ignoring it. I am constantly looking for ways to improve and for things to be grateful for, if me sharing this with you helps you in anyway, I am deeply blessed by that! My down comforter, chain saws, fences, praying with people, pipes, drains, flexibility, sawhorses, a deck in the from and back, potting soil, spray bottles, sunflowers, growth, that there is less snow than yesterday.

 

Windows, the anticipation of moving, hanging baskets, garlic, Pyrex, Enya, cedar, consistency, making things right.

 

Baseball caps wearing shorts today, my dishwasher.

 

Sunshine, lakes, desperation.

 

I can do this thing called life even if it is difficult, finding hope and a group of people who have what I want, resources, taxes, roads, cleansing rain, simplifying, the serenity prayer, friends, people who call me back.

 

Humility, free tax help, veterinarians, quality care, doggy pain meds for Molly (She hurt her foot), preferences, boundaries, contacts, the newcomer easy chair, phone connections, calling strangers and having immediate common ground, tomorrow will be warmer, my cat sure loves me, rhythm, structure, hunger, a good potato, letting go of things that don’t feed me, relief from being drained, stepping into an organization of VERY dedicated people already doing what it takes to be successful at group and individual level, adverbs, eggs, laughter, hugs, OT, cute dudes, surrender, integrity, exploring what is worth fighting for, mentally quitting everything to see what God puts back.

 

Longer days, paintings, change, being on time, grocery lists, rakes, singing birds, socks, being sure about something with God in the middle, getting a juicy deposit of back child support in my thirsty bank account, using prayers to ask what to do with it.

 

Child support, asking God to show me-so He did, faith/surrender and trust, organic foods, multicolored pens, love, the circle of life, calling a good listener and rambling on to get it out of my system, she gave me a heart felt compliment, the solution, electric poles.

 

Recognizing someone trying to manipulate me, seeking balance in my response of boundaries/trust/love/forgiveness/seeing her as sick and not bad. God will restore my peace, looking at some very attractive property, putting my mobile mansion on the market.

 

Reading old journals has been powerful. I ran across this in my journal from 11-1-06 and wanted to share it;

 

 

 

The sun was trying to burst through the density of the frigid morning. The fog lulled over the water. The feeling of fresh washed over my weary spirit. The beaver dam stood quiet and regal. I saw individual snowflakes standing independently on the ground. I knew God was with me in these awe filled moments.

 

Even though there was a winter storm warning today (4/20) it is still spring (“IT” just doesn’t know that), wind chimes, choices, variety, hope.

 

My cell phone is so great, group lists in the address book, finding free ring tones, signing papers to put my mobile mansion on the market today, looking at a piece of property I fell in love with, acting as if, the beep on my watch, keeping a daily appointment, schedules, excitement, peace, contentment, acceptance, fresh air, structure, a women with 26 years of abstinence calling me, appropriate fear.

 

The beautiful process of putting something I want so dearly in God’s hands completely, I am excited to see what He does with it, outside work, options, problem solving.

 

Practicing awareness creates balance (notice 2 verbs means a lot of action-a reaction to an action), getting the back yard clean, bonfire, rakes, skill saws, my food scale, water, lemon scented lotion, garbage bags, defragging my computer, teachers aides, asking God to show me, striving for cooperation (me) with God.

 

The glorious cleansing rain.

 

Back and core strengthening exercises, weeping willows, having a specific goal and target of land I think I would like to have, asking and believing that God is blessing my children, insight.

 

God is good, support, I don’t yell at my kids anymore, they have many of their own natural consequences, acceptance, meetings always welcomes returning members, realizing my limitations, wanting a deeper and honest recovery, finding a program with others who are practicing that, dedication, boundaries, I got to pet/hug/and smell a horse today, asking God to lead me to someone to call-closing my eyes and point to a name I didn’t know-making a cold call and getting a lovely lady on the end-I knew it was from God.

 

 

Looking for and believing in the miracle of sanity around food for years-finally finding it! Hope, joy fellowship, planting trees and flowers today.

Calculators, the numbers ($) on paper rarely reflect God’s abundance and care-He always takes care of me, rich dark soil, letting go of the rest of my mask (the weight) and fog of eating addictively to see-melt-and take away all the parts that aren’t me (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually deficiencies due to being in food addiction)-to meet the genuine-authentic-real Judy, looking forward to it, I will embrace the real me and be joyful, making contact with an old friend, sleeping well, a give to God list almost a page (much resembling this list-people and things I release to God in prayer), My dog loves helping me with yard work, she stays very alert (and happy) for the opportunity we might find a rodent-this is sheer ecstasy for her.

 

Pretty things to look at on a drive, having someone watch most of my favorite chickens when I thought I was going to Alaska-they were gone when my dog found a way to get in the chicken coup killing 2/3rds of my chickens a month ago. Greg the goose (that is a girl) and baby didn’t get attacked. I got my favorite chickens back yesterday. I am so grateful that I can separate my dog’s actions (instincts really) from my dog. I forgave her immediately even though it was extremely painful, I didn’t hold on to anger against her-what relief. This is not what I was taught growing up. End of April 2008

 

 

 

May 2008

Doing 4 loads of laundry, an entire day at home, crazy spring weather, getting yellow raspberry plants tomorrow- a win win solution-she needs help clearing them out, planting things, cleaning out and simplifying my spices-none of them are in plastic containers, structure, closure, community, hoses, tea, my snoring doge, time, a day off, fresh clean sheets, vision, acceptance, weight loss-weighing less than I have in more than 5 years, getting to know the real me by taking off the mask, awareness of my body needs.

 

A satisfaction from planting, taking a picture of my and Princess Bob-a beautiful chicken with a big hair due, picture messaging, badminton, outreach calls, how small the world is & connected we really can be, walking barefoot outside for the first time this season-felt oh so good, my therapists level of professionalism laced with humor, that I don’t yell at my kids anymore, a really fun robot chicken ring tone.

 

Yokes, a nice place to sit for lunch, Fresh Friday, a busy constructive day, green beans.

 

Phone lists, check marks, connecting with a close friend, no longer digging a grave with a fork and spoon, tools that work towards sustaining my life, when voicemail and answering machines have enough time for a long babbling message, my daughter is able to be honest and respectful about how she feels about not being ready to live with me, meditation books.

 

Finding FA, seeing a goat in the back of a pick up, bringing home 2 turkeys, dinner & cards with friends, comforting bible verses, quiet time every AM, no desire to eat between meals for the first time ever, calculators, online banking, check registers, excel, yogurt, being of service, happy joyful dogs, hearing the frogs at night.

 

God showing me.

 

Printer ink, organic soil, a good rain storm, mobile to mobile minutes, great pens, a day filled with opportunity to practice awareness, God knows what He is doing with my kids-even if it seems extremely difficult for them (and me), the teenage madness WILL pass, being free from cravings for food, believing in the miracles, my car door opened today, Gods peace and presence in my pain-it was like He held me while I cried, intimacy with God is like no other, expression, spring growth, getting to plant something everyday, finding a home for a stray rooster (the chicken lady doesn’t get stray dogs or cats-but stray chickens-go figure), adopting a turkey and naming her Lisa, my youngest daughter seemed chipper today.

 

Inspiration, editing my gratitude has been inspiring-how wonderful it is to practice this; all my gratitude is a gift from God.

 

Waking up feeling rested after yesterdays exhaustion, finally finding a sandal with a removable sole for my orthotic, a successful meeting with my daughter, being able to have a semi nice talk with my EX when he was ranting, flowers-oh such joy, God’s gift of my food being perfect.

 

Letting go of more stuff, getting organized, Sabbath, surrender, minutes, pictures, reading, peat moss, new shoes, sighs of contentment, the dryer, hot water, contact lenses.

 

Stepping back and observing a very tense experience and looking at the whole situation I saw that 3 of the 4 hours were great-only one hour was a disaster-so that means the entire situation wasn’t a disaster (even though it felt like it), weighing and measuring time, emotion and balance, marigolds.

 

Petunias, chance meetings arranged by God, the sheen of my dog’s coat, letting go of someone else’s process, some automated messages.

 

I made it though this day, wow, patience, support, a clear picture of my debt $ spending plan, hearing my angry volatile teenager talk lovingly and in a cute little voice to the dogs, releasing the retreat to be available to my nasty unappreciative teenagers, that I am happy to do that, a clean house, goals, it is suppose to be in the 80’s soon, everyday that I don’t take new debt- I am closer to being debt free when making my payments, interest free debt.

 

Love, waking up early, it is light at 5 AM, a sheriff taking special interest in my daughter after her wishing for a healthy male role model, the animal shelter.

 

A beautiful sunny hot spring day, having a tornado around me with these teens and finding the eye of the storm and settling into God’s peace- vigilance in not getting sucked into the turmoil.

 

Quiet time with God, bull pine trees, my friend bought me a honey crisp apple tree-what a cherished gift, watching the FA meeting grow before my eyes, watching myself shrink, guidance, cordless phones, simplifying, yard sales, the lovely noise my turkey named Lisa makes, orange incense.

 

Hanging clothes on the line, a great real estate agent, laughter, a very clean house, the lawn mower started, self propelled, having a lot less to mow because I extended the chicken yard, getting out of denial about how much my teenager lies to me-it is good to admit the truth.

 

Not having the pressure of school right now, rain, being willing to see my grandma and pa, honesty and willingness, that I was solvent for five months, after being out of work for 2 weeks-having a large car bill and only debiting $100 is progress, keeping track of all my expenses in a detailed manner, catching deficiencies in my account before overdraft charges occurred, that I even care if I debt, the grass is growing rapidly, how green everything is.

 

My teenager was nice to me for an entire day, structure, rhythm, rain, barter, working on my listening skills, my chickens.

 

I thoroughly cleaned my desk, the smell of line-dried clothes.


A good face washing with Burt’s Bees, comfortable chairs, willing to give something up I cherish to God to see if it is His will, seeing a movie with my kids was a special treat, a very soft purring kitty on my lap, fine tip ink pens, my fruit tress have blooms! A problem I unintentionally invited in worked itself out, someone that I don’t know well in person yet we have a nice email “link” sent me a book in the mail on blessings the next generation, a commitment to prayer daily for my children, getting up at 5 AM daily and loving it, finding an automatic timer for sprinkler at the thrift store, having a frank discussion with a mentor about how I feel-it was good.

My daughter wants to spend time with me, lemon blossom tea, trimming my fruit tress, starting to plant my garden, I am dirty & happy, someone gave me a TV-being TV free for a couple of months was great- I do like the weather lady though, fast forward, spade shovels, peppermint oil in my dish soap, many baby maple trees “born” due to mulching leaves, waking up feeling refreshed and happy, oat bran, music, vocabulary, the chair I am sitting on, hangers, glasses to drink from, the dog door, gates, buckets, vanilla scented candle, abundance.

 

My beautiful 9 year old client with special needs is having a miracle recovery from a recent severe health issue (I was trying to prepare myself), time daily for concentrated bible and communion with God, walking barefoot, a job that pays well that I love, out reach calls, seeing raccoons close up.

 

The experience of butchering my first turkey (not Lisa!), it feels so natural and self sufficient, fence posts, singing birds, floss, early mornings, hanging clothes on the line, finding 2 turkey eggs, hoses, seeing the tiny pears under the bloom of the fruit tree, the amazing process- knowing there will be seeds in these developing pears for rebirth.

 

Long days of light, spiral notebooks, marigolds, setting a day aside for someone special, dirt, Psalms 37, Gods promises.

 

4 blueberry plants, balance, time, lists, goose eggs roads are amazing, fresh lines on the roads, planting most of my garden, my daughter helped me pick out the most beautiful rose, letting go of the “best tea in the world” (market spice) because I am highly addicted to it and I would rather be free, a phase of deep spiritual connection, for spiritual deserts because it enhances and makes me thirst for the deep oasis of spiritual connections.

 

JUNE

Stopping at the most fabulous nursery with amazing trees-the entire experience was delightful, getting a gooseberry and blueberry bush, getting to play softball in the sun today-first time in years, I loved it, Burt’s Bees insect repellant smells so good-I would use it just for makin myself smell purty, Divine companionship.

 

Sore muscles, strength, planting, getting some great gardening gloves, not using pesticides, Japanese maple trees, Arbor day Foundation, my dresser, rearranging, weighing less than I have in 8 years, freedom from cravings, rocks, straw, warm spring rain, journaling.

 

An “easy does it” day, talking to many FA members today- it was like connecting the dots, seeing the power of the disease, singing birds, growing things, the joy my daughter gets from her new dryer sheets scent-she loves it!

 

Admiring springtime blooms with my daughter, grape vines, the miracle of growth, the miracle of life.

 

A lesson in humility on my agenda, baby chicks for a mama whose eggs didn’t hatch, she will make a terrific mother, when my daughter is interested in things I love-like hatching eggs, she picked out the most beautiful fragrant rose bush I have every seen, volunteering at the Panida Theatre with my kids.

 

Regaining solvency with God’s help, my clients recovery from a near death experience is miraculous and very inspiriting, the dog door, many different book choices to read, dreams, goals, research, orchards, How to books.

 

Seeing both ends of a rainbow, height adjustments on office chairs, the great fun I have with ring tones, picture messaging, weaning off caffeine, the joy of being free from all addictive substances and behaviors one day at a time, puppy breath, most days I have running water (just not today), goose eggs, getting 50 cents each goose egg.

 

Being at home, the sun will appear-it has to, a new journal that is not spiral bound, filling a very big notebook in a year, pouring out my heart to God on paper, giving someone a ride, vulnerable people, seeing a man cry, thrift stores.

 

A day at home for the first time in over a week, a 3 hour nap, early mornings, God had a financial plan for space rent & water issues & back child support & tax returns, learning ways to reduce my consumerism.

 

Delightful moods, dog sitting a happy go lucky guy, the professionals that got my water working today, seeing someone’s face beam with joy, balance, trying to stay slowed down, the dishwasher, flushing the toilet and having fresh clean water waiting for the next flush, toenail clippers, comfortable dress shoes.

 

A feeling of balance and stability even through a busy day, and excited teenager, both kids have been pleasant to be around lately, the perfect weather, a beautiful friendly new rooster, sharing structure with someone, guidelines, Pyrex, a simple easy to use teapot, getting my 3 calls in today.

 

Hearing the crickets, leaving the windows open all night, the lovely sunset, receiving many calls, yard sales, getting long pants that fit.

 

Gods calm, free Irises, turning around in the car just to re-look at a pretty flower, stopping to smell the roses, an amazing rose bush by my flower filled deck, harvesting cilantro and mint, my pear tree is loaded, seeing ways my flaws (that I have no control of) can benefit others, God uses everything, nice one on one time with my younger daughter, water.

 

The Wooly for beautiful painting patterns, painting a room with my daughter, starting to work the steps again, AWOL (a way of life), slogans, working on written goals, a shift happening in my life-living more off the land and locally to reduce materialism and consumerism, looking to support companies that use recycled packaging-every time I purchase from these companies it supports the cause, cutting my grandmas hair, being of service, learning how “not to toot my own horn” about every good deed, God sees it and rewards it-I don’t need an audience, surrendering my plans.

 

Love, planting a blackberry and grapevine.

 

The wonderful smell of cut grass, daisies in bloom, life experience, an undercurrent of deep contentment in my life, teapots, dog sitting, camp MiVoden, both kids want to go, coffee grounds from the espresso shop for wonderful compost (I have never seen so many earthworms in my soil) working in my garden, all my hope is in the Lord.

 

God’s timing, the relief from not trying to control the uncontrollable, lemon scented lotion, working in my garden, speed dial, daisies in bloom, a great audio book, hoses, automatic timers, voicemail, rhythm, consistency, balance, glass jars, a beautiful variety of teas, books, written prayers, a deer that live close, compassionate neighbors, an inventory of earthly treasures, asking God how to store up heavenly treasures,

 

 Picking daisies, flowers on clearance, doing a little at a time steadily really produces results, having tea with a new friend, yahoo mail, peace of mind, the broom, dustpan, garbage bags, Carter Country, open windows, fans, and my life.

 

Beautiful flowers, yard sale treasures, a very hot day, refreshing tea, running water, plans to walk even if I have outside work to do.

 

 

A cool shower in intense heat.

 

JR Watkins, lemon cream hand and body lotion is the most amazing moisturizer I have ever used, sharing plants with others, a low key day, time to myself, pushing though to the other side.

Soft relaxing music, canning jars, dishwasher, plastic caps for canning jars, getting some procrastinated items done, planting a lot today, people who are broken can inspire me deeply, thunder electric humid air, giving my debt to God after holding onto it – trying desperately to control to the point of going without just to pay extra on debt. God always takes care of me and my children.

 

Time, an energetic organizing mood, almost getting on a horse today, being smart enough to let it go when she was spooked by fireworks, freedom from holidays, paperclips.

 

July

Often having a penetrating thought of “I love my life”, summertime, being barefoot, calluses, sunflowers, hearing clear direction from God, getting many hugs yesterday, a nice day with my teenager, newcomers, blueberries on bushes I planted, love from a dog, when people are on time, letting go, daisies, goals, the crow of my beautiful new rooster.

 

Seeing my grandma & pa today, getting some new shorts.

 

Great services, people who notice the good things, a Jacuzzi tub and king sized bed, an all expense paid trip, integrity, flexibility, acceptance, love, non-prejudice people, lots of legroom on the plane.

 

Service and willingness.

 

Praying for God to close my mind to anything that isn’t His will & to open my mind to all that is His will.

 

Revelation, amazing quite time, direction, a slow organized pace for this adrenaline junkie creates indescribable balance.

 

Learning from hard things, seeing that nasty self-righteousness pop up and taking actions to release it, a wonderful convention, my cell phone, the slogan “easy does it”, an alarm for bedtime, weeding a bucket a day, consistency, water.

 

Humility and the opportunity to be extremely vulnerable.

 

The lessons God has for us to mold us into who He intends us to be, getting more than 5 hugs today, camouflage, starting a novel, step 3, direction, letting God be more important than any person, important people, assignments, touch lamps, pulling weeds, getting 12 blueberries off my bushes! Picking raspberries, the smell of cilantro, deep discovery, one of my chickens is setting, journaling.

 

A profound sense of having enough-contentment to my core.

 

I am letting someone else be concerned with my weight and body size because I don’t know, humility, experiencing and walking through the fear of surrendering my mask (weight), embracing the real me physically/emotionally/spiritually without being in an all-consuming active addiction, a wonderful bible study & walk with my good friend on Sunday mornings, unlimited text messaging this month, my garden.

 

“All is well”, summer rain, more new ring tones, tomatoes, being present emotionally with myself and God, learning a little at a time about surrendering self, I don’t have to be in a hurry, a candle lit bath with Enya playing from a high quality stereo, eating lettuce out of my own garden, ordering baby chicks, socks, my down comforter, a new kitty for Cassandra, great insight from a stranger with a deep common bond, a great job.

 

The dishwasher, wanting to be fully available for my children today, Mitchell’s IGA in Priest River, Verizon wireless customer service, the cross I wear on my neck, recognizing selfishness in my life-now I can take action to surrender it-I am grateful that I even want to.

 

Mega fine tip purple gel pens, the flickering flame on a deep scented candle, the morning at 5 AM, going to a Christian concert my daughter and her friend, 7 AM meetings, planning, being emotionally present when I would rather not have been, how doing something I don’t want to-but is the right thing ALWAYS pays more, petunias, pansies, roses.

 

A very clear, deep, and profound genuine sense of well being, having all my needs met, satisfaction with my life, “surrendering self” as a new mantra. Using “God has my finances” as an affirmation, Creation Fest, seeing Skillet live was amazing!-even though not my preferred genre I fully appreciated it. A new to me very bright comfortable moo moo, opportunity to feel fear and trust at the same time, support, comfort.

 

Dialog with God on paper, assurance, a walk, bible study & movie with the neighbor, using some old couch cushions for insulation in the chicken coup rather than throwing them in the landfill, my dishwasher, sleep.

 

Aloe Vera for burns & bites, Cilantro, lettuce, broccoli, beets, tomatoes from my garden, seeing my grandparents yesterday, praying that God blesses my mother, compassion for my sister, the chair on my back deck, tea, the crow of a rooster, no barking dogs around lately.

 

Relief, work, a day to be at home tomorrow, watching the day awake, doing a home repair that was simple, having a cordless drill, “I will not need to be controlling or insistent that my way is best” (FAA promise), the joy my garden and flowers bring, clothes pins, I got flowers from 2 different guys today (OK-they were daisies from a 9 & 5 year old), garbage bags, my back porch, the dump, hippies, organic foods.

 

End of July (Sent)

 

August 2008

 

 The people who stock the shelves at stores, people who manage, order, design, plan, and take care of retail so I can shop and get the things I use-such big and important jobs from the manager to the person who brings in the carts. Thank you all who do service.

 

Prayer changes everything.

 

My 20-year reunion was fun-and I didn’t have to drink! Freedom, text messaging, God’s grace, there is a “season” for everything, lemon blossom tea, yard sales, answers to questions, keeping things simple when I think I would rather expand, people who volunteer, to do lists, check marks, taking it “easy” even when I don’t want to-it is what is good for me, balance, my garden and things I grow.

