Jude's Gratitude


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This is an unfolding story of the subtle, yet profound things in our everyday lives. We take so much for granted!                                     This website is composed of year and years of my gratitude list.  

I am constantly searching for items for this infinite list.

This simple task has changed my life.  I am much more likely to find things to be grateful for, than things to complain about.

Deep within most souls lies this gift of immense gratitude. Your gift is waiting, with great anticipation to be unwrapped. You will not want to miss the party!


Please share. The only way to truly keep the beautiful things in this life is to give them away.                   

Please sign my GUESTBOOK


Gratitude sent out less than once a month. If you would like to be on the distribution list please email....


My favorite video-




2013 Gratitude list...

January 2013


1~Reflection. Renewal. Starting fresh with the wisdom of experience that passing of time brings, small grocery store carts, puppy cuddles, something shifted in my grief yesterday-a release and acceptance. A little girl named Annie sat in my lap and colored.


2~A shift in perspective that has loosed the shackles of pain. Hope. Courage. Invitation, maps, mushrooms, volleyball. My fingers/hands/arms/shoulders. Breakfast. Receiving the gift of 90 days of abstinences (not hurting myself with food). Purging unnecessary stuff-most “stuff” really isn’t necessary. There’s always enough. The prayer “God, I trust You”, practicing smiling-even when I don’t want to. That I fell in love again already! I ended up sleeping with him after a couple of months. Maybe it’s just “puppy” love. He has a real tail-unlike the tale I am telling. (HA ha), I named him Bubba and I’m keeping him!


3~Each day holds gifts. Hair barrettes, hot showers, my friend crocheted soles for my favorite slippers, waking up with a thankful heart, letting God know about it. Herbal tea.


4~I will be blessed. Laughter changes brain chemistry, work.


6~A message from God yesterday “Bask in the Glory of my Love”, Celestial love, a beautiful white gown. Church starting later this year. A very engaging audio book, a full day, sleeping well. My legs work well. Being 42 and not needing reading glasses yet.


7~Waking up to “I will write you a Love Song today” going off in my head. Value, rewards, silence, learning, empathy, a new lady friend to sit with at church, reflection. A new year. Practicing smiling even when I don’t feel like it.


8~Slippers. Beautiful snow. Dinner with Ali, Brandi Carlile, photographs, Shifts, my fingernails, knees, hips, email, laundry baskets, bowls, my big white dog Petey.


9~Stregnth in faith, patience, confidence, vball, a shift in perspective by taking an action I didn’t “feel” like doing-smiling and sharing myself with others, joy comes in the morning, adjusting, acceptance, people who care.


10~Peace, editing, progress, water, the power of humility, influence, choosing to be around things that influence me positively. My potential. Intentional living, focus.


11~God’s strength. Desire to be helpful. Visiting the farm, I didn’t cry yesterday, opportunities to learn.


12~Natural. The way to keep things that matter most is to give them away. Toilet paper, red, sunshine, computers, debit cards, caring for others, 3 people told me they loved me the other day. My faith is expanding.


13~Refining out impurities, freshness, cleansing, puppy love, good sleep, my girls both have a great sense of humor. A warm house, protection, finding a great sale on blueberries, gleaning, the freezer.


14~I am loved, I am loveable. I love. Taking actions of love. Learning and growing.


15~Giving back replenishes me, relaxing into acceptance, the winter season of grief will pass and next comes the spring blooms of new growth. Releasing resistance. Balance, strength, rejoicing, butterflies, seasons, connections, a puppy named Bubba.


16~Doing the things I know when I don’t feel like it because I still want to be of service to God. Perseverance. Influence. Everything I do matters. So much of what I do affects others. I matter. I am grateful to understand this in the middle of profound grief and depression. Puppy hugs.


17~Effort. “God I trust You” uttered often, protection, the profound gift of being able to walk and run and jump and skip, email, personality tests, the sound of the violin, bonding with some women. Choosing not to use Styrofoam. My personal choices do make a difference.


18~Slow, wisdom, knowledge, experience, intentional deliberate right action and the blessing it produces, dancing rainbows from the crystal hanging in the window. That I can see, the joy the puppy Bubba brings me, I learned how to darn socks yesterday, foundation, expanding faith, “God I trust You”


19~Faith, actions motivated by the Holy Spirit, seeking faith, studying faith, learning faith, believing in faith, God knows the desires of my heart more than I do, His unfolding plan, my participation in His unfolding plan, longer daylight, having my houseful of people for dinner. My sponsor.


20~Purpose in conflict. The big picture, yesterday I paused to contemplate how amazing contact lenses are (think about this), great conversations and breakfast with my daughter, having a nice smile. Herbal tea, meeting a great lady yesterday because I was willing to serve, blessings, connection, 2 big moose in my FENCED back yard under a big moon. Watching them jump. Moose are gracefully awkward-like me sometimes.


21~Calm. Every hard thing is a part of a puzzle that produces the best outcome, faith, God wastes nothing, asking help to pay better attention spiritually. Meaningful experienced noticed, pain that transforms into a joy that fills all emptiness.


22~Truth. Perspective. Comfort, God’s word, a better life than before. My life keeps growing richer-especially with hard stuff. I don’t have to like it. Battery chargers, Quiet times of meditation.


23~Searching. Sobbing, missing and yearning for my healthy nurturing mother-I believe that is what she is becoming now, restoration, there is an end to the pain in sight, strength developed through pain, calluses, honesty.


24~Vision. God will wipe away every tear. The hairs on my head are numbers and change daily-probably hourly. I am cared for, the bigness of God, opportunity for resentment and refusing it, prayers, hope, limits, perspective, a new phone.


25~Luxuries such as running water & electricity & toilet paper & grocery stores. Tonight I have a blind date that isn’t a “date” just a meeting. Warmth in the winter, snow shovels, joy is coming, the way Bubba stops everything he is doing and visually enjoys immensely being scratched.


26~Calm. Knowledge, self control, perseverance, Godliness, brotherly kindness-love all added to faith (2 Peter), preparation. I would not have the relationship with God I have if I had not suffered so deeply-I believe this is the way He planned and wants it-for us to be closer. Warm jammies, spending time with my daughter.


27~This moment. Taking Ali to a coffee shop, hugging a beautiful rooster, POF, Friends, I am loved, slippers, my glass top stove, tea, the amazing amount of love one little puppy has to share, options, choices.


28~The splendor of God. Asking for help, faith, repentance, intense pain, grief, it will pass and I will experience intense joy and happiness and I praise God for both.


29~Purpose. I was praying for a Great Dane, and God (thinking He was funny) sent me a Chihuahua. I gave it back. Then God sent me another one-this one was pregnant so there was 5 puppies. Well, I helped one deliver-he came out backwards. So, my Great Dane is Bubba. So I now call him Bubba Dane and tell him how Great he is! God’s great sense of humor, light, love laugher, growth, extra work, missing my mama, God’s grace.


30~Restoration, healing, God’s unlimited patience, eye glasses, feeling joy for a few moments yesterday-it was so foreign and profound. My strong healthy body. Purple shirts, a wrist watch to wear, familiar sounds, seeing that what I want is actually choosing the harder path.


31~The spiritual growth in sacrifice, the neighbors helped me shovel my driveway-one shoveler is 3. Guidance. Agendas, Thursdays, the Nickels worth, a fresh day.



1~Searching for the truth, digging into God’s word praying for protection-seeing my prayers answered. Connection. People who need help. Bubba Dane Miles. Fresh starts daily. Laughter.


2~Authentic connection, the effort of love returned, riding my bike to work for the first time in months. Wind chimes, pictures, being prepared. Looking for good in different people.


3~Self-respect, delight, wonder, gratitude. Opportunity to throw out preconceived notions to see if God has a different idea to show me, humility, that I don’t know everything, learning, God uses all of my experiences in a complex undesirable to me puzzle for His greater purpose and my ultimate good, diversity.


4~God’s invigorating power, seeking, persistent prayers, seeing my grandson-watching his face light up when he saw me. Sharing my testimony at my ”home” ward (that I no longer geographically attached), connection. Taking my grandpa to meet a lady. I thought answered his ad for a live in caregiver-but he was answering her personal ad! I accompanied my gpa on a blind date (how funny). I am going to try to help him find a girlfriend. It will be a fun way to spend time with him.


5~Practicing spiritual growth daily, welcome gestures, challenges can prune me in beneficial ways, the life lesion of “seek 1st the Kingdom of God and His righteousness”, I have enough.


6~Longing just to be near God. Listening, quiet, the amazing athletes I play ball with. Heaters.


7~Accepting something I don’t agree with in order to have peace, I’d rather have peace than be “right”, paper towels, hangers, options, car pooling, the depth of God’s love and the hunger I have for God’s love. My gpa.


8~Waiting. Guidance. Allowing God. Making space for Him, the grocery store. Paperwork, files, intelligent conversation, people that are conscious, seeking.


9~”God I trust You” prayer/mantra/affirmation uttered over and over is so very powerful. Loyalty, “…love cares for the welfare-not the momentary preferences of the loved one” (Randy Alcorn 90 Days of God’s Goodness) My sponsor, integrity, a great lesson.


10~When God prunes me it is for my good. Knowing there are dormant buds and bulbs that will bloom into full life-only to got to sleep again later, cycles, season, perspective, what I do today matters in eternity, trusting God, hope, Psalm 37, puppy love.


11~Waiting. Fasting from the internet for a day was healthy, kids, guidelines, toenail clippers, Q-tips, toilet paper, baby wipes, water, cuddly dogs, repentance.


12~Messages from God, toenails, protection, safety, apples, verbs, the book “The Shack” and it’s incredible depth. Nice tones, being on time. Pandora.


14~Being in God’s presence. Inspiration, asking for God’s protection daily. Books, finally mowing the lawn off my legs, silky smooth, seeing my gpa, the smell of spring, seeing big patches of ground. Eggs from chickens that have names.


15~Synergestic integrity. Doing the “whole deal” (showing up with all my integrity for life) is much easier and fulfilling than trying to do less. I cheat myself and God with sloth or confused priorities. Spending the whole day with my kids. Freedom from Valentine’s day hub bub, currents of joy that ripple through the day. A beautiful sunset, red and yellow peppers.


16~Deep inner calm, silence, intentionally seeking stillness, focus, the amazing love of God, the book The Shack (a must read), allowing God in this moment, heating pads, ice packs, absorbing reality and sinking right into it, abundant sunshine, melting snow, a weekend getaway.


18~Physical/mental/spritual detoxification, trusting the process as perfect, my sister-reparation of our shattered relationship one tiny share at a time, partnership with God, healing waters of Symes hot springs, friends, connection, laughter.


19~Believing in the miracle, answers are everywhere, change, God’s love, wisdom, revelation, time with Ali, onions, S-anon, opportunity, when my dogs are against me already and try to snuggle closer, people who care.


20~Fluttery moments of God. Dreams with messages, turkeys, chickens, memories, medical insurance, grief, obedience, the blessing of doing the right thing, pure motives.


21~Calm. Rest. The sound of the happy trot of a puppy. Getting comfortable. The movie The Letter Writer. Is now on the top 10 of my favorites.


22~My actions and words have a rippling effect, adapting to what is when it doesn’t need to be changed, effort, God’s amazing plan, earrings that twinkle, funny mistakes, ability to love. Talent.


23~Eternal life. Temporary discomfort is less significant when seeing the big picture, God’s amazing love. There’s always enough.


24~Sharing, welcome, Cassandra’s baby shower, dog toys that make cute noises.


25~The power of God, looking for zombies in a deserted parking lot in the middle of the night (you had to be there), showing up emotionally for someone I love, witty emails, trying to wrap my head around 6’9”, I have 6 chickens, noticing neglected prayer, rectifying it with prayer.


26~There’s always enough. When the small still voice speaks loud and clear, confirmation through God’s word, reminders to remember (ha ha), “Joy comes in the morning” Enduring to the end.


27~Whole. Perspective while still, filters, my greatest challenges are what helps mold and grow me into who God intends me to be, “bad” things aren’t bad-they bring me closer to God-and how could that not be God’s will? Purpose, gratitude changes everything that matters-perspective. It takes intention.


28~Trust. Funny noises, fresh cotton jammies, spiritual investment, anonymous service, Kleenex, blessing I receive from hardship. “bad” things are often filled with spiritual growth. Learning to wait.



March 2013

1~Purpose in pain. Beginning and endings, middles, someone vacuumed my porch, cast Iron Pots &pans, glass top stove, little birds, windows, summer season is ahead.




May 5th(Randy Alcorn 90 Days of God’s Goodness)


"...On one of those terrible days during my husband's cancer, when he could hardly bear the pain or the thought of yet another treatment, and I could hardly bear to bear it with him, we remarked on how wonderful it would be to have just a single ordinary day." How many of us fail to express gratitude for those ordinary days, wishing instead for something better?..."

In 2011 I am GRATEFUL for…

December 2011


1~Compassion. Soup. Soup kitchens, a place to gather, silence, intentional spirituality, stability, boot dryers, mild weather, clouds, books, the library, time to read, an uncommonly calm period in my life (hey I’ll take it!) Environmental science, bathroom books, haircuts, new beginnings, visiting a friend I haven’t seen in a while.


2~Developing. Evolving into the person God intends. Effort. Reading that worrying is practicing atheism-not trusting God (He is or He isn’t) to provide. Strong words that ring truth. Ah-ha moments, Audio Books, abstinence, I am about to have a date with God early morning uninterrupted space & time & attention just for Him-whom I adore. I am really looking forward to it. Joyful anticipation. Awakening.


December 3, 2011 I read in a Ensign Magazine to write 10 things I am grateful for in each category. It opened my mind.


Chickens, dogs, books, heat, school, tea, cloth bags, baskets, pumpkins, my fingers.

Things about Today-

Special time with God due to insomnia, humidifiers, slippers, rest, hunger, openness, opportunity to do good, time to read, stretching my gratitude muscle, 3:25 AM, this moment.

The Gospel-

General Conference, “Ask and you shall receive”, missionary work, I am saved, Guidance from commandments, Holy Ghost, The atonement, prophesy, D & C, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.


Writing, reading, walking, smiling, helping, smelling, cooking, driving, praying.

Material possessions-

Geo, pressure cooker, garments, watch, bible/scriptures, laptop, purse, toaster oven, nice socks, journal.


Cassandra, Ali, mom, Phyllis, Jean, April, Karin, Andy, Lorien, G-pa

Things in Nature-

Trees, lakes, sparkles in the snow, fresh air, full moon, fruit trees, berry bushes, blue Herons, rocks, animals


Brussel Sprouts, squash, sweet potatoes, oatmeal, bananas, avocado, pinto beans, eggs, almonds, apples, oil.

Modern Inventions-

Toilet paper, cell phone, pens, books, beds, cars, running water, candles, grocery stores, websites.


Shepherd Lake Loop property, Talache, long bridge, Yokes, garden, chicken yard, The Temple, Leadership meetings, right here, food bank, Cocolalla.


3~Satified. A drastic quieting of mental noise compared to a year ago. Perspective. Seeing beauty in all things, pausing to enjoy the sparkles in the frost on my car before scraping them off, the pace of my life.


4~Letting go of control. Failure brings growth, the hunt for righteousness, word of wisdom, daily discipline, molecules, timeless moments, now is forever, God’s solutions, colors, pens.


5~Learning to give of myself. Experiencing the pain of procrastination, that I keep having lesions until I learn them. Seeing a really amazing play done by local people from a small church-It’s an amazing Life, acting, talent, live performances, seeing the impact on many lives that 1 person can make, how we are all connected. Having God’s Spirit with me. Eating meat sparingly, being vulnerable-doing something uncomfortable-saying something some people don’t want to hear because I believe it’s what Heavenly Father wants me to say.


6~Abundanct sunshine, God has promised me that if I do good and follow His counsel I will have peace beyond comprehension, Baseball caps, faded blue jeans, slippers, swiffers, science, laughter, cinnamon, recognizing danger, dialogues with God.


7~Spritual nutrition sustains soul starvation. My soul is no longer undernourished. Adorations & praise for my God that pulses through my body. Priorities, my Gpa got cataract surgery yesterday, acceptance, enjoyment, enthusiasm. Audio books.


8~ Quality. A prayer that people be healed from their obsession with nothingness. Dish soap, sharing, cut off points, learning that altogether isn’t as correct as all together (reading a book on most common mistaken words), hormones. Joy.