 

Psalms 133:1, Hearing a call to share my gratitude, August.

 

Relief from fatigue & famish that penetrates my every cell, a lesson in experiencing “my truth” rather than “being right” (making someone else wrong). Letting go of needing to be right (even above happiness) and letting “my truth” settle in like the “small still voice”.  Through some extreme exhaustion barely able to hold my head up-I laid it in God’s lap and spent the day praying, reading His word, writing, & resting-it was fabulous.

 

To be continued . . .(AUG) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

February 2009    I am grateful for . . .

 

In the middle of the night I only have to walk 10 steps to go to the bathroom-what a privilege! Volunteer work, dog sitting some fun dogs, candles, my dishwasher, spices, ginger, calendars, the color green, spring will come.

 

God’s power, a new-to me headset for my phone from freecycle. Susie a special speckled Sussex (say that fast 5 times) thinks I am something, houseplants, when a ringtone matches someone’s personally perfectly, writing a personal inventory for the day is so insightful and helps me see the day as it is rather than how my head interprets it (that I didn’t do enough or was enough)- it is objective with both facts and feelings-what a gift! (Step 10- continued to take a personal inventory and when wrong promptly admitted it) A daily written tenth step! Yahoo! (OK-I am silly), acceptance, 24 hour a day book, fine tip gel pens, a sincere prayer that sharing my gratitude will profoundly help someone.

After feeling guilty when worship felt like work one day, I wrote about it and discovered that any relationship takes work-even/especially one with God. I am so fulfilled when I put effort to show up emotionally for my relationship with God-the pay off is so worth it!

 

A deep spiritual oasis. Reading “God-love us with all You have” my human limitations can’t even fathom that, praying with someone on the phone daily, sharing my day with that person and her sharing her day, spiritual intimacy, a very nice receptionist who spent extra time to go into crooks and crannies of details that will make a big difference in my life, Wal-Mart, Brussel sprouts, heaters, this national economic crisis is not all bad-it will help (even if “they” don’t want this help) people to rely less on materialism and consumerism and help us go easier on “things” so we have more energy/time/resources on what is more important like relationships. It may promote more dependence on God-and that, my dear is a good thing.

Embracing my true self.

Squiggly lines, purple ink, an opportunity to ask someone to speak their mind in a few words without gossiping about their apprehension of someone. I love it when people don’t gossip.

 

Opportunity everywhere, garlic granules (yep-those little granules presented me with an opportunity!), I traded some garlic granules for eggs and found a job lead, Betsy T., a new basket, lots of prayer, two alarms for bed time helps me to not have one to wake up (I know I am an odd duck!), having this gratitude writing be my passion & calling, a goal of including God in every purchase I make, clutter can be removed, a moving sale, pretty earrings.

 

Finally finally getting my kitchen clean, someone left a love note on my fridge, letting my real-estate agent and friend experience hippie framer cheese (no yogurt again!), honesty to the core, less is more and more is less.

 

My geese help protect the flock (as “watch dogs”-they are noisy), having FA friends over for a turkey dinner (Thanksgiving dinner in Feb), a deep meditation on waiting, starting to feed my dogs on a schedule-now we get to eat breakfast together. Going to water the chickens at dawn before an early meeting and Suzie (the special speckled Sussex chicken that really loves me) was already awake & out & about. I told her “Good Morning! You are up early, you are an “early bird”- Do you get it? Ha ha” I guess it’s really getting strange when I start telling chickens jokes. J I just can’t help it- remember I am an “odd duck” I have also been called a swell egg. Mostly I am a silly goose.

 

The best thanksgiving dinner I have ever had on Feb 11th. We all weighed and measured our meals. To share my home, lifestyle, and love with others was beautifully intimate, finding some tall (and not queen size) pantyhose, Goodwill, seeing the most beautiful wedding dress in the window- my friend said, “Why don’t you try it on?” I said I would pray about it. Feeling so content and happy, day 18 of worship, oranges & apples keep well, a clean house, I visualize a neat desk, goals J, happy faces, newcomers, lotion.

 

Getting 2 hugs from a 3 year old, someone came and cut some firewood for me, the sun, Fresh Friday at Yokes.

 

I love my life! The days are getting longer (not really silly-the light of the day), pretty heart shaped earrings, praying for the beautiful bride who bought that wedding dress (before I got to try it on-it’s OK) my wonderful stereo, rearranging my quiet area.

 

Gut feelings, insurance, willow bark instead of ibuprofen works for pain relief, my beautiful food, getting to share my everyday with someone, heating pads, long johns, the food bank, lake trout, being involved in a community, fasting from television (day 23), spices, people who love chickens.

 

My grandma came to lunch-I made her homegrown chicken soup, downy, red shirts, strawberries/ asparagus/ prim roses at the grocery store, daffodils are coming, editing.

 

The word glorious, Jesus praying that I am protected from the evil one.

 

How a flame flickers, 3 walks with friends this week, beautiful lake Pend’ Orielle, seeing the stars last night, when taking my dogs on a walk in town Molly choose to poop right by a garbage can AND I had my plastic bag so it was easy (got to love easy poops)-I told her thank you. The honor of someone sharing their pain with me, one of my daughters is willing to go to church this week.

 

No bugs in the winter, when I clean up my messes right away-that I keep getting better at that, Christmas lights at dawn, hot water with fresh lemon, that I love my sister, what a relief to be freed from the bondage of resentment, forgiveness, a yellow coat on a friend, 2 scheduled walks a week, deep meaningful prayer, daily affirmations, my financial affirmation.

 

God Always provides enough.

I am comfortable.

I surrender ALL my debt into God’s hands.

Every month my debt shrinks. I am becoming debt free.

I am solvent and know my bank account balance.

I am open to God’s abundance.

Utter dependence on God provides complete financial peace and prosperity.

I honor God with Simplicity.

I tithe more than 10%

I save at least 10%.

What I give and save expands and grows for God’s purpose.

I have abundance.

 

 

The smell of my cast iron pans conditioning, passionate prayer with people, believing in the miracle, living alone, this deep period of worship, that I have never been better, opportunity to refuse gossiping, a clean kitchen.

 

The glorious rain is intensely melting snow, a day filled with discomfort-anxiety & uncomfortableness really makes me appreciate those that are not, the honor of knowing Fred-and going to his funeral yesterday, his loving wife & one of my best friends-Rose, deep longing for change, sharing, being a steward of everything I have-it’s really Gods, even my time, dialoguing with God on paper is very spiritually intimate and satisfying, writing, books, DSR, daily connection with another addict has been like a breath of fresh air.

 

Faith, fellowship, service, connection, sharing, abundance.

 

This spiritual experience-

 

Sitting where I do quite time in front of my glass sliding door watching big beautiful snowflakes float to the ground. There is a wonderful smelling candle burning and the soft glow of turquoise Christmas lights accent the dawning of the early morning light. Missy sits purring and kneading the soft blanket on my lap. I have my favorite mug of hot water and fresh lemon just the way I like it, as a heating pad warms my back. I feel content. A deep saturating contentment that permeates the great sadness of depression. I know my life is very good. In fact, I am doing better than I ever have. Being bi-polar means depression will come. And as ALWAYS-it will leave. I remember this and practice moments of deep contentment I know that God’s presence is deeper than the depression and that I am well.

 

I am grateful that I have grown comfortable with depression. Please don’t let my depression, or anyone else’s depression make you uncomfortable. It is just what it is. Putting more energy around it just makes it heavier. I always pray that if God can use my depression for His glory-then I am happy to have it. If not, I ask Him to remove it-and then am willing to let it go. Sometimes it lingers, sometimes it doesn’t.

 

Spending the day with a lovely friend, the privilege of rubbing her feet & cooking for her, a Verizon operator who was very interested in my chicken stories-AND solved my billing issue, hearing a wild turkey, sponsees.

 

An example of how I am rewriting each Psalm as a prayer for my children is on my website.

 

 

 

See website www.judesgratitude.com

 

                        Email:   Judesgratitude-writer@yahoo.com

Psalm 40

 

 

My girls wait and wait patiently for God to help them. He turned to them and heard their cry. He lifted them up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog. He set them on solid ground establishing, securing, and making their steps steady. He secures a rock for them to stand. He puts a new song they sing in their hearts and on their lips-a hymn of praise for their mighty God. Many people will see and fear what He has done, and be amazed. They will put their trust in Jehovah, abandoning their selves to Him. Oh the joys and blessings of my girls who trust and give themselves completely over to God, they turn from the world’s confidence in the “sure thing” and ignore what the world desires, worships, and teaches. Oh Lord, their precious God, you have multiplied your marvelous wondrous works. The things you have planned for them, they recite and could never come to the end. The world is a massive stockpile of your miracles and Holy Spirit. Nothing compares. Neither numbers nor works account for your Majesty. Sacrifice and offerings you don’t desire from Cassandra and Ali. Their ears You have opened-and now they understand-You aren’t asking for meaningless religious rituals. They will say, “We are coming. We read the letter you have written about us precious Father, and we are coming to the party You are throwing for us.” This is when Your Word truly enters their heart and becomes a part of their very being. They take delightful joy in their desire to do Your will. They will proclaim the Good News of deliverance and Your justice. They do not restrain fear and hold nothing back. They don’t hide Your righteous deliverance in their hearts as a secret. They talk of your faithfulness and salvation and great power. They don’t hold back ANY pieces of Your love, truth, and faithfulness for just themselves. They tell all! They let the congregations know the whole story. Jehovah, don’t withhold Your tender Passionate mercy from my children. You unfailing love, truth, and faithfulness always protect them. It holds them together. Evil and trouble encompass them beyond number. Their sins overtake them and pile so high they can’t see a way out. So heavy that their hearts fail and they lose courage. Please, Yahweh intervene, rescue, and deliver my girls. Quickly, help them! Let the evil that is trying to steal their souls be brought to shame and confusion. Those who delight in my kid’s trouble be turned back in disgrace. But all who seek You-(especially my children) rejoice and are filled with gladness in You. May they shout, “Let our Lord be magnified!”

Let Cassandra and Ali know that they are poor and needy-a mess. They have nothing and are nothing. That You will think of them and make something of them. You are their help and savior. Heavenly Father, Do not Delay-They need You!

  

January 2010               I am grateful for…

 

1~Now. A friend came over and helped me paint the master bedroom. Wal-Mart, new colorful pens to write with, and amazing spiritual experience where God’s Spirit enveloped me-sharing it with other people, patience, joy, maturity, “easy does it”, the power for surrender, relying on God’s power, really looking forward to going to church.

 

2~ Breathing in the blessing of today. The master bedroom is painted.

 

3~Reborn in His Spirit. True hunger for it. Fresh ginger, new beginnings, my chair blanket, happy dogs, soft music, floss, a mild winter so far, quality, more is not always better, no bugs in the winter, beautiful singing at church, nice people, dog toenail clippers.

 

4~Profound peace. A great sense of accomplishment when I crawled under the house and fixed the washer drain that keeps freezing, 5 weeks of dog sitting a lovely dog concludes today, great spiritual lessons, reflecting on “no reservations absolutely”

 

5~ Accepting God’s power through discipline. Deep vulnerability and intimacy with a friend, seeing her growth, my growth, getting closer to my heavenly Father and His Son through the Holy Spirit, a complete spiritual oasis, the master bedroom is painted, fun new gel pens w/great colors, description, my water glass, calendars, schedules, beginnings, endings, in-betweens, steam, moisture, help, visualizing my husband in a suit :J, excited to meet him in God’s time, praying for him most days, praying for you most days (everyone who reads my gratitude lists), God’s power and grace, affection from my happy dog.

 

6~ Accepting God’s power through discipline.

 

7~ God speaks to me when I am silent, a wonderful day with friends doing farm chores, learning to spend time with men in a healthy and appropriate way, laughter, jokes, congeniality, impressive wood splitting. The missionaries anointed me with oil, laid their hands on me and prayed for healing in my back (this is called a blessing) last week and the pain in my back has disappeared! Faith, quilts, ceiling fans, ministry, joy-profound joy, hunger & passion for scripture.

 

8~Welcoming difficulties. They test my character and build my strength. Keeping my recovery first while in the middle of a crisis helped me to have a foundation to let God’s presence help me through.

 

9~ Strength in faith. An FA meeting will start in Sandpoint Jan 19, surrender. Not enabling someone I love, even when it seems harder.

 

10~A new beginning. Passion and hunger beyond description for God’s will and presence in my life-it is altering my whole life’s purpose, influence, reading/studying scripture, thought and effort, the hourly beep on my watch.

Power in humility.

Studying with the missionaries, joining a new church family feels like I am coming home. The blessing of Sabbath.

 

11~ His presence and guidance. Finding a treasure at the free pile at the dump (a nice desk) sad goodbyes, God’s timing. Finding Nemo. My prayer list, Missionaries.

 

12~ Truth. Great pain in release. Acceptance of God’s plan. Bitter sweet cleansing.

 

13~Now. Fog, big windows, time, AWOL (A Way Of Life), cell phone chargers, Ebay, appointments, my brakes in my car, auto mechanics, being able to return purchases, calendars, errands, Pandora radio, gel pens, deep surrender of my will brings me closer to God. God’s faithfulness.

 

14~Empty self to fill with His power and Spirit. ‘Only a few have mastered the art of contentment’ (I think I have!) Spelling Bees, blue Christmas lights, help with blue carpet, missionaries, vanilla candles, steady rain, my dryer, crisp sheets, wool slippers, waking up an hour early to visit with God, a powerful dialogue with Him on paper, prayer, faith, hope, truth, passion, direction, modesty, purity, tithe, baptism, connection, the Mormon “glow”

 

15~ Relaxing into God. Soul balance. Reading a list of someone’s fears. A wonderful fuzzy sweater and flannel skirt, purple velvet, confirmation of the blessing, deep and abundant blessing of gratitude, funny people, mint tea-loose leaf “hippie style”, balloons, peace & excitement & joy about getting baptized in a week. A profound feeling of coming home. Years of prayer for guidance to a church body being answered.

 

16~ Perseverance, trust, balance, calm, deep sense of being on the right path, integrity, getting to play hackeysack, the light above the stove, hot tea, water on the stove, time buckets, a pretty skirt.

 

17~ Love. Trust. Protection. Commitment, trials that bring me closer to God, helping others, being of service, my journal, fix it flat, when others help me, letting go of some service to let others have that privileged, punctuality. Eating at the right times give me a sense of stability both mentally & physically.

 

18~ Strengthening my faith. Reflecting on how when my faith is tested it grows-in a recent written dialogue with God He asked me to prepare for my faith to be tested. I have just had a long period of great nourishment. As much as I don’t want a test-I will embrace and be grateful for it. A love note from my daughter on my gratitude page.

 

19~ Comforted. Heavenly Father wants to give me the desires of my heart. Written prayers, tools, garbage bags, lines, release of clutter, almost daily walks around the field with my dogs brings them exuberant joy. My deep spiritual experience and conversion is bringing me exuberant joy & peace beyond all understanding.

 

"Like a tree I must be pruned of a lot of dead branches before I will be ready to bear good fruit.  Think of changed people as trees that have been stripped of their old branches, pruned, cut, and bare. But through the dark, seemingly dead branches flows silently, secretly, the new sap, until with the sun of spring comes new life.  There are new leaves, buds, blossoms, and fruit, many times better because of the pruning.  I am in the hands of a Master Gardener, who makes no mistakes in His pruning."

24 Hour A Day Book

 

20~ Oneness with God. Missionaries, carpet, finishing with remodel in master bedroom, my silly dogs, sunshine, playing hackeysack, getting moved back into the green room for my daily quiet time, big windows, books, meditation. Joyful anticipation of my baptism, gel pens, comforters.

 

21~ Calm. Seeking spiritual not material, sacrifice, deep spiritual connection with other people. My dog warmed up my chair for me. The crow of my rooster, my hands, today, back exercises, daily inventory, writing, prayer, a new beginning. The free pile at the dump “Dufort Mall”

 

22~ Gratitude and humility. Going to Spokane to get my daughter and nephew-they are both coming to my baptism.

 

23~God’s Power working through me. Elder Sawaya and Elder Burrell. “…where the Spirit of the Lord is there liberty” (2 Cor 3:17). My Heavenly Father is right here with me and promises to bless me beyond measure. People in the church keep telling me “your life will never be the same” (after being baptized)-I have already experienced that. Specific prayer that brings awareness, writing about procrastination on my 10th step (daily inventory) most days is so so helpful. I have seen a profound difference in daughter and myself after putting our names in the Temple prayer roll.

23/24 (2AM)~

God’s power through me. Knowing someone from hundreds of miles away that I didn’t know I knew that came to speak at our meeting-and we have a deep understanding and connection (God in action!).

A deep still 5 minute quiet time in a very important transition of my day. The amazing experience o f my baptism. Over 50 people came to support me!

The honor of being this elder’s first baptism. Another experience of knowing someone I didn’t know I knew and invited her to my baptism when I didn’t know I knew her already! A spontaneous visit from someone special on this very special day. Both my girls and my nephew were present form my baptism. Lots of very intimate and nurturing middle of the nighttime with God as of late.

A beautiful fresh coat of snow.

A beautiful place filled excitement that penetrates deep within my soul. The most profound feeling of coming home I have ever experienced. Tithe, community, structure, service. Love, beautiful dresses, wearing no make up and glowing, receiving over 30 hugs today, giving over 30 hugs today, arms, hands, warm felt care, joy, glory. The word nurture spoke very loud today. Seeing the Holy Ghost in the Bishop, tears of joy, several non-members of the church attended. Elder Sawaya’s absence, Angel’s absence-although they both were key members in my conversion and I deeply missed them, I understand God needed and wanted them where else on this special day.

 

January 24, 2010 Confirmation.

Perfect freedom. Unlimited spirituality available, 5 men who hold priesthood lying their hands on my head and giving me the power of the Holy Ghost in my daily life. Such amazing authority, strength and spiritual love. A sense of completeness, sharing this experience with others. The certainty of this being the truth for me and my life. Complete unhindered conversion. Driving in my car listening to a praise song on Positive Life Radio. The Holy Spirit encompassed me with such a  powerful presence that I cried – then sobbed. I never knew it could be so good. Pretty profound!

 

25~ “I believe that complete surrender of my life to God is the foundation of serenity”

(24HourdayBook). Understanding, insight & vision. Comfort, peace, love, magical moment. Letting go of 2 people I care about to God’s loving care, cute guys, a fresh coast of snow.

Canadians-I love them!

 

26~ Penetrating calmness, a kiss from a dog. I don’t have to hurry today, nice time with my daughter. Our 2nd FA meeting in Sandpoint tonight. Carrying the message, sparkles, pink ink.

 

          More Jewels from A Minute of Margin. Restoring Balance in busy lives.

Entitled “The Pace of Faith”

·       God’s purposes often ripen slowly

·       Jesus never seemed in a hurry

·       Speed does not yield devotion

·       Our sense of the presence of God is in inverse proportion to the pace of our lives.

·       Very little of Spiritual value happens in the presence of speed.

There is so much more on this page. I recommend getting this book and reading it slowly.

 

 

27~ Emptying self so God can fill me. Love calm peace. Lot’s of insomnia as of late has given me fabulous opportunities to spend intimate and deeply inspiring time with God. Time, blue sky, open space, timers, naps, happy faces, calendars, lace, twinkles, shinny things, abundance, simplicity, a desire to give God everything.

 

28~ Happiness and peace. Not fighting life anymore, my daughter will be spending more time at home, vulnerability, dashes, comma’s, inspiration, blankets, my toe snails LOL what a great typo! I meant- toenails (they serve a purpose you know!), electricity, indescribable joy, Rosemary, paper clips, having enough, sunshine, winter is going fast.

 

29~Led by my Heavenly Father “I am being lead in a very definite way, as I try to rebuild my life. I am the builder, He is the architect” (24hr) Building under the best carpenter in the world, guidance, amazing inspiration and insight. The more I give to my spiritual life the more I receive. Intentional living.

 

Got me thinking-even though the Architect has the most amazing plan, even though I have the best carpenter right next to me working beside me, presenting me with the blueprint of my life, even though I have the best Counselor & Guidance (Holy Ghost) in my heart giving me knowledge & skill- It is only when I work slow enough & am open to His promptings. I can only hear when I am slow, and direction will only come when I am still. That is when the best, most productive, quickest work gets done-how is that for a paradox! The slower I am, the more gets done. The work needs to be done. Time needs to be invested. I have to hammer the nails with scripture, Measure and cut with prayer. Sometimes I have to cut a perfectly good board in order to make the frame fit together. (Cutting out a good activity to spend this time with Them. Humbly submitting my plan to be shown the next more important step). Sometimes I have to cut bad spots out of the boards (things that don’t help my spiritual walk)

The foundation- remodeling my soul. Paradoxically the strength of the foundation comes from my weakness. The foundation of building of my soul is the flaw-. Only when I embrace my powerlessness over my knowledge and capability on how to build this structure and learn to rely entirely on The Architect, Carpenter, and Counselor can I have a lasting foundation that will not crumble. Amen

 

 

30~ I pray that my soul may be restored in quietness & peace” (24 hr). Emotionally awake, retreats with God, restoration & healing & power, refreshed, great doctors, the same Dr that went through my pregnancy with Cassandra is going through Cassandra’s pregnancy with Bryson, Sponsees-a gift straight from God, my rooster crowing, Ensign magazine, The Book of Mormon, synergy, lemon lotion, coconut oil for moisturizer, space.