9~Reminders. Rest in God. Newcomers. Feeling overburdened by a responsibly & the reminder to look up-I have been depending on myself to much, surrendering criticism, dryer cords, laugher, shinny coats, today, my job, my client, sharing.


10~Silence. Attention & time set aside daily just to listen. Noticing breath. Watering house plants, hair clips that work well. Ecosystems, surrendering criticism, live plants, performances, zippers, the smell of orange.


11~Newness. Joyous sunrise renewal, beautiful sunset closure, everything in between-especially right now. A sparkly shimmery shirt someone was wearing, Sabbath rest, noticing miracles, insight, seeking solutions.


13~ Confirmation. Being able to be of service. Reading in my Environmental science book that the less meat (&dairy) eaten the better it is for the environment-not just an opinion or concept but a scientific fact. It takes 20 pounds of grain to produce one pound of beef. That is a lot of resources. (the waste from 20 lbs of grain is immense as well) Reading in medical documentation animal products cause heart disease/cancer/& many other diseases that are ramped in the US. Humility to let go of what I think- to see the truth & immense spiritual experience that came with it.


14~Calm. From quietness comes strength, resting place to commune with God, adjusting, listening to my body, the smell of cedar, new dress boots, the power of prayer, a returning member.


15~Unique opportunity to be of service. The good Shepherd, being led, plans, purple, joy, the journey, eye lash dye, phone lists, the furnace that warms me, garlic, squash, elk, time, pillows, learning about population.


16~Happiness is a result of doing the right thing, integrity, awareness, noticing pride, relief, slippers, the truth, surveys, my computer, books, food storage, not living in clutter, my job, trust, book marks, the growth I have received from reading lately, my watch.


17~Spirtual laws, freedom, faith, hope, love, confirmations, synergy, tie die, early mornings, Christmas party’s, 100% cotton, plans, learning to embrace hunger, liberal with praise.


18~Purpose in faith, Guidance. Seeking God’s intention intentionally. Reflecting His Blessings. An amazing visit with my daughter. Vision, manifesting, asking God to be comfortable with naturally occurring hunger, hunger & habit for God. Foot prints, the Temple, being enveloped in the Spirit of God. Christmas lights.


19~Facing fears. Fingernail polish, books, knowledge, study, coconut oil for moisturizer, Albert Smith, mist, closure.


20~Protected. A divine plan for my life. The gift of surrender, stars, playing Boggle with my daughter. Thorne Research, the smell of fresh air on my cat.


21~ The pieces are put together, focus, quiet gentle pressure of my conscience. Movement, waiting, special time with my daughter, integrity, learning how to not intentionally speed, the truth, being in gratitude slows time.


22~God’s leading, clarity, protection, woven, pillows, spelling, socks, prayer, purple, preventative medicine, outreach calls, being of service.


23~Every experience is valuable. Peace, Solutions, non-resistance, boundaries, quiet, the food bank, my laptop.


24~The privilege of recovery, learning moderation, personal revelation, invitation, being a “connector”, the color combination of pink and black, hues, shades, colors, still being an active part of my grandsons life, being able to support my daughter through her pain of the adoption. His adoptive parents truly love him and are completely dedicated to his care.


25~Celbrating the life of Christ everyday, rejoicing in the death of Christ and remembering His atoning sacrifice often. A fresh coat of snow. The promise of hope whispering in my ear, shoes, I have enough.


26~Worhty causes. I have no waste from Christmas-no bulging garbage bags or a bunch of stuff I don’t want or need, the Christmas cards went in the recycle bin, I used an old calendar for wrapping the few gifts I gave. I enjoyed a simple relaxing non hubbub holiday-I feel so free. Horse hugs, getting to stoke a wood stove, shoe laces, return polices.


27~Continuted development of character. I have time for God. I make time for God, Urgently slow.


28~Trust. The place of 100% surrender. Divine Purpose. Surety of God’s plan as the best-He wants to give me the desires of my heart, absolute trust.


29~Charity. Work & prayer. Ron Boyd-his life & light has been an inspiration to me. I read more books in 2011 than most ears. Personal growth, the Temple, dedication, learning how to give of myself, searching for a house with property, a good buyers market, a fun/honest familiar real estate agent, high standards.


30~Living my life fully so as not to have regrets. The immensity of practicing gratitude in my life. Taking a break as I heard the small still voice advise. Looking at Real Estate is really fun. Not being in a hurry, a buyers market at the right time of year, trust.


31~Experience Gods wastes nothing. Answers. Questions. The thrill of life, the ending of an amazing year, a deep desire to surrender criticizing and judging others. Helping my daughter buy a used car, my kids know I am here for them. Joy. My Thyroid.



November 2011


1~Hope. Noticing. Waiting with joyful anticipation. Prayer, sobriety, being where I am & not wishing or wanting anything different, magical fall days, scarves, goals, visit teaching.


2~Faith. Belief. Understanding the more I give-the more I receive (as long as my motives are unselfish), a deck of cards, saying goodbye to Gus-a lovely boxer that shared the immensity of his love with me- for a time, ring tones, change, a nice walk. Gpa is finally willing to get hearing aids, visiting him often lately. I think he’s doing well for losing his wife of 60 some years.


3~God’s unlimited power. “God’s power is blocked off from us by our indifference to it”(24) Seeking, books, making time to read, college, letting life unfold while asking for God’s power & blessings, noticing miracles, pumpkin.


4~Joy is always possible, gratitude changes things, tick tock of the clock, rhythm, spelling, vocabulary, words, my Grammy’s wake today will probably evoke feelings about her death I haven’t been able to find yet. Mops, Murphy’s soap oil, shoes, my hair-I love the gray hair coming in (means I am gaining wisdom!)


5~Joy. Relief. Pressure. Not rushing, slipper socks, a pink sweater, my gpa. Saying goodbye to my Grandma. Putting honeysuckle rose oil on her & telling her thank you for being my Grammy. She finally got what she has been talking about & yearning for years-death. Closure.


7~ When God’s grace flows through me into others, when God’s grace flows through others into me. Channels, conduits, containers, lids, funnels, notepads, seeking contentment by practicing contentment. Trials bring me closer to the source of my joy. Not resisting reality-such as complaining about the weather or time change.


8~Change. Longing in my heart. The difficult experience of not being a dog owner for the 1st time, I am not without dogs, working for rewards in Heaven, time to read, my little purple planner, Words of Wisdom. Accepting depression, learning how not to try to force a solution, hairy legs, long warm socks, lace.


9~Looking for the good. Friendship with God. Reading a book (what a privilege!) that talks about laughing 7 seconds upon awakening. I tried to just croak out a laugh this morning-it will take practice for laughter is a foreign thing at that time-but immediately I was rewarded with happy endorphins (warm fuzzies) that flooded through my body=so I will practice chuckling. I like warm fuzzies!


10~God’s strength in my life. Learning to smile more often. The Traveler’s gift by Andy Andrews was a delightful easy read that will forever change me. Practicing laughter (it is difficult to do intentionally and takes effort but warm fuzzies are a great reward) TRY IT.


11~Sincere interest in others, self respect, water, intentionally smiling at many people, sticky notes, valuable life lessons, perfect pattern of mistakes to give me the growth intended just for me. Trust, pink ink, laugher, pink elephants, squash for .38 a pound, honey crisp apples. God is preparing me and the beautiful soul of the man He has chosen for me. It will be exquisite. Being justifiably angry with someone that was in my car & tense-then hearing myself say (a prompting from the small still voice) I forgive you. Relief & love & joy swept over every part of my soul & body for the rest of the night. I felt the joy & calm of the Holy Ghost residing within me. It was an amazing experience.


12~Having needs is not wrong, when my soul cries out for help it is heard and received. I don’t improve things by criticizing them. This period of has been a deep spiritual awakening in growing awareness. A lot of it has to do with food (go figure) & coming out of unconscious eating. Just yesterday….I received a gift





A Gift of Yogurt


A friend bought some yogurt he found on sale. The thick Greek kind-it’s so creamy and yummy. I haven’t used regular (mainstream) yogurt in a while. I just made a batch of yogurt from raw milk that I bought at Winter Ridge. My guess is the cow had a name. Daisy or Mable was hand milked. I believe she was stroked and talked to as the local farmer leaned into her warm body forming a connection. Daisy cow has eaten grass in the field.  She has swished flies with her tail as she contently chewed her cud. She probably was breed by a real bull and got to have real cow sex.

So I started thinking about this yogurt in a plastic container from New York (and the gas it took to bring it all the way across the country). The nameless machines smashed into Confined Feeding Operations (CFO/CAFO) that are pumped full of antibiotics to combat deceases (what an interesting misspelled word) diseases present in the dark crowded filthy environment. She is pumped full of hormones for more production (hey it costs less money). This girl did not get a hunky bull. In her synthetic environment she was artificially inseminated just days after her last birth. This is to bring the consumer a less expensive product.

 I realized that every time I  buy or eat these products I am a part of this synthetic process.  I eat unconsciously. I don’t think about where my food comes from (or if I do -I turn my head and choose ignorance-it is just too uncomfortable. I unintentionally promote cruelty by my conscious choice.

Because of cost?

But what is the cost really? I don’t trust there will be enough? It boils down to fear. There is always enough. When I choose to participate in this cruelty and put it into my body I am consuming it. It then consumes me, my integrity. It becomes a part of me. As it goes into me, it comes back out of me with the choice of my next purchase. It is a circle of unconscious ignorant pain being reused and recycled in an insatiable fear-based herd mentality of consumerism. I am no better than the cow-for she doesn’t have the gift (or curse?) of the power choice. I know- she is only a cow. But I am choosing to keep my integrity. I received such a gift with this yogurt. Thank you, but I will be refusing the yogurt.

13~Laughter. The reward from the intense effort of PRACTICING laughter, the Temple, this moment in time, evolution into who I am becoming, the name Daisy, cows, spots, acceptance, hot tea, phone lists, shimmery scarves, menstrual cycles, pads (many women do NOT have this luxury), my toothbrush.


14~Looking for the good in people-finding it. Dinner & cards with friends.


15~Noticing overlooked miracles. The ability to read, the complexity of life. God can put all the pieces together for His perfect harmony when I do my best to stay out of the way. My mother is my greatest teacher. The evolution of me. Bubbles, bras, long socks.


16~Reverence. Strength from unity. Mental stimulation-not from thinking-but from reading/studying/contemplating. Concentration, my toes, intensity, relaxation, someone told me I had a nice neck-it is a sort of strange thing to have a nice one of-but hey I will take it-so I am grateful for my neck ,umm my nice neck. J Rose tea.


17~Unity. Quiet follower of God (me, quiet? HA HA HA) Entering into the joy of the Lord, joy, peace, how things seem to work themselves out, my friend Rose, quiet time.


18~Mistakes are fertile ground for planting seeds of growth, learning, reflecting God’s love, Thrift stores, fresh pumpkin, abundance, good snow tires, hunger, love, heat, visiting, visitors, accepting joy, throw rugs.


19~Values. Water, protection, dreams, motivation, the 2 feet of snow that fell in 24 hours, being snowed in, still having electricity, snow shovels, books, Smallville.


21~ Peace of mind, comfortable. Effort, mental strengthening, reading, concentration, Asking God for help with my critical thinking. Thoughtless periods in the brain that are without incessant thinking (and NOT blanking out on something like TV)-just pure consciousness. Noticing and striving for these periods.


22~Life is interesting. One of the most important things I can do for someone is smile, charity, beauty, Tuesdays, earphones, rocking chairs, simple abundance, abundance minus “stuff”.


23~ Courage. Split peas, Petey is visiting, spots on a dog, tolerance, a calm spirit, couscous eating, practicing laughter, Brussel sprouts trees, carrying 25 lbs of oat bran about a quarter of a mile & being astounded that I have had 120 extra pounds on my body before. 25lbs is an intense amount of weight-perspective, hearing  “a humble person cannot be humiliated”

“All truth passes through 3 stages. 1st ridiculed, 2nd violently opposed, 3rd accepted as being self-evident” Arthor Schopehauer. I have been doing extensive study of facts (not my opinion) and animal products sold in the grocery store cause heart disease and cancer. Scientific data proves this.


24~Thanksgiving everyday. I don’t have to binge today-nor do I want to, the small simple daily investments add up to a wealth of wisdom, prosperity, reading God’s word every day, rain, sleep, hunger, letting go.


25~Longing for God. Divine rest. Talents, screwdrivers, laughter, going to tea with my daughter, spending time with my grandson, zebras, thrift stores, knowledge, wisdom, gray hair (means I am getting wiser!)


26~Rewards. Praying to be a pat of God’s purpose, seeing with the eye of faith-Jesus asked the blind man “what do you want me to do for you?” The blind man replied “That I might see”, God help me to have sight. Ensign, the spread of the Gospel.


27~Asking myself-what is my present relationship with this moment? Sitting in the moment-redirecting when my mind wanders. Holly McGarry, naps, borrowed cuddly dogs.


28~ Effort, noticing moments of joy, now is forever, now is where life truly is, anonymous giving, exercise. No longer in a hurry-I want to be where I am in the present moment. Eckhart Toile, squash seeds, organic non-GMO, education, consciousness of the food I put in my most valuable possession-my body (& health). A decision to not use animal products from CAFO’s (Confined Animal Feeding Operation), animals that has been treated cruelly, most all meat in the grocery store on Styrofoam-including milk and yogurt & eggs.


29~God is present with us. Seeking awareness of this presence. Plans on cooking pumpkin with a friend, pillows, kind gestures, lists, orange, my kids, when people tell the truth (something I don’t even notice unless I am lied to and notice) a soft kitty on my lap, veterinarians, having very few expenses, a simple life.


30~ Losing my self in the immensity of God’s love, refuge, silence, harmony, Yokes has locally grown organic tomatoes, $10 off coupons, pumpkins, lemon oil on wood, a nice table cloth, sponge mops, learning about myself, recognizing self-will, letting the day flow & unfold.


October 2011


1~Spiritual guidance, a soft loveable cat, a down pour, Relief Society, ovens, rocks, Rummy cube, plans on finishing my 2 year degree spring semester, classifieds.


2~Commitement, 4 way ink pens, people, opportunity for growth, darling princesses, healthy relationships, overcoming fear.


3~Quiet assurance from His Spirit through personal humble righteousness. Calm, spiritual work, “Peace is the result of righteousness. There is no peace in wrong doing” (24), believing in people, asking for help to let go of a judgmental & critical attitude. God’s promise of “Ask & you shall receive”, General Conference.


4~Benevolence (a sincere desire for the well-being of others), kindness, debit cards for getting gas, the dictionary, blankets, mirrored character defects (awareness from seeing my faults in others), things that are constant as they change, paradoxes, exponential potential for growth, weighing and measuring my food brings freedom beyond description.


6~Now. Ringtones, mormon.org, missionaries, service, going to bfast with my daughter, rain, being honest when I wanted to avoid the truth.


7~God uses His strength through my weakness. Fresh veggies from a local gardener, the smell of fresh cilantro on my hands, seeing both of my girls (separately) and they were both nice to me on the same day (miracles do happen!). The abundance of fall harvest. I really like my housemate/employer, praise, long socks, central heat, picking corn off the stocks, my Gpa and Gma.


8~Tolerance. Orange, a cat named Coal that has claimed me, beauty, sunglow lined clouds, Italian prune, time, Gathering the lost tribes of Israel. Restoration, mushrooms, eating things that are in season.


9~Listening. Garlic. Sparkly beads. Answered prayers, dinner with several friends, playing games, schedules, being vulnerable.


10~Serving God joyfully. Cherishing the normal (I’m reading a book where a little boy is dying and he asks his mom if he can go outside and play with the dog. She was still in that moment & celebrated the normalcy of that moment as something profoundly amazing). Perspective, awareness.


11~The small things. The toxicity of a “little white lie”, reflecting on the concept of purity-without poison. criticism poisons purity, looking for ways to simplify, icons.


13~Willingness to grow, measuring cups, important meetings, voicemail, vivacious slowness, balanced spiritual passion, open-minded.


14~Growing faith, harmony, the atonement, “My name is Judy & I am a hippie farmer from North Idaho and I am a Mormon” is my introduction on www.mormon.org profile. Elder Risenmay, asking God to help me, praying asking for heart felt prayers rather than unconscious mutterings-it’s working! (Ask and you shall receive), the profound awareness simply slowing down and focus chewing my food is bringing to my life.


15~ Deep satisfaction through seeking Him in all things. Making choices today in the little things that have eternal consequences. Connection with others, a little wicker shelf, the release of tears from missing my farm, asking God for help so my prayers are attentive/heartfelt/meaningful & that I am conscious and not just mumbling.


16~Liberty. Sunshine, long socks, the happy sound of a dog’s trot, yams, harvest, heartfelt prayers, repetition, silk, being of service, connection with my daughter, acceptance.


18~Humility, self-respect, strength. Leading with weakness, hot water, not eating or shopping for food unconsciously, waiting and watching uncomfortable situations unfold according to God’s plan rather than trying to force a solution. Invitation. Invitation to participate in a miracle. Wow.


19~Answered prayers, laughter, a new phone, a very helpful verizon wireless customer service representative that loved her job. When it is obvious someone loves his or her job.

She helped send an apology email to that last rep (that didn’t love her job-and I didn’t help) that I hung up on after saying “whatever bye” (I am STILL not perfect!), opportunity for growth. Getting to hug a turkey & a chicken, the color on the trees is starting to change, happy face stickers.


21~The longing of our hearts, God stands at the door and knocks, abiding peace, my job, my client, glass water jars, cloth bags with zippers, pillow, my new phone, personalization, paper, fixing something rather than buying new, finding beautiful jewelry holders, my daughters 19th birthday, dedication, awakenings, VZ navigator.


22~Building (verb!) foundation of unshakable faith, conference calls, deciding to embrace rather than dread an activity has really lifted a cloud-and I will enjoy the experience so much more, scriptures.


23~Choices. Honest. The more I give-the more I have. An evolving personality of grace, going through being uncomfortable, pounding rain, candles, patterns, prayers.


24~Safety in the midst of evil. Making time for “God’s grace to come unhindered into my soul”(24). Pausing to ask God rather than bulldoze forward thinking I know what is right. Comparative study bible (4 versions side by side).


25~Now. “Now is mine. I can do with it what I want. I own it, for better or worse, what I do now, in this present moment, is what makes up my life. My whole life is only a successions of nows”(24). The present is where I reside with God-the only place I can access Him in my limited human perception of time & space.


26~ Pondering “Seek first the Kingdom of God” How that changes the seemingly little daily decisions. Awareness, how much I have growth to Love-fallen in Love with my Heavenly Father & His Son, companionship, commitment, dreams. God wants to give me the desires of my heart.


27~Guided. Choice. Choosing the right. My Grandma died in her sleep. She didn’t suffer or drag out a slow agonizing death-she had a relatively good health until a sudden end-I prayed for that. Thank you God for answering my prayer.


28~Mistakes. Today, long socks, Sparkles in the frost, hugs, my gpa, lap blankets, hit water with fresh lemon, organic local farms, sharing separate lives together, that is ok to be uncomfortable-I can just be.


31~Contentment. How all the pieces combine to make the whole-and that changes by the second. Acceptance is serenity. I won’t be eating any candy today (thank you God), I will be cooking pumpkins. Finding big pumpkins for $1 each. Apples. Harvest.



September 2011


1~Confidence in God, consistency, change, love, His power, my weakness, strength in weakness, patience, understanding, joy mingles in the pain. A level of acceptance that brings serenity in deep persecution.


2~Obedience. Purity, structure, leaning a new game, Coal-my cat, surrender, I can pray for my mother-she took my home from me without provocation, being resentment freeing this intense situation. Psalm 37, geraniums.


3~Leaving my burdens in His care. Relief. A flow of money, shelves, printer ink, Audio books, listening to The Shack an amazing book. Going school clothes shopping for probably the last time with my senior, beauty.


4~The presence of the Holy Ghost in my day, visiting a friend, in-between extremes, chairs, perfect timing, socks, caring people, opportunity, nice candles, speakers, my cell phone and all it’s great features.


5~ Spiritual progress. The strength of God’s Spirit in me. Awakening, plants, company, sprinkles of hope, curtains, empathy, pillows, dimples, my thumbs, Gus.


6~The complexity of relationships, split peas, “live & let Live”, gloves, pruning fruit trees, integrity, hot sunshine, licorice tea, learning bubs, growth, awareness.


7~ The resting place in His Spirit, refuge, relaxing, “Easy Does it”, moderation, leaves, opportunity, work, reading my left hand.


8~Reflection-if the next 12 years are as growth filled as the last I will evolve into one very wise woman. I love getting older, evolving, maturity (my 41 bday is in a few weeks). Flow of money, letting go, receiving, community, the perfect timing of grace, contentment returning, safety in God’s grace, joy cinnamon, variety.


9~Gradual light of dawn, the sudden light of a light switch, electricity, refrigerators, signs, organizing, dogs, balance, scales, accountability, Mae Beers, picking the last of the beans with my gpa in the shade of the corn, growth, seasons.


10~ Live keeps getting better & fuller as I get closer to God (even as the “stuff” gets harder), standing apart together with others (in the world), rewards from serving God, electrical tape, ladders, pruning shears, dog hugs, the beauty of where I live.


11~Happiness come from doing the right things. Practice. Light bulbs, Lev 501 Jeans, prayer changes things. Priorities.


12~Authenticity, absence of intolerance, uncanny understanding, trains, my toes, balance, blankest, sleep, direction, hunger for spiritual growth.


13~The power of prayer, wind chimes, tea with Phyllis my new housemate/emplyer, a newness, time, reading books, audio books, warranties, the Temple, extra early morning time to spend with God, indoor plumbing, reducing consumerism.

14~God-help me with my unbelief, growth, I don’t have to take meds for high cholestral or blood pressure, I don’t have any aches and pains or health issues due to what I am eating Empathy for those who are murdering themselves with food unknowingly (been there, done that), freedom depending fully on God. The joy that comes in the morning.


15~Stillness. The color orange, seeing pumpkings on the vine, learning, this quote from Animal Vegetable Miracle  “If 1 person in the US ate 1 meal once a week locally grown, we would save 1.1 million BARRELS of oil EVERY week!” Profound. Thinking about where my food comes from, the privilege of so many food choices-something often taken for granted-just like our amazing roads. Learning to not eat unconsciously.

I just listened to an Audio book called Animal Vegetable Miracle about a family dedicating to eating local foods for a year.

one of the quotes floored me...

“If 1 person in the US ate 1 meal once a week locally grown, we would save 1.1 million BARRELS of oil EVERY week!”


I had no idea I was eating so unconsciously. OK, so I am willing to let go of pineapple, kiwi, and jacima, and just to pay attention. This was a very insightful book. The consumerism of this country is consuming us, and keeping us in such bondage.

I let traditional Christmas go some years ago, and it has been wonderful. I got the girls a gift once a month (nothing more than usual at Christmas-moderation, hmmm what a concept), I have Christmas lights on a timer all year around, cuz I like them. I eat yams and turkey (well less turkey these days) weekly, cuz I like it. I listen to Christmas music in July. It isn't all or nothing, but I forgo the Christmas tree, I'll take the oxygen thank you, and the wrapping paper that fills enough space people could live comfortably in that same space. I don't buy things that are unneeded for people under obligation and expectation. I have found much freedom in this paradigm shift.

Oh, YAH, the most important aspect of Christmas, is that I celebrate the birth of Christ every single day.



16~Free gifts, gifts with no monetary value, people, bees, hugs, I have enough, autumn, spiritual fruit, scarves, heirloom seeds, organic local foods, a baby blue sweatshirt, living in a home with a washer and dryer right in the house.


17~Righteous living, a dog named Gus, frequent temple visits, yard sales, big lake Trout from our local lake Pend Orielle, the food bank, someone gave me $145 as a part of their tithe-so tithing that I gave some $5 bills away. It was fun-a stranger in a parking lot, the next person in line at the vets, a friend at the check out that didn’t have enough, on a chalk board say this is for you. Anonymous groceries. I have learned I can’t out give God (as long as it is His plan and not my ego), coupons, tea, simplicity.


18~Renewing my strength in quietness. Rain, season changes, watching the Lion King in 3D with both of my kids. My bible, catching songs with a positive message,. Having deep anxiety (shoes me I rarely have it anymore-so I will wrap gratitude around having deep anxiety-I got through it rather than trying to alter my feelings. Acceptance & not resisting.


20~Spiritaul laws. Geranium petals, fallen leaves, work gloves, long socks, bonefires, without smores, special friends. The Book of Mormon.


21~Praying that my spiritual life is not hindered by my intellectual pride. Changed plans, nice fall days, details, candles, toaster ovens, dog hugs, appointments, hot water, a very unique tea mug, the truth.


22~Opportunity to serve, faith, honest, something I say often “your process is perfect”, my 41st Bday yesterday. I LOVE getting older! Growing awareness around where the foods I CHOOSE come from, my Geo with it’s 47 MPG, the “Keep it Simple” bumper sticker on it, joy, secure in the abundance of God’s unending grace.


24~Watching the sunrise during breakfast, winter squash, digging in the dirt, wheel barrows, slippers, nice hot autumn days, not rushing in my life,  my bible, joy, taking time for joy, following the Small Still Voice-being queit enough to hear it.


25~Love is more complete & easier without expectations, gradual personality changes as a result of a spiritual experience, making eye contact with cashiers and other people that are important, allowing time to listen. “no Explaining, no Complaining, No Blaming”

Max Lucado in God Came Near “…the poison of the ordinary has deadened your senses to the magic of the moment.” “You’ll grow accustom the prayer & therby not pray” (not being present while uttering a meaningless prayer is how I took this)


26~”There is gladness in God’s service. There is much satisfaction in serving the highest you know. Expres your love for God in Service…” (24). Health, repentance, prayer, service, working, reading, blessings, fasting, friends, music, endurance, goals, dedication, turning the alarm clock back on to create consistency.


27~Sincere desire to understand the depth of the miracle of His grace. Rain, nice people, pinto beans, pengines, college applications, learning how not to procrastinate, my planner, permission. “know and it shall be given unto you” a surprise check in the mail.


28~Empathy, when I am able to see it’s not all about me, calm, Costco, water, perspective, silence.


29~Stregnth. The Holy Temple of God, covenants, consecration, dedication, integrity, being a vessel for the Holy Ghost, heaters, draft horses, sunny fall days, beautiful nature pictures.


30~My fingers, September crickets singing at dusk, trout, winter squash, sweet potatoes, picking apples froma tree, laughter, a lovable boxer, change, learning to keep my belongings light.


August 2011


1~ Striving for harmony, the art of surrender, noticing criticism in my thoughts & actions-taking steps to rectify. Heating pads, hay bales, the whiney of a horse, noticing when I am off the beam (at least I know there is a beam!)


2~Preparing for God’s harvest. Fertile soil, blessings, choosing the right, preparation, raspberries, not eating a single one while picking, freedom, the intense pain in my back will eventually pass-so will depression and fatigue, geese.


3~God’s harvest, preparation, heat, a cat friend, service, writing “do something fun” in my planner.


4~Cleansed & Healed, appreciation, my back pain is less today, sunrise, going grocery shopping with my daughter, pretty rocks, deer gazing, seeing a coyote, fresh garden produce, warmth, blue toenails, stickers.


5~ Spiritual strength, picking raspberries with a friend, sunflowers, onions, fresh produce from the gardens, direction, yard sales, purpose, uncertainly is opportunity for faith, keeping it simple.


6~ Filled with joy of being awake & alert & looking for God’s purpose for my life. Stillness, refilling my spirit daily with quiet time/prayer/scripture study & desire for my God, people who share their life with me, choices, grass, tomatoes.


7~Seeking, finding, waiting, discipline, enduring, joy, still moments with God, acceptance, paper, printers, when back and front of paper is used, sweet mornings, yard sales.


8~ Balance. Rest. Activity. Soul rest, soul investment, service, Relief Society, humility, seeing “my mission” in my daily service & activities, priorities, being barefoot, printers, speakers, notebooks, scripture, Ensign magazine. theConnection magazine, hope, socks, tea, effort.


9~ Non resistance, rescue, God’s tender mercy, asking for blessings, journaling, cat hugs, baby goats, getting to hug a friend’s chicken, grocery bags.


10~Focus, priorities, righteousness minus self (i.e. Not self-righteous), heart rest comfort in turmoil, The Food Revolution by John Robbins is one of the most life changing books I have read, glorious sunrises.


11~I can let God still my private chaos, making very little garbage, friends, my kids, getting to be of service this morning, PT, the shun shining on my head this moment, the sound of a sprinkler, trains, change, abundance.

12~ People are affected by my example, integrity of living a righteous life (LOL-including not speeding), purging more stuff-getting ready to down size again. Learning, special ring tones, responsibility to pray.


13~Through weakness is power, the full range, character, starting the next phase. “Coal” a stray cat that adopted me a few years back is with me now-just a loving on me, dew, early morning, my journal-“I can hear the rattling noise of thinking clanging irrelevant clutter in my head”-when I notice this-I can pause and invite God into the moment to quiet & still my soul.


14~Accepting & open to God’s abundance, right living, free gifts, integrity, the miracle of being an abstinent member of FA & a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.


15~ Unity, unified, union. Purpose, purposely, the full moon rising over a mountain at dusk, hair ties, glasses, vision, printers, peppermint tea, quiet time.


16~Effective peace, being uncomfortable-knowing it will pass, great joy on the other side, calm turbulence.


17~The gift of surrender, penetrating deep calm through someone else’s chaotic irrationality, not letting it into me-but pass by me-what a miracle.


18~The immense power of non-resistance, fresh raspberries, God wants to give me the desires of my heart, dawn, the beginning of a new phase of my life.


19~ Worship. Power, sleep, batteries, great ink pens, foot cream, waiting, answers to prayer-even if it’s not what I want to hear.

Knowing His plan is perfect & trying not to mess it up by haste& impatience& fear *& my strong self will-surrender is so sweet.


21~Release. A nice cat on my lap. The crow of a rooster. Sunlight on my head. The temple. Patience. The serenity prayer. An offer on the mobile home, options, guidance, forgiveness, non resistance is peace.


22~A beautiful sunrise. Reflecting on fertilizer (not artificial)-it is the waste from a living creature that creates nutrition for the soil-how strange that it is called “waste” the “bad” or “hard” stuff is not wasted-God uses it to fertilize and add nutrition to my growth. Waiting when it’s uncomfortable.


23~Each good thing makes more good things. Finally a night warn enough to leave the windows open, the family that is looking into my mobile home is delightful. Twinkles in children’s eyes, release, watching my Gpa & this stray cat fall madly in love with each other.


24~Living expectantly. Dead trees make good firewood, purpose, a dream about a dear determined to live, a dream I have of owning property, health insurance, a lead on a job & place to live, joy to behold when I seek it.


25~Waiting, allowing blessings, letting go opens my hands to receive blessings, being quiet brings blessings, my children, the Bonner County Fair, getting a job as a live in care provider part time, moving there on Monday, hot tea, trust, courage.


26~ Harmony. Boundaries, the poultry barn at the fair was exquisite, cows, goats, sheep, guinea hens, veggies, flowers, photography, bare feet, my job, hot weather, natural disasters can bring people closer together.


29~ A reminder to ask God to direct my thinking, the ability to choose the right, inspiration, truth, questions, accepting God’s Spirit, dancing flame in a wonderful smelling candle, noticing stillness, moving today into a live-in job of helping a delightful someone take care of a large house and acreage, change, leaving the buzz that has helped me practice tolerance behind in the travel trailer.


30~Abundance through giving. Fresh crisp line dried sheets, a new (to me) queen bed-ahhh to stretch my 6 foot tall body out, earplugs, getting settled, a dog named Gus, my home teacher, willingness to surrender my big mobile home to my mother, I am free from the utter bondage of resentment.


31~Looking for ways to be useful brings me closer to others. Curiosity, generosity, perfect temperatures, hot sun, writing, painted toenails, geraniums, honesty, connection, communication, walking barefoot.



July 2011

1-Calm faith. A beautiful bouquet of weeds J watching a bouncing baby deer with it’s mama, blue sky, relief, grief, being IN the difficultness of my current reality rather than trying to escape it. Shoes, being barefoot, painted toenails, classical music.


4~The true intensity of reality-and not evading it. Being Awakened. Observation. It may be one of the few days to break 80 degrees today, trains, the ability to serve. Vegetables, dew, hospitals.


5~Charity. God’s powerful plan for my life-waiting and watching it unfold by my willingness to ask for and receive it.  Miracles through pain, sunshine, heat, a great camera, fingernail clippers.


6~Faith. Dictionaries, unloading, writing, nice pens, insomnia gave me the opportunity to spend time with God. Sparkly dancing reflections of the crystal hanging in the window.