 

31~ Understanding. Pain can be necessary for growth. Joy is usually the outcome of suffering. Seeing the biggest moon I have ever seen. Velvet, seamstresses, my flannel skirt, electric outlets, big windows, DSL, email, the internet, goose eggs, volunteers, yellow tri-folds, watching the miracle of recovery & abstinence pounce all over people (especially newcomers) in FA, sparkly people, clarity, spiritual intimacy, a good nights sleep (finally!), Kleenex.

 

February 2009    I am grateful for . . .

 

In the middle of the night I only have to walk 10 steps to go to the bathroom-what a privilege! Volunteer work, dog sitting some fun dogs, candles, my dishwasher, spices, ginger, calendars, the color green, spring will come.

 

God’s power, a new-to me headset for my phone from freecycle. Susie a special speckled Sussex (say that fast 5 times) thinks I am something, houseplants, when a ringtone matches someone’s personally perfectly, writing a personal inventory for the day is so insightful and helps me see the day as it is rather than how my head interprets it (that I didn’t do enough or was enough)- it is objective with both facts and feelings-what a gift! (Step 10- continued to take a personal inventory and when wrong promptly admitted it) A daily written tenth step! Yahoo! (OK-I am silly), acceptance, 24 hour a day book, fine tip gel pens, a sincere prayer that sharing my gratitude will profoundly help someone.

After feeling guilty when worship felt like work one day, I wrote about it and discovered that any relationship takes work-even/especially one with God. I am so fulfilled when I put effort to show up emotionally for my relationship with God-the pay off is so worth it!

 

A deep spiritual oasis. Reading “God-love us with all You have” my human limitations can’t even fathom that, praying with someone on the phone daily, sharing my day with that person and her sharing her day, spiritual intimacy, a very nice receptionist who spent extra time to go into crooks and crannies of details that will make a big difference in my life, Wal-Mart, Brussel sprouts, heaters, this national economic crisis is not all bad-it will help (even if “they” don’t want this help) people to rely less on materialism and consumerism and help us go easier on “things” so we have more energy/time/resources on what is more important like relationships. It may promote more dependence on God-and that, my dear is a good thing.

Embracing my true self.

Squiggly lines, purple ink, an opportunity to ask someone to speak their mind in a few words without gossiping about their apprehension of someone. I love it when people don’t gossip.

 

Opportunity everywhere, garlic granules (yep-those little granules presented me with an opportunity!), I traded some garlic granules for eggs and found a job lead, Betsy T., a new basket, lots of prayer, two alarms for bed time helps me to not have one to wake up (I know I am an odd duck!), having this gratitude writing be my passion & calling, a goal of including God in every purchase I make, clutter can be removed, a moving sale, pretty earrings.

 

Finally finally getting my kitchen clean, someone left a love note on my fridge, letting my real-estate agent and friend experience hippie framer cheese (no yogurt again!), honesty to the core, less is more and more is less.

 

My geese help protect the flock (as “watch dogs”-they are noisy), having FA friends over for a turkey dinner (Thanksgiving dinner in Feb), a deep meditation on waiting, starting to feed my dogs on a schedule-now we get to eat breakfast together. Going to water the chickens at dawn before an early meeting and Suzie (the special speckled Sussex chicken that really loves me) was already awake & out & about. I told her “Good Morning! You are up early, you are an “early bird”- Do you get it? Ha ha” I guess it’s really getting strange when I start telling chickens jokes. J I just can’t help it- remember I am an “odd duck” I have also been called a swell egg. Mostly I am a silly goose.

 

The best thanksgiving dinner I have ever had on Feb 11th. We all weighed and measured our meals. To share my home, lifestyle, and love with others was beautifully intimate, finding some tall (and not queen size) pantyhose, Goodwill, seeing the most beautiful wedding dress in the window- my friend said, “Why don’t you try it on?” I said I would pray about it. Feeling so content and happy, day 18 of worship, oranges & apples keep well, a clean house, I visualize a neat desk, goals J, happy faces, newcomers, lotion.

 

Getting 2 hugs from a 3 year old, someone came and cut some firewood for me, the sun, Fresh Friday at Yokes.

 

I love my life! The days are getting longer (not really silly-the light of the day), pretty heart shaped earrings, praying for the beautiful bride who bought that wedding dress (before I got to try it on-it’s OK) my wonderful stereo, rearranging my quiet area.

 

Gut feelings, insurance, willow bark instead of ibuprofen works for pain relief, my beautiful food, getting to share my everyday with someone, heating pads, long johns, the food bank, lake trout, being involved in a community, fasting from television (day 23), spices, people who love chickens.

 

My grandma came to lunch-I made her homegrown chicken soup, downy, red shirts, strawberries/ asparagus/ prim roses at the grocery store, daffodils are coming, editing.

 

The word glorious, Jesus praying that I am protected from the evil one.

 

How a flame flickers, 3 walks with friends this week, beautiful lake Pend’ Orielle, seeing the stars last night, when taking my dogs on a walk in town Molly choose to poop right by a garbage can AND I had my plastic bag so it was easy (got to love easy poops)-I told her thank you. The honor of someone sharing their pain with me, one of my daughters is willing to go to church this week.

 

No bugs in the winter, when I clean up my messes right away-that I keep getting better at that, Christmas lights at dawn, hot water with fresh lemon, that I love my sister, what a relief to be freed from the bondage of resentment, forgiveness, a yellow coat on a friend, 2 scheduled walks a week, deep meaningful prayer, daily affirmations, my financial affirmation.

 

God Always provides enough.

I am comfortable.

I surrender ALL my debt into God’s hands.

Every month my debt shrinks. I am becoming debt free.

I am solvent and know my bank account balance.

I am open to God’s abundance.

Utter dependence on God provides complete financial peace and prosperity.

I honor God with Simplicity.

I tithe more than 10%

I save at least 10%.

What I give and save expands and grows for God’s purpose.

I have abundance.

 

 

The smell of my cast iron pans conditioning, passionate prayer with people, believing in the miracle, living alone, this deep period of worship, that I have never been better, opportunity to refuse gossiping, a clean kitchen.

 

The glorious rain is intensely melting snow, a day filled with discomfort-anxiety & uncomfortableness really makes me appreciate those that are not, the honor of knowing Fred-and going to his funeral yesterday, his loving wife & one of my best friends-Rose, deep longing for change, sharing, being a steward of everything I have-it’s really Gods, even my time, dialoguing with God on paper is very spiritually intimate and satisfying, writing, books, DSR, daily connection with another addict has been like a breath of fresh air.

 

Faith, fellowship, service, connection, sharing, abundance.

 

This spiritual experience-

 

Sitting where I do quite time in front of my glass sliding door watching big beautiful snowflakes float to the ground. There is a wonderful smelling candle burning and the soft glow of turquoise Christmas lights accent the dawning of the early morning light. Missy sits purring and kneading the soft blanket on my lap. I have my favorite mug of hot water and fresh lemon just the way I like it, as a heating pad warms my back. I feel content. A deep saturating contentment that permeates the great sadness of depression. I know my life is very good. In fact, I am doing better than I ever have. Being bi-polar means depression will come. And as ALWAYS-it will leave. I remember this and practice moments of deep contentment I know that God’s presence is deeper than the depression and that I am well.

 

I am grateful that I have grown comfortable with depression. Please don’t let my depression, or anyone else’s depression make you uncomfortable. It is just what it is. Putting more energy around it just makes it heavier. I always pray that if God can use my depression for His glory-then I am happy to have it. If not, I ask Him to remove it-and then am willing to let it go. Sometimes it lingers, sometimes it doesn’t.

 

Spending the day with a lovely friend, the privilege of rubbing her feet & cooking for her, a Verizon operator who was very interested in my chicken stories-AND solved my billing issue, hearing a wild turkey, sponsees.

 

An example of how I am rewriting each Psalm as a prayer for my children is on my website.

 

 

 

See website www.judesgratitude.com

 

                        Email:   Judesgratitude-writer@yahoo.com

Psalm 40

 

 

My girls wait and wait patiently for God to help them. He turned to them and heard their cry. He lifted them up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog. He set them on solid ground establishing, securing, and making their steps steady. He secures a rock for them to stand. He puts a new song they sing in their hearts and on their lips-a hymn of praise for their mighty God. Many people will see and fear what He has done, and be amazed. They will put their trust in Jehovah, abandoning their selves to Him. Oh the joys and blessings of my girls who trust and give themselves completely over to God, they turn from the world’s confidence in the “sure thing” and ignore what the world desires, worships, and teaches. Oh Lord, their precious God, you have multiplied your marvelous wondrous works. The things you have planned for them, they recite and could never come to the end. The world is a massive stockpile of your miracles and Holy Spirit. Nothing compares. Neither numbers nor works account for your Majesty. Sacrifice and offerings you don’t desire from Cassandra and Ali. Their ears You have opened-and now they understand-You aren’t asking for meaningless religious rituals. They will say, “We are coming. We read the letter you have written about us precious Father, and we are coming to the party You are throwing for us.” This is when Your Word truly enters their heart and becomes a part of their very being. They take delightful joy in their desire to do Your will. They will proclaim the Good News of deliverance and Your justice. They do not restrain fear and hold nothing back. They don’t hide Your righteous deliverance in their hearts as a secret. They talk of your faithfulness and salvation and great power. They don’t hold back ANY pieces of Your love, truth, and faithfulness for just themselves. They tell all! They let the congregations know the whole story. Jehovah, don’t withhold Your tender Passionate mercy from my children. You unfailing love, truth, and faithfulness always protect them. It holds them together. Evil and trouble encompass them beyond number. Their sins overtake them and pile so high they can’t see a way out. So heavy that their hearts fail and they lose courage. Please, Yahweh intervene, rescue, and deliver my girls. Quickly, help them! Let the evil that is trying to steal their souls be brought to shame and confusion. Those who delight in my kid’s trouble be turned back in disgrace. But all who seek You-(especially my children) rejoice and are filled with gladness in You. May they shout, “Let our Lord be magnified!”

Let Cassandra and Ali know that they are poor and needy-a mess. They have nothing and are nothing. That You will think of them and make something of them. You are their help and savior. Heavenly Father, Do not Delay-They need You!

  

January 2010               I am grateful for…

 

1~Now. A friend came over and helped me paint the master bedroom. Wal-Mart, new colorful pens to write with, and amazing spiritual experience where God’s Spirit enveloped me-sharing it with other people, patience, joy, maturity, “easy does it”, the power for surrender, relying on God’s power, really looking forward to going to church.

 

2~ Breathing in the blessing of today. The master bedroom is painted.

 

3~Reborn in His Spirit. True hunger for it. Fresh ginger, new beginnings, my chair blanket, happy dogs, soft music, floss, a mild winter so far, quality, more is not always better, no bugs in the winter, beautiful singing at church, nice people, dog toenail clippers.

 

4~Profound peace. A great sense of accomplishment when I crawled under the house and fixed the washer drain that keeps freezing, 5 weeks of dog sitting a lovely dog concludes today, great spiritual lessons, reflecting on “no reservations absolutely”

 

5~ Accepting God’s power through discipline. Deep vulnerability and intimacy with a friend, seeing her growth, my growth, getting closer to my heavenly Father and His Son through the Holy Spirit, a complete spiritual oasis, the master bedroom is painted, fun new gel pens w/great colors, description, my water glass, calendars, schedules, beginnings, endings, in-betweens, steam, moisture, help, visualizing my husband in a suit :J, excited to meet him in God’s time, praying for him most days, praying for you most days (everyone who reads my gratitude lists), God’s power and grace, affection from my happy dog.

 

6~ Accepting God’s power through discipline.

 

7~ God speaks to me when I am silent, a wonderful day with friends doing farm chores, learning to spend time with men in a healthy and appropriate way, laughter, jokes, congeniality, impressive wood splitting. The missionaries anointed me with oil, laid their hands on me and prayed for healing in my back (this is called a blessing) last week and the pain in my back has disappeared! Faith, quilts, ceiling fans, ministry, joy-profound joy, hunger & passion for scripture.

 

8~Welcoming difficulties. They test my character and build my strength. Keeping my recovery first while in the middle of a crisis helped me to have a foundation to let God’s presence help me through.

 

9~ Strength in faith. An FA meeting will start in Sandpoint Jan 19, surrender. Not enabling someone I love, even when it seems harder.

 

10~A new beginning. Passion and hunger beyond description for God’s will and presence in my life-it is altering my whole life’s purpose, influence, reading/studying scripture, thought and effort, the hourly beep on my watch.

Power in humility.

Studying with the missionaries, joining a new church family feels like I am coming home. The blessing of Sabbath.

 

11~ His presence and guidance. Finding a treasure at the free pile at the dump (a nice desk) sad goodbyes, God’s timing. Finding Nemo. My prayer list, Missionaries.

 

12~ Truth. Great pain in release. Acceptance of God’s plan. Bitter sweet cleansing.

 

13~Now. Fog, big windows, time, AWOL (A Way Of Life), cell phone chargers, Ebay, appointments, my brakes in my car, auto mechanics, being able to return purchases, calendars, errands, Pandora radio, gel pens, deep surrender of my will brings me closer to God. God’s faithfulness.

 

14~Empty self to fill with His power and Spirit. ‘Only a few have mastered the art of contentment’ (I think I have!) Spelling Bees, blue Christmas lights, help with blue carpet, missionaries, vanilla candles, steady rain, my dryer, crisp sheets, wool slippers, waking up an hour early to visit with God, a powerful dialogue with Him on paper, prayer, faith, hope, truth, passion, direction, modesty, purity, tithe, baptism, connection, the Mormon “glow”

 

15~ Relaxing into God. Soul balance. Reading a list of someone’s fears. A wonderful fuzzy sweater and flannel skirt, purple velvet, confirmation of the blessing, deep and abundant blessing of gratitude, funny people, mint tea-loose leaf “hippie style”, balloons, peace & excitement & joy about getting baptized in a week. A profound feeling of coming home. Years of prayer for guidance to a church body being answered.

 

16~ Perseverance, trust, balance, calm, deep sense of being on the right path, integrity, getting to play hackeysack, the light above the stove, hot tea, water on the stove, time buckets, a pretty skirt.

 

17~ Love. Trust. Protection. Commitment, trials that bring me closer to God, helping others, being of service, my journal, fix it flat, when others help me, letting go of some service to let others have that privileged, punctuality. Eating at the right times give me a sense of stability both mentally & physically.

 

18~ Strengthening my faith. Reflecting on how when my faith is tested it grows-in a recent written dialogue with God He asked me to prepare for my faith to be tested. I have just had a long period of great nourishment. As much as I don’t want a test-I will embrace and be grateful for it. A love note from my daughter on my gratitude page.

 

19~ Comforted. Heavenly Father wants to give me the desires of my heart. Written prayers, tools, garbage bags, lines, release of clutter, almost daily walks around the field with my dogs brings them exuberant joy. My deep spiritual experience and conversion is bringing me exuberant joy & peace beyond all understanding.

 

"Like a tree I must be pruned of a lot of dead branches before I will be ready to bear good fruit.  Think of changed people as trees that have been stripped of their old branches, pruned, cut, and bare. But through the dark, seemingly dead branches flows silently, secretly, the new sap, until with the sun of spring comes new life.  There are new leaves, buds, blossoms, and fruit, many times better because of the pruning.  I am in the hands of a Master Gardener, who makes no mistakes in His pruning."

24 Hour A Day Book

 

20~ Oneness with God. Missionaries, carpet, finishing with remodel in master bedroom, my silly dogs, sunshine, playing hackeysack, getting moved back into the green room for my daily quiet time, big windows, books, meditation. Joyful anticipation of my baptism, gel pens, comforters.

 

21~ Calm. Seeking spiritual not material, sacrifice, deep spiritual connection with other people. My dog warmed up my chair for me. The crow of my rooster, my hands, today, back exercises, daily inventory, writing, prayer, a new beginning. The free pile at the dump “Dufort Mall”

 

22~ Gratitude and humility. Going to Spokane to get my daughter and nephew-they are both coming to my baptism.

 

23~God’s Power working through me. Elder Sawaya and Elder Burrell. “…where the Spirit of the Lord is there liberty” (2 Cor 3:17). My Heavenly Father is right here with me and promises to bless me beyond measure. People in the church keep telling me “your life will never be the same” (after being baptized)-I have already experienced that. Specific prayer that brings awareness, writing about procrastination on my 10th step (daily inventory) most days is so so helpful. I have seen a profound difference in daughter and myself after putting our names in the Temple prayer roll.

23/24 (2AM)~

God’s power through me. Knowing someone from hundreds of miles away that I didn’t know I knew that came to speak at our meeting-and we have a deep understanding and connection (God in action!).

A deep still 5 minute quiet time in a very important transition of my day. The amazing experience o f my baptism. Over 50 people came to support me!

The honor of being this elder’s first baptism. Another experience of knowing someone I didn’t know I knew and invited her to my baptism when I didn’t know I knew her already! A spontaneous visit from someone special on this very special day. Both my girls and my nephew were present form my baptism. Lots of very intimate and nurturing middle of the nighttime with God as of late.

A beautiful fresh coat of snow.

A beautiful place filled excitement that penetrates deep within my soul. The most profound feeling of coming home I have ever experienced. Tithe, community, structure, service. Love, beautiful dresses, wearing no make up and glowing, receiving over 30 hugs today, giving over 30 hugs today, arms, hands, warm felt care, joy, glory. The word nurture spoke very loud today. Seeing the Holy Ghost in the Bishop, tears of joy, several non-members of the church attended. Elder Sawaya’s absence, Angel’s absence-although they both were key members in my conversion and I deeply missed them, I understand God needed and wanted them where else on this special day.

 

January 24, 2010 Confirmation.

Perfect freedom. Unlimited spirituality available, 5 men who hold priesthood lying their hands on my head and giving me the power of the Holy Ghost in my daily life. Such amazing authority, strength and spiritual love. A sense of completeness, sharing this experience with others. The certainty of this being the truth for me and my life. Complete unhindered conversion. Driving in my car listening to a praise song on Positive Life Radio. The Holy Spirit encompassed me with such a  powerful presence that I cried – then sobbed. I never knew it could be so good. Pretty profound!

 

25~ “I believe that complete surrender of my life to God is the foundation of serenity”

(24HourdayBook). Understanding, insight & vision. Comfort, peace, love, magical moment. Letting go of 2 people I care about to God’s loving care, cute guys, a fresh coast of snow.

Canadians-I love them!

 

26~ Penetrating calmness, a kiss from a dog. I don’t have to hurry today, nice time with my daughter. Our 2nd FA meeting in Sandpoint tonight. Carrying the message, sparkles, pink ink.

 

          More Jewels from A Minute of Margin. Restoring Balance in busy lives.

Entitled “The Pace of Faith”

·       God’s purposes often ripen slowly

·       Jesus never seemed in a hurry

·       Speed does not yield devotion

·       Our sense of the presence of God is in inverse proportion to the pace of our lives.

·       Very little of Spiritual value happens in the presence of speed.

There is so much more on this page. I recommend getting this book and reading it slowly.

 

 

27~ Emptying self so God can fill me. Love calm peace. Lot’s of insomnia as of late has given me fabulous opportunities to spend intimate and deeply inspiring time with God. Time, blue sky, open space, timers, naps, happy faces, calendars, lace, twinkles, shinny things, abundance, simplicity, a desire to give God everything.

 

28~ Happiness and peace. Not fighting life anymore, my daughter will be spending more time at home, vulnerability, dashes, comma’s, inspiration, blankets, my toe snails LOL what a great typo! I meant- toenails (they serve a purpose you know!), electricity, indescribable joy, Rosemary, paper clips, having enough, sunshine, winter is going fast.

 

29~Led by my Heavenly Father “I am being lead in a very definite way, as I try to rebuild my life. I am the builder, He is the architect” (24hr) Building under the best carpenter in the world, guidance, amazing inspiration and insight. The more I give to my spiritual life the more I receive. Intentional living.