7~Asking for God’s blessing, part of God’s blessing is the pain of new growth. My gma is coming home today-she has been really sick. I get the honor of being a part of the team that helps her to die, facing uncertainty with faith, sunshine, bouquets of beautiful weeds, strawberries.


8~Choosing the right automatically puts me in a stream of God’s purpose. Seeing a side of my Grandma I never have before. She is quite funny. I am grateful for my memonry/health/ablitliy to walk/see/hear & comprehend. Crowing roosters from across the way. Being present.


9~”Doubt poisons all action”(24) I believe doubt is the opposite of faith. I believe (rational) fear and faith can exist at the same time-it’s called courage. It is an appropriate response for me to have some fear around my grandma dying; I have trust and faith in her process, I can practice faith and fear simultaneously.


10~Expecting miracles. People can change. Open to evolving into the person God intends, earbud headset, hospice, A Way Of Life (AWOL), new beginnings.


11~Simple effective faith. Linked to God’s heartbeat, deeply secure no matter what happens to be. Learning to give of myself in a capacity beyond what I have ever experienced and learning to surrender “the conditions” I have usually attached to giving (appreciation). This is one of my deep-rooted character defects is being dug up and rooted out.


12~Constant opportunity to serve, constant opportunity to forgive, relying on God, clouds, friends, the gift of surrender, tithe, daily quiet time, commas, the ability to speak, praying to listen more, sunglasses, naps, “easy does it” balance, awareness.


13~Hard things make me grow, sleeping with the windows open. Sleep.


14~Seeking. Peace of mind during severe persecution. God’s protection, heat on a cold morning. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous, connection, a new family, being of service, adjusting rather than resisting, birds.


15~Deep inner calm, progressive faith, tethering my cell phone to the laptop and getting internet at home, my temporary home helps me practice living in faith-not knowing what is around the bend, how funny my gma is, realizing my “need” for outward appreciation cripples me and my ability to be who God wants, dew on the grass.


16~Deeply secure. God’s protection & Power & Presence & Intent in my life. My thumbs. A day I filled to the max halted with words from my loving Father saying “Do Nothing”-relief that penetrates the soul. A massage from a wonderful gal. Rest. Balance. A new watch.


17~Willing to receive God. A day of rest, relief, picking pea pods that I planted, making time to read (that feels impossible at times), the 12 steps, my laptop.


18~ Reflection reflecting to me back what I am. Willingness to let go of the “need” of being appreciated in order to have more serenity (LOL-then I can appreciate more and not DEMAND it from others), I wrote in my journal “Father please send some money soon” & 2 days later someone I don’t know handed me a $100 bill. I praise my God. “Ask and you shall receive”


19~Deep peace of mind & serenity in a world gone mad, constant miracles-looking for them I find them. Longing for God’s will.


20~God’s guidance-even if it “seems” against common sense-I will trust. Restoration, forgiveness, appreciation, the song “Upheld by my Righteousness”, geese, integrity, bath robes, “Less is More”, donation bins, freecycle, joy beneath grief. I can still love vicious vindictive people who persecute me. Yes I still love deeply.


21~Space between thoughts. A little kid in a car that waved at me. Fresh strawberries, faith, bats, non resistance, the image of someone trying to hit me & I just step aside & let their punch and momentum go into the air of nothingness-pretty powerful not to engage in the drama no matter how deep the personal attack-it’s like God’s abundant grace. Elsie Barnhart.


22~Diversity, synergy, contribution, God’s unlimited power, quarterly meetings, missionaries, time, slowing down even if it is forced. Contentment under pain, OT’s, PT’s, chiropractors, massage therapists, heating pads, ice packs, prayer, miracles, sunshine.


23~Helpfulness bound in happiness, inner peace, July 23rd-this moment, learning to not resist the constant buzz in this trailer, trusting, apples, inner peace no matter what others are doing, learning to surrender intense back pain, insurance, deep breathing, focus.

Quote from a movie-          “Condition for a great miracle is impossibility”


25~ A stream of constant miracles-even in the turmoil of being in one of the most painful & difficult periods in my life. The movie “Fireproof”, forced rest, serving my grandparents, reducing, a new walking partner.


26~”The only thing that we may take are the things we have given away” (24) DETATCHMENT OF MATERIAL THINGS, God’s Spirit and guidance, that blasted buzz is helping me learn tolerance, hot water, raspberries, letting go no matter how painful-if it is His will is always a relief. (My farm, home, garden, orchard, chickens, dog, goats, berry patch, all the landscape of the beautiful space I was able to reside the last 18 years).


27~Walking humbly with God, this laptop, finding out that I am not “big boned” like I always thought (excusing my 230 average adult weight), at 6 foot tall 160 pounds with have a small frame (and clear head). Being in a healthy normal sized body for the first time in my life (thank you God for Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous), needing God to do that, bales of hey in the field.


28~Between me & one who persecutes me is my trust in God who shields & protects & helps me love her. Rainbows from crystals hanging in the windows. A hawks cry, my gpa is amazing, bonus minutes, ear bud head set/headphones, technical support.


29~Relief. A cat on my lap, my electric pressure cooker, plans, I am not ruffled if plans change, time. Hanging clothes on the line, organic produce.


30~Faith. Looking for the good, sunshine, birdcalls, yard sales, someone coming to help me today. Parts, release from worry, detachment from identity helps me stay open to God molding me, seeking & obtaining a horse hug.


31~The gift of gratitude. Practicing integrity. When bicyclers use arm signals (blinkers), when people use blinker in the round about. Sprinkles, watching deer graze. 2 men that gave a day of service to raise my sink, generous hearts.




June 2011

A new beginning. A dazzling view. Ease entering the uneasiness of this change. Letting go of the concept of “good” & “bad”. Spring greenness. Eating dandelion greens and fresh mint leaves from the yard. Faith. Knowing this experience is right-so right-even when it is difficult. Quiet time.


2~God’s grace. Settling in, spring green, staring, blankets, hooks & things for hanging stuff on, my car, Jesus Christ and His atonement, Heart-to-Heart (LDS based 12 step program), quiet time.


3~Love. Heat. Burners that work, the color green, abundance, “there is always enough” open hearts, acceptance, hunger.


4~Having God mold and shape me. Clarity, Graphs and charts, excel, my laptop, noticing joy, Epsom salt, spay and neuter clinics, a stray cat (I am a stray cat magnet), She’s on my lap now a lovin on me-she’s getting spayed today.


5~Listening patiently for the small still voice. Tender moments, sacrifice, fellowship, freedom, surrender, being single, cat carriers, cat hugs, Sabbath, a home for my geese where they will be loved. Tithe, concentration, testimony.


6~Saving grace. Friends, Needing God. Bare feet, windows, plastic bags, trees, sunshine, shadows, acceptance, adjustment, challenges, a sponsor I once had used to get excited when I would make mistakes-because I had the opportunity to learn and grow from them.’


7~Growing in grace-beauty-& power through God’s love, character molding, rear view mirrors, contact solution, sink plugs, lilacs-their penetrating beautiful smell & vivid purple colors, the melody of frogs singing and early bird twittering.


8~Inspriation. Asking God for insight, Handcarts, leather carrying cases, individual uniqueness, perfect timing.


10~Spiritual deposits, wise investments of time, unselfish acts of service. There is always enough. An electric pressure cooker, pulling weeds with my gpa, wide open spaces.


11~Investing in peace, nesting. Phases. Letting go of more stuff frees more space in my life for what truly matters. Special ring tones, mustard, voicemail, drawers, scriptures, blinds, daisies, cleaning brushes, lines, bags, structure, time, right now, pinto beans.


12~Obedience. Foundations, living with integrity-not stringent rules, but uncompromising principles based on what I believe God wants today. God, there’s usually sunshine behind fog, networks, reducing, practicing accepting uncomfortable feelings very often lately. A big moose out my window the 2nd day I was here. Being of service.


13~Missionaries, my “mission” now I understand it’s a local mission to be of service to my grandparents, mild temperature, lilacs, the new laptop is swell, drinking water, a call from the father of my children after years not hearing from him, answers to prayers, the more prayers uttered the more answers received. Guided.


14~”Spare no effort to become all that God would have you become” (24). Change, seeking, guidance, pausing when agitated, peaks, valleys, opposites bring meaning to each other, Nesting, finding a sense of home in my little space=no more wandering all over the house-it is all right there-everything I need.


15~Awe & wonder, God’s bounty. “You may count all material things as a loss if they prevent your winning your way to consciousness of God’s guidance”(24)


16~Happy twittering birds in the morning, purpose, calm, awareness of God’s constant companionship, Audio books, John Robbins, learning the truth confirmed by God’s Sprit, surrender, joy that is complete.


17~Enlightenment. Sadness. Joy. Feeling both emotions strongly at the same time. Pink lady apples. My gpa is amazing. Lemon water, June 17th-a wide open day with no plans.


18~Stregnth in silence. The intense surrender adds depth to my life more than I can begin to describe. Remaining anonymous at times. My imperfections, garments, plastic bags, friendly chickens-I am down with 4 with plans on giving them away. Learning tolerance.


19~Rhythm, structure, evolutions, daisies, choice, diligence, wool socks (in June?-ugh), someone told me summer will begin on Tues! Growing spiritually, quiet time.


20~ Integrity. Learning how not to speed, accepting what is, purpose, pink, smiley face stickers, dew, blessing from being faithful-the ability to hear the small still voice (my daughter think I am schizophrenic-if she could only know the immensity of the joy & direction & peace & contentment that comes from walking a righteous life with such a powerful God that loves us all beyond description- if only… I believe with all my heart one day she will. My prayers (and yours) are powerful)


21~Grumpiness passes. “…that 9 out of 10 things that at that moment upset us will shortly disappear. Problems solve themselves”(24)


22~Courage. Sitting in the pain and just letting it be what it is. Non-resistance.

‘If you resists what happens, then you are at the mercy of what happens. The world will determine your happiness & unhappiness” Eckhart Tolle Healing. The food I eat is so beautiful.


23~Pause. Quinoa, classical guitar, support, daisies, lupine, screens, bugs (means it is summer), friendships, deferring consumerism, learning the truth about how toxic eating animal products is, plant based diet with no sugar and flour. Today.


24~Waiting. Light blue, the right thing. A new haircut, a new hair cutting lady that I love! “go forward quietly along the path of duty” (24), quiet faith, direct guidance, quart jars, peach tea, sharing, Verizon wireless customer service.


25~Filled with the grace of God, when weakness becomes my greatest strength, worship, wonder, a wild flower bouquet of daisies & lupine & clover & some other beautiful weeds. Continual simplifying brings continual peace & contentment. Tea pots, space heaters.


26~Waiting. I rarely rush anymore, challenges, growth, pruning, Spirit led decisions, asking & waiting reaps more than just asking. Dots, hearts, doodling, change, my little space is helping me purity/simply/purge what isn’t needed. Clark Fork Idaho, singles, green ink.


27~Poise & peace of mind. Praying to be a conduit for God and His amazing blessings. Service. The immense power & miracle of flight, airplanes, stewardess with great humor, the nicest hotel room I have ever been in. Opportunity to let go of the “I hate traveling” thought. A pure clean life, a made bed. Joy. Letting go of complaining.


28~ Deep inner confident that everything is as it should be-even the painful stuff when I am seeking and following God’s will with all that I am.


29~A stray cat that visits, water, a friendly mosquito (I wasn’t’ so friendly-she isn’t buzzing anymore-but I am awake and out of bed and can spend this extra time with God-so I will be grateful for that friendly mosquito!) Bulk foods, reusing plastic bags, cloth bags, tidiness.


30~ Now is the time I have been made whole. A challenging constant buzz in my new 29’ home that helps me to learn acceptance & tolerance, choices, hot weather will come. Time to read. Sevens.


May 2011


1~Charity-love & caring for others. I have enough. Letting go. The moving sale is over. Knowing when to stop. Sabbath rest. Paying attention to now. My Savior Jesus Christ. (Yes Mormons are Christians).


2~”Easy Does It”. I really don’t need to do “just one more thing” if it creates imbalance and takes away from my spiritual life. Quiet. Stillness. Shadows, a clean desk (that’s rare!), purple velvet, big windows, tall ladders, things found in the middle of the road, some people found some real treasures (to them) at my sale. Today, right NOW.


3~Washed clean. The atonement, friends, a low-key day, the dictionary.


4~ A Developing desire to think about God and turn to His loving care constantly. Integrity-when my intentions meet my actions. Obeying the small still voice when I didn’t want to. Blessings.


5~Breathe in God’s Spirit. Empty self to let Spirit reside. Empty my material space from all the distraction. Cleaning up, fresh, renewal, hooks, wooden wood chimes, a daffodil blooming. Selling a broody hen for the purpose of fulfilling her hearts desire- to hatch babies. Plans for a big dinner in celebrating the close of this phase of my life. Letting go. Choice.


6~ Daring to suffer. A lovely dinner with close friends. Small and simple things produce greatness. Thrift stores. Dog sitting. Plan B, laughter, badminton, letting go of the stuff.


7~Choosing the right. Effort, text messaging, sincere heartfelt love, LOL the dog I am dog sit I would dedicate the song “Every breath you take (every move you make-ILL BE WATCHING YOU). A reminder on my phone to listen to general conference at night. Another carload of stuff to go. J Less is more.


8~Slow. Partaking in regular rest and prayer. 23 days until I move. A great day shopping with my daughter. Big fat rain.


9~Guided. Stickers, lots of green grass. One day it will be warm again-it just has to. Lots of people love me.


10~”Calmness is trust in action”(24). A clam methodical productive day at home yesterday. The bitter sweetness of leaving my spacious “mobile mansion” as I prepare to move into the 29’ “crusin cabin”, my last fire in the wood stove, goose eggs.




12~New strength outside myself. Fellowship. Peace. Hope. Safety. Pruning. Overhaul. Consideration. Thinking of others first. Dog sitting ends today. My personal space.


13~ Acceptance & tolerance of others. Ziploc bags.


16~Prayer changes things. Compassion. Noticing myself being stuck to thoughts/concepts that only hurt me with negativity (such as “I hate traveling”-well when I do travel I pack that thinking right into my travel. Or “I am tired” just confirms & reinstates & increases my fatigue). Prayer would change these things. Epiphany, paradigm shifts. Dancing.


17~ Preparing for eternity. Appreciation. Reuniting, green grass, blossoms, warm sweaters, reducing, a rug with chickens on it. I have enough-there’s always enough. Barter.


18~Fellowship. Joy. Servant leaders. Strength through humility.


19~Dependance on God & others. Tools, the right tools for the job, glorious sunshine. As the donation pile grows so does my freedom. Wheels, circles, multicolored pens. Blooming blossoms.


20~Helping others. Brave and trusting hearts. Heartfelt and intentional prayer for someone brings me closer to her and God. Fresh lines painted on the road. Wall hooks, plugs, electrical outlets. Amazing meetings with spiritual giants (who lead through humility). Instruction, edification, direction, sanctification, binding, glorification. Understanding and serving the needs of others with God’s guidance)


21~Obedience. Tithing my time. Consistency. Hot water. Now. My curly hair, dimples & shiny blue eyes, my overbite, crooked teeth and ugly feet. I just accept and love all of me.


22~Restoration. Sharing. Claiming God’s strength. The temple, the gift of the Holy Ghost, children, people who are not physically beautiful, challenges.




24~ The more I give away-the more I have. Spiritual strength. A laptop computer. The last week in the “mansion” A washer and dryer right in my house.


25~The gift of abstinence brings a clearer meaning & purpose to my life. Memories, being present for this moment, entry rugs, computer keyboards, promptings, listening, release from the illusion of control, acceptance.


26~Disipline manifests joy. Joy takes discipline. Rain, big blue pickups, moving furniture, help, help is always available, A goal today of smiling even if I don’t want to …


27~Dilegence, deep-rooted faith. Feeling deeply secure. My handyman does really nice work, a complete new support & sub floor & floor covering that is beautiful-one I have always wanted. The smell of cedar, peppermint tea, Praying out loud helps me to pay attention.


28~Everyone is uniquely useful. His Spirit. The smell of downy. Pictures, dedication, the greater I serve the greater my joy, balance, blooms, stickers, my handyman and his faithful service.


29~Connecting links, desire, helping others, praying intently before spending $-I felt direction. The broom, dandelions, things that have purpose.