 

Got me thinking-even though the Architect has the most amazing plan, even though I have the best carpenter right next to me working beside me, presenting me with the blueprint of my life, even though I have the best Counselor & Guidance (Holy Ghost) in my heart giving me knowledge & skill- It is only when I work slow enough & am open to His promptings. I can only hear when I am slow, and direction will only come when I am still. That is when the best, most productive, quickest work gets done-how is that for a paradox! The slower I am, the more gets done. The work needs to be done. Time needs to be invested. I have to hammer the nails with scripture, Measure and cut with prayer. Sometimes I have to cut a perfectly good board in order to make the frame fit together. (Cutting out a good activity to spend this time with Them. Humbly submitting my plan to be shown the next more important step). Sometimes I have to cut bad spots out of the boards (things that don’t help my spiritual walk)

The foundation- remodeling my soul. Paradoxically the strength of the foundation comes from my weakness. The foundation of building of my soul is the flaw-. Only when I embrace my powerlessness over my knowledge and capability on how to build this structure and learn to rely entirely on The Architect, Carpenter, and Counselor can I have a lasting foundation that will not crumble. Amen

 

 

30~ I pray that my soul may be restored in quietness & peace” (24 hr). Emotionally awake, retreats with God, restoration & healing & power, refreshed, great doctors, the same Dr that went through my pregnancy with Cassandra is going through Cassandra’s pregnancy with Bryson, Sponsees-a gift straight from God, my rooster crowing, Ensign magazine, The Book of Mormon, synergy, lemon lotion, coconut oil for moisturizer, space.

 

31~ Understanding. Pain can be necessary for growth. Joy is usually the outcome of suffering. Seeing the biggest moon I have ever seen. Velvet, seamstresses, my flannel skirt, electric outlets, big windows, DSL, email, the internet, goose eggs, volunteers, yellow tri-folds, watching the miracle of recovery & abstinence pounce all over people (especially newcomers) in FA, sparkly people, clarity, spiritual intimacy, a good nights sleep (finally!), Kleenex.

 

February 2009    I am grateful for . . .

 

In the middle of the night I only have to walk 10 steps to go to the bathroom-what a privilege! Volunteer work, dog sitting some fun dogs, candles, my dishwasher, spices, ginger, calendars, the color green, spring will come.

 

God’s power, a new-to me headset for my phone from freecycle. Susie a special speckled Sussex (say that fast 5 times) thinks I am something, houseplants, when a ringtone matches someone’s personally perfectly, writing a personal inventory for the day is so insightful and helps me see the day as it is rather than how my head interprets it (that I didn’t do enough or was enough)- it is objective with both facts and feelings-what a gift! (Step 10- continued to take a personal inventory and when wrong promptly admitted it) A daily written tenth step! Yahoo! (OK-I am silly), acceptance, 24 hour a day book, fine tip gel pens, a sincere prayer that sharing my gratitude will profoundly help someone.

After feeling guilty when worship felt like work one day, I wrote about it and discovered that any relationship takes work-even/especially one with God. I am so fulfilled when I put effort to show up emotionally for my relationship with God-the pay off is so worth it!

 

A deep spiritual oasis. Reading “God-love us with all You have” my human limitations can’t even fathom that, praying with someone on the phone daily, sharing my day with that person and her sharing her day, spiritual intimacy, a very nice receptionist who spent extra time to go into crooks and crannies of details that will make a big difference in my life, Wal-Mart, Brussel sprouts, heaters, this national economic crisis is not all bad-it will help (even if “they” don’t want this help) people to rely less on materialism and consumerism and help us go easier on “things” so we have more energy/time/resources on what is more important like relationships. It may promote more dependence on God-and that, my dear is a good thing.

Embracing my true self.

Squiggly lines, purple ink, an opportunity to ask someone to speak their mind in a few words without gossiping about their apprehension of someone. I love it when people don’t gossip.

 

Opportunity everywhere, garlic granules (yep-those little granules presented me with an opportunity!), I traded some garlic granules for eggs and found a job lead, Betsy T., a new basket, lots of prayer, two alarms for bed time helps me to not have one to wake up (I know I am an odd duck!), having this gratitude writing be my passion & calling, a goal of including God in every purchase I make, clutter can be removed, a moving sale, pretty earrings.

 

Finally finally getting my kitchen clean, someone left a love note on my fridge, letting my real-estate agent and friend experience hippie framer cheese (no yogurt again!), honesty to the core, less is more and more is less.

 

My geese help protect the flock (as “watch dogs”-they are noisy), having FA friends over for a turkey dinner (Thanksgiving dinner in Feb), a deep meditation on waiting, starting to feed my dogs on a schedule-now we get to eat breakfast together. Going to water the chickens at dawn before an early meeting and Suzie (the special speckled Sussex chicken that really loves me) was already awake & out & about. I told her “Good Morning! You are up early, you are an “early bird”- Do you get it? Ha ha” I guess it’s really getting strange when I start telling chickens jokes. J I just can’t help it- remember I am an “odd duck” I have also been called a swell egg. Mostly I am a silly goose.

 

The best thanksgiving dinner I have ever had on Feb 11th. We all weighed and measured our meals. To share my home, lifestyle, and love with others was beautifully intimate, finding some tall (and not queen size) pantyhose, Goodwill, seeing the most beautiful wedding dress in the window- my friend said, “Why don’t you try it on?” I said I would pray about it. Feeling so content and happy, day 18 of worship, oranges & apples keep well, a clean house, I visualize a neat desk, goals J, happy faces, newcomers, lotion.

 

Getting 2 hugs from a 3 year old, someone came and cut some firewood for me, the sun, Fresh Friday at Yokes.

 

I love my life! The days are getting longer (not really silly-the light of the day), pretty heart shaped earrings, praying for the beautiful bride who bought that wedding dress (before I got to try it on-it’s OK) my wonderful stereo, rearranging my quiet area.

 

Gut feelings, insurance, willow bark instead of ibuprofen works for pain relief, my beautiful food, getting to share my everyday with someone, heating pads, long johns, the food bank, lake trout, being involved in a community, fasting from television (day 23), spices, people who love chickens.

 

My grandma came to lunch-I made her homegrown chicken soup, downy, red shirts, strawberries/ asparagus/ prim roses at the grocery store, daffodils are coming, editing.

 

The word glorious, Jesus praying that I am protected from the evil one.

 

How a flame flickers, 3 walks with friends this week, beautiful lake Pend’ Orielle, seeing the stars last night, when taking my dogs on a walk in town Molly choose to poop right by a garbage can AND I had my plastic bag so it was easy (got to love easy poops)-I told her thank you. The honor of someone sharing their pain with me, one of my daughters is willing to go to church this week.

 

No bugs in the winter, when I clean up my messes right away-that I keep getting better at that, Christmas lights at dawn, hot water with fresh lemon, that I love my sister, what a relief to be freed from the bondage of resentment, forgiveness, a yellow coat on a friend, 2 scheduled walks a week, deep meaningful prayer, daily affirmations, my financial affirmation.

 

God Always provides enough.

I am comfortable.

I surrender ALL my debt into God’s hands.

Every month my debt shrinks. I am becoming debt free.

I am solvent and know my bank account balance.

I am open to God’s abundance.

Utter dependence on God provides complete financial peace and prosperity.

I honor God with Simplicity.

I tithe more than 10%

I save at least 10%.

What I give and save expands and grows for God’s purpose.

I have abundance.

 

 

The smell of my cast iron pans conditioning, passionate prayer with people, believing in the miracle, living alone, this deep period of worship, that I have never been better, opportunity to refuse gossiping, a clean kitchen.

 

The glorious rain is intensely melting snow, a day filled with discomfort-anxiety & uncomfortableness really makes me appreciate those that are not, the honor of knowing Fred-and going to his funeral yesterday, his loving wife & one of my best friends-Rose, deep longing for change, sharing, being a steward of everything I have-it’s really Gods, even my time, dialoguing with God on paper is very spiritually intimate and satisfying, writing, books, DSR, daily connection with another addict has been like a breath of fresh air.

 

Faith, fellowship, service, connection, sharing, abundance.

 

This spiritual experience-

 

Sitting where I do quite time in front of my glass sliding door watching big beautiful snowflakes float to the ground. There is a wonderful smelling candle burning and the soft glow of turquoise Christmas lights accent the dawning of the early morning light. Missy sits purring and kneading the soft blanket on my lap. I have my favorite mug of hot water and fresh lemon just the way I like it, as a heating pad warms my back. I feel content. A deep saturating contentment that permeates the great sadness of depression. I know my life is very good. In fact, I am doing better than I ever have. Being bi-polar means depression will come. And as ALWAYS-it will leave. I remember this and practice moments of deep contentment I know that God’s presence is deeper than the depression and that I am well.

 

I am grateful that I have grown comfortable with depression. Please don’t let my depression, or anyone else’s depression make you uncomfortable. It is just what it is. Putting more energy around it just makes it heavier. I always pray that if God can use my depression for His glory-then I am happy to have it. If not, I ask Him to remove it-and then am willing to let it go. Sometimes it lingers, sometimes it doesn’t.

 

Spending the day with a lovely friend, the privilege of rubbing her feet & cooking for her, a Verizon operator who was very interested in my chicken stories-AND solved my billing issue, hearing a wild turkey, sponsees.

 

An example of how I am rewriting each Psalm as a prayer for my children is on my website.

 

 

 

See website www.judesgratitude.com

 

                        Email:   Judesgratitude-writer@yahoo.com

Psalm 40

 

 

My girls wait and wait patiently for God to help them. He turned to them and heard their cry. He lifted them up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog. He set them on solid ground establishing, securing, and making their steps steady. He secures a rock for them to stand. He puts a new song they sing in their hearts and on their lips-a hymn of praise for their mighty God. Many people will see and fear what He has done, and be amazed. They will put their trust in Jehovah, abandoning their selves to Him. Oh the joys and blessings of my girls who trust and give themselves completely over to God, they turn from the world’s confidence in the “sure thing” and ignore what the world desires, worships, and teaches. Oh Lord, their precious God, you have multiplied your marvelous wondrous works. The things you have planned for them, they recite and could never come to the end. The world is a massive stockpile of your miracles and Holy Spirit. Nothing compares. Neither numbers nor works account for your Majesty. Sacrifice and offerings you don’t desire from Cassandra and Ali. Their ears You have opened-and now they understand-You aren’t asking for meaningless religious rituals. They will say, “We are coming. We read the letter you have written about us precious Father, and we are coming to the party You are throwing for us.” This is when Your Word truly enters their heart and becomes a part of their very being. They take delightful joy in their desire to do Your will. They will proclaim the Good News of deliverance and Your justice. They do not restrain fear and hold nothing back. They don’t hide Your righteous deliverance in their hearts as a secret. They talk of your faithfulness and salvation and great power. They don’t hold back ANY pieces of Your love, truth, and faithfulness for just themselves. They tell all! They let the congregations know the whole story. Jehovah, don’t withhold Your tender Passionate mercy from my children. You unfailing love, truth, and faithfulness always protect them. It holds them together. Evil and trouble encompass them beyond number. Their sins overtake them and pile so high they can’t see a way out. So heavy that their hearts fail and they lose courage. Please, Yahweh intervene, rescue, and deliver my girls. Quickly, help them! Let the evil that is trying to steal their souls be brought to shame and confusion. Those who delight in my kid’s trouble be turned back in disgrace. But all who seek You-(especially my children) rejoice and are filled with gladness in You. May they shout, “Let our Lord be magnified!”

Let Cassandra and Ali know that they are poor and needy-a mess. They have nothing and are nothing. That You will think of them and make something of them. You are their help and savior. Heavenly Father, Do not Delay-They need You!

  

January 2010               I am grateful for…

 

1~Now. A friend came over and helped me paint the master bedroom. Wal-Mart, new colorful pens to write with, and amazing spiritual experience where God’s Spirit enveloped me-sharing it with other people, patience, joy, maturity, “easy does it”, the power for surrender, relying on God’s power, really looking forward to going to church.

 

2~ Breathing in the blessing of today. The master bedroom is painted.

 

3~Reborn in His Spirit. True hunger for it. Fresh ginger, new beginnings, my chair blanket, happy dogs, soft music, floss, a mild winter so far, quality, more is not always better, no bugs in the winter, beautiful singing at church, nice people, dog toenail clippers.

 

4~Profound peace. A great sense of accomplishment when I crawled under the house and fixed the washer drain that keeps freezing, 5 weeks of dog sitting a lovely dog concludes today, great spiritual lessons, reflecting on “no reservations absolutely”

 

5~ Accepting God’s power through discipline. Deep vulnerability and intimacy with a friend, seeing her growth, my growth, getting closer to my heavenly Father and His Son through the Holy Spirit, a complete spiritual oasis, the master bedroom is painted, fun new gel pens w/great colors, description, my water glass, calendars, schedules, beginnings, endings, in-betweens, steam, moisture, help, visualizing my husband in a suit :J, excited to meet him in God’s time, praying for him most days, praying for you most days (everyone who reads my gratitude lists), God’s power and grace, affection from my happy dog.

 

6~ Accepting God’s power through discipline.

 

7~ God speaks to me when I am silent, a wonderful day with friends doing farm chores, learning to spend time with men in a healthy and appropriate way, laughter, jokes, congeniality, impressive wood splitting. The missionaries anointed me with oil, laid their hands on me and prayed for healing in my back (this is called a blessing) last week and the pain in my back has disappeared! Faith, quilts, ceiling fans, ministry, joy-profound joy, hunger & passion for scripture.

 

8~Welcoming difficulties. They test my character and build my strength. Keeping my recovery first while in the middle of a crisis helped me to have a foundation to let God’s presence help me through.

 

9~ Strength in faith. An FA meeting will start in Sandpoint Jan 19, surrender. Not enabling someone I love, even when it seems harder.

 

10~A new beginning. Passion and hunger beyond description for God’s will and presence in my life-it is altering my whole life’s purpose, influence, reading/studying scripture, thought and effort, the hourly beep on my watch.

Power in humility.

Studying with the missionaries, joining a new church family feels like I am coming home. The blessing of Sabbath.

 

11~ His presence and guidance. Finding a treasure at the free pile at the dump (a nice desk) sad goodbyes, God’s timing. Finding Nemo. My prayer list, Missionaries.

 

12~ Truth. Great pain in release. Acceptance of God’s plan. Bitter sweet cleansing.

 

13~Now. Fog, big windows, time, AWOL (A Way Of Life), cell phone chargers, Ebay, appointments, my brakes in my car, auto mechanics, being able to return purchases, calendars, errands, Pandora radio, gel pens, deep surrender of my will brings me closer to God. God’s faithfulness.

 

14~Empty self to fill with His power and Spirit. ‘Only a few have mastered the art of contentment’ (I think I have!) Spelling Bees, blue Christmas lights, help with blue carpet, missionaries, vanilla candles, steady rain, my dryer, crisp sheets, wool slippers, waking up an hour early to visit with God, a powerful dialogue with Him on paper, prayer, faith, hope, truth, passion, direction, modesty, purity, tithe, baptism, connection, the Mormon “glow”

 

15~ Relaxing into God. Soul balance. Reading a list of someone’s fears. A wonderful fuzzy sweater and flannel skirt, purple velvet, confirmation of the blessing, deep and abundant blessing of gratitude, funny people, mint tea-loose leaf “hippie style”, balloons, peace & excitement & joy about getting baptized in a week. A profound feeling of coming home. Years of prayer for guidance to a church body being answered.

 

16~ Perseverance, trust, balance, calm, deep sense of being on the right path, integrity, getting to play hackeysack, the light above the stove, hot tea, water on the stove, time buckets, a pretty skirt.

 

17~ Love. Trust. Protection. Commitment, trials that bring me closer to God, helping others, being of service, my journal, fix it flat, when others help me, letting go of some service to let others have that privileged, punctuality. Eating at the right times give me a sense of stability both mentally & physically.

 

18~ Strengthening my faith. Reflecting on how when my faith is tested it grows-in a recent written dialogue with God He asked me to prepare for my faith to be tested. I have just had a long period of great nourishment. As much as I don’t want a test-I will embrace and be grateful for it. A love note from my daughter on my gratitude page.

 

19~ Comforted. Heavenly Father wants to give me the desires of my heart. Written prayers, tools, garbage bags, lines, release of clutter, almost daily walks around the field with my dogs brings them exuberant joy. My deep spiritual experience and conversion is bringing me exuberant joy & peace beyond all understanding.

 

"Like a tree I must be pruned of a lot of dead branches before I will be ready to bear good fruit.  Think of changed people as trees that have been stripped of their old branches, pruned, cut, and bare. But through the dark, seemingly dead branches flows silently, secretly, the new sap, until with the sun of spring comes new life.  There are new leaves, buds, blossoms, and fruit, many times better because of the pruning.  I am in the hands of a Master Gardener, who makes no mistakes in His pruning."

24 Hour A Day Book

 

20~ Oneness with God. Missionaries, carpet, finishing with remodel in master bedroom, my silly dogs, sunshine, playing hackeysack, getting moved back into the green room for my daily quiet time, big windows, books, meditation. Joyful anticipation of my baptism, gel pens, comforters.

 

21~ Calm. Seeking spiritual not material, sacrifice, deep spiritual connection with other people. My dog warmed up my chair for me. The crow of my rooster, my hands, today, back exercises, daily inventory, writing, prayer, a new beginning. The free pile at the dump “Dufort Mall”

 

22~ Gratitude and humility. Going to Spokane to get my daughter and nephew-they are both coming to my baptism.

 

23~God’s Power working through me. Elder Sawaya and Elder Burrell. “…where the Spirit of the Lord is there liberty” (2 Cor 3:17). My Heavenly Father is right here with me and promises to bless me beyond measure. People in the church keep telling me “your life will never be the same” (after being baptized)-I have already experienced that. Specific prayer that brings awareness, writing about procrastination on my 10th step (daily inventory) most days is so so helpful. I have seen a profound difference in daughter and myself after putting our names in the Temple prayer roll.

23/24 (2AM)~

God’s power through me. Knowing someone from hundreds of miles away that I didn’t know I knew that came to speak at our meeting-and we have a deep understanding and connection (God in action!).

A deep still 5 minute quiet time in a very important transition of my day. The amazing experience o f my baptism. Over 50 people came to support me!

The honor of being this elder’s first baptism. Another experience of knowing someone I didn’t know I knew and invited her to my baptism when I didn’t know I knew her already! A spontaneous visit from someone special on this very special day. Both my girls and my nephew were present form my baptism. Lots of very intimate and nurturing middle of the nighttime with God as of late.

A beautiful fresh coat of snow.

A beautiful place filled excitement that penetrates deep within my soul. The most profound feeling of coming home I have ever experienced. Tithe, community, structure, service. Love, beautiful dresses, wearing no make up and glowing, receiving over 30 hugs today, giving over 30 hugs today, arms, hands, warm felt care, joy, glory. The word nurture spoke very loud today. Seeing the Holy Ghost in the Bishop, tears of joy, several non-members of the church attended. Elder Sawaya’s absence, Angel’s absence-although they both were key members in my conversion and I deeply missed them, I understand God needed and wanted them where else on this special day.

 

January 24, 2010 Confirmation.

Perfect freedom. Unlimited spirituality available, 5 men who hold priesthood lying their hands on my head and giving me the power of the Holy Ghost in my daily life. Such amazing authority, strength and spiritual love. A sense of completeness, sharing this experience with others. The certainty of this being the truth for me and my life. Complete unhindered conversion. Driving in my car listening to a praise song on Positive Life Radio. The Holy Spirit encompassed me with such a  powerful presence that I cried – then sobbed. I never knew it could be so good. Pretty profound!

 

25~ “I believe that complete surrender of my life to God is the foundation of serenity”

(24HourdayBook). Understanding, insight & vision. Comfort, peace, love, magical moment. Letting go of 2 people I care about to God’s loving care, cute guys, a fresh coast of snow.

Canadians-I love them!

 

26~ Penetrating calmness, a kiss from a dog. I don’t have to hurry today, nice time with my daughter. Our 2nd FA meeting in Sandpoint tonight. Carrying the message, sparkles, pink ink.

 

          More Jewels from A Minute of Margin. Restoring Balance in busy lives.

Entitled “The Pace of Faith”

·       God’s purposes often ripen slowly

·       Jesus never seemed in a hurry

·       Speed does not yield devotion

·       Our sense of the presence of God is in inverse proportion to the pace of our lives.

·       Very little of Spiritual value happens in the presence of speed.

There is so much more on this page. I recommend getting this book and reading it slowly.

 

 

27~ Emptying self so God can fill me. Love calm peace. Lot’s of insomnia as of late has given me fabulous opportunities to spend intimate and deeply inspiring time with God. Time, blue sky, open space, timers, naps, happy faces, calendars, lace, twinkles, shinny things, abundance, simplicity, a desire to give God everything.

 

28~ Happiness and peace. Not fighting life anymore, my daughter will be spending more time at home, vulnerability, dashes, comma’s, inspiration, blankets, my toe snails LOL what a great typo! I meant- toenails (they serve a purpose you know!), electricity, indescribable joy, Rosemary, paper clips, having enough, sunshine, winter is going fast.

 

29~Led by my Heavenly Father “I am being lead in a very definite way, as I try to rebuild my life. I am the builder, He is the architect” (24hr) Building under the best carpenter in the world, guidance, amazing inspiration and insight. The more I give to my spiritual life the more I receive. Intentional living.