Swenson says in his book In Search of Balance  (clutter)

“The vast majority of what we own is never used. It is, however, stored, stacked, piled, cornered, shelved, boxed, searched through, stepped on, walked around & at least minimally maintained. And every bit of that takes a nibble out of our balance”

30~One among many. Developing, divinity, participation, privileges, responsibilities, moving today, Help, sticky notes, pens, my bible, headset for my phone, a new-to-me laptop, letting go of the bulk of the tower.


April 2011

I am grateful for…


4~Practicing humility. Slowing down.  I don’t have to travel often (I really dislike traveling). Challenging myself not to criticize a person I am finding extremely challenging. The snow is melted. Prayerful people.


5~Miracles of change. God can interpret when I don’t understand another person (it REALLY helps when I ask for help & sit still & listen for His insight). Joy, stuff, yard sales, scriptures, missionaries, tarps, newspapers, free classifieds.


6~ Relax. “…relinquish every material thing and receive it back again from God. Do not hold on to earth’s treasures so firmly that your hands are too occupied to clasp God’s hands as He holds them out to you in love” (24). Going from 1900 to 230 sq feet sure helps with that! I am selling my fuchsia “mobile mansion”. I bought a 29’ travel trailer (“cruisin cabin”). I am grateful that I was asked to leave this (material thing) land I love with all my heart. This way I can put it fully into God’s hands and let go of most of my material possessions. I am preparing for a mission! (in whatever form that ‘mission’ may take)




8~I believe. Safety, Christmas lights, letting go, my toes, my dresser, deep inner joy mingles with a trace of grief as I pack and price most everything I own for a moving sale.

9~Love. Releasing the phantoms-the boogieman of what I think can hurt or scare me. Most of it isn’t real. My car, doctrine, contemplation, connection.

10~A humble heart. Selling stuff, wooden wind chimes, rides, great joy, rest, work, I have learning opportunity when I over do. Hoses, green grass, goaties. I am forced to build secure fences instead of monkey rig. (Goats have magical powers-they can get out of almost every fence that exists)


11~Authentic. Living the way I believe God wants me to regardless of what others think. Sharing Petey (a dog) with my new neighbor-who happens to be my oldest daughter!


12~Expressions of faith, allowing God’s power in my life. Having needs, having enough, there’s always enough. My prayer for today-

 That you will see your self as God sees you. Please take the time to ponder this.


13~ Gentleness. Living in the Spirit of prayer. The sweet tears of grief finally came. Goat kisses. Doing what I don’t want to do when it is the right thing to do. Lazy susans, stillness, balance, turbulence, movements, forgiveness, big windows, time.


14~Core priorities, balance, poise, inner peace, stillness, grief, pausing to ask God what the next indicated thing is when my brain is full and thoughts want to suffocate me.


16~ Loving others backed up with actions of love. Black cohosh, vitamin D, yearning to not be critical, scripture, grief.


17~Wandering in Faith. Confirmation, More unknown in my future that I can ever remember. Practicing faith. Surrendering criticism. Preparing, Positions, shadows. 45 days left on this beloved property. Opportunity for true surrender, my electric furnace. Purple.


18~ Sincerely caring, learning deep levels of honest-even to the level of not lying about Santa clause. I think it hurts less to know the truth rather than to find out later your have been deceived.


The following was written in a deep state of depression-

Depression. Yes I am grateful for depression. God has given it to me as a gift. It is a way to serve Him. I have a malfunction in my brain, it is biological (not situational). After I have done all I can do with lifestyle (especially diet) emotionally, cognitively, & physically. These all require me to take action first for the “feeling” to follow. (The “feeling” often doesn’t feel better in depression) After doing these things, and I am still down I know it is not my “fault” (blame is usually irrelevant). Then, I know it is from my God who loves me. He could remove it, but instead lets me learn more about Him and myself. I have learning not to struggle and fight depression-it will win. Clinical depression is bigger than I am. I accept it . It doesn’t mean I pull the covers over my head and sink further into it. It means letting it happen and accepting the reality of now. Depression is not bad. I am not bad. Depression CAN be difficult and uncomfortable. I choose to practice being comfortable with it. I have to put GREAT effort into this when just putting one foot in front of the other is unbearable and seemingly impossible. When the mental fog envelops me and steals my clarity. When sadness comes in such waves I cannot stop the tears. Oh how deep and real it can feel. Yet when I look at my life-it is the same on the outside as it was on a very recent day when I wasn’t depressed. So it is not due to situational circumstances. (Although I have plenty of hard stuff) so fundamentally all is well-I still practice gratitude. I know there is joy in my life-it’s just I can’t feel the joy-but I can CHOOSE joy without warm fuzzies. It is not a bad day; just one I won’t get through without crying. The pain is real-but it doesn’t have to hurt me. The joy is real-but I don’t have to feel it to know that I have it. My God uses my depression to help others. So for today I accept it as a gift and that it is to help mold me into the person He wants me to be. I will be happy to exchange this gift-and I am certain I can do that in His perfect timing. I love my Heavenly Father so much I am willing to gladly accept depression today as a way to serve Him.


Here is a dialogue I had with God a while back-

Oh Father,

Forgive me for my lack of attention and time. I didn’t pray at our regular time or read Your Word. My quiet time was noisy. I am sorry.


You are forgiven my child. You are showing up now-and now is what we have-now is the best time to spend with Me. Your fear is distracting you. Why don’t you release it to me? I will carry your burden-just let it go. Breath. Feel my presence settle over you-calming, soothing, brining you right here to now. I have given you lots of refining, because you are strong and courageous and you have an appetite to get closer to me. In order to do that you must walk thorough some coals into my open arms. The rewards are indescribable. Rest. Crawl into my lap-put your head down and let me stroke your hair dear child. I know how you like that. I love you.


19~ Quiet Satisfaction. Glory. Abundance-so much that it needs to be given away for more and better to come in (and it keeps getting better the more I let go!). The depression broke-it ALWAYS passes, remembering that in the middle of it. Vinyl getting put down in my kitchen-completing the remodel of my house. I will put it for sale now. My “Mobile Mansion” has served me well for 16 years.


20~On the right path. A good healthy cry about the complete rejection of my family of origin. Classifieds. That the big role of vinyl flooring that I have been tripping over for 3 years is finally laid on the kitchen floor. I get to enjoy it for 42 days, hugs, purpose in pain, lessons to learn, tools, eyelashes & nose hairs to protect  me.


21~Renewal. Determination to do God’s will. I am not the person I used to be (THANK YOU GOD!) I’m not the person I am becoming. Being the person I am now.  A nice vacuum. 41 days until one of the biggest ‘new beginnings’ I have ever had. I feel God’s comfort through it all. It is so difficult to leave all the love and nurture I have put into this beloved farm. But I have God’s love & nurture to have and take with me where ever I am. Nourishment.


22~Steadfast obedience. Friendly people. Selling things, worship, saw horses, the pretty purple confetti kitchen floor, hangers, pink ink, my job, putting ‘sit still’ on my list of things to do.


23~Cooperation with God yields much joy! Guidance. Feeling & assurance of His presence. Spending time with my Ali. Food storage, glass gallon jars, people that sing.


24~ Grace. I don’t always know what’s best for me-but God does. “Less is more” Less of me is more for God’s Spirit to reside. Less “stuff” is more time/money/spiritual presence/room/energy/focus and all this =MORE freedom! God is preparing the way.


25~Harmony, joy, beauty, joy & happiness. Abundant joy mingled with grief. The deepest and most profound feeling that everything is exactly right & as it should be as I prepare to leave my beloved farm and land I have cared for and resided on for 25 years-more than half my life. Downsizing, the skill saw, I have enough-I have abundance. I am satisfied.


26~Submission-release-action. “Ceaseless activity is not God’s plan for your life. Time withdrawal for renewed strength are always necessary. Rest. I pray that I may learn how to rest & listen as well as how to work” (24)


27~ Spiritual vision. Organizing to sell my worldly possessions, watching people grow emotionally & spiritually as they shrink physically is so amazing, Christmas lights, baskets, pens, letting go. Tick tock of the clock.


28~Submision. I will have less stuff after this weekend (moving sale), cleansing rain, steadiness, open doors, being warm enough, containers, joy, maroon ink, candles, true repentance, angry rain, mental workouts, some one delivered and set up a free washer when I wasn’t home! (got to love being a Mormon!!)


29~Hope, Harmony. Strength. Weakness. Florescent pink, moving sale today, tape, note cards, sharpies, stickers, acceptance.


30~Sunshine of God’s love, warmth. Knowing there is divine spark even when I don’t feel it. Warm weather WILL come, tarps, friends, new friends, service.




1~Consistantly patiently & joyfully seeking hope. Seeing Cassandra smile & laugh, being emotionally present. Family home Evening.


2~Humility. Dog kisses & cuddles, the freezer, long socks, baskets, the Love of God, Today, communication, healing.


3~Joy. Specific prayer, tick tock of the clock, noticing inspiration, paper.


4~Quiet Happiness. Choices. Working for God He promises to bless me beyond measure. The dog door, listening, my prayer list, acceptance, intellect, strengthening intellect through study.


5~Relaxing & Accepting. The abundant grace of God. I can disagree with something –yet accept it. God used my experience with depression to help someone. Fresh snow (there is no use complaining about it so I will be grateful for it). Now.


6~ Working for God-with God and His strength to touch others with His love.


7~Hunger for spiritual development. Wanting God’s will for me above all else. Quiet time develops spiritual muscles, preparation, depth, sacrifice. Richard Swenson, Ecart Toile, ink pens, paper, planning miracles with God.


8~Joy of fellowship. “Fellowship among spiritually minded people is the embodiment of God’s purpose for this life”(24). Having 2-3 people tell me about not running faster than I have strength & then reading it in my daily scripture reading. Amazing abundance in ‘less is more’.


9~Honesty. Invitation, meetings, tenacity, endurance, never giving up through constant surrender, inspiration, snow that doesn’t stick, mud, missionaries, change.


10~Heavy rain melts snow J. Goats, the smell of hay, influence, working for God. Change, beautiful stepping stones of growth, commitment. Communion. Community, prayer.


11~Quiet. Character. Beauty. Inner Beauty. Impression, reflection, action, inaction. “I pray that I may look at great souls until their beauty of character becomes a part of my soul. I pray that I may reflect this character in my own life”(24). Lace, street signs, red flags, awareness, pink ink, vanilla scent, tick tock of the clock has been lulling my soul lately.


12~Seeking & learning to be who God intends me to be. Authentic, simplicity, humble reverence, freedom from unnecessary fear. Calendars, the big picture, having abundance, paying extra in my school loans. Deep contentment. No crisis right this moment, the peace of accepting reality.


13~Enlightenment. Spiritual development, harmony with God when I get out of the way.


14~Perserverance. Wanting to get all worked up about something that isn’t “mine” and then letting it go-I have enough to deal with without depleting myself with unnecessary baggage-what a relief.


15~Praise. Colors, the next indicated thing, mud, perspective, rocks, intellect, exercising my brain daily.


16~Rejecting material distraction, concentration, singleness of purpose, service, praise.


17~Nestled in Calm. Striving to wear the world as a loose garment. Someone gave me a Bard rock (chicken) on Tues-last night she came and knocked (pecked) on my door, She walked right in and made herself at home. She roosted on my desk and went to sleep. I had a chicken friend have a sleep over! What a gift!


18~Simple Trust. Today-right now. (I have a chicken sleeping on my desk again this morningJ). Persistent prayer, gracious acceptance, spiritual exercises, out of town Ward conferences.


19~The magnitude of God’s love. Libby Montana, God’s Spirit is always available, worthiness, monologues, Relief Society, Visiting Teaching, being touched to tears.


20~Meaningful Truth. When people don’t fill the air with irrelevant words. The snow is melting. An eviction notice means God has some amazing plans for me. Prayer. Opportunity.


21~Deeply secure. Joy beyond description. Communication. The headset for my phone, good sleep, service, perspective, new friends, clarity, rarely rushing anymore.


22~Spiritual growth is exponential, constant supply and source from a powerful God, a “meek & lowly” Savoir who is my role model. Fundamentals, receiving by giving, increased health, my toes, a burning deep in my heart to share the gospel & powerful freedom of the love contained in it to embrace the world.


23~Abundance. Victory. Strength through humility, helping others, safety.


24~Trusting. The smell of fresh lemon. Bonfires, chainsaws, rakes, pine needles, splitting malls, gloves, the smell of smoke on my clothes & in my hair, postcards, expression in written word. Heart-t-Heart, before honor is humility.


25~Spiritual Development happens most profoundly by the small simple daily practices.


26~Relief from incessant thinking. A larger that expected tax return. Another debt paid in full-all that is left is school loans! How exciting. There’s always enough-I am satisfied even in lean periods. The power of prayer. Prayers answered, personal integrity.


27~Open. Focusing on what really matters-& it’s not “stuff”. Improvement. A clean floor, stickers, drawers.


28~Obedience. Trials do have purpose. Adjusting, acceptance, joy, nails, season changes, tool boxes, service, twinkles, connection, home teachers, goats.


29~Deep unshakable peace. The truth. Hearing “Above all don’t be selfish” Goose eggs. A gift of avocados, yard sale stickers, letting go of stuff makes “I don’t need anything” a dominate thought.

 I have enough.


30~Calm. I am learning I don’t have to defend myself even if accusations aren’t true. I am not a victim (a long term difficult lesson with years of retaining my thinking). I can use the opportunity to practice humility & see if any part of it is true & ask God to help me grow. The prayers “Bless them, change me”


31~Offerings. Worship, fresh air, our Father in Heaven.


February  2011 I am Grateful for…


1~Fresh starts. Books, hunger for reading, research, today, acceptance, the serenity prayer, anticipation (like a kid at a Christmas) for the next phase of spiritual growth. Designs, patterns, pink polka-dots, flexibility.


2~”The more love I give away, the more LOVE I have”(24). I love growing older!


3~My grandma, honeysuckle, my faith and God’s power produce miracles, reading, learning, naps, contacts, my job, giving some money away-then God doubles it and gave it back, heading towards spring, longer days of light.


4~Reflecting—Storing up treasures in heaven-not on earth. Band-Aids, acceptance, seeing my selfishness and asking God for help, book shelves, letting go of stuff, lists of things to do.


5~ The gift of setting down the struggle. Learning, allowing change, letting go of my perception of my identity to let God mold me, my biggest desire is to serve God-when that intention merges into action.


6~Longing to dwell in His presence. A technology fast from electricity & phone today. Prayer, candles, sleep.


7~Time. The time of now is always. Learning to shift my focus to now.

Yesterday’s unique experience was enlightening (pun). I have so much-including time-the light bulb gives me many hours a day-to many if I am not careful.


8~Waiting. Trust. Guidance. My gentle wind chime alarm that wakes me up, being of service, my daughter called and wanted to come over.


9~ Commitment. Release from fear. Light bulbs, reading Healthy at 100 by John Robbins was very delightful. Time to read is nourishing me, balance, preparation, walking, the ability to walk, my legs.


10~ Pruning. “less is more”, choices, healing, growth, permanent markers. My Heavenly Father blesses me financially (I believe it is because I gave some money away). A bill I thought I owed $750 was at ZERO. Wowza! So He gave almost $1000 back to my $100. (if you feel prompted, with no hidden motives to give $ away-I highly recommend it!)


11~Learning to cherish waiting.


12~The most important day of my life. I am getting my endowments at the temple today. The amazing progression of getting to know my Heavenly Father better, Significance, symbolism, time, trains, new colored pens. Giving and receiving unexpected gifts, my housemate has arrived. Today-right now. Celebrating 11 years of sobriety today.


13~Enlightened. Confusion is an opportunity to learn & grow in understanding.






16~Deep calm. Silence, stillness, patience, community, feeling well balanced, right now.


17~Worhip, learning unconditional love, an open heart, e-bay.


18~ Ambition, unquestioning confidence in God. My sister and all I have learned from her through the years. Letting go of what isn’t working. Deep contentment, the geese are home-Oh how I love their honking! Fresh white snow. Consistency, change, my blankets.


19~Enduring to the end, courage, spiritual secrets that are unlocked when I wait on God. Guidance, strength, patience, wind chimes, singing monks, smiley face stickers, pertinent information, the delete button, files, organization, love.


20~Cooperation. Rest, working for God and not man. I have abundance, ritual, whenever I let go of material I get so much more back. The beauty that surrounds me.