 

Got me thinking-even though the Architect has the most amazing plan, even though I have the best carpenter right next to me working beside me, presenting me with the blueprint of my life, even though I have the best Counselor & Guidance (Holy Ghost) in my heart giving me knowledge & skill- It is only when I work slow enough & am open to His promptings. I can only hear when I am slow, and direction will only come when I am still. That is when the best, most productive, quickest work gets done-how is that for a paradox! The slower I am, the more gets done. The work needs to be done. Time needs to be invested. I have to hammer the nails with scripture, Measure and cut with prayer. Sometimes I have to cut a perfectly good board in order to make the frame fit together. (Cutting out a good activity to spend this time with Them. Humbly submitting my plan to be shown the next more important step). Sometimes I have to cut bad spots out of the boards (things that don’t help my spiritual walk)

The foundation- remodeling my soul. Paradoxically the strength of the foundation comes from my weakness. The foundation of building of my soul is the flaw-. Only when I embrace my powerlessness over my knowledge and capability on how to build this structure and learn to rely entirely on The Architect, Carpenter, and Counselor can I have a lasting foundation that will not crumble. Amen

 

 

30~ I pray that my soul may be restored in quietness & peace” (24 hr). Emotionally awake, retreats with God, restoration & healing & power, refreshed, great doctors, the same Dr that went through my pregnancy with Cassandra is going through Cassandra’s pregnancy with Bryson, Sponsees-a gift straight from God, my rooster crowing, Ensign magazine, The Book of Mormon, synergy, lemon lotion, coconut oil for moisturizer, space.

 

31~ Understanding. Pain can be necessary for growth. Joy is usually the outcome of suffering. Seeing the biggest moon I have ever seen. Velvet, seamstresses, my flannel skirt, electric outlets, big windows, DSL, email, the internet, goose eggs, volunteers, yellow tri-folds, watching the miracle of recovery & abstinence pounce all over people (especially newcomers) in FA, sparkly people, clarity, spiritual intimacy, a good nights sleep (finally!), Kleenex.

 

2007

 

 

Jan 18 2007, My gratitude list. . .

 (Each day is a new paragraph)

 Orange ink, new beginnings, charts, candle holders, boxes, batteries, hooks, stamps, address labels, the love of God, muscles, a fresh coat of snow, pot holders, erasers, joy, honor, sadness, tears, tea.

 

Rescue workers, the smell of grapefruit, spots on a dog, freckles on a human, a double yoked egg, my dog thinks I am really great.

 

Nice nurses, choices, good cell phone reception, warm blankets, my teenager wanting me to tuck her in lately, that my dog takes care of some of my emotional needs, the privilege of normal digestion, watching the Freedom Writers was very inspiring, I have that passion to make a difference, when people are sincerely interested, baked apples, Harriet (a chicken) lays green eggs, the nice people from the coffee shop, walking on the frozen lake, a nice sunset, praying daily to honor God helps me to look for ways to do that, horses, joy, the large snowfall is so beautiful, hospitals, privacy, patience, electricity, water that comes out of the faucet, listening to a book on tape about simplicity, Christian novels, avoiding burnout, listening to the quiet still voice (God), time, learning to react to inconvience in  positive ways, clouds, squash,  the steam room, praying for Godís will, tubs, ties, fun words, books, wisdom, knowledge, gentle tender moments, my gall bladder.

 

Water, books, relief, prayer, vacuum cleaners, connection, slowing down, instruction from God, doctors, real food, paintings, Christian radio.

 

Hunger, chickens, fresh eggs, feeling better, washing machine, rules, Jesus, passionate people, love, honesty, awareness, that I am not normally a worrier, attitude, choices, worthiness, foundations, DBT, God in my life, affirmations, the smell of cedar, slippers, rearranging furniture.

 

Feb 2007

 

Traditions, ideas, prayers, sparkles, printers, online banking, Health & Welfare, knowing my limitations.

 

The privilege of seeing men cry, there are always things for my to do list, the smell of my dog (OK, I am strange), the ability to be transformed into who God wants me to be (except when I get in the way), airplanes, electricity, large windows, people who serve, health insurance, God.

 

Trout, friends, options, seeking Godís guidance, the way my dog looks at me, the food bank, time at home alone, that huge medical bill is covered, amber eyes, 12 traditions, surrender.

 

Freedom, trying a new recipe, jars, spices, toilets, glass cleaner, geraniums.

 

Balance, insight, I believe in the miracle, passion, commitment, prayer, the small still voice, cacti, connection with others brings balance.

 

Less clutter on my desk, mediation area, choices, spring is coming, resources, the soft glow of Christmas lights in February, timers, simplifying, de-cluttering, free clothes, Jesus, structure, volunteers.

 

Present tense, verbs, sleep, waking up without the alarm, finishing a book, sense of closure, scissors.

 

Eyeglasses, hamsters, being able to say no to a persistent ďI want a catĒ, surrendering a need for a roommate, another job possibility, a great book on speed cleaning.

 

That I can hold on to God through rough waters, being dependable, eggs, trying new recipes that turned out really well, a great bible study, God will show me the truth when I earnestly search, the plural form of the steps, having a sponsor, slowing down to take care of me, time for myself, a very lovey cat, new invigoration for Godís word.

 

The gooses are home! seeing dirt, the sun came out 3 days in a row, being able to help my grandparents, boundaries, recognizing and not accepting someone violating me, God can help me forgive,  resisting gossip, beautiful veggies, stepping aside for others to do service, when other people give, the Black Stallion J, the library, people passionate about books.

 

Working outside for 3 hours, the sunshine, having a cup of tea on the deck for the first time in many months, visualizing my garden.

 

The rain is melting the snow, floor plans, a cats purr, cleaning the oven, Kleenex, containers, Q-tips.

 

The computer, I asked God to make it clear on what to do, I believe He answers prayers, reading a novel, rest when I am sick, speakers, paint, friends.

Snowflakes, vacuum cleaner, the smell of fresh air on my moody cat, story telling, rest, blankets.

Snow on the trees, sighs of contentment, surprise money into my bank account, 12 concepts, scholarships, buckwheat.

 

Spring snow freshens everything, the truth, socks, bathrobes, files, organization, Great Danes.

 

My electric bill is less than last month, frost glazed trees, imagination, my cat when she is nice, the steps, prayer, honor, love, cell phones, Sandpoint online, free classified ads.

 

March 2007

My desk, paint, company, a good novel, my chickens, time, choices, not being in active addiction, free weekend minutes, it looks like my grandma will live (close call), being of service, spring will come, tomato seeds planted, I love how many options and freedom I have in my life & how being abstinent from toxic foods opens up a whole world of choices and clarity.

 

Rearranging gives a fresh outlook in my house, my grandpa, being of service, my hair, my deep dresser drawers, weight loss, mint shampoo.

 

The bible, sleeping good, spending time with grandpa daily, willingness, my food scale, Proverbs, paint, drip cloths, colors, so many choices, miracles, thrift stores, fuel efficient vehicles, people who drive them, wonderful spring weather, a blue sky without a cloud.

 

Nurture, sliding glass doors, light, pick ups, my grandma is doing better, telephone, Habitat for Humanity, lines, willow tree.

 

Hearing Godís will, rest, arrangements, simplifying, storage space, dictionary, spring flowers, variety, UPS, vitamins, free stuff, giving away stuff, letting go of my crutches.

 

My kids getting to meet a person they admire (Dick the DJ), they got to go on live radio with him, One of my daughterís life ambition to be a DJ, purpose, focus, special memorable experiences.

 

I have a bounce in my step, gratitude is so refreshing, starting a novel, sneaking time to read for enjoyment feeds my soul, a creative writing class sounds like it will feed my soul, Bragg liquid amino acids, health food store, clarity, peace and energy that abstinence brings, needing to buy smaller pants.

 

Shovels, spring mud, simplifying, a roomy house, roosters, ceiling fans, cupboards, pretty things, the blooming flower that smells the entire room, delight, God, 10 commandments.

 

The sun, the warm wind melted most of the snow, seeing how much energy TV drains from me, pot holders, potting soil, 7 years of sobriety, a changed life, accepting the gift from God, my stove.

 

Clouds, people who help, birch bark, someone to help me see how Iím feeling when I donít know, a catís purr, child support, getting a very much need computer soon, my teenager being nice, Christmas lights on a timer year round, my splitting mal, my toilet, ideas.

 

The white board on fridge, an amazing writing experience, I wrote all my stressors (good and bad) I could think of-filling 3 pages-lifting a huge burden off of me because I gave them to God, a wish list, surrendering something unnecessary, cold tea, neighbors, tofu, organic foods, health, cherishing my singleness, time, I saw a man with a bounce in his step, inspiration.

 

Roses, meetings, water, a stocked refrigerator, the snow WILL disappear, a plan for irrigation.

 

Green ink, bon fires, yard work, buckets, learning new things from the bible, a nice weekend with kids, letting my chickens out, my dogís birthday, her dog friends came to see her (how did they know?).

 

My sink drain, hopes of digging in the dirt, the ability to follow Godís will is my bigger hopes, a day at home, time , couplings, elbows and Tís, shovels, Sandpoint Super drug, prayer, promises from God.

 

Giving some plants away, the grass is growing, rain at night, a God moment, badminton, surrendering space, fulfillment, wheel barrows, sponges, hoses, garbage containers, creativity, constancy, spontaneity, being consistently spontaneous J, lovely paradoxes.

 

Growth, nice views, the crow of one rooster, my insurance agent.

 

A chair in the kitchen, I canít change yesterday, acceptance, discipline helps me to attain knowledge, flowing creativity, gratitude lists gets my creative juices flowing, grocery carts, cloth bags, washrags.

 

Being freed from the webs of illusion, finding the table (rescued it from all the stuff!), towels, music, waking up with the song ďeveryday is a winding road. . . and I get a little bit closerĒ jangling in my head, fertilizer (ďshit stinks but it is great fertilizerĒ  is helpful during difficult times), analogies, flexibilities, writing, a page FULL of gratitude.

 

3 way calling, L-Tyrosine, gentle rain, baskets, tea pots, spoons, buckets, making it through something hard, bottom line is that I am always OK.

 

It looks like the grass grew an inch yesterday, all the glorious rain, rooting weeping willow trees, the white dog knew I needed comfort after a scary call, minutes, my purse, call forwarding, cutting boards, decaf coffee, a clean house after the mess of deep rearranging.

 

Hanging sheets on the clothesline, rakes, painting, hats, pizaz, the cozy warmth of the fire, earthworms, water that comes from faithfully out of the facets, Kongs for dogs the only toy Molly (my black lab) canít destroy in 10 minutes- it takes 2 years of hard chewing! Carharts, Rubbermaid, tubs, baby chicks, education, love, God in my life

 

Tea, seedlings, Bala sharks, hoses, pumps, my dog is so interested in life, she inspires me.

 

Dirt, tutors, watching a toilet flush, blue jay, butter knives, cinnamon, oatmeal, love that is exchanged, conversations with God, testimonies, plug in teapot, filters, succulents, cacti.

 

Working on projects, variety, books that help me spiritual growth, skirting, trim, a beautiful sliding glass door installed, handymen, stink bugs go away in the summer.

 

 

April 2007

 

Rest, communication, doing the right thing even if it means conflict, compost, coffee grounds from the coffee shop, flashlights, electricity, fruit trees, watching growth.

 

Gigabytes, God is helping me pick out a new computer, school, girls, highly skilled professional teachers, knowing the style in which I learn best, taking my daughters shopping, electric blankets, my purring cat on my lap, finishing a book.

 

Things will calm down, the privilege of being a student, kindness, green grass, yard improvements.

 

Rocks, dog sitting, wheel barrow, rest, childrenís stories, freedom, giving up the traditional sense of the holidays, reviewing my goals from January and seeing progress on most of them, the power of written goal setting, give to God lists, waiting for prayers to be answered, people who hold me accountable.

 

Spring growth, cinnamon tea, my very nice neighbor, measuring spoons, jammies, new socks, a new computer, auditioning for a play just for the experience, parallelograms, itís time to order baby chicks! watching a graceful dog jump, dahlia bulb waiting to be planted, arrows, the special lady who sells me car insurance, when cashiers are friendly, that there are people willing to be cashiers, learning not to take people for granted.

 

Waking up early, affection from a dog, being at home, a deep longing to be with my children, rejuvenation, seeing someone eat a kumquat for the first time is such a hoot, rearranging, babies, piano class, taking technical writing for fun, people with special needs, description, opinions, bubbles in the fish tank, humor, people who are corny, intense depth of recovery, watching the profound miracle happen in others is truly a gift.

 

 I am placing God in charge, willingness to do what it takes to be available for my kids, God has an alter for me to place things upon-so my burden can be released to His loving care, stories about angels, relief that washes over a troubled soul, descriptive action, positive consequences, stripes, Godís peace and protection in times of persecution, parallel bible, comparison, getting phone calls when I need them, other people have problems, I am not alone.

 

Willingness, sunshine, knowing that if I donít see growth currently I often see it in retrospect, rakes, committing to slow down no matter what, not taking on other peopleís stuff, taking a moment to notice the deep contentment I feel when I allow God to direct my path.

 

Writing and remembering my priorities was very helpful-I was getting super stressed about going to the dump- when connecting with God is more important, one way I connect with God is through gratitude because He created all that I am grateful for, a good pair of tweezers, rakes, rocks, drains, kids, My daughter (who claims not to believe in God) wants and has asked to go to church, seeing her trip out in a room full of people filled with Holy Spirit J, surrendering her relationship with God was more effective than trying to control it.

 

Electricity, cilantro, a delightful book on tape, Larrell Merlington is my favorite reader, companies that strive for excellence, My daughter asking questions about God, people who care, kidney beans, a day home, birch bark.

 

Consequences, being there for my daughter, piano class, volleyball has been a blast, scissor, staplers, complicated relationships, articulateness, not being on the journey alone, tools to help me on rough roads, books, research.

 

Herb seeds, the season for planting has arrived, peach tree, washing machine, bubbles, orthodontists, books on clutter control, learning to let go of clutter, my health, the beautiful foods I eat, unexpected shrub bushes given to me, baby silky chickens, the couch, spots, physical strength, work gloves, bugs means a glorious season change, so I am grateful for BUGS!

 

The effort for growth is so small compared to the benefit received, the difference between being deep and thorough versus ďsort ofĒ doing it is phenomenal, standing down an invitation from a very hostile stranger to fight, that I am not that hostile stranger anymore, someone brought me free firewood and says it helps him, iced decaf coffee, finished another chicken soup book, yard sales, bringing baby chicks home today, volleyball PE class.

 

Choices, softball, my warm bathrobe, the lawnmower started, grocery lists, Fresh Friday at Yokes, broccoli for 59 cents a pound!

 

May 2007

 

Being at home, polenta, moral issues brought out in Star Trek, grilled onions, our donation (out) box that gets filled often, pausing to be grateful and invite God into my day, that I adore praising people.

 

Chinese fighting fish (Fred) is so simple to take care of, creating an herb garden, Harriet starting laying her green eggs again after she molted, a morning to myself, chicken manure, planting 7 trees, buttermilk, double yokers, having 4 burners on the stovetop.

 

The Internet, communication, hoses, love, doing the right thing even when it is hard, a red measuring cup, planting flowers and onions.

 

Baby chickens, that I normally feel better than I do today, bottom line is that I am OK-even if it doesnít feel like it, I am not how I feel, surrendering a time table, recognizing self will/control ooze in my life and wanting no part of it.

 

I didnít turn to food as a drug during a perilous time, birds that sing, baby runner ducks, my mail box, my mail person brings packages to my house up a long drive when he doesnít have to, the privilege and honor to live in a place that provides paved roads, the repaving of my road is planned, alternate routes.

 

Slowing down, letting go of some things that complicate my life, books on health, organic foods, passionate people, direction, quiet moments, closure, neatness, my dog.

 

Making an effort to be emotionally available to my children-self-& God, a day alone at home, eggs, beautiful house plants, planting shrubs, Boggle, bubbles, reaching out to comfort a stranger, internet banking, my computer.

 

The greatest May weather I can remember, people who serve, a still quiet morning, people that believe in supporting education, getting some landscaping done, lots of room for it, silly dreams, my lawn mower cranked up another year, balance, my continual strive to stay slowed down enough to notice Godís presence in all aspects of my life, a heart full of gratitude that words can barely express, trying to express it, giving it away helps me keep it, compiling my gratitude into a book.

 

Planting a flower patch, yellow shrubs, hoses, Yís, I am becoming present and alert around my family, friends& significant others, geraniums, learning to grown things, the dog door, watering system for the willow tree, strong smelling candles, the man brought more wood, loving with concentration and effort, ďactions of loveĒ.

 

When I am undecided I made a proís and conís list-the clarity that brought, sticky notes, planting corn, tomatoes, carrots, broccoli, and flowers, time , even though it doesnít feel like it-I know I am OK.

 

Funny voicemail messages, the muffin man who lives on Dreary Lane, ideas, calls of encouragement.

 

Getting some stuff done that has been lingering for a long time, contact info, that my thinking has been trained to be positive. When I changed my chickenís food to something cheaper, their eggshells got thinner instantly-This shows me the importance of good nutrition for myself.

 

The gift of writing gratitude daily, reading about beneficial versus toxic fats, cancer is often preventable, the way I eat, and old friend reconnected, praying for a dishwasher and then having a friend ask me if I knew anyone who wanted to buy one, Habitat for Humanity, my dinning room table, the painting on the wall from a good friend and amazing artist, v-ball has been so good for my soul, humor, that goofiness that resides deep within me, remote controls.

Feeling touched by God-through the divine length of a fence, that my daughter doesnít act so disrespectfully everyday, boundaries, random play on the CD player, fresh wonderful smelling lilac, how nice the lawn looks mowed, Occupational therapy, hope, smiling when I donít feel like it, writing gratitude when I donít feel like it.

 

Free annual credit reports, my self worth is not based on my credit report, being accountable for being emotionally available for my kids (Step 10/daily inventory), planting a garden, I feel good today, technical writing class, taking it for ďfunĒ (I am silly), speed dial, pot holders, deep intimacy with God through core loneliness.

 

 

This is hard today-but I do it anyway so here you go.

The sun, getting chickens outside, fried onions, piano keyboard at home, summer is beginning, long light days, contacts, flowerdy shirts, I get to play v-ball today and that is one of my favorite things, solitary, donating to the free pile is a handy form of recycling, I can do this even through I am oozing with negativity, most days I donít ooze with negativity, each year my credit report gets better, I am not who I used to be.

 

Screens for open windows, nice smelling lotion, my skin, friends, doilies, descriptive words, a piano recital, dog sitting, guide floss, doctors, encouragers, repetition, variety, change, the feeling of going up for a spike with perfect timing and accuracy for the kill! (Volleyball) Letting go of music feels like Godís will, so does balancing my checkbook today.

 

Lessons, recognizing the need to get some emotional needs met, seeing how isolation can be devastating-and how important it is to met with others even if I am busy, ice on my back pain helps, people dedicated to serving, police, taxes, hoses,  happy dogs, flowers.

 

June 2007

 

The most amazing thunder storm! Letting my daughter talk me into going outside in the rain-barefooted to watch the symphony of lightning-thunder-and downpour, it was amazing even more so because it was shared, watching someone enjoy something to the depth of their soul, salt, a legacy of someone with deep integrity that touches my life even though the person is gone, developing my own legacy, finally accepting music isnít a part of it, cutting off a ponytail for locks of love, not missing my hair, Days of the week, implied verbs, learning and implementing verb tense, editing, the whole writing process is creative-like beautiful art, my cat insists upon loving me at this moment, watching seeds planted push themselves into existence, expression, when people express themselves, love, God, praying for you-those of you who read this just received a prayer-my God is that big! He takes prayers in advance- and he can backwards them.

 

A meeting with my teacher that presents a new career idea; wrting-techincal writing or possibly editing, blankets, accountability to work the steps (addiction tried to be my master again-food), transcripts, having the summer off, patterns, retrospect, big blue tea cups, my large frying pan, pumas, smelling candles at the store with my daughter.

 

Dreams, following my heart, birds that sing in the morning, table clothes, my deep drawer dresser, leaves, barrels, tin, retreat today, towels, fellowship, school ending, boundaries, staying in a safe place emotionally with my daughter- whether she is disrespectful or sweet, balance, steadiness, window, a great computer, painted toes nails, changing purses-trying to go smaller.

 

Opportunity for growth even when it is uncomfortable, having project, throw rugs, big quality speakers, flowers, mashed brocolli/califlower, loves notes, coolers, ice packs, my back pain is low today, learning specific posture to target my personal needs, stars, getting many hugs, live radio, the rain, child support, tolerance.

Butterflies, Kleenex, pliers, wire, extension cords, story tellers, visual aids, my tongue, contentment, memories, grass, big open spaces, validation, empathy, that I can give myself validation and empathy when needed, when I give validation and empathy to others, when I receive them from others.

 

Honesty, seeing people I know in a different environment, duck coops, refill ink, wheels, newspapers, matches, debit card, filtered sunlight thorough magnificent trees.

 

Affirmations daily, finishing all my schoolwork before the deadline, organic dish soap (hippie style), time is my friend when I donít fight it, dryer, a beautiful fragrant bouquets of flowers, a spontaneous walk with my neighbor, I donít struggle with the desire to overuse salt (I see many struggle with it) half gallon canning jars, gallon glass jars for storing grains, card holders.

 

Pillows, the people who harvest/package and make available the fruits and veggies I eat, connection with my daughter, pianos, ďevening in MissoulaĒ herbal tea.

That mint is so prolific, humility, step work, a metamorphis in my life working each; 12 steps, 12 traditions and now the 12 concepts-the synergy with individually, each day is so different, being on this marvelous land in a splendid purple house, realizing I lost contentment somewhere along the way-so now I can seek it again, Greyhound bus lines, candles, integrity, Molly my dog, chicken catalogs, a very small purse is one step in the simplification in my life, pursuing getting published (would you pray for that endeavor?)

 

Car blankets, a long helpful hose, a dishwasher ready to install, great hippie shirts, getting gratitude out, and website updated, hopes in learning to surrender ego and pride, fence posts, an oak table, the blessing of tithe, the vacuum cleaner, painting of Holstein cows in a field, lacey table cloths, not having the burden of being wealthy (it would give me so many choices and severely complicate my life and zap my time), literature committees, when God whispers in my ear.

 

Integrity, doing the right thing even if itís very difficult, support, it might actually start being summer, getting a scholarship award letter, baskets, faith, hope, prayer, ďThis too shall pass,Ē I can look forward to something good happening today because something good happens every day, God is in the eye of the storm, crickets singing.

 

Sprinklers, those wonderful people who paint the lines in the road, emotional availability, the honesty of a good boundary, pictures, nice neighbors, neighbors that help me practice tolerance, not having the hiccups in a long time, lawn chairs, feather dusters, Rubbermaid tubs, laundry baskets, summer mornings, long days, rolled barely, silly people.

 

Water, chicken soup, battery chargers, picture directories, trying to get a softball team together is connecting me with others in my church, it might even happen, when Iím involved in something it makes me feel like I belong

_______________________________________________________________________________________

July 2007

 

Stretching, medication, designs on the wall, toenail polish, the color of my house, gel ice packs, empathy, enthusiastic interest of an eight year old girl.

 

A good rain in July, the smell of hay, baby chickens, a day off at home, learning lessons, hugging a goose daily, paintings at the library, questions, people, my sliding glass door, the funny relationship between my cat and dog, cherries, sharing freedom from clutter with someone, still actively learning about freedom from clutter, spitting cherry pits out the window on a hot summer night

Iced mint tea, the smell of cut wood, gloves, someone from church brought me another load of wood, a cooler night, church campout, screens on windows, accountability, menageries, an open day, people who love numbers, watching a baptism, raspberries, my feet have not been hurting lately-noticing, being of service, enjoying time with my grandparents, my dog is interested in what I do and say, getting to brush and braid a horses tail, the smell of horse, seeing old friends, meditation books, continuity, effort, rewards from God, God is bigger than all of my difficult issues.

 

Getting back into writing, committing to my food again, timers for hoses, Iím not alone, not taking the little things for granted, my animals are healthy

Summertime, bare feet, my second favorite hen (Baldy) is setting-more babies!  My lovely cuddly goose (Greg), sleeping with the windows open, envelopes, taxes, time for rest and to myself, a quality sprinkler, meetings, letting go of dairy for a while.

Simplifying, selling Oscars, Natalie Merchants style of music, water, tea, iced decaf, I only got stung once after putting my chin on a beeís nest! The smell of fresh Cilantro on my fingers and the taste of it in my salad.

 

August 2007

 

The pump in my well, the alarm clock in my watch, deep meaningful friendships, quiet, playing cards, natural consequences, tithe, Positive Life Radio, cordless drills, pain, the Paint Bucket, summer breezes, ceiling fans, simplifying, cell phones, hoses, medical insurance, peat moss, community resources.

 

That God created the earth, baby chicks hatching, county fairs, Ali, the flicker of leaves on an aspen tree makes it appear to twinkle, the willow tree grew 15 feet this year, my goose, my happy dogs, clothes pins, someone giving me mature raspberries and green carpet for kidsí rooms, plans to paint, making effort to connect emotionally with kids, the community of my church family, someone suggesting ďmentally quit everything and see what God puts backĒ, meditating on this, taking inventory-all these things can go on my gratitude list, the paving of my road is taking place, catalogs, market spice tea, rice cooker.

 

County living, cowboys, choices, wranglers, barrel racing, love, recognizing attitudes I donít want In my life, the last of the chicks hatched, buckets, summertime, being barefooted, my back is better, a check in the mail, finishing an autobiography written by a blind man, heightened senses, being deeply touched by ďpeople who donít develop all the senses are only half aliveĒ, taking time to notice each sense of a wonderful summer day.

 

September 2007

 

Pressing my ear to my cats body to hear the rumble of her purr, a sigh of contentment, hearing from an old friend, my chickens, listening to the events of a school day, time to myself, music, open windows at night, gladiolus, fresh tomatoes and squash, my negative attitude can be squashed, painting my room, prayer, clear blue sky, the most amazing clouds lately, the conveniences of having and using a debit card, cell phone, running water, my eyes, a sense of humor.

 

Pretty pink trim on a staggeringly beautiful fuchsia J, incentive, golden teff, choices, resources, patience, interesting things, my goose (Greg), baby chicks with poofy heads, winning a trophy at the fair for my rooster, giving him away (he attacked me), that I know of a better way of life than before, compromise with kids.

 

Getting my room painted, laundry baskets, tithe, when God blesses it, yard sales, books, telephone service, phone books, sleeping well lately, extension cords, ladders, tool belts, coffee grounds, getting a new cell phone, Fed X, cement drivers, the hawk did NOT get a chicken (he dive bombed us), splitting wood, God in my life, getting a clear answer on a prayer request, finding the hidden rest, quiet, electric heat backup.

 

The library, time for resting, fall harvest, fresh tomatoes, peppermint foot lotion, school starting for kids, starting for me next week, books on tape, distance learning classes, clothes hangers, paintings, having 45 chickens, online banking, bible verses the speak directly to my heart, journaling daily, a passion for writing, seeing writing as an art form, sensational adjectives.

Reminders, soul singers, melody, rest, laughter, friendships he lake, prayers, socks, rearranging, privacy, hay, projects completed, Godís sovernty, humility, strength, courage, wisdom, patience.

 

Prayer-to be able to give to God all of the stress of life with teenagers is a lifesaver, pretty curtain rods, my dogs, getting the desk moved, large file drawers, being able to block text messaging, the ability to make phone calls, options, brooms, the floor got swept, clock radios with great reception, waking up without an alarm clock, the donation receptacle is full again, simplifying, chairs, toenails, hair, shoe laces, lotion, glasses, paper, multi colored pens variety, buoyancy, fly strips, effective alternatives to poisons, organic farming, composting, my daily goose hug, sales people that came down and saw my chickens, happy faces. J

 

Letting my chickens out, routine, cinnamon, cards, prayer, Fred the Chinese fighting fish, spending time with my grandma yesterday, my watch, lighting the first fire of the season, the comfort of wood heat, individuality, God is with me during difficult times.

 

Disposable email addresses, free voicemail service, communication, connection, simplicity of being single, my loving dog, that I am not caught up in an unhealthy dysfunctional painful relationship, learning from the past, God in my life, letting Him choose a man for me, faith and trust that He will-at the perfect time, professional people, finding some identity, telling people who I am-the daughter of Dave Hash who passed away the day before my 37th birthday, 7 years of knowing my dad, closure, boldness, going to my first funeral, the depression lifted, my children.

 

 

 

October 2007

 

Moonlight on the water, geese, the crispness of fall, a day at home with the kids, maps, washing machine, slippers, projects, glass containers, goals, desire, willingness, effort, gifts given and received, rice, rice cooker, hot water, wood heat, country living, deep enjoyment I get from my chickens, school dances, sparkles, respect, humility, support, prayers, phone meetings, rain, the sound Ėsmell-feel of rain, having enough wood for the winter, the silver polish named Foxy, guarantees, boxes, surrendering self-righteous attitudes frees me to be of service to God and others, the lake near by, my garden has not frosted yet.

 

My wood stove, my cook stove/oven, waste management, free pile at the dump for recycling reusable items, toenails clippers, fingernail polish remover, my teenager insists on painting my fingernails bright red every so often, distance learning classes, going to half time school, scholarships, people that answer the phone at businesses, fresh cilantro.

 

Meetings, phone calls, committees, minutes, commutations, bus drivers, pastors, rejuvenation, keyboards, passwords, sheets, online banking, dust covers, sleeping with windows open, sleeping very well lately (sometimes I donít), the sound my chicken named kitty makes when I hold her.

 

Geraniums, when the kids do their chores, the local Farm and Feed store, when my dog happily brings her toy to me, food banks that support the local community, the crow of a cute little rooster, the brilliant colors of fall-especially the dynamic reds, harvesting the garden, winter squash, the smell in the air, the sound of a chainsaw, grocery carts, the grocery store supplies free bags when I donít bring my cloth bags, Les Schwab tires, scholarships, humility, brooms, dustpans, feather dusters, Ali cleaned her room, all of us have a favorite color, painting the outside of my house my favorite color, buildings, hinges, fences.

 

People who are dedicated to a life of service, peppermint, blankets, dog toys, throw rugs, garbage containers, running water, cows, recycling, Wal-Mart has a place to recycle plastic bags, spices, glass jars, fall colors, digital cameras, upcoming retreat, being on the retreat committee, standing firm for principles I believe in, all the tomatoes I an eat, bulk goods.

 

Service-servants, recovery, inclusion, awareness, health, clouds, ceiling fans, lips, miracles, wooden coffee tables, good cell phone receptions in most places, confidence, acceptance, the less I judge the less I am judged, breakfast, a clean room, getting ride of stuff, phone meetings, dreams.

 

Playing badminton with kids again, watching them learn to split wood-they seem to enjoy it-I know I do, my life has slowed down and it is good, my ability to walk, use my fingers, arms, mouth, a dentist who is helping with TMJ-I see improvements, food stamps fresh fish, electricity, nice weather for today, digital cameras

Toes, balance, honesty, dog cuddles, trees, rooter guys, life changing phone calls, mail, the privilege of postal service, baskets, pans, onions, hooks, magnets, harvest season.

 

My goose likes foot rubs, I have a car to run errands, outside work, getting rid of non working lawnmowers, estimates, shovels, time, email, responsibilities, newspapers, natural consequences, depth, art, teachers, hugs, connection, God, intimacy, profound revelations, water bottles, honesty when it is not easy, clocks, excitement, respect, outside perspective, leaders, tea, fellowship, laughter, give to God lists, red maple trees, releasing apathy, embracing reality, potential, sensitivity, gut feelings, giving a rooster away today, reading an old gratitude list and being inspired by it, calendars, Star Trek Voyager, patience, the trickling miracle, I didnít eat cheesecake-the grace of GOD.

 

During incredible difficult times to see that so many things are going right, that many people are going through harder things, it makes me desperate for God, the teenagers have been very agreeable for over a week-an amazing miracle, we have enough, my physical health is almost flawless, I have an incredible network of friends and people in recovery to call on. I am still living in the most beautiful place in the world, my house is paid for, God takes care of us financially even though it is tight-we have what we need, I have intelligence, enough wood for the winter, a heart that seeks God continually, 2 beautiful healthy children, I didnít eat cheesecake when it felt like I was going to die if I didnít-the craving passed-it was my dependence on God that saved me.

 

Wow, feeling so amazing-the clarity, peace, & energy with not putting poison in my body (destructive foods), getting fall cleaning done, having an out of town friend visit, my washing machine, the alarm clock on my new cell phone reminds me of phone meetings.

 

The desire to eat cheese cake has magically disappeared, it is Godís magic, finally getting my test taken, board games, affection, blankets, Fed X, potting soil, a clean deck, that I can clip my toenails, I donít have diabetes

A monthly gift for kids instead of Christmas, freedom from the bondage of commercial and materialism of secular holiday, relief, peace, faith, the wondrously right feeling I get when I feel in sink with Godís will, dog collars, obedience training, copy machines, back up assistance for my address book automatically saves new entries in my cell phone, amazing technology.

 

Being so overwhelmed with gratitude I donít know where to start, the retreat was amazing, that it is over, opportunity to serve, a decision to do less serving-it seems I was so busy serving I didnít have enough time for personal fulfillment, seeing that, my dogs, accountability, being home, committees, appreciation, representatives, diversity.

 

Christmas lights on a timer (that go off in July as well as Dec), fresh clean water, listening to a book about writing, perspective, tool boxes, rest, time, email, weather reports, accountability, bible reading that pumps through me like blood in my veins.

 

Nice fall weather, paint, getting my email box cleaned out & my address book updated, having a spurt of organized energy, my house is clean, radio, garbage bags, freecycle yahoo groups in my small town, paintings, kids art on my walls, artichokes, laughter, people with a great sense of humor, compromise, connection with others, time for projects, balance, my dogs, Foxy-a silly looking chicken with a big hair due runs to me every time she sees me, feeling special J, matches, organic chicken soup, farming, goats.

 

Live music, people who love what they do & it shows, water, socks, good will, my daughters are making healthy choices, painting the chicken coup, improvements, dentists, love, joy, time, history, guitars, piano, microphones, that I donít drink or lust or smoke anymore, mercy, when the sun shines on the fall colors making them glow with beauty, facing my fears, people that help, a loving omnipotent God that I hope to put before everything, dedication, faith, the Holy Spirit, pausing enough to notice all these wonderful things that would be easy to take for granted.

 

Wow moments, crispness in the air, rechargers, salt, tea, Kleenex, remote controls, editors, news, letters, pillows, alarm clock in my cell phone, organic farming, days of the week, fire stoker, bathtubs, dishwasher, rubber bands, paper clips, doggy sweaters for my pitbull-dalmation mix (ďcuz heís a wittle baby that gets coldĒ said in a high pitched voice), reducing chickens by 3 today.

Noticing the trickling miracle of Godís plan in my life, clear direction on what He wants me to do as a career-to write! Setting a daily tangible writing goal, progress, beautiful veggies, tofu, balance, leaves for compost, neighbors with pickups, clarity that comes with abstinences in FAA, sharing myself with others, telephone, my daughter is willingly attending meetings, the truth, responding-not reacting, lace, lamps, the bible, history, rest, not being to busy, God is really taking care of me financially, tithe, I found I canít out give God, the sun has been shining for days, the brilliance of the full moon.

 

Good sleep, having enough, toilet paper, rubber bands, the experience of all 3 of us getting our hair cut professionally, occupational therapy, medical insurance, leaves for mulch, things that bring honor and glory to God, brussel sprouts, red cabbage, routine, free weekend mobile minutes.

 

Playing scrabble, connection, asking for help, working on a book, lights, my daughter dressed up as Santa Clause for halloween, both kids are working hard to be respectful, structure, history, incentive, love, powerfully scented candles, slipper socks, rugs, wash clothes, shampoo, work clothes, hair ties, windows, meetings.

 

NOVEMBER 2007

 

Getting to go to Aliís choir concert tonight, great teachers, milk, farm fresh eggs, chore charts, rhythm, structure, balance, time for balance, the protection my dogs provide, seeing old friends, knives, lids, coleslaw, variety, garbage bags, plans on spending the day with God, no candy hangover on Nov 1st, freedom, weight loss, clarity with eating very clean, humor, newspapers, community, fellowship, tea, middle ground, plenty of room in my house & yard, dust pans, giving and receiving compliments, surrender by doing the right thing.

 

The light in the fridge, LOVE INC, the wonderful choir teacher for middle & high school here, people with musical talent, my dog keeps my car seat warm, giving all my financial stress to God, prayer in the afternoon & evening, dentists, wood heat, someone brought me all my winter wood for free, God is taking care of him for his generosity, phone books, rigorous honesty, free samples, friendly people, drawers, tools, tool box, tool belt, happy faces, folders, printers, swans, people who inspire me, the word ďdudeĒ, tamarack, the deep loneliness I was experiencing passed.

 

Goal setting, written goals, inspiration, fundamental truths, success, bathtubs, candles, soft music, socks, paint, a made bed, the husband God has planned for me, praying for him, my cat, green carpet, freedom from the dysfunction of my family of origin, chairs with wheels, big windows, books, toilets, cell phones, lists.

 

Audio Books, simplifying, a new deck, people who do what they say they will, janitors, rakes, toothbrush, the local farm and feed store, my teenagers have been respectful for a long stretch of time, compromise, people to play cards with, balloons, an entire room filled with balloons!

 

Banks, nice weather, college, when people use their blinkers (this helps me to reframe ďthe jerks that donítĒ), familiar comforting smells, my hearing is good, freecycling, cuddly dogs, washing machine, laughter, people who go outside the box when creating their voicemail message, flowers, planting marigolds inside in Oct, highlighter pens.

God is my shield and protector, relaxation, techniques, cute dogs, priorities, God hears my prayers.

 

The more I look at my finical situation, the more I surrender it-it is impossible for me-I HAVE to depend on God, a deep faith that He will deliver me, Psalms 5, when the bible comforts me like a hug from God, my children and myself are doing so well lately, the rain, taking and excel class, sleeping well, clean food abstinence, my sponsors, my therapist, my time, fingers, market spice tea, surrendering unnecessary things reduces clutter in my life, boundaries, text messaging.

 

Peace of mind, eggs, natural consequences, getting 50 mpg with my Geo, vitamins, the value of good nutrition, when I see things God wants me to, when he outlines his will in bold red marker, asking Him to do that, giving up the holidays has been beautiful freedom for me. Giving the kids a monthly gift instead of Christmas gifts helps them to not feel deprived, teachers, conferences, seeing teachers explode with passion about biology, my computer, white paper recycle, cloth bags for groceries, Wal-Mart recycles plastic bags, a written 10th step (daily inventory) every night is like a hug and kiss from God when He tucks me in at night, opportunity to do the right thing when the wrong thing would be much easier, believing God will make the right thing easier if I trust in Him, integrity, wonderful rain, slippers.

 

Taking an honest and searching look at my debt and spending in my life, seeing a way out-an end, feelings arenít facts, my warm bathrobe, knowing the God is doing the impossible, playing fetch with a little dog, my TV, that it is rarely on, good books.

 

Goals, a list of 20 ways to accomplish a goal when I feel stuck is very productive, harp music, vacuum cleaner, goats, chickens, country living, tithe, history, Microsoft word and excel, email forwards that bring me to tears, direction from God, downy softener, glass pans, inventories, a spending plan, I know the balance of my bank account today, systems that work, that life is just right even when it doesnít feel like it, my teenagers, people who care, research, fruit trees, growing food, supporting organic farming, people who take the time to do surveys so other people can learn from the statistics it provides.

 

Clean sheets, a clean kitchen, prayer, sharing, toenail clippers, towels, fresh eggs, organic cold pressed-extra virgin olive oil, plants, slipper socks, nurses, hospice, freedom from bondage of alcohol, amaranth, reliable people, thermos, rakes, splitting mal, aerobic exercise, the Psalms, couch cushions, carpet, throw rugs, touch lamps, candles, water from a well.

 

A hot fire on a cold morning, not having to mow, ceiling fans, brooms & dustpans, a wonderful vet, acceptance, salt, natural alternatives to pesticides, doing school from home, preventive exercise for trigger finger.

 

Getting to play Rec league volleyball, knee pads, the class in Excel is teaching me things to help my entire computer experience, choices, communication, toys, candles, simple green, Murphyís soap oil, goals reached, enthusiasm, shoe laces, Q-tips, decorations, silk flowers, feather dusters, freckles, satisfaction, washed clothes.

 

The dinning table, the variety of life, I canít control life-what a relief, prayer, surrender, digital cameras, recliners, comforters, shoes, medicine.

 

Shooting hops in the rain, remaining calm in a potentially explosive situation, watching my daughter love her text messaging, giving thanks everyday, a day set aside for it, home improvements, My kiddo is a phenomenal writer, seeing her use her gift.

 

Different cell phone rings, the cleansing rain, cinnamon, hot drinks, venison, fish, boxes, accountability, friends, my sense of smell, a fresh coat of pain, people with personality and that are positive, that my dog is interested when I make silly sounds at her.

 

One on one time with each of my kids, being on a literature committee, solutions to my seemingly impossible situations, willingness to change my thinking to see the solutions, asking for help with integrity & humility, a great book, a nice peppermint candle lit bath, sharing 3 weeks with a wonderfully cute enthusiastic playful little dog, my daily goose hug, the color pink, a great new pink purse, clear skin, optimism, praying for financial relief-believing with all my heart God will answer my prayers, unlimited possibilities, much wealth in my life that has nothing to do with numbers, I have everything I need, resources, courage, guitar music.

 

Staples, when people use the back of paper to avoid waste, joy, acceptance, purifying, asking to hear Godís desire, my dishwasher, when my kids tell me the truth, finally feeling some emotion around my dads recent death, letting go of occurring debt one day at a time, great relief in that, crunching numbers, love, time, completion, closure, self-confidence.