21~ Partnership with God, Finding insurance that is less expensive, schedules, planners, financial security with very little $ J


22~I pray that I may live as God would want me to live. The gift of enthusiasm, stickers, willingness, action, prayers, persistence, taking the action of doing something I didn’t “feel” like produced the feeling of joy after just doing it anyway.


23~The grace of God. Sharing, faith, safety in a storm, my water didn’t freeze-In fact-I have running hot & cold water that goes to several places in my home. What an amazing gift!


Quotes from Richard Swenson’s Margin:

·       “Crowded lives produce fatigue & fatigue produces irritability & irritability produces indifference…and indifference produces a lack of genuine care & that damages ourselves and those we love.” (like our kids)

·       “Speed does not yield devotion”

·       Would Jesus have bypassed the leper because His calendar said He was late for the Nazareth Spring Banquet?”

·       “What does God think of “efficient prayers”

·       “He is not temporally pushy…God is easy to forget. He just waits…and waits.

·       “Recognizing unnecessary possessions for what they are: stealers of divine time.


25~Service, the power of true humility, winter will pass, wool socks, laughter, PMS tea. There’s always always something to be grateful for-even when it is difficult to find (I’m GRMUPY). Glasses, lamps, fancy ink pens, drawers, notebooks, challenges that help me to grow, patterns, charts.


26~ Enough. I have everything I need.


27~I am well, whole, & calm.


28~ Spiritual preparation. Revival. Being a minuscule part of leadership (Stake Single’s Rep) in such an amazing organized humble group of people in my church confirms my heart with all certainly that the church is true. With that statement I don’t judge other churches as false-they all have truth. There’s such freedom in that. There is such unconditional love and sincere caring (the kind that invests personal time and commitment) for its members (flock) that I am moved to tears.

This video                                  There once was a Goose named Maria...





January 2011


1~God’s Guidance, Wisdom & Strength. Change. A new season of growth with a new sponsor, a change in my food plan that is more in line with what I believe God’s will is for me (less animal products), my electric furnace, touch lamps, warm clothes in intense cold.


2~Hope & Courage. Today, right now-this moment. A surprise check in the mail, comfort level billing, energy efficient Christmas lights, Sabbath, Free weekend minutes, love.


3~Open, Renewal, flow, sweep, unfolding mysteries, teachers, acceptance, microphones (oh how I love microphones!), inspiration, The Book of Mormon.


 4~ Right now. I am truly a food addict, which enables me this incredible recovery. Joy.


5~ Relaxation. “When I am relaxed-Gods Strength will flow into me. I will be at peace” (Twenty-four Hours a Day= (24)), Conflict helps me to grow & gives me opportunity to surrender obsessive thinking. A vacuumed floor, change, quiet, activity, notebooks.


6~Dicipline. Letting go of useless thoughts (which seems to be most of them-most of “thinking” is just noisy chatter that clutters), contemplation, peace, acceptance, really good books, being a Mormon-Oh how I love being a Mormon!


7~Silence. Value. Deep reflection instead of unrelenting thinking, rain, wool socks, receipts, being of service, today-right now this very moment, eyelash dye, blessings.


8~ Blessed affliction, when I see the purpose in pain, things that build my strength & character, acceptance, trust, serenity, I m so glad all this rain isn’t snow-my house would be buried!


9~Patient faith. Long fingers, ping-pong, courage, revival, the electric furnace, learning more about God every day (that I seek that growth), time, sheer joy.


10~Power in humility. A year ago today the Holy Spirit brought powerful conviction to be baptized & joint the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. “This new way of life will alter my whole existence” (24) and boy-Howdy has it ever! 2010 was one of the years of most profound spiritual growth-a spiritual oasis.


11~Abiding in His presence.


12~ Grateful for gratitude & the profound difference in my life practicing it makes, silence, noise, hearing, listening, paying attention, crisp awareness, wanting to be present, waking up more to this very moment.


13~ The refining process brings me loser to God. Today I am not in one (a refining process), deep breath, playing games, lots of good time with my eldest daughter. Lessons in patience that aren’t to painful. Praying fervently.


14~ The Twenty-four Hours a Day book. Striving to overcome selfishness, surrender, every bit of self I surrender allows God will mold me into the person He intends me to be-my true self. Whenever I let go I receive so much more.


15~Relax. Reminders, soul balance, God’s strength, melting snow, contentment, doing something completely new.


16~ All the little things do really matter, harmony. Mormon Tabernacle Choir, noticing, perseverance, growth, committees, colors, heavy night rain, contemplation, stillness, organization, dashes, right now.


17~ Understanding. Not being in a hurry, baby hugs, leaving things that don’t need to said left unsaid, less verbal clutter (it’s everywhere), My Heavenly Father and His abundant immense love for all of us.


18~ Slow. “the process”, time spent invested in my spiritual growth pays great dividends, faith, asking in prayer can be faith in action. God’s abundant gifts, companionship, plans, ‘faith is a verb’


19~The journey is each moment’s destination. (Think about that)

God knows the desires of my heart more than I do. Things that strengthen my spiritual life. Looking for insight/awareness/accepting. Purity.


20~Available for spiritual growth, striving for being at one with God, attracting what I think (pray) about, bubbles, my down comforter.


21~Gunuine authenticity.

Contemplating-the things that matter most are not material but spiritual. That concept is one of the hardest to live. I am soooo grateful for that paradigm shift in my life.

Rearrangement in furniture is refreshing, fresh beautiful snow, oatmeal, time.


22~Thank you God for this amazing life. A housemate is coming, the big picture. Today. Focusing on spiritual instead of material.


23~Breathing in God’s power when I am willing to be close to Him. I was baptized exactly a year ago-the most significant decision I have ever made. Joining an amazing family. Studying how to stay in the present-NOW, simplifying my thoughts, listening,


24~ Long pauses from incessive, love, opportunity for growth, change, consistency. Glory-the intensity of God’s love.


25~The Kingdom of God. Dimensions, purple ink, there’s no ending within growth, time-precious time, electricity, the amazing work people who fix the electric lines in every storms so I can have electricity-makes me happy to pay the bill. Not living in exception the “they” (whoever “they” are) owe me.


26~ Calm. Fire, wood, crackling, heat, the smell of smoke, dancing flames, noticing, sleep, change, doctors, genuine care, resting from thinking as often as possible, right NOW-this moment. (See a theme for me lately?)


27~ Seeking God’s love & peace & calm. The gift of obedience, the snow fell off the roof so I don’t have to shovel it, silence, shadows, road construction (they are fixing the amazing roads dude!) the truth, enlightenment.


28~Trusting now. Pencils, erasers, the gift of the Holy Spirit, chicken poop (gardeners get me here), shovels, pitchforks (guess what I did today?), help, reducing, a new way of life.


29~Stiving to become the person God intends. “I am the builder, but God is the architect”(24). Releasing money, paying off 1 of my school loans last night! Investing in my spiritual life first, this amazing journey.


30~ Restoration “I pray that my soul may be restored in quietness & peaces” (24) Being single, powerful learning experiences, feeling the joy of God’s Spirit to the depth of my soul (goose bumps and everything), warm fuzzies, pens with silk flowers connected to them, gentleness, snow shovels, decks, missionaries, pine trees, goats, prayer, green eggs.


31~ Sacrifice & suffering are value of to me, Recognizing excessive wasteful noisy thinking in my head and asking God to be free from it, practical faith, time for joy.

Contemplate that-  Time for Joy….







I am Grateful for . . .


December 2008

 I am grateful for. . .


When I am able to soften the stem look on people’s faces by taking the time to reach them in whatever way God shows me, volleyball, Yokes Fresh Market, being sober, being single, that I will one day be married when God intends it, living in the town I grew up in, seeing my first kiss dude today.


Verizon wireless planted a tree in my honor because I went to a paperless bill. J Gee that’s great.


Proverbs 30:8 “ .. Give me neither poverty nor riches, Feed me food allotted to me, lest I be full and deny you, and say “who is the Lord” or lest I be poor & steal and profane the name of my Lord”, balance, cherishing my abstinence, good shoes, when people call me back, laughter, variety, my pink watch.


Our God is an awesome God, Sandy B, feeling secure, adjusting food plan to what my body needs, love, getting invited to a Christmas party, my kids are doing well, playing Chinese checkers with my grandma, going on a walk and seeing a beaver, geese, & ducks, letting the stillness embrace me, deep contentment.


Learning experiences, out reach calls, fundamental truths that are tested by time and experience, learning to be right with humility, when people don’t talk on their cell phones while being waited on by another human being, Christmas lights, Christmas music, charts, giving, candles, slippers, the crackling of wood in the stove, spiritual foundations, Jesus, principles, promises that come true, spiritual awakenings, not many of these concepts are my ideas-I just relish in them and share these precious jewels, knowledge is better that riches, time, quiet time daily.


Hippopotamuses, jolly people, that I don’t drink, my washer and dryer, vacuum cleaner filters, wrist supports, independence that depends fully on God, paradoxes, abstinence, Angel.




The privilege and honor to have a lifestyle many people only dream of-

Living in the country, having a garden, heating with wood, chickens that lay eggs, water from a well with NO chlorine and NO fluoride added, drinking whole raw (NOT pasteurized and NOT homogenized) milk (from cows that have names), having fruit trees and enough land to work available. It is truly amazing and I love my life!



My car, working out my bank balance & seeing nothing there and 20 minutes later reading out of Proverbs 8 “…bestowing wealth on those who love me & filling their treasuries” claiming that promise. A single dog leash for 2 dogs, getting to take care of horses while someone is away, dedicated people who serve.


An average day, my neighbor, a big moon, clocks, a new chicken that I named Marsha, knowing exactly how much debt I have, the days are going to start getting lighter longer soon, spare change, grocery bags, eggs, slippers, brooms, drawers, online banking, Christmas lights, joy & peace, this day is a gift from God, fellowship.


My body knows the truth, getting out of my head made me feel better yesterday.


A big first snow, cleaning the chicken coup, chicken poop (if you grow things-you will get that), the idea of being snowed in tomorrow, my “system” of doing things, purple ink, my dishwasher, toenail clippers, Fridays at home.


Fresh ginger & lemon steeped on the wood stove in a glass pan overnight, healing hippie abstinent brews, getting great wood that is easy to split, getting horse hugs, a friend over for dinner, a day that I bordered on boredom, getting to brush a horse’s mane out, making a difference, companionship. 


Electricity, gloves, hats, scarves, my down coat, blankets, birch bark, a good audio book with an excellent reader/performer, dog hugs, amends, forgiveness, rest, funks pass (I am in one now), I still see and know of the light on the horizon, leaning on God, mentors, being a mentor, letting go of things I want when God wants me somewhere else-surrender is amazing, my car started on a frigid day, I have enough to stay warm when it is –7 plus a biting wind chill.


Learning to take the despair out of depression, an open day, reading external matters don’t create happiness, but a lifestyle of doing the right thing creates happiness (paraphrased).


Mint tea, when I let God use my human limitations for His great power, sparkles in the snow, the last payment on a lingering debt, creditors that work with me, being of service, the smile on my dogs face when he runs with his sweater on-he thinks he looks purty and loves it, funny emails, time, friends, Eli Stone.


Getting snowed in, freedom


The Christmas lights that come on 15 minutes before my gentle alarm ring tone wakes me up, sleeping well, direction from a wise woman, tea tree oil, getting to live off the land yesterday, simplifying, a warm house, email, safety, feeling better, snow shovels, a strong body for shoveling the more than 2 feet of snow we got yesterday, the neighbor that plows, the pretty designs that sparkle on my dog’s collar, how he cuddles with me at night, a day at home, love, God will send a roommate when the time is right, learning to wait, notebooks, purple ink, curtains.


Recognizing red flags, genuine humility, anonymity, principles before personalities, sparkles in the air on a crisp day.


People who lead with their weakness, erasers, my computer monitor, intuition, audiences, silk flowers.


Pondering “Including God in all my decisions”


This amazing spiritual oasis, trust, people who keep on showing up even when it’s difficult, inspiration,, splitting malls, chickens, that wonderful sinking into the mattress feeling when I lay down in bed, the funny way my dog sits-it makes me smile, asking people “what is the best thing that happened in your day?” A wonderfully fun 7 weeks as a temp Wal-Mart cashier, I love working with the public, revelations at quiet time, being protected by God’s grace, just a great day all around, I was looking for it-so I found it.


Being of service today, surrendering my agenda, more snow, that I can stay home (I think) for a couple of days through this next foot of snow, boot dryers, a good stretch, snow pants, Christmas lights, joy, my savior, resting assured, lines, reducing, expanding non material, my parallel bible, great bible reading.


Getting to witness these record-breaking snow falls:

1.      Most snowfall in 24 hours

2.     Most snow fall in December

3.      The most snowfall on Christmas day.

A young strong body to shovel, getting laid off so I have time to shovel, having my nephew over for Christmas break, no rushing around the holidays for me, the absolute freedom of letting the holidays be what I think God intends for me, Accidentally making cheese (I was trying to make yogurt and let it sit too long)- what a fun accident, sledding, all 4 of my animals are in the room with me, flax seed oil on sale.


I see some of my positive influence on my daughter coming through in her actions- seeing her do the right thing even though it’s harder, not rushing blindly into big decisions, not eating over intense unknown feelings that attacked me this afternoon.


The days are now getting longer, this immense amount of snow is sure beautiful, I have time to deal with it, the closing of a marvelous miracle filled year.


Time to be supportive to a friend in need, numbers, shovels, a neighbor helped me shovel the very big snow plow birm at my driveway, God is always with me, my garden that is buried under A LOT of snow-knowing it is there gives me comfort, quiet time, not losing power or phone through this intense weather, having enough.


The amazing job the county and city does plowing, someone snow blew my driveway today, my car handles very well in the snow (for how short it is-grin).


Goose eggs, a moonlight chicken sledding adventure with my nephew, having some one-on-one time with each of my girls, a spiral menu planner notebook, being still after a raucous day, sparkles in the snow, nestled in for the next big storm, pitch, Q-tips.


Lists, checkmarks, hunger, humility, blankets, reading 2 pages of the Alcoholics Anonymous book every night-God arranged that I would finish it on the last day of the year, neat simple endings and beginnings, daily sobriety renewals, my bedroom.


Resolution, relief from chaos and pain, staying emotionally present during something difficult, love, wooly, painting a room, wind chimes, chickens, Lisa the turkey (she is like a dinosaur) Greg the goose that is a girl sure has been lovey lately.


I am so profoundly grateful for 2008. I was catapulted into an intensely deep spiritual dimension by getting clean with the food. FA showed me how to do that, and I am so grateful. I hope to share with others this profound miracle and clarity of not using food addictively. I am so privileged.



November 2008   I am grateful for. . .


Nice people, good boundaries, roads, taxes, seeing my youngest daughter yesterday, special ring tones, a purring cat, my computer, staying at home all day and working at my desk, a clean kitchen, great outreach calls today.


God’s power & love, expecting great things, an appointment to see my grandparents today, free weekend cell phone minutes.


Patience, diligence, amusing things, the look on my dogs face when I tell her how pretty she is-it makes me want to tell everyone they are pretty to see if I can solicit the same joy J, experiencing the dawning of everyday, buffalo tongue, red neck jokes, laughter, joining a team at Wal-mart-the associates seem to really enjoy each other and what they do-it’s refreshing, stability, variety, acceptance of all things that happens today as part of the “process” God intends for me, the alarm and calendar in my cell phone, joy, when people are nice to Wal-mart cashiers. J


Systems that work, deep meaningful prayer, team work, reasonable people that are strong in the beliefs and have good boundaries.


A wonderful retreat, nice smelling shampoo in my travel bag, learning a valuable lesson about my selfishness-and how it could domino & affect many people, the same goes with service.


A clean kitchen, orthotics, humility, red heads, insurance, starting the cashier position today, vans, laughter, tests, pretty floors, cuddling with God, Christmas music, rain, things that twinkle, no caffeine, attraction when it is the way God intended, the notebook in my purse, getting lots of hugs, vocabulary, when I get to learn a new word. I want what I have in my life, decisions.


My first day at work went very fast, the process of surrender isn’t fun-but the rewards are great, living alone, my dog, seeing other people’s spiritual awakenings, meetings.


Slippers, jars, ladders, tables, my dresser, clearance sales, green, freedom from mediocrity, Kleenex, mascara.