 

Clean competitive volleyball, the wonderful feeling of total synchronicity of a perfectly times kill (spike), I am grateful for my gratitude list and what it brinks to my life is indescribable. I recommend anyone to give it a try; itís an amazing shift perception that enhances the quality of life.

The beauty of a frosted landscape, hymns, reading the Psalms with someone special, affirmations, God is taking care of my finical stress as long as I let Him.

 

The way my dog adores me, if everyone was adored the world would look different, laughter, all of us have a great sense of humor in this house-even the white dog!J Contentment, balancing my check book daily brings security & accountability & stability, one of my best friends is coming for a visit, options, outlook, toenail clippers, Pyrex, the simplicity of giving up the holidays, relief & freedom.

 

After some prayer~study~work-my spending plan (formally my budget) looks beautiful, God is amazing, not having a holiday centered around food, I am relieved from the obligation to be with my family of origin, my health, unlimited opportunity.

 

Pages and pages of gratitude, goal of getting it published, a moonlit frosted night that sparkled like only Godís magic can, my chickens, getting a rooster ring tone for my cell phone-it is so ME! My daughter really likes a good role model, hearing her sing a lot.

 

Contentment, expression, by maintaining self through someone elseís crisis I stay most available to help her, noticing I did that, recovery, people, a profound sense of belonging, smiling, giving, knowing I canít out give God, stretching, country living, moo mooís, quality of life can be outlook, freedom from the bondage of holidays, familiar comforting smells, the dream and goal of getting published.

 

Asking God about a doctrinal question-for direction & He answered me.

 

Most days arenít as difficult as today to make this list, my cooking stove, the wood stove, blankets, Aloe Vera, every room is filled with things I can be grateful for, candles, Christmas lights, my dogs, phone meetings, a hot shower, the bible, Chicken Soup books, Kleenex, praying about setting a goal to spend as much time reading my bible as I do email-visualizing the results of that, tithing my time, broccoli, sheets, colors, diversity, synergy, my seemingly difficult morning has picked up positive momentum by taking the action for the feeling to follow (writing this list when I didnít ďfeelĒ like it), Please pray for my children, I believe God has them on the path that leads to Him, understanding that might be filled with pain-it was for me-but I wouldnít trade any of it, promises from God, awareness.

 

Sparkles in the snow, surrender, affirmations, boats, hats, gloves, freecycling, weather forecast, quest for simplification, practical suggestions for life improvements, letters, freedom from unwanted obligations, God answering prayers, sent first gratitude to be published, Psedo-names, sacrifice, police, wood, Carter Country.

 

December 2007

 

I am not sure if I am happy about the 2 feet of snow-but I will choose to be grateful for it, doctors who pray, I trust God, freedom from obsessive worry-especially in scary situations, my car, snow tires, Les Swabs customer service, sparkles in the snow, that someone may stop and notice and let their heart leap for joy about the amazing gift of sparkles in the snow, awe, my cuddly dog, experiencing grief, trees, Christmas lights, not killing a tree to put in my house this year, being a channel for someone to blessed yesterday, DSL, actors, electricity, cell phone chargers, heat lamps, safe places, I can pray for something in the past-because God can rewind prayers.

 

All the people that helped me get into my locked car, strangers that give of their time to help others, being emotionally present during a particularly painful day, the balance I get from following the FAA food plan, my Geo gets 50 MPG, growth, books an success, volleyball.

 

The roads have been less dangerous the last few days, my dogís non-barking verbal expressions (Heís sooooo cute), the camera on my cell phone, finding lower prices at the check stand, quality items, boundaries and consequences, taking time for self care when it doesnít seem like there is enough time, priorities, the unconditional love of my dogs is admirable-I hope to achieve such love, choices.

 

There is joy among the sorrow if I look for it, hot tea, great service, tires, mostly knowing what is not my business, free books, neat people, being recognized as my fatherís daughter for the first time (VERY profound experience), partnerships, prayer, schools, talking and praying about a problem until the solution is evident, being a gifted writer, sunshine in the forecast.

 

That I get to share little profound thoughts, the cute little sound my daughters cell phone makes when she gets a text message, big windows, the geraniums I prune most severely- bloom & grow the most prolific the next season, God does the same thing with me, God cares enough about me to prune me so I can bloom, meeting neat people on freecycling, opportunity, fax machines.

 

 

 

A new passion for prosperity as a vehicle to share the wealth of knowing Jesus, my water didnít freeze in 9 degree temps, moving sale, new irrigation ideas, instruction on tithe, no school, I am free to read a novel, deep spiritual goal setting that is life changing, success defined as balance, I am not alone in my struggles, God tells me my rewards for walking through struggles and trusting Him are eternal, absolute beauty of not exchanging gifts for the holiday (I am not a king, nor is it MY birthday)-or participating with family that is toxic for me-such an amazing freedom! Acceptance that it is not for everyone (giving up the holidays), reducing my houseplants again, spices, time, direction.

 

Love, baskets, tea, Bonners Ferry, the beauty in which I life, expression, silly people, pictures, recycling.

 

Prayer, reading a book about money, seeing fear around having money, that I value simplicity with such high regard, it is possible for a well balanced person to have simplicity and wealth, being vulnerable and walking through the fear, getting a beautiful gold cross necklace, my cell phone, the roster crow ring tone, my car even if the doors arenít working fully, gratitude is inspiring.

 

Combining my senses makes an experience have more depth, my daughter is in rehab, I have support, wood heat, my animals, I can ask God His opinion on everything, seeking the solution, the power of positive thinking, when the bad times pass-it makes the good times so much sweeter, a new egg pan.

 

Work, the wood box is full, my younger daughter was talkative, getting back up after falling down, when the evening news is positive, how excited my dog gets over a bug, I could have named her Happiness, breakfast, speed dial.

 

I have asked God to tuck me under his wing, printers, refillable ink cartages, things designed to be reused rather than thrown away, principles, music in the morning, I can be part of the 5% who make it as a writer, I have something inspiration to offer-most people do, volunteering with my daughter last night at the Panida, the honor of seeing this outstanding beauty in which I life daily, a picture from a little girls called ďBallerina DreamsĒ-She drew it while patiently waiting for her wonderful parents helped me unlock my car.

 

Snow on the trees, cooking utensils, oven mitts, I failed my history class with integrity-I made the right choice to put my state of being first-this enabled me to be completely available for my kids during a very difficult time, right choices that are difficult, my kids, my roomy house, filling up the donation box again, the library, nice librarians, dreams, nails.

 

 

Work came to me today, icicles, reading a novel, talking to authors of books, gloves, car window scrapers, defrost, board games, that God made each snowflake different, individuality, matches, rejection, asking God for help with seemingly insignificant choices brings us closer, a purple coat, reading a story about a missionary thinking about the small things on this list-most would not be there in a third world country, I have so much in what the US considers poverty, the greatest gift that that of knowing God and Jesus, I am grateful for thoughtful insight of all this.

 

Being single, spice racks, lights that turn off with a flick of the switch, my kitchen.

Nurturing, days without rushing, books on writing, research, green cleaning products, a Christmas concert where Ali was in a descant, tables, clothes hangers, feelings, clip boards, charts, dictionaries, learning new words, days free from fear, seeing the miracle of the 12 steps when they are worked, the incredible feeling of peace when I am in sink with Godís will around not celebrating Christmas in a traditional/material/with family sense, enormous relief from stress, freedom.

Believing in truth, millet, organization.

 

Love, building a 6í tall snowwoman and dressing her in ďall naturalĒ ingredients, creativity, fun, a snow ball fight with my daughter, making a Sims family, my 70 something year old friend is so cute learning how to text, going to a cowboy church with real cowboys in attendance, punctuation, learning when to use semi-colon, safety, confidentiality, miracles, practical gifts.

Trusting God, the 10 commandments-including the 4th one, time off from being a mommy, rearranging my room, the donation pile is overflowing-I am cleaning out, change, orange scented wood furniture polish, principles before personalities.

 

The shortest day of the years is over-so the days are getting longs, the sound of silence with snow fall Ėitís a different silence than just no sound, the crunch of snow beneath my fee, ideas, time for prayers when I couldnít sleep last night, the miracle of how my body heals, many people in my life are going through very difficult times-and my prayers can help them-my God is so powerful.

The hose on the vacuum cleaner, cleaning under the couch cushions, finding some goodies J, confusion with Godís word about many doctrinal questions-but one thing remains constant-that is that Jesus died for my sins and has given me life, confidence God will show me the truth on what really matters. Dedicating to seeking Godís will-that is what really matters.

Violin music, looking for good, time at home alone.

Fresh flowers in the bathroom at the grocery store, DVD players, being on campus yesterday, getting a new pair of pants, losing 70 lbs in the last 2 years, vitamins, God is here, ladders, geography, topics of interest, I love the way I eat, sharing the experience with many others, shopping while in the mood.

 

Energy, the close of 2007, intuition, seeing friends, choosing contentment, when I wake early, wind chimes, staying lighter latter, options.

End of 2007

Thank you for being a very valuable part of my process. Please help support my dream with prayers.             Julia

2006

 

                                                            2006

I would still like to solicit prayers. My kids, their aunt, and myself are in a difficult situation. Please pray that we can all learn to depend on God.

 

Started 1-4 through 1-13     Gratitude list. . . . . . .

 

When people wear lime green shirts, lanyards, miraculous, when pull strings on a feed bag work like magic, having the right tools for a job, my chickens, getting eggs, spring like weather, funny people, freedom, willingness, shoe laces, designs on throw rugs, water bottles, spontaneous that is responsible, sparkly earrings, silk curtains, goofy, intensity, complex goals attained, waves, peppermint in my lip gloss, yogurt, dress socks, slippers, when people are vulnerable, there can be peace in a tornado=itís in the eye-right dab in the middle, Godís peace, sun glasses, basket ball, orthotics, weeping willow tress, philodendrons, goblets, measuring cup, rainbow trout, some other people donít have a sense of direction either, a simple kit of spiritual tools laid at my feet, Christmas break, time to read novels, First time in my life sitting still, eyelashes, boundaries, teeth, floss, humility, chicken soup books, pictures, beads, sticky pads, seeing other people love themselves, my little brother is going to attend the same college I do, true power comes from God, envelopes, maps, Seattle, fellowship, a great roommate, my kids will get better, restorations, hands, prayer, clocks, my heavenly bridegroom, rocks, Deb3, light switches, silence, deep breathing, radical acceptance is not the same thing as agreeing with the situation, life on lifeís terms, days that I brim with contentment, cross, calendars, blessings, God hears my prayer before they come out of me, paint, cards, connection with others, tacks, love INC, tape, blue baskets, cute UPS drivers, language, someone put a dog door in for me, keys, not having many keys means I have a simple lifestyle, learning new words, someone told me that God liked to watch her butter her toast (intimacy), poems, playing cribbage in a car, being a small part of a great whole, synergistic, incredible experiences, pioneers, this to shall pass, God knows what He is doing-even if it is painful for me, consequences, I donít need to take revenge-God takes care of it, statistics, numbers, people who normally wouldnít mix mixing, hitting bottom, people who sacrifice their time to help others-especially when they arenít enabling, melody has always caught my ear, bricks, playing cards with almost strangers that was like family, common bonds, grace, autonomy, encouragement, moving forward, zeal, help, patients, capitations, being around someone who is twitterpaited in a healthy way (spell check doesnít like that word!), role models, eating veggies, violin strings, cathedral ceilings, a dependant need on God, giving thanks in all circumstances, polka dots, bus drivers, when I can smile and feel my eyes twinkle, the incredible intricate amazing web of Seattle freeways, being the passenger, watching a great movie in the most grand theater I have ever seen with great company, fellowship, getting what I need, listening to Gods gentle prompting and doing it when I didnít feel like it, lots of laughter, healing, putting myself into a place where people surround me with love, salt, water filters, shinny chrome, comfortable stools, my neighbor enjoying my chickens when I am gone, tomatoes, meetings, when struggles subside and I come through stronger, resisting toxicity with Godís help, my grandma & pa are moving closer, horses, realization, spending the day with a woman who has been through intense invasive breast cancer treatment, her strengths and weakness inspires me, release, green stripes, walls, cupboards, deodorant, hairless rats, the power of prayer, the intimacy of praying with someone, cows are so cute, when religion unites people instead of separates them, windows, tables, music, hammer, crowbar, rain, that I donít melt or hunch down when walking in rain, teachers, students, white boards, when I know when to let go, that Iíve never killed anyone, hearts, seeing an amazed look on my cats face when she watched the dog come through the new dog door, amusement, candles, lava lamps, devastating weakness, electricity, the people that labor on the lines that go down after a storm, realizing I was fighting reality-and reality was winning, surrender, I have incredible friends, tires, hair ties, that Elaine thinks about things, when 1+1 doesnít = 2 (my recent issues) that I realize God isnít always scientific, or what I would think would be logical, that I donít know what is best in all situations, that you might pray for me and my children.

 

 

 

 

 

 2-16-06     My Gratitude list today . . .

Beginnings, coffee, computers, colors, monitors, trees, oxygen, toes, my purse, love, pianos, books, the ability to read and see and touch, fingers to type with, patient people, asking for help, receiving it, going out on Valentines day with some wonderful people and visiting some elderly women that have recently lost their husbands, being blessed by giving, my watch, having enough time for algebra, finding humor with it, the discussion with my cat- "Missy, if we took your stripes and added them to your brown hairs and times it by the volume of your white patches, and divided it by your 2 eyes would it make you dizzy?", her squinted eye look back at me, I am grateful for picture frames, God woke me up at 3 am the window had mysteriously gotten cracked open, Missy (the cat with the stripes) was looking out the window, the moon was bright, I heard some noise, and there was that gigantic moose right out my bedroom window! She walked up the bank and back down with her baby (adolescent) following her! Majestic Moose Meandering Magical Moonlit Moment! It was mooosifilicalous! Happy faces, comedians that don't talk filth, intriguing subjects, my Geo, sculptures, wind chimes, my deck, my lovely chickens, the smell of hay on my dog, someone taking time to fix my bathtub, not having cable, people care about me, I care about people, fulfillment, realization, awareness, having enough, laughter, being able to write this gratitude when I am not doing to well, gratitude helps me, over the hump of winter, resources, mouse pads, black and purple combination, learning to knit, goatees, Ginny Owens, Positive Life Radio, mind boggling lyrics, paint, containers, Tupperware, broccoli, learning that I like it cooked longer, file cabinets, heat bulbs, flexibility, oatmeal, cards, having an ash pan on my wood stove, a break from homework for the rest of the day, my dog has been putting herself in the dog house after she gets into the garbage, that I am capable of double tasking, pink fluffy hearts, the smell of the flowers at Safeway, my cell phone, a teacher that took time to help me, I have 2 teachers like that this semester, Warm wool socks, sewing needles, lotion, friends, Being in love with Jesus, a deep sense of satisfaction even when things arenít going my way, peace, forgiveness, prayer, 12 step programs, that I donít drink, smoke, or use sex to avoid my feelings anymore, plants, beautiful views, living in a 8 mile radius (is that something like circumfuse? See how my brain is thinking!) to 5 different lakes, one just across the road, silk scarves, multi colored pens, farm fresh eggs, I like college, when I look people in the eye and smile at them-they usually always respond and we have had a positive exchange that affects both of our day, DSL, debit cards, sunglasses, needing them lately, toenail clippers, banks, quilts, pillows, pretty light fixtures, moonlight on the water , that it is OK if this list is not grammatically correct!!         I am Grateful

that you might pray for me and my children and our situation

Thanks!          Judy 

3-31-06
Thank you for all your prayers, I see the power in prayer! One of my daughters is home with me, and doing very well! Thank you thank you! Please keep praying for Cassie and Ali and my family of origin. I would also love to stay on the land I am on, with ALL my heart, it is for sale. I am interested only in Godís plan though.
My gratitude
Love, when people understand my love for my silly chickens (many people donít ďgetĒ it), rakes, bonfires, cell phones, building fence (for my silly chickens), badminton, my daughter playing with me, making my own website, it was fun and easy, losing my adultness and jumping on the trampoline, penny whistles, hunger, sweat, Burtís Beeís, Nancyís, Tomís of Maine, a dog with a sense of humor coming to live with us, getting a swell housemate, harmony, printers, work boots, hearing the frogs serenading for the first time of the season, the wonderfully noisy geese, the lake when it is like glass, the reflection of the mountains on the lake, walking with my neighbor, stillness, the sound of perking coffee, the crackle of the first, almost warm enough for bare arms in the day, I am doing well, things are good, tea, having someone to share it with, books, writing out of the box, deep breath, padded chairs, t-shirts, neato coffee cups, being available for service today, someone that was not a part of what I was doing told me I was doing a good job, seeds, planting season coming, cucumbers, candles, table clothes, blue spruce, essential oils, Epson salt, my bathtub, it doesnít leak, acceptance, pg. 449, humor, laughter, mood charts, fostering a Border Collie, he got a wonderful home, turkeys, a new fresh pink nighty, my friend has a baby, paintings, paper, doing a lot on my list, spring break, lovely words, dictionaries, baskets, brooms, paint, chicken soup, hearts, DBT, good therapists, school, I am getting straight b+ís that might turn into Aís, summer coming, pencils, pink pearl erasers, a tires, lines on the roads, books on tape, Antarctica, I finally learned to spell it, people who are quick to laugh, my daughters tranchela is very interesting, a beautiful new fish tank, a foot long placostimous (Big Ed), waste management is an amazing organization, airports, joy, eyelashes, my pink watch,
C-Dís, the smell of cedar, medical insurance, it will pay for a membership at the health club!-Iím stoked!, being stoked!, email, vacuum cleaners, a new-used side by side refrigerator, DSL, Locks for Love, nails in my pocket,
 
5-23-06
I am grateful for the smell of lilac, music, rotatillers, my dog, things on my list being checked off, warm weather, friends, planting, school is over for the year, getting a B in algebra, socks, badminton, parties, getting along well with my 13 year old, FAA, the bible, prayer, debit cards. spiders eat other bugs, fruit trees, grocery stores, fun gratitude lists, other peoples gratitude list, sharing, scissors, God loves me, hair ties, balance, gardens, wildflowers, having time, C-Dís, my grandparents moved back, I found 26 eggs yesterday, my lovely chickens, everything is so green, barefoot,
5-24-06
I am grateful to be invited to people sharing gratitude, long days, taking a walk at 9 PM, NOT running into a moose, having a talk with a beaver 10 feet away from me, the wonderful lake, my chickens, Molly dog, filling out an application to be a foster home for a Great Dane, contacts, vitamins, plans to plant my garden tomorrow, getting a tour of juvenal hall with my daughter-just for looky-lues, I am doing so well that I stopped my therapy sessions for now, recognizing when I get squirrelly and may have to go back, touch lamps, Antarctica, watching Titanic with my daughter, dimples, retreats, getting 19 eggs today, the shed that was an eyesore is now not there, it is time to mow the lawn once again, plans to go see a play with my daughter this weekend, humor, the big lake, fish, wild game, love, tears, joy, school, a break from it, the color purple, the smell of flowers in the air, sleeping with my window open, warm nights, frogs, beep in my watch, lists, the determination of the dandelion has been inspiring me lately.
Thanks      
Oh, I have a little God story to add.

Cassie has Oscars. These fish keep growing no matter what size tank they are in. Their 29 gal was quickly getting to small. Big fish tanks are very expensive. I had a talk with God about it. The next week, there was a 55 gal sitting on the side of the road with free written on it!! The pumps, lid, light, everything there. The Oscars are happy, and I really felt listened to by God. Prayers answered are great. We don't notice they are answered unless we are asking. God's love is everywhere when I look for it.

 

God story coninuted:

I sent out my gratitude list and God story, and my insurance agent, a lovely lady named Sue that I have used for years emailed me. She said I have this 90 gallon tank I would love to give you, it comes with a stand, and the supplies. Can you believe this? Not only did God answer my need (I shared it in a prayer, although I didnít ask for a solution-I have found I donít always know what is best-I just shared my need), and He answered it twice, and doubled it. The Oscars are so beautiful swimming happily in their tank, and I have another 55 gal to play with, and I love it! Thank you God!

 

 

 

6-14-06

Grateful for

Twinkles, rain, great blue herons, rock masonry, carpet, buttons, heat, wack-a-doos, summertime, God wants to give me my hearts desire according to the bible, thunder, sleeping with the windows open wide, this wonderful font (that is to difficult to read-I will change it), sparkles, lace, sandals, baby fish, communication, stories, good story tellers, books on tape, Montana, books of short stories, enjoyment, days that I feel energetic, neck ties, my health, trains, thinking of submitting my gratitude to magazines, a gentle nudging to write a book (my life is fascinating), vulnerability, I am in a wonderful position for God to help me financially, gratitude helps me to restructure my thinking, exercise, weeds, working in the yard, I have this silly yellow chicken who decided to set (hatch eggs) and she was setting on 2 plastic eggs, a rock, and one green egg-this is a great illustration of determination to do a right thing not realizing itís the wrong way (out of Godís will)=self will run riot, weeping willow trees, that my life isnít as hard as it was one and two years ago, forgiveness, temperance, not living in the city, how green everything is, rest, my intelligence, trust, Psalms 37, everyday I am on the land in which I reside (thank you God), blue, clouds, hope, education, growing my hair for Locks for Love, the shimmery flowers on my dress, pioneers, prayers, angels, paint, the process of growth, my zucchini and tomato plants blooming, sun rays, scientists, people with Downs Syndrome, service structure-12 concepts, baby bunnies, mystery shoppers, connection with my daughter, a time set aside for her each evening, she noticed when I took a call once(she didnít want to visit), Love Inc, organic foods, the Holy Spirit, public restrooms, principles, I donít have to use glasses to read, arriving to the place I am now, baby chickens, awareness, strawberries, butterflies, eye doctors, glasses, contacts, pianos, my conscious, hunger, carvings, the serenity prayers, being on the front side of summer, Oscars, tolerance, contentment, clarity, perception, writing a daily inventory the last few weeks has been wonderful, mood charting for years, two dudes from church brought me a load of wood!, God put a $149 credit on my electric bill unexpectedly, most days I feel Godís love penetrate my soul.

 

 

 

 

 

7-14-06 

Summertime, not having to wear socks much, surrender, paper, Tupperware, big events, noticing the everyday miracles, airplanes are amazing, new to my eyes color in a sunset, logos maturity that service brings, hunger for God, breezes, magnificent thunderstorms, my beautiful fish tanks, many baby fish, God teaches me I have to take care of my reaction when people around me are behaving inappropriately, freedom from imaginary harm, God works all things out for the good for those who love Him, seeing that often, yard sales, attending 18-20 hours of delegate meetings-it was amazing, patience, laughter, light bulb jokes, synergy, talent show-the woman that hummed during the poem and her lovely song that touched many, adding a poem to my website, my chickens, cutting the flock in half, learning, barley, Winter Ridge Health Food Store, stars, stripes, when the air conditioning is low, tie die, clouds, Velcro, watching a chicken hatch with Cassie, Cassie having a good time with her dad and sisters, Ali having a good time at camp, service structure of most 12 step groups (absolutely amazing), if I am patient and surrender-FAA might adapt it, patterns, perception, email, flowers, water, that wonderful relaxing peaceful feeling of laying down to go to sleep and sinking into the bed, when I am on time (I struggle sometimes), spontaneity, fun, skipping, Shepherd Lake, novels, painting the deck railings, good herbal iced tea, my wonderful neighbor, Positive Life Radio, the fence around my yard, the wonderful boundaries I have learned to set, that my old tired lawnmower just keeps on going (I work it hard), still doing a written 10th step. God talks to people through my willingness to share my gratitude list, has He said anything to you? Share it with me! Thank you for your continued prayers for my children and staying on this land. Please pray for my family of origin to understand how much God loves them, and they would embrace only the joy that comes with surrender. It seems as if 90% or more of the pain in my life is a result of their insecurities and a distorted illusion of control.


 

9-26-06

I have NOT been feeling grateful AT ALL lately, but I am Grateful that even if I don't feel like it I know it is there. I am also grateful that I am not how I feel. I am grateful for dictionaries, concordances, a new dog (pitbull/dalmation), that he is working out nicely, getting some sharks for my fish tank, veggies from my garden, bowls, XOOMA, prayer, that just because I have a depressed day doesn't make it a bad day, it is just a day I won't get through without crying, learning to be comfortable when it comes (I am bi-polar), that I learned my meds work, splitting mal, saw some color in some trees today, people are bringing me wood for out of the kindness of their hearts-not for money, towels, my washer and dryer, love, my birthday, a 12 step retreat, sleeping with the window open, how good a daily 10th step feels, my neighbor, having Jesus in my life.

Thanks that was like a nice long refreshing breath of air.     Judy

10-3-06

I am grateful for the opportunity to surrender anger, for a teenage daughter, that I donít usually respond to her negativity, that I have a program to let me know when I am out of line, and a 10th step to help me be accountable, even though I got angry I didnít yell or engage in an argument.

I am grateful I am learning about the human body in biology, and that the teacher is organized in his methods, that I can surrender my overwhelmed feeling at all the information that I am not grasping yet, the new dog is working nicely still, a man I never met before heard I needed wood-and has been bringing me lots, prayer, water, lotion, my cell phone, pillows, my old cat, staplers, stuffed animals, sandals, perfect weather, building a first of the season fire yesterday, my yard, harvesting over 130 pounds of tomatoes!, salsa, Thrift stores, acting class, games, this is hard today-that it usually isnít, love, chicken soup books, nightgowns, collages, study guides, trying to get organized, people who study, learning how, the dollar store, retreats, Voc rehab, 

10-4-06

Phone meetings, connection with others, large rooms, amaranth, playing solitaire with God, wheels, music-and a deep love for it, good actors, ibuprofen, watching a play with my daughter, giving myself empathy that school is hard, I have the courage to do hard things, the journey, ceilings, reader boards that display the time and temperature, super 1 grocery stores, pressure cookers, neato clouds, comparing clouds to cells (biology circles in my head), gold shinny things, asking for God to change my thinking around my financial situation=that creates financial freedom even though the numbers donít always change, a date with the neighbor to play scrabble, the humility of washing others feet, imagination, realizing there is a stark difference between imagination and thinking versus fantasy.

 

 

 

10-17-06

Sunshine, science, creation, the serenity prayer, black hair is so attractive to gaze upon, learning to act, the incredible process of a flowerís bloom-into fruit-into seed-=amazing! Humor, creativity, organization, options seem to be limitless, interest, talents, my church is waking up after a long slumber, joyful anticipation, gladiolus, preparation, when I donít procrastinate, the work of character building, G&W days, when people in leadership step out of the box (norm), growth through trials, breaks between that pain, my fingers, my spinal cord serves me so diligently, modern conveniences, my needs are met, hand soap, the steering wheel in my care, laughter, clean jokes, the crunch of snow beneath my feet, wondrous adjectives, the daily bee.

 

11-11-06

Written prayers, commitment and dedication, humility, physical therapists, thinking of the soft wondrous glow of Christmas lights, books, scholarships, the smell of candles burning, calculators, the semester will end in a month or so, learning once again that full time school comes and overtakes my life and is not a good idea, signing up for ĺ time next semester, feeling lonely is a natural emotion-embracing it rather than fighting it, letting God into my loneliness, appreciating my singleness, still at this land that I love so, chap stick, personality tests, buttons, Microsoft word, free webs, Cassie is healing, teenagers are normally challenging, flowing skirts, Kleenex, ovens, tail lights, when people pray with me-its so intimate,  that doing this gratitude list helps me to change my negative attitude, sharing it with you helps to keep me accountable, God nudging me for a couple of weeks to complete it for this round.

11-3-06

Water, XOOMA, new shoes, doodling, that I am doing school even though it is really hard, I can do hard things with Godís help, the smell of rain, seeing plays as part of my theatre class, when part of my egg fell into the burner, my first thought was a direct result of practicing gratitude=wow I am grateful that the eggs donít usually fall into the burner, the penetrating heat of the wood stove, God used a man I didnít know that brought me lots of wood for free, paying it forward

11-24-06

Shrek, not being in bondage to sugar one day at a time, curtains, laughter, my joyful dog, playing monopoly with Cassie, house plants, when I am willing and able to seek God with all my heart and soul, long pants, the biggest most beautiful snow flakes I have ever seen, ceiling fans, sparkles, the ability to smell, my digestive system, OK, even Biology.

 

 

 

 

 

 

11-27-06

mega massively large snowflakes I saw last week (they were 3 inches! and amazing), that I can get that excited over snowflakes, the crunch of snow under my feet, the roads weren't bad on my long haul to school this morning, snow shovels, my teenager was very nice for the holiday break (she must be sick or something :), my cell phone, Asian pairs, Christmas lights, pay pal, lotion, my nose, my dishes are done, the warmth of wood heat, that I don't have to chase someone down who cut me off from a parking place I was waiting for and tell her what a ___ she is, anymore, what a relief.

I am grateful that I went to play Chinese checkers with my grandma on Sunday even though it wasn't convenient, that it has just turned into something that I do on Sundays even if I don't feel like it, I won't "feel" like regretting that I didn't-after she is gone. Thank you God that my priorities figured it out and that I am willing, even though I am busy-it is a true gift. 

To Grateful? I don't think so!

 

2005

 

7-11-05

Humor, no kids for a while, someone to walk with, my dog is cuddly, getting closer to having a fence up, faith, Habitat for Humanity, visualization, prayer, regular time with God, a long list to give to Him, getting grounded with the food, reading an interesting book.

 

7-13-05

Outreach, calendar, blueberries, raspberries, fresh pineapple, summer time, the smell of fresh cut hay, some wonderful magnificent clouds, Rose didnít die, deep spiritual connection with others, asking God for my dream, my chickens, tea, my children being gone for a while, faith, driving across the long bridge, G&W days, miracles, my dishwasher magically started working, giving myself empathy, using this phrase often ďIím OK, Itís OKĒ, how my piggies (Guinea) talk to me, someone said I was beautiful.

 

7-14-05

Practicing abstinence, taking boys to 4 PAWS, mowing, learning more tools for tool box, having my therapist as one of my sharper tools, getting closer to having a fence built for Molly, friends, noticing how many I have, being a friend, awareness, DBT, light at the end of the tunnel, willingness to see it, wrapping faith around a potentially fearful situation, disengaging from dysfunction, my dog loves me-and she refuses to do anger, a wonderful kitten.

 

7-16-05

Watching 2 people get baptized yesterday-OH how special, everything is going to be OK, tofu, 11 days of clean abstinence, desire, willingness, someone told me I had beautiful hands. How a compliment can stay with me for a long time, learning to spread compliments, cinnamon, digital camera, summer rain, working on step one gain, watching miracles in people I sponsor, watching my miracle as a result of the 12 steps, a page of gratitude, flowers, having enough, I am still living by Shepherd Lake, seeing a great blue heron almost daily, bull frogs, colors, church, a wonderful 12 step womenís group at church, getting a card of thanks this week, hearing someone like their gray hair ďhigh lightsĒ, catchy tunes, sandals, variety, motorcycle ministry visiting our church next week-itís such a wonderful exuberant energy to offset the stuffiness, the incredible change in my life since meeting Jesus, the miracle of Cassieís healing, fans, bells, curls, children, ALI, being tall, getting to watch another baptism today, camp for kids, muscles, occopela, my therapist, being single, exrovertness J, a glow in the dark smiley face ring, skipping, baby goats, humility, having my inside growth to invite outside growth (weight loss), community, fellowship, faith, rocks, light bulbs, courage to be different, baseball, clouds, seeing a moose in my yard, the word dude is so fun for me, ivy, my garden is growing great guns, everyone has something good about them, grieving giving up yogurt, Tupperware, planning, compromise, generosity, happiness, leather, my clothes line, PSR, letting go of fear, trees, spending more time with my grandparents, change, slogans, retreats, my pink watch, freckles, posture, sun rays, locks of love, seeing a couple in love after years of marriage, hats, bible, water, pink socks, opportunity, my sight, fingers and feet.

Would you like me to pray for you?

Would you pray for me on Monday, I have a difficult thing to do. I wish for Godís will and peace.     Thanks@!!!

 

9-16-05

Colors, fall, picking tomatoes, broccoli, and zucchini out of my garden. The color plum, noticing little miracles that happen during the day, different fonts, staplers, the smell of my carrot cake candle, contacts, music, taking a piano class, I will turn 35 on Wed, my youth, smiling, my kids like their teachers, I like my teachers, strength training class, Emily, hamburger, silliness, joy, laughter, someone buying a wonderful little laugh book~as a read it and pass it on (do you want to be next in line?), thinking about making this list for days now, itching to do it, sharing it with you!, time, pears on my pear tree, having chickens, my dog is soooo sweet, having a silly adolescent kitty romping around all the time, Getting my inbox to 2 emails (AMAZING), taking an anthropology class about native Americans, watering my plants, the smell and feel of fresh line dried sheets, having a clothes line, Chicken soup for the soul books, the retreat last weekend was awesome, the spotlight, being me, learning about who I want to be, God in my life, seeing miracles in my children, my pink watch, tires, the little fish sticker in my back window really makes me think about how I drive and helps me to stay accountable, that I donít race between the arms with the big loud bells and flashing lights to try to dodge a train anymore-Why was I ever in such a hurry???, learning how to give up yellow lights and follow the speed limit, not needing to always rush, that I am still here at Shepherd Lake Loop-where I would rather be in the whole world, surrender, highlighter pens, FAA LOOP, hugs, printers, slippers, recycling, cleaning Cassieís bathroom, Sabbath, rest, that wonderful sinking comfortable feeling when I first lay down to sleep (it is like God cuddling with me), watching miracles, noticing that I notice them!, Ali wants to play the flute (we are looking for one, you selling one?), yard sales, individual time with the girls each day, having lots of room in my house, my house is paid for, volleyball, referee, a call about a small job today that would fit, spell check, gratitude, my fingers, legs, and ability to walk-I am taking it for granted already, just after 2-3 months of being off crutches!, the bible, looking forward to that time daily, Taking a moment to be present   thanks!!

 

9-17-05

My toes, motivation, free flowing skirts, decisions, humility, perseverance, love, learning how to be unconditional, Life Skills class, validation, desire to learn and grow, apple tress, roses in Sept, learning to change negative attitudes, the book of Romans, 12 steps, Godís promises, passion, unity, diversity, acceptance, roads (they always amaze me), conclusions, new beginnings, Godís timing, prayer, it will be time to spark up the wood stove soon, being single, experiencing a deep loneness rather than repressing it, generosity, tragedy brings people together, young people, rocks, mountains with trees, the beauty of Sandpoint, Idaho, grocery stores (what would we do without them?) napkins, salvation, stars, teamwork, volleyball, the ocean, airplanes, hearing, my purse, peppermint, paintings, having a 13 year old riend with special needs call my regularly, carpet, sparkles, friends, fellowship, unlimited long distance, leather, spiritual experiences, doctors, electricity, microphones, gadgets, living in the US, broccoli, wanting to eat it, people who have enough passion and courage to change things for the better, my daughters sisters (I am not involved genetically) , talking to my daughter about something that could be passed through her genes, and her saying, ďwhat do my pants have to do with this?Ē, fantasying about washing lettuce, cherry tomatoes, things that inters me- and that I have so many, God rescued Daniel from the lionís den-He will certainly rescue me from food addiction, books, pianos, honesty, that you would probably pray for me if I asked you to. I have a fear that I would like God to remove. Thanks!!

 

11-2-05

Gratitude List:

A SPEICAL friend WITH SPECIAL NEEDS THAT CALLS ME, COMPILING GRATITUDE, Emily, water potatoes, 6 am, shovel, boots, loose change, hackey sack circles, childrenís laughter, fall colors, trees, smiles, bridges, campfires, Indians, drums, songs, prayer, warmth, shoes, the police man that let teenagers play with his car, road signs, time, adventure, distance, safety, culture, diversity, the glow of the tamarack trees, cedar trees, fresh air, cameras, curls, handshakes, hay, cell phone, praying to adore God like my dog adores me, clay, breath, vans, heaters, being a passenger, levels, layers, growth, books, tranchela, rivers, Shepherd Lake, country living, piano class, options, getting a roommate, Kleenex, water, contentment, pain, the smell of a horse, getting to pet one, a budding friendship, meetings, apples, curves, joy, bounding joy like my dogs, action, feelings, red barns, neatness, the color pink, badminton, wetlands, language, communication, hot dogs, people who try even if they donít do it perfectly, experiencing laughter today, trains, mud, when it rains hard, that I donít melt, my rambunctious kitty, vitamins, batteries, shoes, blankets, fingernail clippers, insight, speakers, music, lyrics that have deep thought,  a home with a lot of room , a nice kitchen, lots of windows,  and walk in closets ( have you been grateful for your closet today??),  the little notebook that I carry in my purse,  freckles, people in my life, helping someone I love move the last few days, slippers, my therapist, friends, making plans to travel to Georgia, fall cleaning, pumpkin,  hippies,  Forest Gump, that I realize God is near even when I am sad, doo-dads,  the internet, having 3 toilets, chickens, chicken crossing the road jokes,  chicken soup books, the privilege of being a woman, my animals give me much comfort, that even though the pain is intense-I know that God has a purpose, freedom, carnations, word, tapestries,  a music tutor, acceptance,  love,  a free office chair,  classical music, composting, baskets, getting a better washer and dryer, the nickels worth,  dishes, refrigerator,  fun facts, little pleasant noises, that I can hear them, funky fonts, flashlights, my front porch,  funny forwards, and sharing this with you, thanks for spending part of your day with me.       Judy

 

12-2-05

Nicole Nordman, courage, when it is good enough, a warm firs on a cold day, belief, faith, awareness, throw rugs, hangers, laundry baskets, towels, tea, Positive Life radio. Fellowship, humor, good spiritual books, God loves me, many people love me, I can choose not to gossip, my children, forgiveness, love, hope, Jesus, nothing is wasted, the truth, constantly looking for things to be grateful-it changes, everything, prayers changes everything, being able to see a sunlit snow dusted treed mountain top, finding an unbroken egg in my pocket, my first chickens, when I talk to them the tilt their heads like they are listening, people with a passion for the privilege to pray to a wonderful God, everyday is Thanksgiving, ceiling fans, lists, veterinarians, I am not plastic, in fact someone I love calls me a hippie, I call myself a Christian-hippie-redneck-jock-chick, thithe is such a gift, receiving, giving, microphones, blue tooth, technology, simple things, pull tables on yogurt seals, fringe, maps, taking a trip in my Geo with Molly dog to GA, that I can, the smell of baby wipes, checking things off my lists, that I have things to fix, floss, I learned how to hang a ceiling fan, committees, service work, the gift of motivation, water, vitamins, sponges, screwdrivers, tools, the sound of my dog snoring on the floor, that she things it is her job to bring me happiness, intense pain brings my closer to Jesus, comfort like being held from reading  Psalms, I donít have to like everyone-but know that everyone has good things about them that I can love, people love me unconditionally, those that are conditional and judge me-itís their stuff and not mine-there is so MUCH freedom in that for me, Al-anon, S-anon, horses, computers, a good pair of shoes, that I can walk today, fax machines, amazing inventions, aloe, I donít have to be like my family of origin, finding family ship in church and 12 step fellowships, because of 12 step fellowships I was able to find my own concept of God-Jesus and I am a new creation, people who keep on trying even when they donít do it perfectly, light bulbs, ah-ha moments, the taste of a good apple, the sense of touch in a good hug, When I feel Jesusí arms around me, tie die, parties, people, butterflies,  snow, sparkles in the snow always amaze me-it is magical-magic straight from God, quiet time, people with special needs, piggy banks, E-script, many people have this gift of gratitude, when they share it, fun postage stamps, fish, lava lamps, when I feel resentment at the cost of things I can say ďitís only moneyĒ, and easy roommate, gas in CDA for $2.03!, people praying for my children, you might  if I ask you to, (Speaking of children, I had one writing for me while I was doing her hair, she slipped a few in herself!).

Cinnamon, hot cider, Christmas music, hair dye, KJ 5 2, Jeremy camp, music, sound hearing, Ali, piano class, JO, friends, conditioner, Missy Elliot, Thanksgiving, rap, scissors, car gets 47 MPG, my tomatoes plant is still blooming, slurping, fancy cups, sunshine, recycling, Kleenex multi colored pens, carnations, curtains, paintings, sleep bathrobes, the sound of acoustic guitar, (BACK TO JUST ME WRITING)

Toenail clippers, walking the walk, bells, gates, people with good boundaries, music, the measure I give is the measure I get back, trees, praying to fall in Love with Jesus- it happened, simplicity, tables, a willing heart, amends, formulas, rejuvenation, choices, when God makes it clear, AWANA, God loves me no matter how much I weigh, Christmas lights, Cassie, Nothing is impossible with Jesus,

My chicken laid her first egg today!!, It was green-no joking!, She is my favorite chicken-she has feathers on her cheeks and she lets me hold her.

A good belly laugh, ecliptic oil, ha-spell check, pumpkin, stores, nice smelling candles, bright colors, it snowed, a spiritual awakening, hearts, fulfillment, fear, realization, self confidence, spiritual deposits, I am where I am suppose to be, telephones, connection, Dufort mall, r3ecycling, Godís omnipotence, God wants to bless me-especially when I am open to it, deep breathing, being who I am, variety, the intimacy of praying with someone, unquenchable hope, hunkering down, pretty table clothes, rejoicing, misery can be choosing not to accept, stage lights, warm fuzzy slippers, snaps, peace, my oven, my church, eager beavers, asking God, comas, llamas, I am 35 and have never been to a funeral-no one close has died, citrus orange oil, Epson salt, candles, speaker wire, inexpressible joy, expression, meetings, willingness, I have feet to hurt, great books, contacts, Love INC, I have great teachers this semester, having an intimate candle lit dinner with God this evening, learning sometimes it isnít enough just to be right, clean sheets, that today is over. Thanks!    Judy talljudyc@yahoo.com