A beautiful bright full moon on a clear night, quote from a tea bag “Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely” (Rodin), containers, a penetrating richness to my life, someone sharing they took the time to notice they were grateful for ‘The smell of a pear’, Burt’s Bees products, silly ring tones, honesty, peeling off layers of self (will), releasing the last stages of FAA- I was in so deep because of service positions it took a while to fully get out, deep relief to join FA where everyone that is abstinent has a service position, there are MANY abstinent members doing service-it’s refreshing & alive & not stagnate, time debiting much less in my life, I don’t want stagnancy in my life,  rhythm/structure/routine that tingles with hope & life. Wow dude that’s intense! That’s exciting, that’s recovery in FA.


Commitment, looking for the principle, being told no, a conversation with God on paper-so spiritually intimate and insightful and satisfying.


Opportunity, intimacy with God, Simplicity, not being stressed about the holidays, freedom from holiday obligation, patience, slowing down, my stereo, my journal, my touch lamp, down comforter, new shoes, a new life with a renewing (and pruning) of my spirit, books.


A good cuddle with the cat, learning community, envelopes, the cross on my neck-what it means in my life, hugs, learning how to be more intimate with God, spiritual mentors, love, joy, peace, my debts shows me the slow steady process of what consistent payments can do. Prayer is that way.


Watching my dog when he is happy-he can’t help but jump for joy. I had a happy day, I love working with the public, relief, empathy, when I can see Jesus shinning through people’s eyes, nice compliments, a daily calling schedule with my sponsor, I’m worthy to go through my process, intuition, truth, joy, the dawning of a new phase, a different purse.


Connection with others, customers, kitty cats, compliments, not having secrets, God’s Word speaking to me, heaters, a lovely head covering for prayer, no stress about the holidays, yams on sale for .38 cents a pound, eating turkey and yams every week because I like them, a nice ring tone to wake up to, variety, love, surrender, resources, wind chimes.


This deep spiritual written dialogue with God:

(Me writing) (A person who is hammered by the disease of food addiction and it shows, not only in her weight, but the haggard look and her sad heart) _____ is hurting Lord. Please give her the answers she needs. Use me.

(GOD) Keep praying for her. I am calling her name. She is beautiful.

I sobbed. God told me this lady was beautiful! That He is calling her name!


It’s not all about me, goats, feeling impatient about something and hearing God’s voice to wait & just trust, time spent with my best friend, excel spread sheets, knowing where my (God’s) money went by keeping tack for almost a year, clarity, pretty pictures, looking forward to the brilliance of the first snow.


Principles before personalities, a new week, opportunity for growth.


Jumping for joy inside my body, God’s constant reminder to slow down and be still, peace, being in this exact moment, dialoging with God is one of the deepest spiritual experiences I have had & it is happening almost daily! Energy assistance, food banks, circles, Co-workers, floor mats, my fingers (they are handyJ for counting change), silliness, frost, glad it hasn’t happened yet-but anticipating the first snow with joy and excitement-it is so fresh, being catapulted into another spiritual dimension that is still-not stagnate, vibrant tranquility.


The softest socks I have ever felt, a very large platform in which to share joy (Wal-Mart), new pants, oysters, a good stretch.


A slow relaxing stress-free thanksgiving, that I practice the concept of giving thanks every day, my kitchen, my dishwasher, prayers, punctuality.


A new week, a deep penetrating appreciation for my abstinence & the FA fellowship, time, a great weekend with my kids, fresh green beans, rice, potatoes, oats, simplicity, candles, being in a spiritual oasis-how refreshing, letting go of irrelevancies, learning to discern what is irrelevant, cows, trees, winter time, tires, pen holders, soft music, calendars, schedules, customers.





Jealousy is not something I struggle with, God uses tragic events to draw people close to Him, visualizing both of my children in His arms, the stability of weighing my food, a network of support, getting rid of my microwave (I think they are cancer machines), fellowship, funny people, eggplant, garlic, fall flowers.


Playing volleyball last night, being on a team with very skilled players, time to heal from the abuse my teenagers have been inflicting, letting them go (to my mom’s to live) and trusting God, support, letting people love me, dinner plans, slipper socks, hangers, candles, decaf coffee, a goal of getting off caffeine by Nov 15, 2008, new shoes, orthotics, phone lists, AWOL (A Way Of Life) meetings.


The healing gardens, to be in a physical place that was still next to the water under a tree on a bench with the sun shining on me in deep prayer with someone while the wind was violently blowing all around-I truly felt like I was protected-in the stillness of the eye of the storm-just like I emotionally & spiritually I have been lately, the profound presence of God, when people make prayer requests, someone giving me a number to call with a prayer request that would be prayed for the next 24 hours straight-what an amazing service to provide, buckets, latches, clips, thingy boppers (I forgot the name of it), tranquility, people who follow their calling, tragic events bring me closer to God, weighing and measuring my food enables me to stay close to God-it is truly amazing, “Let all that I am praise the Lord”


Lace curtains, Rubbermaid tubs, birch bark, making cold calls to strangers who care, I don’t have to hide matches - the razors for cleaning –or $ today (no kids), wanting to sit and just be happy, nestling in contentment.


Writing, 24 hour a day book, chicken, fish, tofu, affirmations, yard sales, that every person has something good about them, setting up Christmas lights on a timer to go off right before I wake-so I can wake to a soft flow, having another set to go off in the PM in the living room for a soft evening glow (for years now)-I love it and am grateful for Christmas lights all year round, a good movie, simplicity, when people or organizations are NOT prejudice, my health, quiet times, being excited about a lovely little piece of property, a nice fall drive with my friend, note cards, calendars, LOVE.


My plug-in teapot that heats my water so quickly, an amazing convection oven.


Changing my own spark plugs, volleyball, felt pens, outreach calls, squash from my garden, beets, clarity, courage, willingness and opportunity to take the next right action, garlic, being at goal weight for the first time EVER.


The amazing transformation of the leaves on the trees, the amazing variety of trees, my weight doesn’t matter to God-but He sure likes my attention!


Chiropractors, road trips, stay at home trips, planning, pumpkins, weaning off caffeine, direction, a new sponsor, concentrating on not rushing, time, potatoes, rice, watching my animals cuddle together, acceptance.


God’s grace is sufficient, His strength through my weakness, surrendering criticism/judgment/& ego, acceptance, nice people, a soft bed, games, time alone, Sandy B, Randi K, the brilliant colors of beets, not using a microwave anymore, green carpet, being in Seattle for the day, my new sponsor, feeling comfortable in a stranger’s house, sticky pads, change, coffee grounds by the garbage bag (for composting) from the coffee stand, being in the thick of fall, simplicity, hole punchers, stretching.


The fall colors dazzle my senses, roads, interstate, maps, direction, great quiet time, really hearing the small still voice of God, walnut trees, chicken coups.


The reflection of moonlight on the water, fluttering leaves falling like snow, the crisp & vivid awareness of my surroundings when out of active food addiction-abstinence, a spiritual oasis, volleyball, knee pads.


Telling God this morning that I was looking forward to the day! Having a great time with my best friend taking pictures of each other at the healing gardens, the beauty that surrounds me is astounding, the variety that God showers upon us, staring a new bible study, AA meetings, when people share honestly & are vulnerably, my hammer, Oct 21st playing with my chickens.


Hooks, books, looks, cooks, rhymes, time, silliness, acceptance, insight, realizing it’s not about the food, sharing time with a friend, watching our relationship blossom, getting an amends from someone yesterday, working on a project that has been on my list for a long time, the electric furnace.

Gods grace is sufficient.


Creating a financial affirmation to read daily__________________


          God Always provides enough.

          I am comfortable.

          I surrender ALL my debt into God’s hands.

          Every month my debt shrinks. I am becoming debt free.

          I am solvent and know my bank account balance.

          I am open to God’s abundance.

Utter dependence on God provides complete financial peace and prosperity.

          I honor God with Simplicity.

          I tithe more than 10%

          I save at least 10%.

          What I give and save expands and grows for God’s purpose.

          I have abundance.


Purple ink pens, having my kids for the weekend, learning to trust the process, companionship with God, love, a good stretch, socks.


The glow of an autumn dawn, sleeping well, my health, the phone bill (means I have had fabulous, dependable, uninterrupted phone service all month!), a good visit with the girls, the joy my chickens bring me-even the ones in the freezer-it makes my heart soooo happy to not support the industry of animal cruelty, yams, reading “neglecting to pray is a personal loss” “neglect prayer, neglect God” “I leaned not to wish or worry, but to pray” “Encounter God in a new way, discover something new about His Character daily”-that brought tears-imagine learning something new of God’s character daily-Whoa Dude! That is all kinds of special.


Friends, developing close relationships with others, an upcoming retreat, the gift of service, stepping down when I felt prompted, having a conversation /dialogue with God on paper, being thoroughly honest, time, moonlight, surrendering expectation, voicemail.


A job interview at Wal-Mart for a temp cashier-clear direction from God this is His will, decaf coffee, a free countertop, lots of sun this fall, coffee cups with roosters on them, hunger, waiting, quite time, nice music.


Believing I can find contentment even if I am not feeling it-seeking contentment, getting the job at Wal-Mart, I hope to bring a smile to many people, a strong impression that is really where God wants me (of all places-grin), when my dog sighs with contentment, Eli Stone-a TV show with a positive message is a rare jewel.


Trust, sincerity, hope, rain, a beautiful autumn drive with my best friend, elderberries, humility, txt messaging, mint tea, Proverbs, deep meaningful prayers, the serenity prayer, paper clips, organic chicken food, cute guys.





September 2008              


Waking up feeling refreshed, finding a Dave Ramsey book & audio set at the thrift store, canning 4 batches of peaches (without sugar of course) makes the hippie farmer in me so happy! God was with me and helped me not to “sample” any of the fruit I canned, over 2 cases of peaches given to me.


My mediation book reminded me not to get upset about petty things- I needed that reminder, having some time for my long seemingly unending list of things to do, notebooks, the library, the opportunity to “be there” for a friend in crisis, harvesting much of what I am eating from my garden, commitments, setting the alarm ½ hour earlier.

 Reading: “hope cannot be taken from you, you must surrender it”.

I am on the path God intended even if it doesn’t look like I think it ought to, showing up to do my 1% and trying to let go for Him to do the rest, journaling helps me sort out my thoughts.


Pausing in the middle of the day to sit for 5 minutes with God, He loves me, prayer, lavender, friends came to my house for a meeting-dinner-& games, authenticity, laughter, eating at least half from my garden, the big book, reading 2 pages every night, daily out reach calls.

The following quotes;

·       “There are tender intimacies in the quiet times of communion with God” 24 hour day book

·       “When you grab at all you can get the more you get, the less you are” Proverbs 1; 19 Message

·       “The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead” AA Big Book

·       “Was I selfish? I couldn’t get out of self to take care of self. Was I dishonest? It feels like a very dishonest and dis-honoring place” My journal 10th step writing.


Verbs from proverbs;

Call out-raise your voice-seek-search-understand-find.


Resting, quiet time, the small still voice, strength in humility, reaching my threshold means things have to change, how determined a petunia is to bring beauty to the eye (and nose) to who takes care of it, people can be the same, someone has given me 2 truck loads of wood, medical insurance, finding a healer rather than a tradition practitioner, natural nontraditional methods, my touch lamp, the chair I am sitting in serves me dutifully, people who love and support me through crisis or/and everyday living, not going on the computer for 2 days, prayer, my dogs, expression, mirrors reflect light making a room brighter, the power of gratitude, my sight, big blue pick up trucks, laughter, when people’s eyes light up.


Getting to see & hear about how ginseng is grown, wisdom, calculators, the freedom of knowing I can’t control, a pretty yellow shrub in my back yard, goofy people, my lovely chickens. J


Reaching a point of resolve, praying for God’s strength through something extremely difficult, surrendering expectations, planting oregano, a very delightful day with a friend, lotion, a cuddly dog, warm Sept days, the 38th birthday on Sunday (Sept 21) the best gift anyone could give me is prayer, when people respect my boundaries of not getting me new gifts, reducing consumerism in my life, beets, carrots, tomatoes, my wonderful kitchen.


Going to the draft horse show-getting to look and & touch/hug/&kiss these gentle giants made my heart jump for joy.


Hearing “out thoughts can become reality” I have the choice to think good thoughts. Starting this year’s first fire, the calmness of rain, breaking down-knowing that no matter what-I am OK, I let God help me not to use food through this chaotic/traumatic time in my life, good friends, a very nice experience with my youngest daughter-riding the most intense roller coaster for a “bonding” experience, showing up when I didn’t feel like it is usually very fruitful, my kitchen is littered with the evidence of fall harvest, quite time, one day at a time.


Staying in the present-the only place I connect spiritually, gratitude helps me connect with the presence and God (I highly recommend it), a good stretch, garlic and onion from someone else’s garden, dreaming about tomatoes, the blanket on my lap, awareness of practicing good posture, less bugs as fall comes along, the first day of fall, beet greens, homemade tomato sauce, God’s grace is sufficient.


The profound wisdom in absolute simplicity, release from the cares of the world, non materialistic concepts, claiming God’s strength/nearness/& joy, teapots, loving unconditionally, pillows, the heating pad, prayer, lotion, multicolored pens, canning jars, my cell phone’s charger, reading “The Shack”, organic instant decaf coffee, remote controls, geraniums, therapy, support, spiral notebooks, love, proverbs, wisdom.


My health insurance covers a membership at a health club-preventative measures are so smart the crisp fall weather, no frost yet, picture & text messaging, milk from cows with names, being in a position that I have to trust God, the lock on my bedroom door, sitting in front of the fire with a warm drink, taking time to stop and notice this moment and cherish it, tears, anguish-for without it joy could not be as profound, a place of refuge, ceiling fans, speakers, tennis shoes, plastic bags, people.


When the feeling of peace settles over me like the dew & clarity like the sun burning through the fog, a call from an old high school friend, the privilege of driving, sunflowers, the brilliance of fall flowers, searching diligently until finding the eye of the storm-where the presence of God is, endurance & patience, places of refuge, I am hoping to get out of the way to watch God work His miracles.


Letting go of rushing-I don’t hurry much anymore-it eliminates a lot of anxiety; by planning my food I have structure/serenity/security, a community that is doing the same thing, unity.


The warmth of wood heat, slipper socks, time at home alone, my computer, stretching, water, sunny fall days, red burning bushes, blueberry bushes are very pretty in the fall, being around people who don’t criticize-complain-or gossip, canning jars, canning 21 jars of pears, getting work done on the delegate report, love.


Reading my journal from years ago and seeing the chaos in my lie-much of it was from clutter and complicated life compounded with busyness, when I purged my stuff this spring it has turned out to be one of the most spiritual experience I have ever had, I also stopped going to school-this enables me to slow down enough to really show up and be present of r my life-another deep spiritual blessing came from that, Chaos has become something that may happen around me-but not within me=wow! (Of course I am not perfect)


The soft glow of Christmas lights, asking God for the strength to endure and the humility to let go.


I don’t have a mortgage right now-my mobile mansion is paid for-Praise God! All my bills are current.


August 2008


 The people who stock the shelves at stores, people who manage, order, design, plan, and take care of retail so I can shop and get the things I use-such big and important jobs from the manager to the person who brings in the carts. Thank you all who do service.


Prayer changes everything.


My 20-year reunion was fun-and I didn’t have to drink! Freedom, text messaging, God’s grace, there is a “season” for everything, lemon blossom tea, yard sales, answers to questions, keeping things simple when I think I would rather expand, people who volunteer, to do lists, check marks, taking it “easy” even when I don’t want to-it is what is good for me, balance, my garden and things I grow.


Psalms 133:1, Hearing a call to share my gratitude, August.


Relief from fatigue & famish that penetrates my every cell, a lesson in experiencing “my truth” rather than “being right” (making someone else wrong). Letting go of needing to be right and letting “my truth” settle in like the “small still voice”.  Through some extreme exhaustion barely able to hold my head up-I laid it in God’s lap and spent the day praying, reading His word, writing, & resting-it was fabulous.


The really phenomenal deals I got at yard sales this weekend, an amazing storm, Star Trek Voyager, a good moral to the story, problem solving, God can sort out the chaos I feel.


A friend was there when I really needed her, 10 baby chicks hatched, eggs in an incubator, working in my garden, giving veggies away, buying veggies from someone else’s garden, doctors, a new sponsor, my old sponsor, gaining a half inch when I lose weight-I am now 6 foot and ½ inch! Satisfaction when pulling weeds, thinning blooms for less but bigger and better produce, beautiful variety in lettuce-pointy/wrinkly/purple/spotted/straight/heads/round leaves-it is all SO AMAZING. Finding long pants that fit-and the purse I have been looking for, great treasures lately.


Opportunity for growth, really asking God what to do, personal fundamental truths, work gloves, there are more than 8 varieties of trees in my back yard, there are more colors than ability to describe and name them, God loves variety, a good hot cup of tea, surrender, acceptance, structure, lists, love.


Deep penetrating relief, surrender suffering, mercy, serenity, water, watching a chick hatch again today, the county fair, LOTS of baby chicks.


Jasmine tea, a cool morning that precedes a hot day, bird calls, an area for morning quiet time and worship, multi colored bachelor buttons, zucchini’s prolific ness, my dog is always there for me and loves me unconditionally, I have enough, asking God for a financial blessing if it is His will.


The amazing men and women who work for Avista (my electric company)- that work non-stop to get my electricity going after a big storm, I am happy to pay my electric bill, the privilege of electricity, carrying a peeping egg ready to hatch around to keep it warm when the electricity was off, sharing peep peep peep with people was special, communication, being clean with doing “my part”, very close to the weight I believe God intended me to be, being free today from the bondage of food addiction (one day at a time), support.


Road construction, the opportunity to help a wild goose.





Often having a penetrating thought of “I love my life”, summertime, being barefoot, calluses, sunflowers, hearing clear direction from God, getting many hugs yesterday, a nice day with my teenager, newcomers, blueberries on bushes I planted, love from a dog, when people are on time, letting go, daisies, goals, the crow of my beautiful new rooster.


Seeing my grandma & pa today, getting some new shorts.


Great services, people who notice the good things, a Jacuzzi tub and king sized bed, an all expense paid trip, integrity, flexibility, acceptance, long, non-prejudice people, lots of legroom on the plane.


Service and willingness.


Praying for God to close my mind to anything that isn’t His will & to open my mind to all that is His will.


Revelation, amazing quite time, direction, a slow organized pace for this adrenaline junkie creates indescribable balance.


Learning from hard things, seeing that nasty self-righteousness pop up and taking actins to release it, a wonderful convention, my cell phone, the slogan “easy does it”, an alarm for bedtime, weeding a bucket a day, consistency, water.


Humility, the opportunity to be extremely vulnerable.


The lessons God has for us to mold us into who He intends us to be, getting more than 5 hugs today, camouflage, starting a novel, step 3, direction, letting God be more important than any person, important people, assignments, touch lamps, pulling weeds, getting 12 blueberries off my bushes! Picking raspberries, the smell of cilantro, deep discovery, one of my chickens is setting, journaling.


A very deep sense of having enough, contentment to my core.


I am letting someone else be concerned with my weight and body size because I don’t know, humility, experiencing and walking through the fear of surrendering my mask (weight), embracing the real me physically/emotionally/spiritually without being in an all-consuming active addiction, a wonderful bible study & walk with my good friend on Sunday mornings, unlimited text messaging this month, my garden.


All is well, summer rain, more new ring tones, tomatoes, being present emotionally with myself and God, learning a little at a time about surrendering self, I don’t have to be in a hurry, a candle lit bath with Enya playing from a high quality stereo, eating lettuce out of my own garden, ordering baby chicks, socks, my down comforter, a new kitty for Cassandra, great insight from a stranger with a deep-rooted common bond, a great job.


The dishwasher, wanting to be fully available for my children today, Mitchell’s IGA in Priest River, Verizon wireless customer service, the cross I wear on my neck, recognizing selfishness in my life-now I can take action to surrender it-I am grateful that I even want to.


Mega fine-tip purple gel pens, the flickering flame on a deep scented candle, the morning at 5 AM, going to a Christian concert my daughter and her friend, 7 AM meetings, planning, being emotionally present when I would rather have been selfish, petunias, pansies, roses.


A very clear, deep, and profound genuine sense of well being, having all my needs met, satisfaction with my life, “surrendering self” as a new mantra. Using “God has my finances” as an affirmation, Creation Fest, seeing Skillet live was amazing!-even though not my preferred genre I fully appreciated it. A new to me very bright comfortable moo moo, opportunity to feel fear and trust at the same time, support, comfort.


Dialog with God on paper, assurance, a walk, bible study & movie with the neighbor, using some old couch cushions for insulation in the chicken coup rather than throwing them in the landfill, my dishwasher, sleep.


Aloe Vera for burns & bites, Cilantro, lettuce, broccoli, beets, tomatoes from my garden, seeing my grandparents yesterday, praying that God blesses my mother, compassion for my sister, the chair on my back deck, tea, the crow of a rooster, no barking dogs around lately.


Relief, work, a day to be at home tomorrow, watching the day awake, doing a home repair that was simple, having a cordless drill, “I will not need to be controlling or insistent that my way is best” (FAA promise), the joy my garden and flowers bring, clothes pins, I got flowers from 2 different guys today (OK-they were daisies from a 9 & 5 year old), garbage bags, my back porch, the dump, hippies, organic foods.


End of July




Stopping at the most fabulous nursery with amazing trees-the entire experience was delightful, getting a gooseberry and blueberry bush, getting to play softball in the sun today-first time in years, I loved it, Burt’s Bees insect repellant smells so good-I would use it just for makin myself smell purty, Divine companionship.


Sore muscles, strength, planting, getting some great gardening gloves, not using pesticides, Japanese maple trees, Arbor day Foundation, my dresser, rearranging, weighing less than I have in 8 years, freedom from cravings, rocks, straw, warm spring rain, journaling.


An “easy does it” day, talking to many FA members today- it was like connecting the dots, seeing the power of the disease, singing birds, growing things, the joy my daughter gets from her new dryer sheets scent-she loves it!


Admiring springtime blooms with my daughter, grape vines, the miracle of growth, the miracle of life.


A lesson in humility on my agenda, baby chicks for a mama whose eggs didn’t hatch, she will make a terrific mother, when my daughter is interested in things I love-like hatching eggs, she picked out the most beautiful fragrant rose bush I have every seen, volunteering at the Panida Theatre with my kids.


Regaining solvency with God’s help, my clients recovery from a near death experience is miraculous and very inspiriting, the dog door, many different book choices to read, dreams, goals, research, orchards, How to books.


Seeing both ends of a rainbow, height adjustments on office chairs, the great fun I have with ring tones, picture messaging, weaning off caffeine, the joy of being free from all addictive substances and behaviors one day at a time, puppy breath, most days I have running water (just not today), goose eggs, getting 50 cents each goose egg.


Being at home, the sun will appear-it has to, a new journal that is not spiral bound, filling a very big notebook in a year, pouring out my heart to God on paper, giving someone a ride, vulnerable people, seeing a man cry, thrift stores.


A day at home for the first time in over a week, a 3 hour nap, early mornings, God had a financial plan for space rent & water issues & back child support & tax returns, learning ways to reduce my consumerism.


Delightful moods, dog sitting a happy go lucky guy, the professionals that got my water working today, seeing someone’s face beam with joy, balance, trying to stay slowed down, the dishwasher, flushing the toilet and having fresh clean water waiting for the next flush, toenail clippers, comfortable dress shoes.


A feeling of balance and stability even through a busy day, and excited teenager, both kids have been pleasant to be around lately, the perfect weather, a beautiful friendly new rooster, sharing structure with someone, guidelines, Pyrex, a simple easy to use teapot, getting my 3 calls in today.


Hearing the crickets, leaving the windows open all night, the lovely sunset, receiving many calls, yard sales, getting long pants that fit.


Gods calm, free Irises, turning around in the car just to re-look at a pretty flower, stopping to smell the roses, an amazing rose bush by my flower filled deck, harvesting cilantro and mint, my pear tree is loaded, seeing ways my flaws (that I have no control of) can benefit others, God uses everything, nice one on one time with my younger daughter, water.


The Wooly for beautiful painting patterns, painting a room with my daughter, starting to work the steps again, AWOL (a way of life), slogans, working on written goals, a shift happening in my life-living more off the land and locally to reduce materialism and consumerism, looking to support companies that use recycled packaging-every time I purchase from these companies it supports the cause, cutting my grandmas hair, being of service, learning how “not to toot my own horn” about every good deed, God sees it and rewards it-I don’t need an audience, surrendering my plans.


Love, planting a blackberry and grapevine.


The wonderful smell of cut grass, daisies in bloom, life experience, an undercurrent of deep contentment in my life, teapots, dog sitting, camp MiVoden, both kids want to go, coffee grounds from the espresso shop for wonderful compost (I have never seen so many earthworms in my soil) working in my garden, all my hope is in the Lord.


God’s timing, the relief from not trying to control the uncontrollable, lemon scented lotion, working in my garden, speed dial, daisies in bloom, a great audio book, hoses, automatic timers, voicemail, rhythm, consistency, balance, glass jars, a beautiful variety of teas, books, written prayers, a deer that live close, compassionate neighbors, an inventory of earthly treasures, asking God how to store up heavenly treasures,


 Picking daisies, flowers on clearance, doing a little at a time steadily really produces results, having tea with a new friend, yahoo mail, peace of mind, the broom, dustpan, garbage bags, Carter Country, open windows, fans, and my life.


Beautiful flowers, yard sale treasures, a very hot day, refreshing tea, running water, plans to walk even if I have outside work to do.



A cool shower in intense heat.


JR Watkins, lemon cream hand and body lotion is the most amazing moisturizer I have ever used, sharing plants with others, a low key day, time to myself, pushing though to the other side.

Soft relaxing music, canning jars, dishwasher, plastic caps for canning jars, getting some procrastinated items done, planting a lot today, people who are broken can inspire me deeply, thunder electric humid air, giving my debt to God after holding onto it – trying desperately to control to the point of going without just to pay extra on debt. God always takes care of me and my children.


Time, an energetic organizing mood, almost getting on a horse today, being smart enough to let it go when she was spooked by fireworks, freedom from holidays, paperclips.
















                      May 2008


Doing 4 loads of laundry, an entire day at home, crazy spring weather, getting yellow raspberry plants tomorrow- a win win solution-she needs help clearing them out, planting things, cleaning out and simplifying my spices-none of them are in plastic containers, structure, closure, community, hoses, tea, my snoring doge, time, a day off, fresh clean sheets, vision, acceptance, weight loss-weighing less than I have in more than 5 years, getting to know the real me by taking off the mask, awareness of my body needs.


A satisfaction from planting, taking a picture of my and Princess Bob-a beautiful chicken with a big hair due, picture messaging, badminton, outreach calls, how small the world is & connected we really can be, walking barefoot outside for the first time this season-felt oh so good, my therapists level of professionalism laced with humor, that I don’t yell at my kids anymore, a really fun robot chicken ring tone.


Yokes, a nice place to sit for lunch, Fresh Friday, a busy constructive day, green beans.


Phone lists, check marks, connecting with a close friend, no longer digging a grave with a fork and spoon, tools that work towards sustaining my life, when voicemail and answering machines have enough time for a long babbling message, my daughter is able to be honest and respectful about how she feels about not being ready to live with me, meditation books.


Finding FA, seeing a goat in the back of a pick up, bringing home 2 turkeys, dinner & cards with friends, comforting bible verses, quiet time every AM, no desire to eat between meals for the first time ever, calculators, online banking, check registers, excel, yogurt, being of service, happy joyful dogs, hearing the frogs at night.


God showing me.


Printer ink, organic soil, a good rain storm, mobile to mobile minutes, great pens, a day filled with opportunity to practice awareness, God knows what He is doing with my kids-even if it seems extremely difficult for them (and me), the teenage madness WILL pass, being free from cravings for food, believing in the miracles, my car door opened today, Gods peace and presence in my pain-it was like He held me while I cried, intimacy with God is like no other, expression, spring growth, getting to plant something everyday, finding a home for a stray rooster (the chicken lady doesn’t get stray dogs or cats-but stray chickens-go figure), adopting a turkey and naming her Lisa, my youngest daughter seemed chipper today.


Inspiration, editing my gratitude has been inspiring-how wonderful it is to practice this; all my gratitude is a gift from God.


Waking up feeling rested after yesterdays exhaustion, finally finding a sandal with a removable sole for my orthotic, a successful meeting with my daughter, being able to have a semi nice talk with my EX when he was ranting, flowers-oh such joy, God’s gift of my food being perfect.


Letting go of more stuff, getting organized, Sabbath, surrender, minutes, pictures, reading, peat moss, new shoes, sighs of contentment, the dryer, hot water, contact lenses.


Stepping back and observing a very tense experience and looking at the whole situation I saw that 3 of the 4 hours were great-only one hour was a disaster-so that means the entire situation wasn’t a disaster (even though it felt like it), weighing and measuring time, emotion and balance, marigolds.


Petunias, chance meetings arranged by God, the sheen of my dog’s coat, letting go of someone else’s process, some automated messages.


I made it though this day, wow, patience, support, a clear picture of my debt $ spending plan, hearing my angry volatile teenager talk lovingly and in a cute little voice to the dogs, releasing the retreat to be available to my nasty unappreciative teenagers, that I am happy to do that, a clean house, goals, it is suppose to be in the 80’s soon, everyday that I don’t take new debt- I am closer to being debt free when making my payments, interest free debt.


Love, waking up early, it is light at 5 AM, a sheriff taking special interest in my daughter after her wishing for a healthy male role model, the animal shelter.


A beautiful sunny hot spring day, having a tornado around me with these teens and finding the eye of the storm and settling into God’s peace- vigilance in not getting sucked into the turmoil.


Quiet time with God, bull pine trees, my friend bought me a honey crisp apple tree-what a cherished gift, watching the FA meeting grow before my eyes, watching myself shrink, guidance, cordless phones, simplifying, yard sales, the lovely noise my turkey named Lisa makes, orange incense.


Hanging clothes on the line, a great real estate agent, laughter, a very clean house, the lawn mower started, self propelled, having a lot less to mow because I extended the chicken yard, getting out of denial about how much my teenager lies to me-it is good to admit the truth.


Not having the pressure of school right now, rain, being willing to see my grandma and pa, honesty and willingness, that I was solvent for five months, after being out of work for 2 weeks-having a large car bill and only debiting $100 is progress, keeping track of all my expenses in a detailed manner, catching deficiencies in my account before overdraft charges occurred, that I even care if I debt, the grass is growing rapidly, how green everything is.


My teenager was nice to me for an entire day, structure, rhythm, rain, barter, working on my listening skills, my chickens.


I thoroughly cleaned my desk, the smell of line-dried clothes.

A good face washing with Burt’s Bees, comfortable chairs, willing to give something up I cherish to God to see if it is His will, seeing a movie with my kids was a special treat, a very soft purring kitty on my lap, fine tip ink pens, my fruit tress have blooms! A problem I unintentionally invited in worked itself out, someone that I don’t know well in person yet we have a nice email “link” sent me a book in the mail on blessings the next generation, a commitment to prayer daily for my children, getting up at 5 AM daily and loving it, finding an automatic timer for sprinkler at the thrift store, having a frank discussion with a mentor about how I feel-it was good.

My daughter wants to spend time with me, lemon blossom tea, trimming my fruit tress, starting to plant my garden, I am dirty & happy, someone gave me a TV-being TV free for a couple of months was great- I do like the weather lady though, fast forward, spade shovels, peppermint oil in my dish soap, many baby maple trees “born” due to mulching leaves, waking up feeling refreshed and happy, oat bran, music, vocabulary, the chair I am sitting on, hangers, glasses to drink from, the dog door, gates, buckets, vanilla scented candle, abundance.


My beautiful 9 year old client with special needs is having a miracle recovery from a recent severe health issue (I was trying to prepare myself), time daily for concentrated bible and communion with God, walking barefoot, a job that pays well that I love, out reach calls, seeing raccoons close up.


The experience of butchering my first turkey (not Lisa!), it feels so natural and self sufficient, fence posts, singing birds, floss, early mornings, hanging clothes on the line, finding 2 turkey eggs, hoses, seeing the tiny pears under the bloom of the fruit tree, the amazing process- knowing there will be seeds in these developing pears for rebirth.


Long days of light, spiral notebooks, marigolds, setting a day aside for someone special, dirt, Psalms 37, Gods promises.


4 blueberry plants, balance, time, lists, goose eggs roads are amazing, fresh lines on the roads, planting most of my garden, my daughter helped me pick out the most beautiful rose, letting go of the “best tea in the world” (market spice) because I am highly addicted to it and I would rather be free, a phase of deep spiritual connection, for spiritual deserts because it enhances and makes me thirst for the deep oasis of spiritual connections.